Deepest Regrets

“You didn’t hurt me. I’m fine. Really, I am,” Ashley repeated for the second time. “I just got scared.”

I wasn’t buying it. Ashley had the same look in her eyes I’d seen in Erin’s after I’d threatened her in the garage and the deep regret that I’d put it there made me sick to my stomach. Ashley had peeled back the curtain to peek at the animal that lurked within me, and it had shaken her. As bad as I felt for hurting her, Courtney felt even worse.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Ash! I should have been looking out for you. I just got so caught up in the moment.”

“I know,” Ashley said, eager to let her friend off the hook and change the subject. “I’m really okay. Honest, you guys. I enjoyed it. A lot.”

Now I knew she was lying. Nothing about that had been enjoyable for her. At best, she had merely suffered through to go along because she knew how much I’d wanted it. As much as she’d grown over the past week, Ashley was still fundamentally a selfless person, eager to please others, and I’d taken advantage of that to induce her to do something she hadn’t wanted to do.

Ashley watched my expression darken. She rose from her seat on the sofa and came forward to grab the back of my neck and kiss me. To allay my concerns that I’d very likely brutalized her for my own sexual gratification. When she pulled her head back, she managed a smile.

“That was fun,” she lied. “Let’s keep going, okay? I’m not done fucking you yet. I don’t know how much time we have left, and I don’t want to waste a second of it.”

Before I could say anything, she leaned in to kiss me again and I surrendered to her embrace and the warmth of her body. I resolved to remain in control the rest of the night and, for the most part, I did. The two girls shared my cock and we fucked for hours in every part of my apartment. I fucked them on the kitchen island and on the countertops, against the wall in the hallway, and on the balcony. I stayed away from Ashley’s ass, fearful of what I might do, but I doubled Courtney again when she begged me to do it.

They were insatiable, almost desperate, and I couldn’t get enough of them. Our remaining time together was so fleeting, the hours ticking down, and we all felt it. No one wanted it to end, but the limits of human endurance eventually prevailed, forcing us to rest. I fell asleep with my cock inside Courtney’s pussy and her arm draped over Ashley’s waist.

The morning brought with it a fresh round of sex that continued the previous evening’s exploration of my apartment, carrying us into the bathroom. They teamed up to wash me. Their hands and fingers explored every inch of my body and slipped into every crevasse. I allowed them total control, restraining myself from groping them while they continually stimulated my cock, whether stroking me with their hands or blowing me, or sliding my thick shaft between their soapy tits, thighs and butt cheeks.

It was Saturday. No matter what else happened, I resolved to make this our final day together. My close call with Kayla and even closer call with Ashley had demonstrated that I couldn’t be trusted around them. Even now, as Ashley dragged her big ass up and down over my cock, I felt an overwhelming desire to force my way inside of her. Courtney saw it. The look of intense longing on my face, and she did something I would later regret.

“Let him fuck you in the ass,” she said to Ashley. “He wants it so bad.”

Ashley looked at me over her shoulder. She had worked herself up during the long, sensual shower, and her strong arousal overwhelmed her better judgment. She reached back to take hold of my cock and positioned it against her asshole.

“I want you to do it,” she said when she saw the worried look on my face, then dragged my cockhead against her tiny bud to tease us both. “I want to give this to you. Fuck my ass, okay? I know how much you’ve wanted to do it, and I want it to.”

Even as she said the words, I moved against her, pushing to enter her. I wrapped my arm around her waist to pull her toward me and she began to open. I kissed her shoulder and neck and the side of her face.

“Tell me if it starts to hurt,” I whispered in her ear.

She held me by the back of my neck and kissed me, but I felt her lips tighten and her abdominal muscles flex as I pried open her tight anal passage. I wouldn’t fit, and I knew it right at that moment, but I refused to let it stop me. I had to be inside her.

“Get the lube,” I said the Courtney. “Hurry up!”

She raced out of the shower while I held Ashley against me. “I’m going to fuck you, Ashley. I’m going to fuck your big, beautiful ass, baby.”

“I know,” she said softly.

Courtney returned and did me the favor of lubing up my cock, then slipped a finger into her friend’s ass to lube her up as well. The movement surprised Ashley, but she didn’t protest. I pushed her against the tiled wall and she braced herself with her hands while I lined up against her once again. I wouldn’t be denied any longer.

I held her narrow waist as I pushed my cock against her stubborn anus. Once again, she began to open and her body tensed in anticipation.

“Relax, baby. Let me inside.”

Ashley shook as my cock forced its way into her rectum. First the head, then the girthy shaft. Her lips trembled as she fought back the scream that pushed against her throat. Her fingers curled into her palms and she cried out.

“Ah!”

I paused, my heart hammering in my chest. I was so close. Just another few inches. I shooshed her and rubbed her back.

“It’s okay, Ashley. We’re almost there, okay? Just a little more. You can do it, baby.”

She nodded her head quickly, her lips pressed into a thin line. I knew she hurt, but she knew how badly I wanted her ass, and she would endure anything to give it to me. Even though I knew that to be the case, I felt no compulsion to stop. I pressed forward, even as she bared her teeth. Even when her entire body vibrated from the pain, I continued.

“I’m in, baby. I’m all the way inside you. How do you feel?” I asked, but she could only whimper. Her obvious distress sickened me, but even then, I couldn’t stop myself. “I’m going to fuck you now, okay?”

I pulled out and pushed back in and she screamed in agony.

“NO! STOP! STOP!”

Her shrill cry echoed off the shower walls. I held her still, not moving until Courtney pried my arms off her.

“Let her fucking go!” she yelled and shoved me away. My cock slid from Ashley’s ass and she collapsed into the corner of the shower, hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably. Courtney wrapped her arms around her and stroked her hair.

“You’re okay now, Ash. Everything’s okay.”

But nothing was okay. I watched as a thin stream of pinkish water flowed from where Ashley sat huddled with Courtney into the drain, and I knew that would be the last time I would ever fuck any of them again.

“I’m so sorry,” Ashley said with utmost sincerity when she and Courtney finally emerged from my bedroom together, wearing the same clothes they’d arrived in. “I wanted to do it for you. I swear I did. But I just couldn’t.”

We stood together on my balcony where I gripped the railing with a burned down cigarette between my fingers, staring straight ahead, unable to face her. Ashley’s apology for my abusive behavior cut through me like an icy wind and her selfless attitude angered me. Why did she have to be like that? Why couldn’t she just be furious with me like any other woman would be? I’d rather her scream and spit in my face and call me a bastard and slam the door on her way out of my life forever. I deserved all of that and far worse. I flicked the butt over the balcony and spun around to face them.

“Stop apologizing all the time!” I yelled at her and she shrank back. “Jesus Christ, Ashley, that’s all you do is fucking apologize for everything and I can’t fucking take it anymore! You need to get the fuck away from me!”

“Stop yelling at her!” Courtney shouted, stepping forward to intercede, but I cut her off with a finger to her face and a menacing glare.

“Don’t fucking start with me, Courtney, or so help me god...”

I never saw it coming. The small fist flew out of nowhere and connected with my jaw. A punch not hard enough to knock me out, but enough to snap my head to the side and stun me. Ashley cradled her swelling hand with an angry scowl on her face and tears in her eyes.

“What is wrong with you?” she cried. “Why are you acting like this?”

My reticence to tell her the truth only fueled my anger and frustration. “Because this is who I am! Don’t you get it? I’ve always been like this. The person you met last week? He isn’t real. He doesn’t exist. Did you learn nothing? If it sounds too good to be true, that’s because it is!”

I pushed past her to try to get away from them, but they followed me inside. Ashley refused to give up on me.

“No! This isn’t you. I know you. You’re a good person. Something’s wrong. I can feel it. Something happened to you. Someone hurt you. Why won’t you talk to us about it. At least talk to me! Tell me who hurt you! Please!”

When I turned to face her, Ashley flinched and fell backwards onto the sofa. The muscles in my arms and chest bulged. My hands squeezed into fists so tight, my fingernails dug into my palms. I bared my teeth, and my voice sounded inhuman.

“Get away from me!” I snarled. “Don’t you understand? I’m an animal, Ashley! A fucking beast! A machine who’s only purpose in this life is to fuck!”

I took a menacing step toward her and Courtney threw her arms around Ashley to shield her from the attack she felt certain would come.

“You can never understand! None of you can! I’ve fucked my way from one end of this goddammed planet to the other, searching for the one woman who could withstand the full fury of my lust!” I pounded my chest with my fist. “This ... this carnal rage that burns me up inside, and now that I’ve found her, now that I’ve seen what kind of person she is, I want to die, because she’s the most vile, disgusting creature I’ve ever known, and I could never stand to be with her!”

“What are you talking about?” Ashley cried from her seat, her fearful eyes scanning my enraged face for some vestige of understanding. “Who is this woman you hate so much? Is she the one who hurt you? Tell me, please! Tell me who she is!”