Chapter 8

Dealing with Fuckboys...

Cellphone service while deployed was sketchy. There were times it worked and times it didn’t but we had access to a system that allowed us to call home. After dinner, I went to the area and made a video call to my loving husband.

“I miss you so much, damn babe it’s only been a week. I can’t take this,” Warren admitted to me. Hearing the distress in his voice made my heart ache.

I smiled, “I miss you too. So much.”

“Y’all been busy out there?”

“It’s not a lot of activity. I’m far enough away from the action. Hoping to get a chance to go on one of these little trips to buy some stuff at the local market.”

“Don’t worry about bringing nothing home. All I want is you.”

“Nothing will happen. We’ll be with a guide.”

“Just stay alert. You know stuff can pop off at any moment.”

“I know babe.”

We talked a little longer and then I headed back to my room. I saw Kelly, “Hey, what’s up?”

He pulled my hand and we went for a walk, “I keep thinking about that day you came to visit me in New Mexico just out of the blue. What made you do that?”

I shrugged, “I missed you I suppose.”

He stopped in his tracks, “I messed up.” His eyes shined on me sweetly, “when you came back and we, you know—”

“Yeah, I know what we did. It shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have returned.”

He held my hands, “No, you came because you still loved me and I loved you too. Our love was so strong that we made love that night and I have not stopped thinking about us. I mean I’m happy with my wife and son but I keep wondering—”

“I was pregnant.”

The earth seemed as if it stopped moving. His eyes squinted, “Oh fuck, Jackie, what are you saying?”

My eyes watered as he looked at me with hurt, “I returned because I was pregnant. I was going to tell you but—”

I saw tears fall from his eyes.

“I’m sorry. When you said that you were getting married, I just—”

“Damn, I wish you would have told me.”

“I understand if you never want to speak to me again.”

He shook his head and pulled me close. We shared a deep hug that two friends with nothing but respect and love would share as we comforted one another. “I think I messed up, it’s probably why I can’t have kids now,” I said as I stepped back.

He touched my chin, “No, you know better than that.”

“I don’t actually. All I know is how I feel right now and that’s like a failure. I know he wants kids. I just hope he doesn’t wake up one day hating because I couldn’t give them to him.”

He hugged me again and kissed the top of my head, “It’s okay Wilkes.”

“It’s Wilson.”

“You’ll always be my Wilkes.”

I chuckled through my pain as he held me close.

As I sat in my room, my mind ran wild with what could have been if I had said something but my thoughts were interrupted when I heard voices by the widow. It was early in the morning around 1:00 am. I heard Ro say, “So what was all that shit you were talking about? You were going to get transferred to Florida so we could be closer.?”

He chuckled, “Come on Hernandez, look at me.”

“I am looking at you ... just a pretty fuckboy with community dick and slick words.”

It was at that time; I left my bed and was at the door. I opened it just in time to witness him grab the lapels on her uniform. I cleared my throat and said, “Is there a problem?”

His eyes cut into me but he saw how I approached him with a mini bat in hand. He released her and chuckled, “And what are you supposed to do?”

“By myself ... not much but together we will whip your mother fucking ass, try it.”

He stepped back, “Hey yo, fuck both of y’all. Easy bitches.”

“Yo momma was a ho too, remember that.”

He gave us the finger before walking away. I looked at her and she had to smirk, “You called his momma a ho.”

I laughed, “She is a ho and so is his daddy.”

We went into our room. She commenced to remove her uniform, “Fuck, I don’t even feel like taking a shower,” she said in a depressed tone.

“Um, you gone wash your ass whether you feel like it or not. Don’t let that fool disturb your spirit.”

“I should have listened to you. He was just a fuckboy and now he’s fucking that Garcia chick,” she said with her eyes watering, “and worst of all, I don’t think it’s going t work out with me and Diego. I can’t take him constantly leaving me with our son. I get lonely I need my man home with me.”

I hugged her, “He did say he’d slow down.”

She sucked her teeth, “He’s already accepted a six-month tour to Korea starting in December. Like what the fuck?”

“I’m sorry. Maybe it’s the last one.”

“That’s what he said the last three times. He keeps leaving. Are we not enough for him?”

“Don’t say that. You mean everything to him. That’s why he works so hard.”

“No. He does that shit for himself. He likes feeling like the big man that everyone can count on.”

All I could do was hold her. Spouses sign up for the military too, it didn’t make it easier that she was also a member of the service. All she knew was she needed her man and he wasn’t available to her. That was real shit. My mother went through it and I felt it as well as a dependent when my father was deployed.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” I allowed her to vent. I didn’t say anything. She needed to get it all off her chest. And she did that night. Afterward, she got in the shower. By the time she finished I was nearly dosing off but she got into the twin-sized bed with me. I laughed.

“I’m going to switch with the other supply person. I want to work mornings with you.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“It won’t disturb anything you have going on?” she asked as she nudged me playfully.

I chuckled, “Um, ma’am the only person that comes into this room besides me is you.”

“Come on Jackie, spill the tea.”

“There’s no tea to spill. I mean. I did tell him about the baby.”

“Girl. Shut the front door! What did he say?”

“That he wished I would have said something.”

“So ... that means, girl, how do you feel?”

At that moment, I contemplated if I should let the words fall out of my mouth. I took a deep breath, “I don’t know.”

“Jackie, I just spilled my whole world to you. Come on, no judgments.”

I smiled, “Part of me will always love Kelly. I never thought about marriage and kids before meeting a guy like him. When I went back to tell him about the baby, part of me was so scared after finding out about his engagement with his ex-girlfriend. I wondered if what we had was strong enough for him to choose me. And now that I’m sitting here knowing that it would have, it kills me. And don’t get me wrong, I love Warren to pieces but I also feel like I’m letting him down.”

She hugged me, “Come here crazy, you’re not letting him down. That man loves him some you. I wish Diego put me above everything like Warren does for you.”

We fell asleep. That morning, I got up to get ready for work. And she requested to have her shift changed but it would take a few days to get approved.

Things had quieted down by the second week of September. I didn’t get any more scowls from Corporal McMann and his band of bumbling dickheads, Ro and I were back to normal, and she had let the idea of leaving her husband go.