A Lesson in Confidence

The four teens huddled together and conferred among themselves, occasionally glancing my way, before coming to an accord. They redistributed themselves onto the sectional and Courtney, as usual, spoke for the tribe.

“We want to know: what’s the best way to get a guy’s attention?”

I lifted my eyebrows and scratched my chin. Not exactly what I’d expected. “I don’t know,” I admitted after a moment’s thought. “It depends. Every guy’s different.” My response failed to satisfy, so I considered the question a little more.

“If I had to pick one thing that most guys would respond favorably to, I’d have to say confidence. Confidence is sexy as hell. There’s nothing more intriguing than a girl who’s self-assured.”

“Why?” Kayla asked.

“Because it shows that she’s comfortable with who she is. She trusts her judgment and isn’t afraid to go after what she wants.”

“Wouldn’t guys think a girl like that’s stuck up? Or a bitch or a slut or something?” Brittney asked.

“Some might, I guess. Guys who are fragile in their masculinity. But that only means that the assholes will have self-selected themselves out. You wouldn’t want to attract someone who thought that way, would you?”

She would not.

“So, how do we become more confident?” Ashley asked.

“You’re doing it right now. The fact that you’re here, sitting naked in a room with an equally naked man, trying to get what you want from him? That takes a lot of confidence.”

“It doesn’t feel like confidence,” she said dryly. “It feels like desperation.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry. It’s just, you’ve got a pretty dark sense of humor, you know that?”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny,” she said under her breath, and I laughed again.

“Then it must come naturally for you, I guess. Anyway, don’t think of confidence and desperation as being mutually exclusive. Being confident doesn’t mean you can’t desperately want something. It just means you have the courage to go after it and the belief that you can achieve it.

“Someone once told me: you never regret the things you’ve done; you only ever regret the things you didn’t do. If I had to distill the essence of confidence down to one thing, that would be it. Never regretting that you didn’t try. You ever see that movie, Conan the Destroyer? The second one.”

Brittney and Ashley nodded. They’d both seen it, but Kayla and Courtney hadn’t.

“There’s a scene where a girl asks this badass warrior chick how to attract a man. She asks her, if your heart’s set on someone, what would you do to get him? And the warrior chick says, ‘Grab him! And take him!’. And that right there is fucking confidence. Grabbing and taking what you want in life.”

Kayla and Courtney nodded their heads enthusiastically, and Brittney smiled recalling the scene, but Ashley expressed skepticism about my interpretation of the scene’s moral.

“That seems overly aggressive to me.”

“Why?”

“Just taking whatever you want? What if someone else got there first?”

“Competition’s a fact of life. It’d be great if every situation was a win-win, but it’s a little naïve to think that’ll always be the case.”

“I don’t think it’s naïve to want to be nice and let other people get what they want sometimes,” Ashley retorted, sounding a bit defensive.

“I get that, but there’s a cost to being nice, and when you’re constantly stepping aside to let other people get what they want, you risk ending up with nothing for yourself. And after a while, people stop waiting for you to get out of the way and just start walking right over top of you.”

She scrunched her brow and frowned as cognitive dissonance chipped away at the precarious foundation of her personal morality. I gave it another little nudge.

“Just because you’re being nice to someone, doesn’t mean you’re being good to them. They’re not the same thing. When you keep quiet and act submissive and constantly surrender to other people’s will, you’re not being a good person. Being a good person means confronting and dealing with people and issues directly, even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable.”

She shook her head, angered by the implication. “That’s a terrible thing to say. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to go along with what other people want. I actually care about how other people feel.”

Could she really be that naïve? I gave her a sympathetic smile and softened my voice. “Going along with what other people want isn’t a sign that you actually care about other people, Ashley. All it demonstrates is that you care more about what other people think of you which, when you really think about it, is actually pretty selfish.”

Ashley sat aghast with her mouth hanging open, but the only retort she could muster was a frustrated grunt. The other girls shifted their gaze away, not wanting to get involved or show support for either side. Everything I’d said to Ashley applied to them as well, but the impact must have been blunted somewhat since I’d addressed it directly to Ashley.

Understanding that I’d incensed her by upending her perception of how the world should work, I offered Ashley a simple challenge.

“I don’t pretend to have all of life’s answers. You asked me a question, and I gave you the best answer I could, based on what I know. If you disagree, show me how your approach has resulted in a favorable outcome for yourself, and I’ll happily admit I’m wrong and shut the fuck up.”

A muted voice and a knock at the slider door saved Ashley from having to respond.

“Ashley? You know this door isn’t supposed to be locked! Open it! Right now!”

The three naked girls scrambled for their clothes in a panic, but I held out my hand, bidding them to remain calm.

“Relax. I’ll handle this. This is our sanctuary. No one’s getting in, especially not that cunt.”

I went to the door and pulled the blinds aside, just enough to see Erin’s pudgy face on the other side of the glass.

“What do you want?” I asked, and she looked surprised to see me.

“You mind opening the door?”

“Why?”

She narrowed her eyes, but quickly got them under control and managed a defusing smile. “I want to talk. You got a second?

“No, I’m busy.”

Her smile faltered and her demeanor became icy. “Well, make time. I need to talk to you. Now.”