Episode 6: Babee Driver

“Oh, come on!”

Calliope Cruz was worn out enough without fighting a vending machine this early in the morning. All she wanted was a cream cheese danish. Having been snuck in the back entrance not many of the morning shift officers were here yet. The lingering night shift busy finalizing their own night of reports prevented sexual harassment. This gave a weary Calliope time for breakfast before starting her first officially approved day as Detective Pornstar.

“You’re not stealing my danish, Johnny Five.” She attempted to rock the vending machine to little avail. One it was too heavy for her to jolt loose her dangling by the coil danish packet and secondly, they had been bolted to the floor to prevent just that. A quick investigation later her first bit of detecting made her look around for onlookers. She knew she looked silly for not realizing they were bolted down, but then again acting out as her persona of Babee Ramirez 24/7 already had her looking like a clown. One devastatingly sex clown, however. With no other change in her tiny pink clutch purse, she kept in her locker Calliope knew she was screwed. Not off to a good day.

“Well, poop chute! You’re dangling by a thread Mrs. Bakers Best. Maybe I can reach you if I stick my hand up through the delivery slot.” Bending over she dared an infiltration. Not the smartest move yet again, but she was starving. Reaching up high her arm got lodged the second her elbow passed the lidded entry, eyes bulging at her predicament. Three attempts at retreat she cursed in Babee talk. “Why are you being so mean to me this early in the morning? What did Babee do to you?”

Hearing a gruff clearing of a man’s throat she looked up into the reflection glaring down at her in the plexiglass. Someone checking out her ass in all of its glory. Behind her stood an overweight slob dresser in a suit full of wrinkles and tie that didn’t even match his suit. He was Caucasian with a thin goatee only on his chin and slicked back hair greased to the gill.

“Hold my coffee, Cruz. I’m going in.” With Calliope still bent over he sat his coffee mug on the base of her spine while he fiddled in his pants pocket for change. By how long he was taking she just knew he was rubbing his dick and using the jingling change to mask his perverted attempt at being a ladies’ man.

“ROPER!!” Babee whined, “Your mugshot is hot.”

“Don’t I know it.” He chuckled, “Not as hot as your ass Detective Pornstar. This will only take a second. Patience!” If she were to crouch any lower the coffee would topple and burn her skin. Remaining deadly still she endured his inseam touching her ass. Yep! Roll of quarters in his pocket to accompany the penny’s envy.

A light pat on her bare bottom she narrowed her eyes. If Gabriel was going to hurt anyone it should be this fat fucker. She thanked the lord above that this man Frank Roper was chosen by Chief Donald Bettinger to be her best friend Burgundy’s new partner. Watching him pop quarters into the machine he selected the next in line on D3 to loosen up her danish. It and the second one toppled to her hand. Clutching one Calliope sighed, “You’re Mine!” If only she could get her arm out now.

“Pick you up for our date at 8:00.” Roper had a good laugh, “Thanks for holding my mug. See you in Bettinger’s office.” Another pat to her ass on the way out the disgusting man chuckled and left her in her compromising position.

“WAIT! Where are you going? Help me get my arm out. Call in a tactical team. Jaws of life. Anything!” In her earplug Bluetooth she heard chuckling that unnerved her worse than Roper.

“NOT THAT THE VIEW IS NOT LOVELY. ARE YOU GOING TO KNEEL THERE ALL MORNING DETECTIVE?”

“Ouchie! Why do you always have to yell at me Mister G? I’m right here! Up to my elbow in paperwork. Wax paper that is.” Belly growling, she pouted, “My danish is mocking me.”

“WELL, YOU ARE BREAKING AND ENTERING. ISN’T THAT ILLEGAL?”

“Bite me, Gabby! I paid for the stupid danish.” She used her free hand to catch the fallen pastry and opened it with her teeth. That first bite was heavenly.

“I DO HOPE IT WAS WORTH THE HUMILIATION.”

“It can’t be any worse than parading around town wearing only stiletto heels.” Mouth full her words were mumbled. “Oh, my Gosh! Soooo goood!”

“YOU ARE A MUCH TASTIER DANISH IN MOST MEN’S EYES, BABEE RAMIREZ.”

“I’m not Danish. I’m Puerto Rican.” Babee nibbled another bite. In her hunger she heard the breakroom door open again. Looking to see who it was through the vending machine plexiglass she spotted a multitude of new officers entering. Every damn one of the men rubbed their chin as if coached. “Don’t just stand there drooling over my butt. Get me out of this thing.”

“We’re processing!” Officer Mick Harris tilted his head from side to side eyeballing her adorable butt pucker behind a micro thin pink G-string band. “Do we put our change in that slot or this slot?” Slut even! Unspoken but they all thought the same thing. Whether they loved who Calliope was deep down they were men and men always called it how their dicks said things.

Officer Kyle Wiggins rapped his knuckles over Mick’s bicep to shut him down then moved behind her. “Finally, a true Gentleman.” Gripping her hips Kyle instead peeled her G-string down over her ass and dry humped her. The officers all chuckled. “Blame this on the G-String Man.” Gabriel! “He just sent us a text to torment you.”

“When I said get me out of this, I didn’t mean my G-string Wiggins. My arm’s stuck up here.”

“Relax Cruz!” Officer Milton Burke chimed in, “We’re just having some fun at your expense. Gabriel induced, but chances are we’d have still done that without his threat. Beautiful pussy though, sorry I missed it at that roll call, I took a vacation day. My wife and I had a baby boy. I’m a daddy.”

“Awwww! Give me a cigar Big Daddy.” She bulged her eyes. “You know what I mean. Congrats!”

“Thanks. I don’t know how you do this running nude so freely thing.” Milton crouched next to her looking up into the vending machine door then down through the glass itself. Once surveying the best rescue plan, he began to take it to task.

“Babee doesn’t have much choice. At least Gabby let me wear my G-string.” She felt his hand probing around to carefully remove her elbow.

“Little pressure here CC. Bite the bullet!” Her pastry sufficed!

Once her elbow was forced beyond an interior ledge it dislodged and she was able to drag her arm out. A scratch on her elbow Milton looked it over, “Nothing a Hello Kitty band-aid won’t take care of. Not kissing your boo boo! If I did, I doubt I’d stop kissing there. Don’t tell the wife I don’t need child support at two days old.”

Waving her released arm about for circulation she retrieved the second danish from the dispenser and handed it to Milton. “Breakfast on Babee! Me, not yours! My hero. His too I’m certain.” Awww! He took the pastry and helped her to her feet. Teetering in her stilettos the other officers caught her balance for her. Wiggins even pulled her G-string up and gave her a wedgy, right up her cunt. “Yay! My day is on the upswing.”

“I can’t leave you alone for five minutes.”

“Burgundy...” Calliope brightened up greedily eating her danish and licking the icing off of her lips somewhat seductively. The other officers getting coffee began murmuring about her tongue. That made her turn and lick her lips more seductively. “Danish yummy.” She winked. The laughs were met with respect. Styrofoam cups of coffee were lifted in her honor.

“Come on Hostess Twinkie. We need a minute.” Burgundy dragged her out of the breakroom her heels clattering on the tile. Leading her by hand into a broom closet for a quiet camera free moment she paused CC from saying anything. Taking out a pocket-sized notepad Burgundy maintained a finger to her lips. Calliope understood. Her choker and her Bluetooth earpiece were the terrorist Gabriel’s choice in close encounter listening. CC chewed her sweet roll louder for effect.

Showing her the writing on the pad she gave CC her first chance at knowledge in the case of Gabriel. The page read, “Virgil Kaminski is our shooter. He’s on the run but left an apology note saying he had no choice due to Gabriel. His GF Cassie Malloy is a stripper at Siren Says men’s club, she vanished shortly after. No traces of credit card usage or cellphone tracking. They probably tossed both away for safety. We’re guessing the GF had a bunch of cash from dancing to tide them over. I’ll meet you here in the Broomcave when I can offer you more info.”

Calliope nodded with a wink. She then handed Burgundy her danish and swipes her pad and pen to jot down a name and address in Puerto Rico. Burgundy connected the dots and mouthed the word “MOM?” Nodding CC added more in ink “Get her to safety without Gabriel knowing. Find a courier or something. Tell mommy to go into hiding. Uncle Martin maybe. No contact with the outside world until I can catch G.”

After stealing a bite of CC’s danish Burgundy winked back and opened the door. Both of the girls were caught with icing on their lips.

“Are you two done making out in the closet?” Detective Luis Santos leaned against the wall next to the door, other officers watching them with interest. In a bold move Calliope grabbed Burgundy and kissed her hard on the lips. Licking around her mouth capturing icing. Burgundy rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Sugar high.” Babee giggled before pecking Burgundy on the tip of her nose. God, Burgundy loved her friend. Feelings were mutual. Neither were Bi. Definitely not gay. All in good clean fun. Sticky lips regardless.

Detective Roper nudged his way through the gauntlet of testosterone grumbling, “Roll call people. That includes Godiva and Chocolate.” Frank Roper was a serious douchebag, but he was one of the best detectives Dade County had. As the gathering dispersed in favor of the conference chamber Burgundy Jones pointed at Roper.

“Godiva and Chocolate? Racist much Frank?”

“Nope! Like Starsky and Hutch. How sweet it is.” He slapped both of them on the ass as he stepped between them. Burgundy doubled up her fist in anger until Calliope stopped her. She then called out. “Frankie Panky? I like playing games too. You slap my ass, I slap yours.”

She caught up to him in an amusing run in her stilettos as he stopped to stick his ass out chuckling. “Go for it, Princess Cruz.”

Instead, she slapped him across the face. He looked stunned. “Ooooh! Left cheek. Right cheek for Burgundy.” Another slap reddens his opposite cheek.

“That wasn’t my ass, Cruz.”

“Could have fooled Babee!” She wiped the corners of his mouth with her thumbs smearing icing. “How sweet I am!” A sheepish giggle she tweaked his nose. “No butts about it, now we’re even. Shall we head inside? The room, not me!” She cradled his arm like a giddy girlfriend and encouraged him into the conference room. Once inside they parted ways. Roper was suddenly glad he was being partnered up with Burgundy. His blood pressure couldn’t handle seeing Calliope nude every second of his day. He knew sooner or later her G-string and pinned badge would be coming off. As fun as that was going to be he hid his intimidation well.

Taking seats Calliope hopped into the lap of Luis and nestled in over his erection. He bulged his eyes as everyone chuckled at his expense. Burgundy beside them had to roll her eyes. A favorite move for the annoyed.

As Chief Donald Bettinger joined Sergeant Martin Bydweider at the dais the room ceased their laughter. Before either could begin talking an officer coughed up, “Who gets Cruz first this morning?” He was eager to tap her ass.

“Not today. I’ll say this only once, enough of what happened yesterday. I refuse to let this mockery control my house. So, if you’re listening in Gabriel, what goes forward needs to be based on compromise. I need my house back. What you force Detective Cruz to do outside is between you two. My people cannot lose focus on their job. That is protecting the citizens of this city. That said, roll call Sergeant.”

Bydweider made it quick. A round of names recognized he turned things back over to Bettinger, Martin merely stepping back until he could run through the day’s itinerary. Case files and other information would be shared with the officers before cutting them loose.

“First things first. Calliope? Please get off of Detective Santos lap.”

“But I like it here, Donny. He’s bouncing me on his knee. Oh, wait! That’s not his knee.” Babee giggled and moves over to sit on Burgundy’s lap. Burgundy looked up at her with a glare. “Oopsie! Is this seat taken?” CC moved one more over to an empty seat. “Sowwy, Donny.”

Bettinger refused to laugh. Lord, he wanted to. After dealing with his wife Allison at home who watched the Nightly News fiasco the past evening, she had a hundred questions he couldn’t answer. That made her distant. He ended up on the sofa until morning.

“Alright. The Sergeant here will get into specifics, but I’ll open this meeting up with this. After yesterday’s roll call it came to our attention of a few bad cops in our department. If you notice them missing, it’s because I suspended them pending investigation. I need to make myself 100% clear. I WILL NOT HAVE DIRTY COPS IN MY HOUSE. If any of you are hiding still, you will be weeded out. Come forward and talk to me in private and I’ll consider working things out. Depending of course upon your offenses. Restitution will be expected if there is dirty money involved. Understood?” Bettinger surveyed his people with scrutiny knowing poker faces well. He shied away from Calliope who hesitantly raised her hand. She wouldn’t put it down. Pinching the bridge of a brewing migraine he had to ask, “What is it, Cruz?”

“Well! Technically speaking ... I’m a dirty cop. Really, really dirty.” She offered a seductive voice while squeezing her bare monster tits together. Her actions led to chattering laughter. “Can I come in your office? I mean come to your office?” She batted her eyelashes.

“Don’t test my patience before my morning booze.” He winced.

“Okiee!” She giggles. “Is that a no? I wouldn’t mind a nip or two.” Pinching her nipples, she knew everyone else wanted to be drinking buddies.

“MOONSHINE JUGS!” Wiggins coughed into his hand. It was hell not laughing but everyone managed. Bettinger couldn’t even reply he simply turned it over to Martin.

Sargent Bydweider stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Morning people. Our top priority today is finding out why so many high-end vehicles have come up missing in the last two weeks. Two Ferrari’s and a Lamb were stolen Tuesday. A pair of Escalades on Thursday. First edition classic cars. Even some Harleys. Keep your eyes open.”

A cellphone ringing with the song Baby by Justin Beiber filled the air forcing Bydweider to pause and wince at its location. Sure enough, it was Calliope. She flared her eyes with a sheepish smile as she dug her cell out of her pink clutch purse. Shutting off the song she cringed, “Sowwy! Speaking of missing cars, it’s my insurance company. I’ll just call them back.” They knew her car was blown up by the terrorist Gabriel when he first arrived in their midst. Regardless, snickering was heard. She was taking this Babee business too seriously, but again, Gabriel demanded her to live out her life in Babee mode. Big fan! Having a song called Baby as her ringtone? Too funny!

“As I was saying.” Bydweider glared as she shut her cell off and hid it away. “We have a missing person today.” He used a handheld remote to place a photograph on the wall via projector. “This young lady is Missy Carrera. Age 22. Last seen wearing a red dress with a black belt around her waist. Missy is 5 foot 5, 120 pounds. A student at Everglades University. She went missing six days ago. Her parents are worried sick as you can imagine. The last person to see her was her dorm sister Susan Kenner. Detectives Jones and Roper? Since you two are now partners I’ll commit you to investigating her whereabouts.” He passed the file on Missy Carrera to Roper who grimaced at working with the scrappy ebony goddess. Better her than Cruz though. He didn’t need the headache.

“Third up.” Bydweider switched to Calliope. “Cruz? Dare I give you this case? There has been a street racing ring causing chaos all over Miami.”

“Maybe they’re racing the Lamberdinky and the missing FURrari’s.” Babee meekly offered insight.

“That’s not the worst possible thing to come out of your mouth Detective.” The Sarge puckered.

“Or in it.” A male officer chuckles.

“Plenty of VROOM VROOM in there.” Another added creating laughter. “Whole lot of Whorespower!”

“INME 500!”

“That’s enough egging them on Cruz.” Bettinger pepped up.

As things grew quiet the door to the conference room opened up and all eyes dared to look at the new entrant. In stepped the biggest black man in the Precinct. Standing at 6’5, 280 pounds of muscle he was certainly imposing. Bald with a well-groomed goatee, wearing a fancy black suit and cream-colored pullover shirt beneath it, the women cooed. The men daunted.

“About time you showed up, Detective Mosley.” Bettinger scowled. Dre Mosley was always late. Worth it though. His skills were top notch. Seeing him Burgundy Jones leaned over to Calliope with awe, “I’ll trade you partners.”

“I don’t think so. I like big dicks.” Babee giggled brushing shoulders with her friend.

“Floozy.”

“Hey! Detectives are called Dicks.”

“No Private Investigators are called Dicks.” Burgundy whispered while snickering.

“Oh! I still like big dicks.” Calliope straightened up staring at Bettinger with a smirk.

“Of course, you do.”

“He can investigate my privates any day.”

“At least we agree on something. He can Mosley on over here and give it to me.”

“Alright people. Composure please.” Bydweider insisted. “Cruz? You and Mosley are partnering up. Considering your unique situation Detective Mosley is the best candidate to keep you safe should the need arise.”

“We all know things will arise.” Yet another officer dared to chime in.

Mosley standing tall against the wall with his wrists held in front of him appeared more of a bouncer than a Detective. He didn’t smile or react negatively toward being teamed with Calliope. Nor did he express interest in her. He was merely a statue.

“That’s all people I currently have. Get out there and keep the peace.” Bydweider and Bettinger watched as the room filed out. Bettinger then took the file on the street racing ring out and handed it to Dre Mosley. Motioning Calliope to join them as the atmosphere became less entangled, she shuffled like a bimbo to his side. Posture perfect she made certain her monster breasts were right up in his face.

“Knock it off!” Donald swatted the file over her tit. “Andre? I know you will keep Cruz here safe. I realize this is a burden considering Gabriel’s insistence on her being naked on duty but what choice do I have. I have to keep her out there or force Gabriel’s hand. Just work together as best you can.”

“Hi Dre. Boy you’re big.” CC attempted to touch his bicep but reeled back hesitantly. He respectfully nodded at her retreat. She fidgets then stretches her arms wide bulging her chest up, “What? No comments on my being a big girl? I can shake care of myself.” Take!

“Keeping it professional Detective ... Pornstar.”

“By the book? Is it Playboy? Hustler?” Dre scowled at Bettinger. “Sowwy! Just curious.”

“Calliope?” Donald lowered his gaze and corrected himself, “Babee? Dre understands how difficult it is for you not to portray Babee Ramirez. Thanks to Gabriel your kiddy voice and humor is required. He’s prepared for you. Do your worst as Babee, do your best as Calliope. It’s all any of us ask.”

“I’m on your side Babee.” Dre acknowledged with a deep gravelly voice and dedicated eyes.

“Donny, I need to call my insurance company. I need a car. Being chauffeured back and forth is no fun. You can’t keep...”

“Babeeing you?” Bettinger cocked a brow.

“Right! I need my independence. Even at home I’m being a dirty little cop.”

“We’ve heard. Gabriel isn’t giving any of us the chance to do the right thing. Let’s just make the best of this and figure out how to catch this guy.”

“We will catch this, Gabriel.” Dre looked at Calliope with sincerity.

Bydweider stepped back in with an urgent glint in his eye. “You might want to watch the morning news.” He reclaimed his remote and turned on a mounted television. All eyes went to CNN reporters.

“Ooo! It’s Anderson Pooper.” Babee snickered. “Anyone notice CNN could stand for SINNIN’?”

“Not now Babee.” Bettinger clamped a palm over her mouth.

“Late breaking news from both Florida and Washington DC, a terrorist calling himself Gabriel has taken 5 lives thus far in the Sunshine State. Dade County detective, Calliope Cruz became subject to this Gabriel’s demands. Beware the video we are about to show you. Under Federal Law we are required to blur out certain content but...” Anderson hesitated listening through his earpiece, “A first for this network! FCC involuntarily approved; CNN will now show you the unedited unmasked version of last night’s events with Florida Governor Jae Busch. We ask you to understand that this network is merely cooperating with authorities. The terrorist Gabriel has issued deadly repercussions should anything concerning Detective Cruz be edited. The President will have a press conference later in the day to express his concerns and to safeguard the public. We ask you not to panic. Authorities have communicated with Washington to obtain permission in allowing Detective Cruz to perform her duties as Gabriel has demanded. We owe this woman our deepest gratitude. As I’ve said be prepared for what you are about to see. We will ask that you keep your children from viewing this. We will pause a moment to allow you to ready yourself before watching.” Anderson stared off into a void for two solid minutes before returning to his audience. “Here is the footage acquired from Dade County.”