Chapter 13: Snake in the Grass

The moment Mike stepped through the portal, a sinking sensation hit him in the gut. He pushed open the closet door and looked at the room he was now in. The nearby bed was far larger than a king mattress, making him wonder what sort of person or creature used this room. He moved to the side to allow Ratu, Leilani, and Ingrid to come through behind him. Leilani eyed the portal with suspicion, while Ingrid leaned in to study it.

“I should have guessed,” she muttered, running her fingers along the edges of the portal. “You’ve been one step ahead of us the whole—”

Lily shoved her way through. “If you think I’m going to stand around in some abandoned shack in Oklahoma, you’ve got another thing coming.” The portal from the cabana had been routed through a second location to avoid any of the Order following it back to Di’s location.

Mike reached out mentally to Kisa. He only picked up a few pieces of information, but they were enough. “The Captain is here. He came for Beth to get to me.”

“That fucking squid.” Leilani clutched her trident. “I’ll stab him myself.”

“It might not be necessary.” Mike was already moving toward the exit. He stuck his hand in one pocket and pulled out his bracelet. It had a soft glow to it. “Looks like we arrived just in time. Leilani, you need to get to your people and let them know the Captain betrayed you. I can’t imagine anyone will stop you from speaking with your mother.”

“Got it.”

“Ingrid, you’re with me. We need to find the Director and convince him that I’m still on the level, and then—”

“Murder him!” Lily held up a knife and grinned.

“No, not that.” Mike frowned. “Maybe that. We’ll see. Ratu, we’ll probably need your magic to get there.”

The naga bowed her head slightly. “I shall be at your side.”

“As for you.” Mike tossed his bracelet to Lily. “Since they’re tracking me through that bracelet, I’m afraid I must ask you to sow some chaos.”

Lily cackled and transformed into a copy of Mike. She did a pirouette before exiting the suite, and the others followed. Lily and Leilani moved together while Ingrid led Mike and Ratu in a different direction.

Down the hall, he heard his own voice singing “I want to be an airborne ranger!” followed by the sound of breaking glass.

“Daisy, Cerulea, Olivia.” He waited for the three fairies to emerge from his shirt and hover in front of him. “Go find your sister. Run interference for Beth and Kisa.” He held up a hand, and all three of them landed on his outstretched fingers. “No mercy.”

The fairies shot off like tiny rockets, leaving colorful trails behind as they entered the HVAC system. Their giggles vanished moments later.

“Somehow, those two words are the scariest you’ve ever said.” Ratu covered her mouth with one hand and laughed.

“I’m the guy who left Jenny in charge of my house.” Mike took one last look at the vent. “They can burn this place down for all I care.”

“Ahem.” Ingrid gestured toward the nearest stairwell. “The Director has a private elevator we can access near the lobby. I assume he’s in his office monitoring your current location and feeding it to the staff along with the Captain.”

“Well at least we’ll know where to find him.” Mike allowed Ingrid to take the lead. “I don’t suppose we’ll get to take a secret tunnel to get there, will we?”

Ingrid pushed open the door to the stairwell. “What are you, twelve?”

“Secret tunnels are like wine. The older they are, the better they get.”

“Until they turn into vinegar and fall apart,” added Ratu. When Ingrid gave her an exasperated look from the next floor down, the naga shrugged. “Tunnels are sort of my thing.”

When they got to the bottom of the stairwell, Ingrid opened the door and stepped outside. Mike passed through the opening and threw himself forward, tackling Ingrid to the ground. A trident flew over both of them from behind, embedding itself into a nearby concrete pillar. Two merfolk were standing next to a hot tub, and one of them was still armed.

“Hey, wait!” Mike put up his hands. “Leilani is alive, she’s headed—”

The second merman lifted his trident and cocked his arm back. A fireball struck him in the face so hard that he flipped over backward and landed in the hot tub. When the remaining assailant tried to flee, Ratu stomped a foot on the ground, causing the decorative cobblestones to shudder beneath him. He tripped and fell on his face, then went motionless.

“Guess he didn’t have his land legs yet,” Mike said. When Ratu gave him a dirty look, he shrugged. “What? I knew you weren’t going to say anything.”

“How can you joke at a time like this?” asked Ingrid.

“Oh. That’s easy.” Mike stood and helped Ingrid up. “It’s either make stupid jokes or vomit from sheer anxiety. One way or another, something’s coming out of me.”

“That hardly explains the rest of the time.” Ratu narrowed her eyes at him, then smiled. “Or do you always experience anxiety?”

“Maybe it’s so bad in the future that it reaches back in time and affects my current behavior?” He looked at Ingrid. “Where to?”

“That way.” Ingrid pointed across the deck. “If there are merfolk here, I’m guessing they’ve got people all over.”

“Of course they do.” Ratu coughed into her hand. “That’s because there are plenty of fish in the sea.”

“Oh, that was a good one. How did it feel?” asked Mike.

“Regrettable. Like I have given something up that I can never regain.”

“That would be your dignity,” Mike explained. “It’s why dads make those jokes. We have already paid the price, so we may as well cash in on the investment.”

Ingrid groaned and started running. “C’mon, let’s find some of my people.”

There was the sound of breaking glass up above, followed by two members of the Order falling through the sky and landing in the pool with a splash. Lily-Mike stuck her head out the window.

“The windows are too breakable,” she screamed in his voice, then disappeared inside. “I’m going to leave this place a bad review! None of the furniture is nailed down! Zero stars!”

The people in the pool scrambled for safety as a couch got shoved out the window. It tumbled gracefully, shedding its cushions before landing in the pool, one of the arms breaking off.

“We really were out of our depth,” muttered Ingrid as she took them toward a side door. “I still can’t believe she’s a succubus.”

“Living with her is never dull,” said Mike. “But she has a good heart. Don’t tell her I told you that, though.”

“Why?” Ingrid opened the side door and they all stepped inside.

“She’ll take it out on all of us.” Mike chuckled. “How much further?”

“We just need to get through the...” Ingrid trailed off, her eyes on the group of people up ahead. Sitting in the plume of the lobby fountain was Princess Kailani herself. She was surrounded by her council and some soldiers, all of whom readied their weapons. The princess narrowed her eyes immediately at Mike.

“So, Caretaker—”

“Your daughter is alive,” Mike said, cutting her off. “She was heading out into the bay to tell you that the Captain is the real enemy.”

“You lie.” The princess sneered at Mike. “My daughter may yet live, but she is likely under your thrall. For that’s what you do. Francois explained it all to me. You seduce, you manipulate, you—”

Ratu sent a wave of fire forward, which was captured by a rising wall of water from the fountain, summoned by one of the merfolk. The naga’s skin rippled, revealing gemstone scales that pulsed with power. On her kimono, the dragon circled hungrily in excitement.

“We don’t have time for diplomacy,” she said. “You two go! I’ll try not to kill her.”

“Be careful,” Mike said. Ingrid led him through the lobby as tendrils of water formed above the conflagration and crashed down onto the tile.

Ratu casually stepped to the side and summoned a jet of fire that turned the tendrils into steam. A determined grin appeared on her face and Mike watched as her magical aura expanded. A sphere of fire formed around Ratu, driving the merfolk further back into the fountain.

“C’mon!” Ingrid yanked on Mike’s arm and the two of them ran. They circled back behind the lobby toward a nondescript wall. Ingrid put her hands against the smooth stone and sent out a pulse of magic.

“Simple illusion,” she said just as the wall shimmered in Mike’s vision. Suddenly, the outline of the elevator door was obvious, and a keypad on the side was now visible. “Once you know it’s here, you can find it whenever.”

The elevator was made primarily of glass and looked out toward the ocean. Mike followed Ingrid inside. There were only three buttons, and Ingrid pushed P for the penthouse. The elevator whirred to life and climbed slowly toward the top of Paradise. Down below, merfolk and Order personnel ran toward either the lobby or the tower building where Mike’s master suite had been. Out in the bay, Captain Francois’ ship sat at the end of the dock, eerily devoid of life.

“That thing is probably packed full of skeletons,” he said with a frown. “After we speak with the Director, we’ll probably have another fight on our hands.”

“But Francois won’t have the element of surprise this time.” Ingrid pointed down below. “And once Leilani speaks with her mother, we’ll have the advantage of numbers. I know my people won’t stand for an undead invasion, no matter how much they hate you.”

“I hope you’re right.” Mike turned toward the door of the elevator and frowned. “Why is this thing so slow?”

“Protective wards.” Ingrid tapped on the glass. “This elevator isn’t visible from outside and is shielded against attacks of all kinds. We don’t want our VIPs worrying about their safety.”

Mike studied the magic swirling around the compartment. “I call bullshit,” he said.

Ingrid laughed. “Okay, fine, you got me. It’s slow on purpose. Gives people a chance to look down on Paradise, but we’re told to tell them the other thing.”

“Can’t believe you tried to feed me the company line,” he muttered, but wasn’t angry. In fact, he noticed that Ingrid’s smile was genuine.

“Old habits die hard,” she admitted as the elevator stopped.

When the doors opened, it was to the sight of a circular room that was about thirty feet in diameter. A bank of monitors was installed on one wall with a desk beneath it. A man in a three-piece suit stood under the monitors, his hands behind his back as he studied a video feed of Ratu down in the lobby. The merfolk were trying to use the water from the fountain to diminish the naga’s flames, but she was shifting her fire wall in such a manner that the merfolk were now targeting an area about fifteen feet to her left.

“Sir.” Ingrid stood at attention next to Mike. “It’s urgent that we speak.”

“Such a simple deception,” he said, his gaze never wandering from the video screen. “Yet profoundly effective. A tactic you seem to be fond of as well.” The Director looked over at another screen which depicted Mike launching himself down the hall utilizing a rolling chair and a fire extinguisher. A knight attempted to intercept Lily, but the ensuing melee was lost in the extinguisher’s foam. When the foam settled, the knight was on the ground, unconscious.

“It was necessary,” said Mike. “We need to speak with you about the Captain.”

“Hmm.” The Director turned his gaze toward a screen with Captain Francois and a merman. They were running toward a stairwell when a sparkling blue light shot across the floor in front of them. Both of them slipped on a glittering fluid and crashed into the door itself. “I must admit I expected him to be far more competent. Is it hubris that causes him to hold back? Fear of retaliation?”

“Sir, he’s the enemy. Captain Francois ambushed us up in the mountains and—”

“I’m aware.” The Director sighed and looked down at something in his hand. “Your partner testified to this late last night.”

“Wallace?” Ingrid blinked rapidly, stunned. “He’s alive?”

The Director turned to face Ingrid and nodded. “He and a few others have been in the infirmary under a strict quarantine since last night. I can only keep their story under wraps for so long, which necessitated allowing the Captain to come onto the property and take one of yours, Caretaker.”

“You knew.” Ingrid’s features hardened. “I don’t understand.”

“Humans typically don’t.” The Director turned to face the monitors once more. “The rarest of gems are forged deep beneath the earth in a crucible of fire and pressure over the course of hundreds if not thousands of years. The most precious things in the world are worth waiting for, and I have waited far too long for this moment to allow that which is most precious to me to slip through my fingers once again.

“And so I deceive, much like she did. Unlike her, I seek to repair that which has been broken and I have been a patient man. Last time we met, I faltered. I was weak in a moment when I should have been strong, I lacked commitment to my ideals. I believe you Americans have a saying for this. I choked at the finish line. It was a matter of poor planning on my part. I needed to be better, to be stronger the next time we met. How could she respect me if I wasn’t even strong enough to bring her home?”

“Sir, that’s—”

The Director made a slashing gesture with one hand and Ingrid clutched at her mouth. She moved her lips, but no sound emerged.

“Such a simple spell,” he said, turning to face them once more. Beneath his chin, dark scales rippled as a smile crossed his face. “To nullify the vibrations of the air itself before it can travel further than the lips. It is a more precise version of a spell we use to prevent earthquakes.”

“You’re a naga.” Mike blinked and shook his head in disbelief. What was a naga doing running an entire branch of the Order? Did the organization itself know?”I still don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

“It should be obvious, Caretaker.” The Director sneered. “After so long, I finally meet you face-to-face, the man who stole my beloved treasure from me.”

Ingrid looked at Mike in exasperation, but he shrugged.

“No, seriously, I have no idea what he’s talking about.” Mike held up his hands. “I haven’t stolen anything from anyone.”

“Don’t play dumb!” The Director held up the object in his hand. It looked like a Polaroid photograph of Ratu and Yuki at a restaurant. “But since I have to spell it out for you, perhaps my name will ring a bell. I am Mohan.”

“Um, okay.” Mike narrowed his eyes at the picture. “Wait, is that Taco Palace?”

Mohan, the Director, blinked twice, his eyes turning yellow. “That’s right. My name is Mohan.”

“Okay, Mohan.”

“THE Mohan.” The naga’s voice was magnified now and a heavy presence filled the air.

Mike winced. “Okay, THE Mohan. My ears aren’t broken.”

“Surely she’s mentioned me.” The Director gestured over his shoulder. Ratu was now moving across the lobby, her kimono sweeping out behind her as she danced with the flames. Two of the merfolk were lying just outside the fountain now, steam rising from their bodies.

“Nope.” Mike crossed his arms. “Never once has she mentioned your name.”

The Director opened and closed his mouth like a fish and his eyes flashed. “You’re ... not lying. She never once mentioned me?”

“I’ve never heard her say your name.” Mike pointed at the picture. “Where did you get that?”

Mohan snorted. “My people spent weeks looking for you. Imagine my surprise to discover that someone in your household used your credit card to order something called a Royal Feast. And even though it is but a photo, naga recognize their own. It was serendipity that brought us together, you see, and so I altered the plan.”

“So that’s what this is about? You wanted ... Ratu?”

“She hasn’t told you her true name?” Mohan chuckled. “But of course not. Though your relationship has been ... carnal in nature, this is further evidence that you are little more than a fling, a distraction.”

Mike heard footsteps behind him and turned around. Eight men and women now stood there, swords and wands in hand.

“Wait. Let me get this straight.” Mike pointed at the screens up top. “You want her back, whatever. That’s between you and her. But what about what’s happening at my house? You’re threatening my family because of it?”

Mohan snorted. “It is a matter of honor, Caretaker. You have dishonored me by consorting with my betrothed. For that alone, I would take everything from you.”

“Holy ... fucking ... shit.” Mike’s jaw hung open. “You’re doing all this just to get back at me? Because you’re petty?”

The Director narrowed his gaze. “This is hardly petty, Caretaker. She was my world, and you stole her from me. To let this injustice go unpunished—”

“Seriously, you guys too?” Mike looked at the knights and mages behind him. “This naga just admitted he’s putting your lives and mine at risk because he’s mad that I live with his ex-fiance.”

“SHE IS STILL MY BETROTHED!” The Director’s fist balled up and his face shifted, scales dancing all along his sharpened features. Mike averted his gaze as a powerful gust of wind struck him. Mohan hissed, his tongue flicking out.

Mike sighed. “You’re pathetic.”

Mohan made another slashing motion with his hand. Mike felt the spell take hold around his face, saw how the air shifted and weaved in front of him. With a slashing motion of his own, he sliced the spell in two.

“So I take it this means you’re not going to call off the people in my yard?” Mike asked, turning his attention back to the Director.

“That reminds me.” Mohan pulled a phone from his jacket and tapped the screen. It rang once before somebody answered. “I have the Caretaker in custody. He won’t interfere. Proceed with the mission.”

“You’re a piece of shit!” Mike’s magic boiled up within, ready to break free. He took a deep breath and addressed the men and women behind him. There was some uncertainty on their faces, but they had been conditioned since childhood to obey the chain of command. That wasn’t something he could simply undo, no matter how fucked up the situation was. “I want you all to know that I’m sorry. If you have any friends or family at my house, I can’t guarantee their safety anymore. It never had to come to this.”

They barely reacted to his words, but looked a little nervous.

“Ah, but it did.” Mohan adjusted his tie, his features suddenly more human. “Sister Ingrid, you will be taken to quarantine for your safety and properly debriefed. As for you, Mike Radley, this is the end of the line.”

One of the knights stepped away from the group to stand behind Ingrid.

Mike nodded. “It sure is. I came here to help, even after learning that you intended to screw me over. I gave some of your people the benefit of the doubt, like Ingrid here. She’s a good person, even though she works for a shit company.”

“Take him to Captain Francois, please.” Mohan turned back to watch the monitors. “I will ask him to meet you all on the docks.”

“What, you’re not even going to take me out yourself?” Mike actually laughed as the remaining knights and mages formed a circle around him and guided him toward the elevator.

“Of course not, Mister Radley.” Mohan turned to look over his shoulder with a smile. “To do so would acknowledge that I see you as my equal. Frankly, you are beneath me, and the Captain has promised he would cooperate with the razing of your home once he has taken possession of it. After all, he has no use for the property. His love is for the sea.”

Ingrid took a step toward Mike, her hand going for her wand. Mike made eye contact and shook his head.

“Well, guess this is the last you’ll ever see from me,” he said. “Boy, oh boy, you got me good.” He took a deep breath and cycled his magic, the hairs on the back of his neck rising. Someone jabbed him in the side with their weapon. “Is that a wand, or are you just happy to see me?”

As a group, they filed into the elevator. Mohan looked over his shoulder, a wry smile on his lips. The door closed, leaving Mike alone with his escort. Down below, the poolside bar was on fire and a merwoman was using pool water to put it out.

A mage tapped the bottommost button, labeled B.

“It’s weird that this place has a basement,” Mike said. “Or is that where you’re keeping Bigfoot?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Someone pressed a wand into the small of his back.

Mike snorted. The Director couldn’t be reasoned with, which was a relief in some ways. That meant he no longer needed to waste his time trying to be nice. He looked at the men and women to his left and right and smiled when he saw how tense they were. He didn’t know if they were afraid of him, of the situation, or were displeased with the orders they had just received. Ultimately, it didn’t matter.

He had maybe fifteen seconds, which was about ten seconds more than he needed. Mike cleared his throat and tried to keep his face straight.

“So before we begin, is there anybody who wants to get off?”

It was in that single moment that he found bliss. At least three people turned in his direction, either in recognition, disbelief, or curiosity. Somebody actually scoffed. Weapons were pressed against him, to remind him that he was, in fact, their prisoner. Mike dipped his head and closed his eyes, a beatific smile plastered on his face as he released his magic.

The elevator cabin hissed with energy as hundreds of blue and purple streamers of light burst free from him, spreading outward like tiny spiders. They vanished immediately upon skin contact with his captors, the men and women of the Order gasping in surprise as their entire bodies were suddenly overwhelmed with erotic energy. When the magic attempted to jump back into Mike, he forbade its entry and commanded it to move in a cycle.

As one, the occupants of the elevator came. The cabin filled with screams and moans of pleasure as the knights and mages stumbled back and forth, many of them dropping their weapons. Someone tried to stab Mike, but he took a casual step backward to dodge the strike, then grabbed a mage by her elbow to point her wand at the ceiling as it went off, causing the ceiling of the elevator to freeze over. Eventually, the men and women of the Order sank into a pile of bodies on the floor, clutching at the railings and each other for support. Just as the moans died down, his magic cycled again, starting the process anew.

Mike pushed the Lobby button and the elevator slowed to a stop. The doors opened wide and he stepped forward, careful not to stomp on someone’s outstretched hand. The people in the elevator groaned as his magic finished its tenth cycle. Mike turned to look back and was surprised to see a tiny mote of golden light hovering just in the doorway. Out of habit, he held out his palm and the light fell onto his skin and vanished like a melting snowflake.

“What did you do to them?”

Mike turned to see Aurora standing there, nervously clutching a wand. Her hands shook wildly as if she might blast him at any moment, but his magic told him the truth. She was frightened, true, but certainly not any danger to him.

“Some asshole hit all the buttons and they had to get off on all the floors.” When he realized that Aurora didn’t get the joke, he cleared his throat and continued. “Honestly, they’ll be okay. It’s nothing that some chocolate and maybe a Gatorade won’t fix.” Mike stepped toward Aurora and pushed the wand away. “How do you get to quarantine?”

“Quaran—” Her dark eyes sought out his own. “How do you know about quarantine?”

“Your boss is sending Ingrid there. There are also a few people from the mountain expedition locked up as well, including Wallace. They got in late last night and the Director hid them away. He didn’t want them telling everyone the truth about what happened on the mountain.” There was a dull thud, followed by a groan. Mike looked back to see that someone’s arm was preventing the door from closing. “Excuse me a second.”

Mike pushed the hand into the elevator which allowed the door to shut. “Say hi to Bigfoot for me,” he said as the door closed completely. When he turned back to face Aurora, she was pointing the wand at the ground. “Is there a way to get there that doesn’t involve the Director’s office? I’d rather avoid him, if I could, he seems grumpy.”

“There are ... secret tunnels throughout Paradise.”

“I fucking knew it,” Mike muttered.

Aurora stared at him for several long seconds, then nodded her head. “I’ll go get Ingrid and the others. You go ahead and ... um...”

“Thanks.” Mike walked past the hostess and narrowed his eyes as he pulled out his phone and texted everyone at the house. Up ahead, the sounds of battle in the lobby had died down. When he stepped out into the rotunda, it was to see Ratu sitting on the edge of the fountain, her hair and kimono soaking wet.

“Well?” she asked.

“It went poorly,” he replied.

“How poorly?”

“The Director is a naga named Mohan.” Mike felt the temperature in the lobby escalate rapidly as Ratu’s eyes dilated. “He’s apparently been looking for you for quite some time and got real excited when he learned you lived at the house. However, he got pretty butthurt over the fact that we’ve been holding hands, and the whole situation at the house is about getting even with me.”

“Is he still alive?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Not for long.” Ratu rose and stormed off toward the elevator. “Leave him to me.”

“The elevator’s enchanted!” he shouted at her back. “You might have trouble finding it!”

He heard the loud rumbling of stones being broken apart, but Mike wasn’t concerned. Ratu was one of the most powerful people he knew, and this was her fight. Well, for now anyway. He needed to find Beth and Kisa first, then go rescue Ingrid. After, they could all beat the Director’s lanky ass together if needed.

Using his mental link with Kisa, he jogged in her direction.

Across the world in front of a different bank of monitors, Eulalie Weaver sat in a web sling hammock of her own design, made just this morning in fact. Supported from below by so many gossamer threads, it was easy for her to shift positions along the massive bank of keyboards and screens in order to maintain watch on the exterior of the house.

Her drones had been shot down over the week, but small cameras and microphones had been easy enough to install pretty much everywhere with both Tink’s help and the rats. There were almost no gaps in coverage, and she stared at over ten different monitors at once with her arachnid eyes. Sure, some of them were no good for the visual spectrum, but she would at least detect movement on the screens.

Over her ears, she wore a special headset that Tink and Dana had designed. It had some sort of 3D audio and a chipset that took in all the separate microphone inputs from around the home, filtered them, and recreated the audio as if she was standing near whatever camera she had selected.

She grabbed a handful of Cheetos and shoved them in her mouth. Down below, a rat shook its head in frustration at the amount that tumbled free from her lips. Still, waste not, want not. It picked up the crumbs and put them into a bowl that the rats would share later.

“And here we ... go...” Eulalie did her best Heath Ledger impression as she watched five different tactical teams emerge from the command center, guns, swords, and wands at the ready as they circled around the house. She tapped the mute button on her microphone and spoke.

“Here they come,” she said. “I count thirty on the north side and forty on the south. Twenty are hanging back. They’ve got guns trained on the roof. I have yet to identify explosive ordinance.”

A sinister voice chuckled through the headset, creating feedback on the line.

“Cold front to the North. Round up those cowboys!” Jenny giggled and took in a deep, rasping breath. “Let’s get a three for one sale for those fellas by the greenhouse!”

The garage door opened slowly as the mercenaries arrived. They fell into a defensive formation, briefly revealing a man carrying a large munitions box toward the rear.

“Designating a priority target by the garage.” Eulalie sent a screenshot to everyone’s phone. “This one is carrying explosives.”

“I’ve got him.” Yuki’s voice was calm and collected as the garage door lifted high enough to reveal a small grouping of homunculi. They were created by her tarot cards, a collection of men and women built from wood and metal. As one, they crouched down and charged forward toward the mercenaries.

“Contact,” one of them shouted as six of them took a knee and opened fire. The homunculi cared not for bullets, and likely would have cut down the firing squad if not for the knights who suddenly swapped positions with the gunmen. Yuki’s summoned creatures initiated attacks with swords and staves that were quickly deflected by the swords of the Order.

Yuki stepped forward from the garage, her tails whipping behind her in defiance. The SoS didn’t know it, but this was little more than an avatar created from ice and snow. The false kitsune raised her hands and sent forth a horrible frost that clung to the assailants like glue.