Chapter 3

After a quick and refreshing shower Stacey lent me a bathrobe, as we left the bathroom she pointed at the final room, “that one is empty, I use it for filming where I don’t need the bed, you know, simple selfies, of me playing with myself on a rug or something. I’ve decided you can have it as your office, if you want it. It’s the same size as my sewing room, which is huge, but you don’t realise because it’s so full of stuff.”

I pushed the door open, and she was right the room was huge. It was P shaped, with a section of the room missing because of the staircase. The leg of the P met the sewing room, and along that wall was a big window with the same view as the gym two floors below.

“Do you want it?”

“It would be silly to refuse.”

“Great, we’ll have a look at furniture and stuff. That desk in your office at home is so big I don’t think you’ll be able to get it back out of there.”

“I suspect they built the house around the desk.”

After the tour of the house was over, we went downstairs for the much anticipated pasta bake.

It didn’t disappoint, it was hearty, tasty and filling. She served it with crusty garlic bread and a wonderfully crisp Pinot Grigio.

After the meal we went down to the cinema room. Still wrapped in our fluffy bathrobes we curled up on the sofa and watched Scott Pilgrim on the huge screen.

“Is it weird that we both fancy Ramona Flowers?” Stacey asked as the credits rolled.

“Well, she’s undoubtably attractive,” I replied, “and one of her evil exes was a girl, so she’s clearly bi-curious.”

“She’s quite simply perfect,” Stacey sighed.

“I don’t disagree.”

“More perfect than me?”

“Ahh, I’m not falling in that trap,” I laughed.

“Oh gosh, it wasn’t a trap. I guarantee I won’t ever pull a shit trick like that. No, I was thinking, would it be a fun idea if I borrowed a blue wig and we role played a bit of Scott and Ramona action?”

“Oh, I’ve never thought about anything like that.”

“Well, that’s it decided then, I’ll phone Katya in the morning and see if she can send me her blue wig.”

The sex earlier hadn’t quite scratched Stacey’s itch. As we made slow love into the early hours, I thought back to what Martin Pride had said in my office, about having to work hard to keep up with Stacey’s sexual appetite.

If the reward for my hard work was being with this beautiful, funny, sexy woman, then I’m willing to put in a bit of extra effort.

Besides, I could do with working off a few pounds.

Stacey drove in with me the next morning, Kate was waiting in reception as she signed in, then we walked down to the learning support office.

“Why did you decide to offer to read for our kids,” Kate asked as we each took a seat in her colourful and comfortable office.

“Well, I was showing Karl my computer set-up at home, I use it for editing videos mostly, for, err, You Tube, I have a channel, a couple, actually. Anyway, Karl commented about my microphone, and I told him I’d auditioned to read audiobooks. So, Karl mentioned this opportunity.”

“Well, you have a nice, calming voice. Would you be OK hanging around for a while and reading to some Year 7 kids first period?”

“Of course, I’ll pop up and visit Karl’s office, then I’ll come down to do some reading.”

“If you get on with the kids and decide you’d like to do this regularly, I’m afraid we wouldn’t be able to pay you much, it’s about £15 a session.”

“Oh gosh, I don’t want any money. I run my own business from home, this will just be a bit of fun. Assuming the kids don’t hate me, how often will you want me?”

“Err, well, I don’t know, it depends how many other people offer.”

“OK, how about this, I’m happy to drive Karl in and do the first lesson, like today. Then if there’s nothing pressing at home I could come back in time for the last lesson.”

“That would be brilliant,” Kate replied, checking her watch, “I’ve got a meeting with a parent now, could you come back about 9:15. Mmm, even if we’re not paying you, you’ll need a DBS.”

“I’ll take her to see Fran in HR,” I told Kate as she rushed to reception for her meeting.

“Gosh, everyone is so busy,” Stacey said, watching people dashing to and fro as we headed for my office.

She was quite impressed with my room, I didn’t expect Stacey to be at all interested in a rack of servers, switches and storage.

“Are we allowed to kiss in here?” Stacey asked after I’d told her what everything does.

“I think we’ll be OK, as long as you don’t leave any lipstick traces.”

“I’ll lick you clean afterwards,” Stacey laughed, before she kissed me passionately.

After a quick kiss I checked the helpdesk, nothing urgent beyond a couple of password resets for students, which I sorted then emailed their form tutors.

“Do you want to get a coffee from the staff room before your reading trial.”

“You’ve already told me the coffee there is vile,” Stacey replied with a grin, “so I’m assuming you want to show me off to your friends.”

“Am I that transparent?”

“Yes, and I’m OK with that.”

“And the bonus is John Turner isn’t in today.”

“Does Mrs Spencer still work here?”

“Yes, she teaches Health and Social Care.”

“She was my form tutor in 6^th Form, it’ll be nice to see her again.”

“I’m sure she’ll be in the staff room, she usually needs a couple of coffees before registration.”

It seems the rumour mill had been working full speed, because a few people greeted Stacey, or should I say Ana, as soon as she entered the room.

“Oh wow, you look great, Anastasia.’

“We heard you were in today, what are you doing?’

Etc...

“Hey everyone,” Stacey replied as we reached the kettle and could finally speak, “I’m here to read stories for the learning support kids.”

“Someone said you’re dating Karl, is that right, Anastasia?”

“There’s always someone, isn’t there,” Stacey laughed, “yes, Karl and I are dating.”

“You’ll have to tell us everything you’ve done since you left. You’ve done very well for yourself if you can drive a Porsche.”

“Oh, that old thing,” she laughed, “that’s my spare car. Anyway, I can’t tell you everything that’s happened to me, official secrets act and all that.”

She delivered that line so seriously a few people believed her until she burst out laughing.

“Do you even remember what I was like as a student? Do you think I’d make a good spy? I went to Birmingham Uni, is Mr Miles still here?”

“No, he retired a few years back,” someone replied, “he’s living in Scotland now, on a little farm. Last I heard he was making garden sculptures out of scrap metal.”

“Ahh, it would have been nice to see him, although he’d be upset that I ended up dropping Engineering. I did Media then worked in the design office for a print advertising company in Preston. I enjoyed the work but hated the environment I was working in, so I quit and now I’m a freelance creative, I work for myself, mostly online.”

“Whatever you’re doing, it’s done you a power of good Anastasia, you look gorgeous,” Mrs Spencer told her.

“Thank you, I look like this because I’m happy, and I’m happy because I work for myself, and I control my own life, and I get to take care of the nicest man I’ve ever met.”

“How did you meet Karl?”

“Seriously, you won’t believe this, but it’s true. I was riding my bike near his house. I rode past him a little too quickly and crashed on a bend. He picked me up, took me too his house and fixed my sprained ankle. We had a fun couple of days at his house until I felt well enough to go home. We’ve been dating ever since.”

I’m hoping nobody asks how long we’ve been dating.

The registration bell saved us from further interrogation. A few people congratulated Stacey as they filed out, and soon the staff room was empty.

“Well, that was intense,” Stacey sighed as I poured hot water into a couple of mugs of generic instant coffee.

“I guess I need to be prepared for a similar interrogation later,” I replied, grimacing as I sipped the dreadful brew.

The door flew open as I put my mug down, “Ahh, Karl, someone told me you were here. Oh, hello, I don’t think we’ve met.”

“Hi Steve, this is Anastasia, my partner, she’s here to see if the learning support kids will let her read for them.”

“Oh, that’s great, I’m sure they’ll love you. I’m Steve, the head. Mmm, Anastasia, hang on a sec, you don’t get many people with that name, were you a student here?”

“Yes! I left in 2010.”

“I left in 2005, so our paths will have crossed, Steve Hemingway.”

“Oh my god! I remember, you wore red glasses!”

“I did, to match my red hair. I always fancied your friend Amelia.”

“Oh, you were wasting your time there,” Stacey laughed.

“I know,” Steve replied ruefully, “she fancied you.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t realise how much she liked me until I’d had a few disasters with boys.”

“It’s unfortunately the trial all teenagers have to face, dating the wrong people, and often the wrong gender.”

“I’m a little fluid there,” Stacey replied, grinning.

“I noticed,” Steve replied, smiling, “listen, do you have a minute?”

I looked at the clock, “we’re due at Learning Support at 9:15.”

“Amazing, we’ll be heading that way, let’s see if we can find ourselves on the 2005 school photo.”

The whole school photos are dotted around the school, and they’re not in order, so I had no clue where the 2005 photo was lurking. Steve took us down the Maths corridor where we found the photo between rooms 7 and 8.

Stacey stood close to the panoramic black and white photo, “I’m trying to remember where I was sitting, I think I’m over here.”

I looked closely at the area Stacey indicated, “I can’t see any blondes there.”

“Ahh, this was when I was in Year 9, I was in my emo phase, so I had jet black hair and quite severe make-up, and yes! There I am.”

“Where are you, Steve?”

“Not far from Anastasia, just here on the second row.”

“Oh yes, I see you now, Steve. Who was the boy next to you, I remember his odour, but not his name.”

“Ralph Perkins,” Steve sighed, “he suffered from a rather unfortunate bowel problem.”

“No, we suffered, Steve.”

“OK, yes, we suffered from his rather unfortunate bowel problem.”

I heard chairs scrapping in the classrooms around us, “we probably want to get off the corridor,” I advised.

“Ahh yes,” Steve replied, “let’s get you down to Learning Support.”

“Could I ask you a favour, Steve,” Stacey asked as we cut through the dining room to avoid the corridors.

“Of course.”

“Mmm, I’d rather John Turner doesn’t find out I’m going to be working here.”

“Any particular reason?”

“Ahh, how to put this delicately. OK, you know he has an eye for the ladies?”

“Indeed.”

“Well, he had a thing for me when I was in Sixth Form, well I think he fancied my friend more, but he definitely looked at me in an unprofessional manner.”

“Ahh, I see. I’ve heard rumours...”

“About me?” Stacey panicked.

“Oh no, about John. So, he is on the HR Panel, this means he has access to staff lists and payroll reports.”

“I’ll be doing this voluntarily; I don’t need paying. This is kind of training, as I’m trying to get into audiobook work.”

“I see, in that case he won’t know you’re working here, you’ll just have to hope you don’t bump into him. That will be easier than it sounds, as he spends most of his time working at the other site now, we’re converting the old Sixth Form classrooms into a special school for our more challenging students.”

“That’s fortunate for me, as I’ll probably be popping in most days, I don’t live far away, so this is no trouble.”

“You’re lucky if your job lets you do that.”

“I’m my own boss now, Steve. I decide when I work. And now I’ve got Karl to help me, I can give even more time to this sort of work.”

Steve was about to reply when his phone rang, “ahh, I have to take this. Thanks for agreeing to help Kate, I’m sure the kids will love you.”

From the dining room we cut through the school hall, then crossed a corridor into the back of the Learning Support offices.

“Sorry we’re a bit late,” I said as we stepped into Kate’s office, “we were waylaid by Steve...”

“We were here at the same time; I was in Year 9 when he was Year 13. So we went to check the school photo from then.”

“Oh, that’s amazing, and I have to say, you look a lot more than five years younger than Steve.”

“Thank you,” Stacey replied, smiling brightly, “I guess running a school can age anyone.”

“I suppose you’re right there. Anyway, I’ve got 10 children in the next room, they’re from years 7 to 9. They’re mixed ability, but still below Year 7 in reading ability.”

“So, how does this work, do I just read to them?”

“Essentially, your job is to read the book. Whenever you’re here, there will be at least one other member of staff with you if any of the children need help or become disruptive. So, each child will have a copy of the book, they’ll try to follow along. You’ll need to read slowly and clearly, but not unnaturally slowly, just be aware that some children process information much more slowly that you do.”

“Ahh yes, my friend Charlotte, she had processing issues, I used to help her read questions in lessons, and she had one of you guys reading her exam questions.”

“Oh great, so you understand, that helps. Today we’re starting Coraline, you say you’re looking at reading audiobooks, so you know how they work. Try to differentiate characters with different voices, and if possible, keep the same voice for that character. If that’s too hard, and I completely understand if you can’t do it straight away, at least differentiate between male and female voices, and boys and girls. Have you read Coraline?”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t.”

“No worries, take a copy home if you want to read ahead, read it to Karl at bedtime.”

“I might just do that,” Stacey smiled as she got up to walk into the next room, and the children awaiting their story.

Kate walked ahead and greeted the children, who were sitting on a mixture of plastic school chairs, little armchairs and beanbags.

“Hello everyone, have you taken the register Kerry, great. So, we’ve got somebody new for you to meet.”

“We already know Mr Marshall, he helps with our laptops.”

“Not Mr Marshall, you’re meeting his friend, Anastasia.”

“Or you can call me Ana if you like.”

“I like Anastasia,” replied a girl at the front, “it’s a nice name, like a princess.”

“Yes, it is, although I’m not a princess,” she replied, pulling a beanbag round so she could sit facing the children.

A tiny girl at the front put her hand up and asked, almost too quietly to hear, “is Mr Marshall your boyfriend?”

“He is! He’s a lovely man who helped me when I had an accident on my bike. Does he help you?”

“I’ve not had an accident on my bike,” the little girl replied.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“I’m Crystal.”

“Oh wow, that’s a lovely name. Where are we at in the book, Crystal?”

“We’ve not started it yet. We finished The Worst Witch yesterday.”

“Oh, that’s a shame, I love that book.”

“I enjoyed it, you can read it to us again sometime.”

“We’ll see, anyway, shall we start Coraline. I’ve not read this yet, so we’ll enjoy it together.”

All the children opened their books, but they were looking at Stacey, rather than the book, I think they liked her.

“Coraline discovered the door a little while after they moved into the house. It was a very old house...”

I left her with the kids and slipped back to Kate’s office.

“She’s great Karl, where did you meet?”

“On the road outside my house, like she said, I helped her out when she crashed her bike.”

“That’s brilliant, she’s lovely. Shall I send her up to your office at the end of the lesson?”

“Yes please, we need to pop down to HR, to get her DBS sorted.”

Stacey had enough bits of ID with her that Fran could start the DBS process off straight away, hopefully we’d hear back in a week. In the meantime, she could still come into school, but she’d need an escort at all times. Not really a problem.

“They don’t have a session for me this afternoon,” Stacey said as I walked her back to the car, “so I’ll come for you at 4 o’clock, is that OK.”

“That’s fine. Did you have fun?”

“I really did. I wasn’t sure how I’d be, with a room full of kids. Listen, we’ll talk about this later, it’s not a conversation to be rushed.”

“OK, I’ll see you at 4,” I replied, ducking my head into the car so we could kiss without being seen, “I think they like you.”

“Who, the kids, or the staff.”

“Both, you’re a likeable person, Stacey.”

“Thanks, I think I have to be, for my work.”

“It’s not an act though, it’s you.”

Stacey thought for a moment, “you know I act when I’m online, that’s not me on camera.”

“Yes, I spotted that, your face changed as soon as we started filming, but even then, your sexy online personality was likeable. A bit more aggressive than real you, but still nice.”

Stacey kissed her finger and touched it to my lips, “get back to work sweetie, I need to get home so I can put the video together and get it uploaded.”

Stacey phoned a little before 3 o’clock.

“Are you alone?” she asked

“Yeah, I’m in my office.”

“Great, so I can swear.”

“If you feel the need to swear, go ahead. Is it a good swear or a bad one?”

“It’s a fucking great swear, Karl.”

“Well, feel free to swear any time you feel it’s necessary.”

“I fucking love you Karl, I already told you this, but now I’ve edited yesterday’s video I love you so much more.”

“Does it look OK?”

“It’s more than OK. If they did Oscars for homemade porn we’d be hanging out with Meryl Streep and Daniel Day Lewis. It’s so much better than anything I’ve done before, I fucking love the way you filmed my skirt flying, and the way you moved around to get different views. The kicker is the finale as I squirt on the camera, I know it was a little bit gross being hit in the face with squirt, but that scene is absolute gold.”

“I’m glad it worked out well, especially as it was only a practice.”

“Practice or not, I’ve edited a 30 second trailer, I’ll upload it later and see how many people want to see a 15-minute movie, or even the full 30-minute scene.”

“Will you put it up on your page for anyone to watch?”

“I think I’ll put the 15-minute version on my timeline, the full scene though, I think I’ll send it as pay to view. The freebie will be enough for most of my lads to get themselves off, then anyone with a bit more money can enjoy the director’s cut, so to speak. I might even put it up on my Manyvids page, oh yes, I’ll absolutely do that. Shit Karl, you’re probably getting a new car out of this scene. I’m definitely buying one of those fancy new Mac Studio computers with a couple of their gorgeous monitors. From now on, Karl, my content is taking a leap to the next level.”

Stacey was too hyped about her new video to think about cooking, and I was too tired after an afternoon of moving a load of old computers from storage to be taken away for recycling, so we stopped at an Italian on the way home and ordered a takeaway.

Later as we sat in Stacey’s kitchen working our way through our pizzas Stacey looked at me seriously, I’d not seen her looking like this before, so I put my fork down and prepared myself for impending bad news.

“This morning made me think about a few things, Karl, and I think it’s time we had a conversation before we get too serious.”

“OK,” is all I could think of to say.

“I think you know me enough already to understand that I’m not a serious person, Karl, so this chat is making me feel as uncomfortable as you look, I’ll try to get it over with as quick as I can. So, first off, I had a lot of fun this morning. I really enjoyed reading to the kids, then chatting with them afterwards. Crystal was adorable, and the learning support assistant, I forgot her name, sorry...”

“Kerry.”

“Yes, that’s right, Kerry, she had a hell of a job prying Crystal off my leg to get her to her next lesson. So yeah, I had a great time with the kids, but I just want you to know that I don’t ever want a kid of my own Karl. If you want a baby, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong relationship.”

I let out the breath I hadn’t realised I was holding.

“What did that sigh mean?” Stacey asked, a little alarmed.

“I was just breathing out, sorry. I wasn’t sure where you were heading, the serious face and serious voice made me think you were angry or upset about something.”

“Ahh, no. I need to know Karl, do you want a baby?”

“No, Stacey, I don’t want a baby. Paula thought I was selfish, but we both worked full time, both my parents died young, her parents are in Germany, having a child would have been a huge sacrifice.”

“My parents live close by, and we don’t really need your wage, so you don’t have those issues, do you still not want a baby?”

“They were convenient excuses before, I didn’t want a baby because I don’t think I’d make a good father. I’m not particularly keen on kids at all. Don’t get me wrong, some of the kids at school are brilliant, and seeing them grow up and mature is brilliant and life affirming. I just don’t want one of my own.”

It was Stacey’s turn to let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you Karl, I’m so glad we feel the same about this. I’ve never wanted kids. My dad had a decent job, but I saw how he struggled to keep a roof over our heads, especially when his investments crashed in 2008. At uni, well, I’ve already explained how I went a little off the rails and slept around with way too many people. I had my wits about me, and usually insisted the boy wore a condom.

“I got chlamydia once, I’m pretty sure I got it off a girl though. I was on the pill, but it caused me problems and I had to stop taking them. I spoke to the university doctor, begged him to let me have a sterilisation. He wouldn’t listen, instead because he was old and male, he just suggested I got my life in order. You’ve met me though, Karl. I can’t control myself when I get horny. I know how to pleasure myself now, but back then, only two things could scratch that itch, a cock or another girl, and at the time I preferred a good hard cock.

“So I had two choices as far as I saw it, take the pill, which caused me a lot of health problems, or make the boys wear condoms, which a lot of boys were OK with, but some weren’t. One particular boy was the tipping point that made me finally switch to girls for a while. Jamie Corrigan was his name, he was hot, and he was impressively well hung.

“I’ve told you I don’t like big cocks, yours is perfect for me, Karl, it touches all my buttons. Jamie is one reason I don’t like big cocks, but I was 19, I was horny, and I was a little bit greedy, if I’m honest. If I can mangle a common expression, my eyes were bigger than my pussy, and Jamie’s brain and conscience were smaller than his cock.

“He flat out refused my request to wear a condom, said they hurt him. For fucks sake, he wasn’t that big that a johnny would hurt him, but he refused, and I wanted to have him inside of me, so I relented, but I told him, he had to pull out. He said he would.

“Yeah right, of course he didn’t pull out. I dashed to the toilet and did what every girl does in this situation, I pulled all sorts of contortions trying to stick my hand up my pussy to dig all the spunk out.

“Then as I came out of the bathroom raging at him, he slapped me and fucked me again, and again. That was my first rape.

“I missed my period, so I had an abortion, and I went back to my doctor and told him how I’d tried really hard to be sensible, but I was a teenager, and mistakes happen, I trusted the wrong person, could he please tie my tubes, pretty please.”

“And he said no.”

“Of course he fucking said no. He said I was young, this was a serious matter and there’s no way a silly little girl who can’t control herself can make such an important decision like this.”

“Shit, he said that?”

“Well, I’m paraphrasing, but that was the gist, he talked to me like I talked to the kids at school this morning. He belittled me, Karl. I’m sure I’m not the only girl who left his office in tears.”

“So, Jamie was the last boy I slept with for a while, both to avoid further accidental pregnancies, and because he hurt me, both physically and mentally.

“In my third year I met a boy who was kind and handsome and didn’t try to sleep with me until I was ready, a lot like you in fact, and that’s a big compliment. I’d have married Billy if he’d asked me, he was that nice. But his mum had other plans for Billy, and he went home and married Anouska or whoever she’d found for him – they were a very posh family. But Billy had done me a huge favour, he restored my faith in boys, and I slept with a few more, being careful, and making sure Billy didn’t see me with them, because we were still dating. He was kind, and thoughtful, but strictly a once a week boy.

“Oh, I’m telling you so much about my sex life, are you OK with this? You know I would never be unfaithful with you, I’m way more mature now.”

“I’m fine, I’m enjoying the story. Really, I am, you tell the best stories, and you have such a nice voice. Just don’t tell the kids these stories.”

“Oh shit, yes, do not let me babble in front of the kids. So, where was I.”

“Sleeping with people other than Billy.”

“Oh yes. Billy was loving and tender, and quite good in bed, on Wednesdays. Why Wednesdays? I have no idea, maybe he had six other girls, or maybe he had no lectures on Thursdays. I don’t know and I don’t really care. He served a purpose, he reintroduced me to the joys of heterosexual intercourse.

“So, I graduated, barely, and I came back home and got a job. I was single for a while. There were no men I fancied in the office, and all the nice girls were straight, and the ones that weren’t didn’t appeal to me. So I had a fallow period, and that’s when I really mastered the art of self-pleasure, and self-love. They’re not the same thing you know. Chronic masturbators do not necessarily love themselves, and they often don’t get a lot of pleasure out of it.”

“Some of your photos from when you were 18, you were experimenting.”

“Ahh, yes. I was, but that’s what all girls, and boys do, but since then I’ve got it down to an artform, as you found out. Oh, and by the way, some of those photos I’m not 18, so keep them safe, you could be arrested for owning them.”

I must have gone pale at the thought, because she placed a hand tenderly on my cheek, “it’s OK, I won’t tell anyone you have them. Just keep them to yourself is all I ask.”

“Thank you for trusting me with them.”

“Especially now you know how hard it is for me to trust anyone.”

“Yes, especially that.”

“So, where was I, Oh yes, Anastasia the wanker. Most of the time I was working at the marketing company I was essentially celibate. I had a few dates, none with people from work, and they were mostly unsuccessful for various reasons. Then I met Martin Pride, and he seemed perfect. Handsome, kind, attentive, well-spoken and no facial tattoos. At that point my standards had dropped to a pretty low level in my search for a boyfriend, I was drawing my red line at deliberate facial disfigurements.

“Anyway, Martin was good at first, we had regular sex, and it was usually OK. Then after a few months he spent less and less time with me, spending more time with his mates in the pub, and playing on his console. Eventually I moved out – oh yeah, I was still officially living at home then, but spending most of my time at Martin’s flat.

“When I dumped him and moved back home I was pretty low, trying to work out what I’d done wrong, and my mum explained it all for me. The only thing I’d done wrong was to be too nice to Martin. I was basically his housekeeper, I cooked, I did his cleaning, washing, ironing. I’d essentially replaced his mum, but with the bonus of a shag whenever he felt the urge.

“Do you know why I decided you were Mr Right?”

The sudden change of tack confused me for a moment, then I shook my head, “I’ve no idea.”

“It was the way you cared for me, how you went to great lengths to make sure you didn’t hurt me when you took my leggings off, and how you tried really hard not to stare at me when you were helping me in the bath and when you were putting my bandage on. I decided then that I’d like to keep you.

“So, we’re nearly up to date. I won’t go over the dating trauma after Martin again, except for the last guy. Phil Mercer was his name, in case you come across him. To cap off the distress of a second rape and assault, I was pregnant again, so off for another termination, this time thanking whoever’s up there that I don’t live in the US, where it would now be illegal in several states. Then I went to my doctor, a woman now, and she’s the fucking same. I can’t have my tubes tied because I’m still too young to have it done. Instead, I should act more responsibly. I try to get it into her skull that the two occasions I’ve fallen pregnant were rapes, but I’m getting nowhere.