Chapter 18

“Hey, Remy, what’s up?”

“My ass on the table, you big hunk of man meat,” she said. “You are going to get so lucky when they get done and I get out of here. How did you get my cell?”

“Powerful employers with means and access, of course.”

“I know you popped for my transition, sugar, and it gives me tingles up and down my spine,” Remy said. “Why?”

“You are the one I want, Remy, and what you want, I want,” Mikel said. “You buff a mean set of nails.”

“Well, isn’t that a sweet broadcast of bravado as well as a heaping pile of bullshit. Come on, Mikel, tell me the truth.”

“The truth is that the world is going to pot much, much quicker than expected and since we both wanted this surgery for you, I rammed through the request and had you bumped to the front of the line,” Mikel said. “I know I should have asked you first, but I had to make a decision in the moment or lose the opportunity.”

“Did you know they’re doing the full body? They’re not just whacking off my ole’ ding-a-ling and rebuilding, they’re adjusting my larynx, and sculpting my rib cage and my hips.”

“Sounds painful.”

Remy giggled. “I was already loading up on the hormones and the enzymes before the new mRNA chromosome treatments became available and I switched to those. I had as many of those treatments as I could afford and now, I’m positively floating in a complete chemistry set. Let me tell you, this shit works. They cannot guarantee my bust size or my hips, but we are definitely purchasing the leather and the lace. You hear me?”

“As soon as you recover,” Mikel said. “Recovery from all these surgeries is going to take a while. You will need to be patient.”

“Well, Mr. Columnist, you are not reading enough material on transition surgery. The whole point of the mRNA treatments is to speed up the healing process while converting the body’s predisposition to treat my vagina as a bodily wound into my proper physical state. You need to read more.”

“Indeed, I do,” Mikel said, before he was interrupted at the other end of the call.

“It’s time to go sleepy-bye, lover. See you on the other side,” Remy said dreamily as she hung up.

“Lover?” Louisa asked.

“Hope so,” Mikel said. “If we survive these next events, that is.”

“Are you serious?”

“About being lovers or surviving?” Mikel asked. “China is down for the count and that is 1.5 billion people who want to go somewhere, anywhere else that has electricity. They are all instantly unemployed and their apartments are worthless and useless. If their batteries are fully charged, they have a radius of what, three hundred miles to drive their cars and trucks? You cannot get out of the Beijing or Shanghai metro areas with that limit. They’re fucked and they are panicking as the knowledge sets in. Their national neighbors know China cannot handle the collapse and they do not want millions of Chinese pouring over their borders. I expect to see wholesale slaughter across the screens tonight followed by days of starvation and mass death.”

“O dear God,” Louisa whispered.

“On the other hand, our global carbon emissions just cratered,” Mikel said. “I don’t think Sal will be able to visit today either.”

“He is not welcome in the Yarwood estate,” Louisa said. “I do not understand why Mrs. Zandt would invite him.”

“Why did Aubrey let him rape her daughter?” Mikel said. “How many girls has he raped? Why has no one stopped him?”

“No one stops them, no one,” Louisa said. “You take their money, ignore their blather, and pray you make it home with your soul intact. The good Lord is going to strike them dead; the pity is that they are taking the rest of us with them. Eh, the pay is good.”

“You’re the optimist in the family, I can tell,” Mikel said. “Where are we going?”

“You may have noticed that Mrs. Zandt enjoys a long ‘quaff’ in the evening after work,” Louisa said. “While McNichol’s Grocery has security that keeps out the riffraff and the curiosity seekers, the liquor store is another creature altogether. We cannot even get in the parking lot without a security check. They don’t care that I’ve been there a hundred times in the same car. Security is another reality here, you understand?”

“I could live with that sort of security,” Mikal said, opting to say nothing more. He fiddled with his new mobile as Louisa guided the vehicle down the unfamiliar streets. She did not like Mikel’s driving and had confiscated the keys in the grocery parking lot. “What makes liquor that much more precious out here than in the city?”

“Everything is fair game in the city,” she said. “Here, the liquor store is like the old-timey bank that never locks the safe door, or so the stupid idiots think. They think they can digitally rape these local-yokels when they haven’t a clue that these locals invented the digital tools they use. They’re the thieves and rapists, and raiders that love to squelch these little fucks between their fingers and watch the red pulp ooze between their finger pads.”

“Damn, I need to steal that soliloquy,” Mikel said. “On the other hand, I have my next column in my hot little hands. ‘Dear Corrigan, my SO has always been a little cagey about his company and what they do. He has been raking in the big bucks and is quite proud of what he has accomplished. We’re a good fit in and out of bed, but I have this unceasing nagging doubt that what he does goes against my values. Do I confront him? Signed, In the Dark.’”

“Hmm,” Louisa said, keeping her eyes on the road.

“Dear Dark, If he has not told you the details, then you already know the flavor of the contents. You are considering an enduring time commitment with this fellow and you want a successful relationship. The best slow-walk method for killing a relationship and losing yourself is not asking the questions that need to be asked. Both of you are showing a lack of courage. -Corrigan”

“Pedestrian,” Louisa commented. “It’s old hat around here. Fuck ‘em for all’s he got and run for the hills, girlie. He’ll be dumping your ass for a younger model in no time, or shoving your butt into a well-appointed shack in the middle of nowhere where he doesn’t have to listen to a word you say. Fuck him before he fucks you.”