Chapter 12: Moving Right Along

Saturday, Let It Go.

After dinner and clean up, Melanie offered her daughter a deal.

“I’m back on the computer tonight. But I’m going to let you watch Frozen, on one condition: NO SINGING. You watch, you listen, THEY sing. THAT’S IT. Do we have a deal?”

Amy put on her pouty face. “All right, Mama. Humming?”

“NO humming. Don’t be sneaky, baby, or it’s the trash can for that movie. Do you agree?”

“Yes, Mama.”

To: chary974@proton.me
From: fourscars@beltwest.net
Subject: Situation

Saturday, January 28, 2023, 7:00 p.m.

Dear Jacob,

I had an interesting day with Amy today. It made me realize something.

Relax, don’t get upset. It’s still NO “X” for you, Jacob. (I hope we can get to a place where I’m not worrying about your possible reactions, because we are communicating better. Better than emails.)

Here is what I realized.

We parents sacrifice for our children. It comes as second nature. Maybe first. All over the world, in times of deprivation, mothers forgo meals so that their children can thrive.

Amy and I are not quite so badly off. But there IS a sacrifice I need to make for her.

I need to get over my selfish feelings about being completely independent. Amy should not have her life constrained, because of my horrible experience with the sperm donor.

That means, if there is a path forwards in my life that adds stability for us, I need to be open to it.

I can’t just wallow in the past. I can’t continue letting that man influence my life and my choices.

More importantly, I can’t let him affect my daughter’s life and choices.

It’s been said, “A woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle.” I believe that is true, particularly for women who have resources enough to live on and support their dependents.

My resources aren’t currently sufficient.

I wish that they were. I wish that you and I could have met and found a relationship organically, romantically, without any financial consideration overshadowing things.

Who knows, when we are face-to-face, maybe you and I will go nowhere. I hope not. I won’t pretend that I don’t enjoy hearing that a man is actually interested in me.

Let’s do this. Write to me tomorrow evening, Sunday. Since Monday morning is a work day, of course, please try to send it by 8 p.m. If what I have written hasn’t scared you away, I want to hear your plan for how we can meet.

I gather from your daily countdown numbers that you are orienting towards Valentine’s Day.

That is NOT acceptable. Honestly, Jacob, I believe you need to put in more of an effort. I am very willing to work with you in any way I can.

But if your feelings for me are sincere, I expect to get from you your maximum effort. I think you can move faster.

As much as I needed, and appreciated, the money, it’s clear that you could EASILY afford the expenditure. It’s true, I need the money. But I can’t become dependent on a man I cannot even speak with.

No more “easy” for you. NOW it starts getting hard.

(I’m even going to fight dirty. For us. Here I go: IF SHE SAW YOU RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD GINNY SAY? In fact, according to you, she DID say.)

These written messages have gotten us started.

It seems to me, the next step for you and for me is that Monday evening, we are going to have to talk on the telephone.

If that is too much, too fast, “tell” me tomorrow. And we will go our separate ways then, for good. To be honest, I will cry then. I know you will too.

But ultimately we will be better off, because this arm’s length chocolate and money and email “relationship” isn’t what we need. What either of us need.

Yes, I am poor. But an absentee “sugar daddy” is NOT the answer to my problems.

I expect your next message to me no later than 8:30 p.m. tomorrow, Sunday.

Until tomorrow, Jacob, I am

Thinking of You — 17 —

— MELANIE GEARY. 510-767-2676

She transmitted the message and then shut down her laptop, and closed the lid.