Chapter 5: The Road to Hana

When Mike’s alarm clock chimed at 5 am, he let out a groan and tried to free himself from beneath the blankets. Realizing that someone had crawled into bed with him and was lying on top of the covers, he reached out a hand to touch the intruder and received a small shock for his trouble.

“Mmm?” Quetzalli rolled over and opened her eyes. She had brought along the blanket from her room, the covers now bunched up at her feet. When she tried to kick them off, the air crackled with static as the blankets all stuck together.

“You okay?” He pulled an arm free and reached across the dragon, hugging her close against him.

“I don’t know,” she confessed. “I found myself troubled in the middle of the night, so came in here to sleep by your side. I didn’t wish to wake you.”

“You could have.” He gave her a squeeze. “What’s up?”

Quetzalli rolled over to face him. “During our meeting with the merfolk, I was reminded that the human world is a dangerous place which has not been kind to dragons. This got me thinking that only a sad fate awaits whatever we find at the top of the mountain. Today’s mission is but a harbinger of doom for one of the last remaining dragons on Earth.”

“Honestly? I hope not.” He pulled her in tighter, the air briefly smelling of ozone. “You know that we’ll do right by whoever or whatever we find.”

She nestled her head into the crook of his neck and let out a sigh. “You’ll try,” Quetzalli muttered. “But already you worry.”

He put a hand on her head and stroked her hair. An electrical charge was already building up across the thicker strands due to her distressed condition. Quetzalli had largely learned to control her electrical abilities, but it required a calm state of mind to do so.

“If it was just the Order, I wouldn’t be worried at all,” he admitted. “But with the merfolk involved, things are far more complicated. That doesn’t even factor in their special friend, the Captain.”

She tilted her face toward his. “Do you really think he’s another player in the Great Game?”

Mike nodded. “I feel it with every fiber of my being.”

Throughout the previous day, Francois had stuck to him like glue, even participating in the helicopter flyover. Although the man said nothing to him, every time Mike looked at the Captain, he was looking back. Last night after dinner, Francois had summoned his ship and returned to it with the princess, but Mike could feel the man’s presence even now. It was like a mental itch he couldn’t scratch, and he wondered what it meant.

“Is he here to hinder or help?” Quetzalli asked.

“That’s a really good question. I can’t tell if he’s being cautious around me, or if he really is just a massive dick. But Ingrid didn’t even know who he was, so that’s something, I guess.” He wasn’t sure what the Order knew about his status or the Great Game itself, but if they learned that Francois could kill him and take possession of his home, then all bets would be off. If not for his desire to protect whatever was here on the island, he would have packed up and gone home through his bed portal last night. “Man seems like a massive douchebag, though.”

“Mmm.” She buried her face in his shoulder and clung tight to him. “I’m worried he’ll try to hurt you,” she mumbled into his neck.

“Me too,” he replied. “But I’m expecting it, honestly. He might catch me off-guard at the moment, but it’s like when you’re expecting a sucker punch. I know it’s coming, just not when. And you have taught me so much about how my own magic can be used, both offensively and defensively. Really, a metal sword is probably one of the worst weapons he could use on me, ‘cause I’ll light him up.”

That got a chuckle from the dragon. “If he hurts you, I’ll turn him into a human lightning rod,” she declared.

“Blast him right out of those stupid boots of his.” Mike stroked Quetzalli’s cheek and was glad to see that she looked more relaxed. “C’mon, let’s go get some breakfast.”

The two of them crawled out of bed and moved into the living room to find a very sour looking Beth staring in disgust out the window. Her hands were wrapped around a ceramic mug full of black coffee.

“Morning,” Mike said.

Beth snorted in disgust. “I can’t believe those fishy fuckers drugged me,” she muttered. “I feel like such an idiot.”

“They should have said it was more like absinthe than wine.” He moved to stand beside her and rubbed the small of her back. “But yeah, stuff had quite the kick.”

“Didn’t affect you,” she replied. “Or Quetzalli.”

“I spent hundreds of years eating fish-based meals,” said the dragon from the kitchenette. She was dropping bread into the toaster. “Though my body appears human, I am still very much a dragon on the inside. It may as well have been juice to me.”

“Which is a little silly, because a single glass of regular wine, and you get white-girl wasted.” Beth shook her head with a chuckle and turned her attention to Mike. “I feel like I let you down.”

“Hardly.” Mike gave her a side hug and stared out into the water. Sure enough, the Captain’s ship was exactly where he felt it would be. The sails were unfurled now, but it was somehow motionless. He wondered if the thing was powered by thought alone or if it was alive. “Their first impression of you is more spring-break college girl than ass-kicking attorney. Since you’ll be hanging around with them today, you can use that to your advantage.”

“I guess.” She sighed. “Though I was kind of hoping to see the island.”

“They promised to take you snorkeling where humans aren’t allowed. It’s okay to admit that you’re excited.”

A small grin appeared on Beth’s face. “Okay, fine.”

“And you can stare at fish dicks all day.” Lily came out of her bedroom and scowled. “At least you’re going out. I get to be stuck here playing house sitter.”

“It can’t be helped.” Mike walked over to the succubus. “I’ll treat you to a real beach vacation once this is done, just you and me.”

Lily froze like a deer caught in headlights, then shrugged. “Hey, whatever,” she said. “But I’ll hold you to that.”

Ratu was the last one up. She wore a silk kimono with a pair of snakes that curled around her arms and torso, flicking their tongues at each other. As the naga moved through the suite, it was almost like she was gliding on air instead of walking. When she spotted Mike watching her in the kitchenette, she winked at him and poured water into a teapot she had brought from home.

“Don’t want to drink the Order’s tea?” he asked. “I’m sure they’ll give you some at breakfast.”

“They are a vast organization with ample resources.” She opened up a cabinet and pulled out a mug. “Yet somehow, they have imported only the finest mass manufactured garbage that can fit inside a tea bag.”

“You’re spoiled,” Lily declared from the couch.

“I am.” Ratu snapped her fingers, and the teapot whistled as the water inside was instantly brought to boiling. She dropped a diffuser into the pot and set it aside. “It also doesn’t help that the Grim Reaper has become quite the enthusiast. Last fall, he somehow tracked down a green tea blend in China that I thought was lost to history.”

Mike was about to ask how exactly Death had accomplished such a thing when there was a knock at the door. He answered it to see Wallace and Ingrid standing outside, both wearing khaki shorts and Hawaiian shirts.

“Breakfast,” Wallace said, then looked past him toward Lily. “You should come too. There will be plenty to eat. Heard they’ve got quite the selection of meats.”

“Meh, I’d rather get room service and masturbate in here.” Lily was tapping away at her phone. “I’m still pretty sad about my lost luggage, gotta get my dopamine fix from somewhere.”

Ingrid scowled at the succubus, then turned her attention to Mike. “We really would like it if everyone could come down for breakfast. The princess and her guardian will be there, and they may take offense knowing that a member of your entourage has blown them off.”

Mike knew this was another attempt to get a team inside his room. If Lily stayed inside yet again, they would suspect that he was up to something. “I’ll see what I can do,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to insult the princess.”

Ingrid nodded, then looked at her partner. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Wallace smirked at all of them before turning to follow Ingrid down the hall. Mike shut the door and let out a sigh. “Does anybody else think that guy is a massive asshole?”

Lily raised her hand. “It’s part of what makes him so much fun to fuck with,” she said with a grin. “So what’s the play? We know that they’re gonna send somebody once we all show up for breakfast.”

Mike put a finger to his temples and wiggled his eyebrows. “Cat radio.”

Breakfast in Paradise was at a massive table set up on a deck overlooking the water. Down below, waves lapped at the pilings which sent a gentle thrumming through the structure that Mike could feel in his sandals.

Aurora greeted them at the edge of the deck, then showed them to their seats. Ingrid and Wallace sat on one side of the table next to Princess Leilani and Captain Francois. Mike took a spot between Beth and Ratu. Quetzalli and Lily sat at the opposite ends of the table.

“Good morning, Caretaker. Glad you could finally join us.” Francois smirked at Mike, his smile turning genuine when he turned to look at the others. “Though I suppose women as lovely as these need the extra time to get ready.”

“Ah, good.” Lily picked up her napkin and made a show of snapping it open before tucking it into her cleavage, which only served to expose more skin. “We’re having misogyny for breakfast.”

Francois’ smile slipped, and he leaned back in his chair. “I jest. Much like the merfolk, I rise with the sun.”

“Good for you,” Lily replied, then picked up her menu.

“Is this one always so rude?” Leilani asked, her dark eyes on Mike.

“It’s a cultural thing,” Beth replied. “Bad home life before we got her. Pretty much a living hell. Can I get some coffee?” She looked over at Aurora, who was speaking into a headset with a hand covering her mouth. Undoubtedly, the woman was telling somebody that their room was empty.

Aurora dropped her hand and moved toward a serving table to grab a carafe. Everyone but Mike picked up their menus to see what was being offered. He already knew exactly what he wanted.

“I’ll have a breakfast burrito,” he said. “With scrambled eggs, skillet-fried potatoes, sausage, and bacon. Shredded cheese throughout and melted cheese on the top.” He looked at the server nearest him who was hastily scribbling his order. “And if you can dice up some steak in there, that would be good, too.”

“What is a boor-ito?” Leilani sounded out the word carefully.

“Oh, they’re great. You take something called a tortilla, it’s like a thin circular piece of bread, and it’s filled up with all kinds of toppings. Then you roll it up and eat it.” Mike smiled, happy to break the ice a little. Leilani had been unusually silent yesterday, other than her vague threats of violence against whatever had hurt her people. It had made the helicopter ride far more dramatic than it needed to be.

“Isn’t that a pizza?” Leilani looked at Francois. “Round bread with toppings?”

“Burritos are for peasants,” Francois declared, fixing Mike with a glare. “It’s just somebody taking your meal and stuffing it into a tasteless package.”

“I’ll have the burrito as well,” Lily declared.

“See?” Francois smirked. “Common folk love them, but they aren’t fit for royalty.”

“Don’t let this guy tell you what to do,” Lily said, leaning forward in her chair. She held her hand against her mouth and stage whispered. “Do you wanna hear a secret?”

Leilani looked confused, but nodded her assent.

“I think they’re great, and I was born a princess.”

Ingrid was mid-sip when this revelation was made, and managed to cough so hard she squirted water out her nose. Wallace handed her a napkin, and she stood and walked away from the others, cleaning her face with one hand as the other fumbled with something in her pocket.

“You are teasing me.” Leilani scowled. “I do not care for it.”

Lily sat back and shrugged. “You do you, Ariel.”

Leilani’s cheeks turned pink and Mike sighed inwardly. On the plus side, he had asked Lily to get uninvited from future meet-ups, so this was progress.

Ingrid returned to the table and sat down. “After breakfast, we’re going to take a boat ride over to the east side of the island. We have some cars there that will take us to an isolated location where there are ATVs ready for use. A team has been prepped that can lead us to the summit. Mr. Radley, we’re going to try and get as close to your property as we can before we have to bushwhack on foot. A detailed map of the area will be sent to you before we’re done eating.”

“Lovely.” Ratu set her menu down. “I will also have a burrito, but with extra sausage on mine. Unless Captain Francois has any objections?”

Francois made a face. “It was just an opinion,” he said. “I didn’t want the princess wasting her time.”

“I want a burrito as well.” Beth handed her menu to a nearby server. “But nix the meat, I would like avocado and mushrooms instead. Extra cheese.”

“I’ll have the burrito, too. I’m not adverse to a little extra meat.” Wallace winked at Lily, who rolled her eyes.

“And I...” Quetzalli began, “shall have the salmon on toast with poached eggs.” When she saw the others looking at her, she shrugged. “What? The salmon sounds delicious.”

Mike heard Ingrid mutter something about “these fucking people” moments before ordering scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. Aurora took off with their orders and disappeared into the building.

The food arrived quickly and was consumed. The princess had ordered a lavish fish plate that came later than everyone else’s, but opened her mouth impossibly wide to eat most of it in a single bite. Her teeth were very similar to a shark’s, and Mike made a mental note to avoid getting bitten.

Francois said very little and kept throwing dirty looks at both Mike and Lily. Leilani watched everyone with wide eyes which occasionally focused on Mike. He didn’t know what the mermaid was thinking, but her glances unnerved him. Though she deferred to Francois, Leilani’s attitude seemed far less hostile than his.

As they were finishing up breakfast, Aurora came storming up to the table, clipboard in hand. Mike used his napkin to cover his mouth and hide a grin.

“How the fuck did you get a goblin in here?” she shouted, slamming the clipboard onto the table. Everybody went silent and looked at Mike, who stared back at Aurora.

“Excuse me?” he asked, feigning shock.

“You fucking heard me!” Aurora stormed over toward his side of the table, but Ingrid intercepted her. “One of our people got bit, and she chased us out with a hammer!”

“Why were you in my suite?” Mike looked over at Beth. “We did put up the Do Not Disturb sign, right?”

Beth nodded. “Oh, absolutely. I made sure of it.”

“To clean your room!” Aurora took a step back and pointed accusingly at Mike. “But you need to tell me how you got a fucking goblin onto our property!”

“I summoned her.” Mike looked at everyone as if hoping for their support. “You know, to clean our room.”

“We have people for that!” Aurora slapped away Ingrid’s hands and took a step back. Ingrid, satisfied that Aurora wasn’t going to punch Mike, turned to face him.

“What do you mean you summoned her?” Ingrid asked.

“Just what I said. I knew we’d be down here a bit, but didn’t want anyone messing around in our room. So I summoned a goblin to clean my room.” He didn’t dare mention Kisa, who they probably hadn’t noticed. When he had telepathically called the catgirl earlier with his dilemma, Tink had been more than eager to help him out.

“From where, exactly?”

“She was probably at home when she found out I needed her. It’s a place that overlaps with several dimensions. I can’t properly explain it to you.” Mike knew that the truth stone in Ingrid’s pocket was agreeing with every word he said, and his answers were driving her nuts. “I have her clean up messes in my own house. She’s pretty great.”

“You expect us to believe you can just summon up a goblin to clean your damn house?” Ingrid stared at him as if in shock.

“No. But whether or not you believe me doesn’t matter, ‘cause I did.” He looked past her at Aurora. “I’m sorry your staff got bit, but if she chased you out with a hammer, it means you weren’t letting her do what she came to do.”

“I thought this property was warded.” This came from Leilani, who now wore a severe frown.

“It is,” Ingrid replied, then looked at Mike. “Or at least, it’s supposed to be.”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Mike replied. “I didn’t think summoning a goblin to clean my suite would be a big deal.”

“We have people here for that,” hissed Aurora through her teeth.

“You’ve said that already, but I’m a little particular about who I want touching my things.” He stood and gave a little bow to the princess. “Excuse me, but I must go take care of this.”

Leilani nodded, but said nothing in response. Mike walked back to his suite with Wallace and Ingrid in tow. When they got to the outside of his room, he saw drops of blood in the hallway that a staffer was trying to clean up.

“Ugh, I bet that stung,” he said, then looked at Ingrid. “You can tell your person not to worry about being bitten. Goblins don’t have rabies or anything. Well, I know this one doesn’t, at least.”

He carefully used his bracelet to open the door and stepped inside. Tink was kneeling in the kitchenette wearing a french maid’s outfit while sweeping a clean spot on the floor. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, but she hissed at Ingrid, who had pulled a wand.

“Wouldn’t do that,” Mike cautioned. “Last person I saw cast a spell at her didn’t survive.”

“Just ... give it clothes, or whatever it takes to make it go away.” Ingrid lowered her wand, but kept a tight grip.

Tink growled at Ingrid, then gave her the finger. “Stupid girl never know when room need cleaning, maybe goblin stick around forever.”

“Ugh.” Ingrid lowered her voice. “She even sounds stupid.”

Tink drew the hammer from behind her back, but Mike snagged it before she could throw it. He gave her a stern look, and she crossed her arms and looked away from him.

“Unless there’s a good reason I cannot have my own cleaning staff, I would like her to continue her job.” He set the hammer handle up on the counter and turned toward Ingrid. “Besides, who is in my suite isn’t important. Right?”

Ingrid stared at him silently for several long moments, her eyes flicking back and forth between him and Tink. The silence was broken when Ratu and Quetzalli exited the elevator and came down the hallway.

“Excuse us,” Quetzalli said, pushing past Wallace into the room. “We need to change into better clothes for hiking.”

“And we might be a while, seeing how us lovely ladies need time to get ready.” Ratu looked down her nose at both Ingrid and Wallace, then walked into the suite to go to her room.

“Yeah, that guy seems like a complete ass,” said Wallace, who noticed the look of surprise on Mike’s face. “And yes, I’m aware that coming from me, that’s saying something. We know almost nothing about him and he gives me the creeps.”

Ingrid looked at her partner, then to Mike. “The merfolk have never spoken a word to us about this man. Intel hit a match with the name, but the last guy who used it died 250 years ago.”

“Can humans live that long?” Mike asked.

Ingrid shrugged. “It’s extremely rare, but we’ve seen it. However, we’ve yet to run across a human that old who isn’t a complete bastard. It’s almost like that second century breeds contempt for your fellow man.” She looked past him down at Tink and let out a sigh. “How long does she stay summoned?”

“If you’re asking if there’s a limit to how long she’s here, no, not really. And since Lily was going to stick around anyway, I was going to have the goblin keep the place clean so your people don’t have to deal with Lily and her mess. It’s clear she’s causing problems, so the plan was to have her stay in the room.”

The mage chewed at her lip for a moment, clearly unable to formulate an argument as to why the Order needed to be in the room. Though Mike still didn’t know what sort of threat the Captain would pose, at least this battle over the room was something they had figured out how to handle.

“Really, Beth will probably be back and forth up here as well.” Wallace leaned against the frame of the door. “Since the merfolk decided to keep her on the property. Our people have plenty of other things they could be working on.”

Ingrid sighed. “It’s fine,” she said, a defeated look on her face. “We leave at the top of the hour. Please meet us down at the dock.”

“Will do.” Mike gave her a mock salute and shut the door behind them after they left. When he turned around, he saw Ratu run out of her bedroom and straight into his.

“I need to get something,” she called over her shoulder. “No time to explain.”

She closed the door behind her, leaving Mike alone with Tink. She smiled up at him, wiggling her butt back and forth like an excited puppy.

“Tink do great job!” she declared, then scowled at the hallway door. “Bite stupid bitch who call Tink an ogre.”

“That’s because Tink is the best wife.” He bent down to kiss her forehead. “Now I want to know where you got the maid outfit on short notice.”

“It was supposed to be a surprise.” Kisa stood up from behind the couch. She was in a maid’s outfit as well. “But if you all are leaving at the top of the hour, the surprise will have to wait.”

“Damn,” Mike muttered, contemplating the catgirl and the goblin. While they could probably make something happen, it would be rushed and he wanted to savor whatever scenario Tink and Kisa had come up with.

“By the way. You aren’t actually expecting us to clean this place, are you?” Kisa put hands on her hips, her tail flicking back and forth.

“No, no, of course not.” A wicked grin crossed his face. “But maybe if I need some turndown service, I’ll—”

Tink pinched his ass so hard he jumped. She walked backward toward his room with a smirk on her face as he followed. “Husband know who to call. We go now, Tink’s turn to watch Baby Legs.”

He watched them both slide under his bed and vanish. With a little sigh, he moved toward the closet where his hiking gear was stashed. Today was gonna be long, and he needed to be ready for anything.

“I’m telling you, that fucking doll is following me!”

Cyrus raised an eyebrow dramatically and turned in slow motion to look at the nearest window of the Radley home. For perhaps the fifth time today, he found himself looking at a normal window, bereft of decor other than some light curtains.

“I still don’t see anything,” he said to a very frustrated Bradford, perfectly aware that somebody in the house was messing with the knight. Cyrus had met Jenny the doll on a few occasions, though it was usually at a distance. There had been a couple of times Mike had brought the possessed doll to tea and she sat in his lap, but Mike had assured him they would all be perfectly safe as long as Cyrus didn’t make direct eye contact. He had thought Mike had been kidding, but there was something about those porcelain features that gave him the heebie jeebies.

He didn’t know if the doll was just messing with the man or if he had done something to piss her off. Either way, the doll was the least of their worries right now. The last twenty-four hours had been a disaster. After tea with Mike the other evening, he thought things would be quiet for a while. That had been wishful thinking. The very next morning, he discovered that Laurel had gotten up before him and led the field team to do some preliminary work under her guidance. She was clearly trying to establish herself as second in command, and he noticed that a few people on the field team were already deferring to her.

This put him in a difficult position. Ordinarily, he wouldn’t worry about it. He was meticulous in his work and didn’t really care what others thought. However, he was purposefully doing a bad job meant to look like a good one, and he knew Laurel was going to start producing results. When he had said as much to Death, the Reaper had simply chuckled and wandered off.

An hour later, a member of the field team reported strange lights and then disappeared in the hedge maze for half the day, despite his team searching through it numerous times. By the time he showed up again, he claimed he had only been missing for a few minutes, and had no recollection of anything else. When Laurel had confronted Death over the matter, he had simply shrugged and declared maybe the man had stopped to smell the roses.

The groundskeeping staff kept creating projects wherever his people were investigating, and they were starting to rightfully suspect that something was up. Mads had taken to following Cyrus around, claiming it was for his own protection. More than anything else, Cyrus worried that Laurel and Mads had figured out he was up to something.

Cyrus pulled a couple antacid chewables from his pocket and popped them into his mouth. At the rate he was going through them, he was going to have to buy more tonight. Everything tasted like chalk lately.

“There! She’s right there!” Bradford pointed at a different window.

This time, Cyrus saw Jenny in the corner, staring down at the two of them. For just a moment, he heard a woman’s laugh in the back of his mind.

“I still don’t see anything.” Cyrus patted Bradford’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go take a break? This place, it’s different from what we’re used to.”

“We’ll see how different it is once we crack it open.” Bradford stormed off around the house, stopping long enough to slice the top off of a small shrub with his sword. Cyrus watched him until he was gone, then looked back at the window.

The doll was gone.

“He seems fragile.” Death startled Cyrus, causing his heart rate to skyrocket. He clutched at his chest dramatically, spinning to confront the Reaper.

“Don’t do that, you’re gonna give me a heart attack!”

“Nonsense. I would know if you were at my door.” Death chuckled and looked at the window. “Jenny likes him. Said he’s ... he’s...” He scratched the back of his skull with bony fingers, then snapped them. “Delectable!”

“Are you sure that’s the word she used?” Cyrus moved away from the house and toward a small picnic table that had been set up near the greenhouse. He groaned when he sat, his knees and back protesting. Retirement had softened him more than he’d realized, and the long day of pretending to study the house was already wearing on him.

“It was. When I asked her for clarification, she said his fear was delicious.”

Cyrus shivered, grateful that the doll knew he was on her side. “I’m surprised he’s all worked up, honestly. She’s just playing peekaboo with him, right?”

“The scariest things are the ones we build up inside our mind. Perhaps he fears the unknown or maybe he worries that his mental faculties are failing him. For most people, it’s far more important to be believed than anything else. Being unable to trust your own senses is no different than being lost in the dark.”

“That’s fairly insightful.”

Death sat across from Cyrus and steepled his hands together. “I represent the great unknown, the darkness from which there is no return. Surely I’ve learned a thing or two here.”

“You’ve learned plenty during your time at the house, don’t sell yourself short. I assume we won’t be having tea tonight?”

“You are correct. Perhaps tomorrow night I will have time.” Death was referring indirectly to Mike’s ability to drop by and check in personally. “Is there anything we need to discuss?”

Cyrus looked around to make sure none of his team were nearby. “The mage Laurel is my number one concern right now. If something happened to me, her approach to examining your home would be far more ... aggressive.”

“I see.” Death pulled out his phone and started tapping on the screen. “I will let Jenny know.”

“The doll has a phone?”

“We’re on a family plan. She mostly uses it for scaring people on the internet. Mike Radley did have to disable her ability to call outside the family, though. She got in trouble for calling strangers in the middle of the night.”

“Yeah, I can see why that would cause problems.” He watched the house for a bit longer, then excused himself to check in with the rest of the team. Toward the front of the house, Laurel was busy taking a statement from Bradford, scribbling onto a small notepad with a pencil.

“Did something happen?” he asked.

“You may not be taking this investigation seriously, but I am.” Laurel gave him a withering glare, one that was matched by Bradford. “I firmly believe Bradford has encountered a paranormal entity.”

“Yes, and?” Cyrus waved at the house. “We’re expecting the paranormal, remember? It’s kind of like a zoo for one, actually.”