Chapter 14: Home Is Where The Fart Is

“Paul! Pull over!” Someone yelled out in obvious distress.

I did so, without question. When I pulled off the highway at the next exit, which was for Booneville. There was a truck stop to the right and I pulled into one of the long parking spots used by the drivers eighteen-wheelers. I deployed the levelers and the family bailed out of the bus.

The last one off was my lovely wife Erin.

“Look out! Here comes “Stinky” O’Dell,” Blossom announced.

Margaret Erin had led the kids off the bus and standing off to the side while her sisters and brother were laughing so hard some of them were doubled over at times.

“Erin Mom, you stink!” Genevieve Lynn said.

“I don’t think “Sweetie” is going to be your nickname anymore, Erin. “Stinky” is much more like it,” Blossom giggled as she fanned the air with her arms.

The entire “Erin” branch of the family was then fanning the air around their mother while the children, laughed and jumped around with excitement.

“All right already! I’m sorry! Amy Erin, Beth Erin, and Clara Erin couldn’t eat all of their White Castles, so I sort of helped them,” Erin was really trying to seriously explain

I’d stepped off the bus and the air did seem to be a bit more clear. As was my usual habit whenever we emptied the bus, I did a headcount and I came up one short. I looked around and was missing one each short, Latina, wife. My mind being what it is where my family is concerned, I started looking around the parking lot.

Blossom was a beautiful woman, but she was also very petite and an easy target for some pervert. She could easily be dragged off onto a truck and assaulted. I walked around the bus looking at other trucks, checking for any strange movement or sounds, like a rocking truck cab or screams, that would indicate someone struggling.

Seeing nothing, I got Lynn’s attention and she repeated what I’d done and was about to panic when Blossom came running in our direction, from inside the truck stop, with a bag in her hand. I stopped her and hugged her.

“Blossom! We were worried, Baby. We looked all over and couldn’t find you. I was getting ready to start tearing truck cabs apart. Where were you?”

“I’m sorry, Paul. I just had to run to the store,” she explained as she reached into the bag she carried. “I needed to get some of this.”

Blossom’s hands were full of air fresheners, shaped like pine trees and various animals.

“I got a spray can, too!” She gave me a quick peck on the lips and trotted onto the bus.

I followed along and just stopped and shook my head as she hung an air freshener over every other seat and then proceeded to spray a huge amount of freshener all over Erin’s seat. She was cackling like a mad scientist when Erin walked on the bus and saw her.

“Blossom Maria Martinez O’Dell!” Erin said in her best raised mom-voice.

Blossom stopped cackling and looked at her big, blonde, wife, her eyes batting rapidly, “Yes?”

“What are you doing?”

“Really? You empty a bus and you’re asking what I’m doing? Please!”

Erin threw her arms in the air and turned to walk off the bus, but our smallest wife chased after her spraying her butt as Erin got out of the bus and into the parking lot. That, of course, was the start of a whole new round of laughter from the Herd. I let it go on for a few more seconds and then waded in.

“All right, you goofs! Back on the bus!”

The Herd lined up behind a very serious looking Margaret Erin, like always, and marched onto the bus and took their seats. The kids looking up and wondering what the things were hanging from the air vents. Once everyone was seated, I pulled the levelers in and pulled out of the truck stop. Once we were rolling, I kept an eye on the rear view mirror.

Erin was sitting in her seat and, uncharacteristically, not interacting with the rest of the family. I’d seen her do this only very rarely over the years. The joking about her farts had hurt her feelings. I glanced to my right and saw Lynn sitting in the front right seat.

“Lynn.”

“Yes, Lover.”

“I think we hurt Erin’s feeling with the all the air fresheners.”

Lynn looked back at her wife and then back at me.

“I think you’re right. Let me check her out.”

Lynn stood and took hold of the railings along the bottom of the luggage racks to steady herself as she began to move towards Erin. Before she got to Erin, Margaret Erin had gotten out of her seat and climbed on her mother’s lap. She leaned her head against one of Erin’s soft, huge breasts.

“Mother, I think you smell good,” Margaret Erin said with all the love she could muster.

“Margaret Erin, are you sure it’s not the pine air fresheners?” Erin spoke to her daughter with more of an edge than normal.

“I’m sure,” and with that, Margaret Erin reached up and pulled down the air freshener hanging near her mother and tossed it on the floor. She kissed her mother and that started Erin’s eyes watering up and she hugged her eldest.

Lynn walked past the pair and went to Blossom. Our bald wife, nudged our small wife and spoke to her in a low tone.

“Blossom, I think we crossed a line with the fart jokes and Erin. She’s been very quiet since she got on the bus and Margaret Erin said something to her that made her cry.”

Blossom suddenly brought her hands to her mouth and started to get up but Lynn stopped her.

“Right now Margaret Erin is taking care of her, but I think you should plan on a make-up session tonight.”

“I will. Thanks, Lover. We all goof around so much, I didn’t think it would bother her.”

“I understand, Baby. I’ve known Erin longer than any of the spouses. She doesn’t get affected by joking much, but something triggered her. You can mess with her all the time and for some reason one time it will get to her.”

“Thanks. I’ll make sure she knows I’m sorry,” Blossom said, the expression on her face getting sullen.

“Hey, it was nothing malicious, but Erin took it to heart” Lynn said and kissed Blossom on the top of her head before returning to her seat.

“It’s going to be OK, Paul. Blossom will take care of it.”

Now I understood that it was an inter-spousal issue, I decided to step in.

“OK. Please ask Blossom to come up here, would you?”

Blossom came to the front of the bus looking like a kid in school who got caught doing something.

“Hi Baby. Sit behind me, will you?”

Blossom took the seat behind me and leaned around the safety barrier.

“You know that Erin is upset, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you know why?”

“I think so.”

“You think so?”

“Well, Paul, we goof around so much, I’m just shocked that she got upset. I mean, I can look back and see that I might have stepped over a line. But honest to God, I didn’t know there was a line there.”

“OK. Would you please ask Erin to come up here and come back with her, please.”

“Yes.”

Blossom walked to the middle of the bus and spoke to Erin. Erin lifted Margaret Erin off her lap and after kissing her, put her in the seat and put on her seatbelt. Then she looked at Blossom in a not warm and loving manner and started walking to the front of the bus. When she got to the front I pointed to the front right side seat.

“Thank you, Baby.”

We touched hands and Blossom returned to her previous seat. I looked over at Erin, who was wiping the tears from her eyes. I noticed the tear stains on her shirt. The tears couldn’t fall past her wonderful, large breasts.

“Hi, Sweetie.”

“Hi.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Me?”

“Yes! You’re crying. You were a bit short with Margaret Erin. It all seemed to start when Blossom began making fun of your farting.”

“I don’t stink!”

“No, not normally. But you must admit that there have been times.”

“Well there have been times for you and Lynn too. Nobody strung up air fresheners or chased you around spraying air freshener at your ass.”

“That’s true. Would you like to tell me why it upset you so much?”

“I thought she loved me.”

“Who? Blossom?”

“Yes. Why would she do something like that to someone she says she loves? And why would she get my babies to turn on me like that?”

I drove quietly for several minutes, taking note that there was a rest stop ahead just before the Kansas City metro area. I pulled the bus off the highway and after parking it, I stood up.

“Everyone stay where you are. Lynn I want you to drive, please. Erin would you please return to your normal seat? Thank you.”

Lynn stood from her place and took the driver’s seat. I walked through the bus and took down all of the air fresheners and then dropped the collection in Blossom’s lap. She began to cry. I went back to the front of the bus and looked at each and every person on the bus.

“I feel the need to remind all of you of something that it looks like you’ve forgotten. We,” I waved my arms around to designate all in the bus, “are a family. We are the farthest thing from a normal family, but we ARE a family. My wives know what we’ve been through. Some of you children remember some of our problems. We got through everything by sticking together as a family.

“What you all did to my wife, Erin O’Dell; to your mother and mom, Erin O’Dell; and to our wife, Erin O’Dell; was at best rude and at worst terribly hurtful. Erin asked me how you, Blossom O’Dell, her wife, could turn her children against her if you loved her. Margaret Erin was the only one who showed any concern for Erin at all.

“I am terribly disappointed in all of you. I know we goof with each other all the time, but you have never been hurtful before. After what we just saw with my oldest daughter and son, I’d have thought the sense of family would be more precious to you. Now, I want Blossom to take the air freshener, including the spray, and I want her to throw them away off the bus. Lynn open the door.”

Lynn opened the door to the bus and Blossom got up with huge tears in her eyes and walked from the back of the bus to the front, gathering all the air fresheners until her arms were full of her joke. She got off the bus and walked the few yards to the trash receptacle I’d park near. She returned and as she walked up the steps, I said, “Thank you, Blossom.”

She nodded at me, wiped her eyes again and went back to her seat.

“Now then, does anyone have anything to say?”

Blossom shot to her feet and with more huge tears in her eyes, ran to Erin and hugged her while sobbing, “I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry.”

I turned towards the front of the bus and took the front passenger side seat that Erin had vacated.

“Lynn would you please get us headed home. I think we’ve all had enough time away from Taylor Erin’s Savannah.”

“Yes, Lover.”

Lynn checked the mirrors, and put the bus in gear. She pulled out of the rest stop lot and then smoothly got us onto the highway, headed towards Kansas City.

“Paul? Do I take the bypass or the straight shot?”

I looked out the windshield and saw that we were coming up on The Sports Complex. It had Arrowhead Stadium, where the KC Chiefs played, and Kaufman Stadium, where the KC Royals played. Normally I would point out the place, but the bus was dead quiet and I decided not to break the silence.

“Stay on I-70 all the way to Denver. In a little bit I’ll get Blossom to find us a hotel room so everyone can shower. There are no more White Castles the rest of the way. So that should keep the trip free from anything that would start a conflict.”

Lynn silently nodded and drove past the two big stadiums and towards downtown KC. I figured we were in for a long quiet ride. I heard a little noise and looked back to find that Margaret Erin had moved to sit in her mother’s lap. Erin was holding her like she was the most precious thing in the universe.

As I watched, Penelope Erin and Paula Erin got up and went to their mother. I heard the sobs of little girls as they apologized to their mother for being mean. Then the twins returned to their seats, they were followed by Amy Erin, Beth Erin, and Clara Erin. There were equal sobs and apologies. Erin had the most tears.

Hannah Erin and Elyse Erin were too little to get out of their seats, but the spoke out loud.

“I’m sorry, Mommy!” Hannah said, before wiping her eyes and nose on her sleeve.

“Me too, Mommy! Please stop being hurt.” Elyse followed her words with a big smile and a very loud sniff.

When Erin’s children were done, Lynn’s children, Genevieve Lynn, Erin Lynn, Martha Lynn, and Wanda Lynn began their own journey to apologize to their Erin Mom. Paul Lynn and Benjamin Lynn, like Hannah and Elyse, were too little to get out of their seats and they shouted out their apologies louder than anyone.

Gwenyth Blossom and William Blossom were the last two to get up. They went to their mother first. Blossom was still in tears, partially from shame and partially from sorrow for hurting her wife. The spouses all knew that among us, like Lynn and I, Blossom and Erin had a bit of a special bond. The two saw their mother’s pain and went to tend to her first. Blossom held them and cried with them.

“Thank you my darlings. I’m sorry that I was bad. Please forgive me.”

“We do, mother. We do.” Gwenyth said as she stroked her mother’s hair. Blossom hugged and kissed her two and then sent them back to their seats. After a few more minutes, Blossom rose and went to Erin’s place.

“Margaret Erin, could I please sit on your mother’s lap?”

Margaret Erin smiled and said, “Yes, Blossom Mom. I love you.”

Blossom broke out on more tears and hugged her step-daughter and whispered “Thank you” into her ear when she let go the hug. Then Blossom looked down at her wife.

“Can I please sit on your lap?”

Erin just held out her arms and Blossom plopped down on her wife’s lap and wrapped her in a hug.

“Erin, I’m so sorry. I was playing around and it broke your heart. I never meant to hurt you so bad. Please tell me that you still love me.”

Erin silently turned the small woman around in her arms so her feet were towards the windows. She lifted her shirt and opened her nursing bra before offering a large nipple to her little Latina wife. Blossom kept sniffling as she accepted the gift and her wife stroked her head and kissed it repeatedly over the next twenty minutes.