You wonder how life is funny and how it can lead you to places you never expected to be before. You look back on your life, the moments that came before, and you know at one time you were important. Not to the world, perhaps, but in your small section of it. You mattered. If you read off the biggest moments of your life, most would think you’ve done well for yourself. That you would be fulfilled, or mostly so. You went to college, you got married, and you have beautiful kids. What isn’t there to like?

But that is only the front-facing window of your life, they don’t see what’s hidden behind. They don’t see the hesitation when your much older husband brings his friends over. They don’t see the bruises behind your sunglasses and makeup. They don’t see the funny walk when your guts have been rearranged. They don’t see how you twitch and flinch around quick movements. They don’t know when your tongue tastes of ass or your belly is full of piss. They don’t know because you don’t want them to know. Because you love him and would do anything for him. Even the dark things that make you cry at night and could put you away in jail. They don’t know any of that and they never will.

But you know the truth of things as well. He’s a fickle man, as they all are. He’s getting bored and no matter what you do, there’s nothing new to it. He can break your bones but your spirit is already shattered. He can ruin your holes but you’re already used up. It’s nothing new. You’re getting older and you know his tastes run counter to that. The writing is plain to see on the wall.