Chapter 16

I left the doctor’s office. I had a plan of attack ... chemo for the next four to six months. My hair would fall out, I would lose weight, and I’d be nauseous and have headaches but in the end, if treatment was successful, I’d live.

I scheduled a meeting with Ro and my sister Silvia at 5:00 pm. We met at a coffee house. We sat in the back corner of the shop. I expressed my concerns about Warren. Silvia was at a loss. Ro defended him, “Why would you think he’d do that to you Jackie?” she asked.

“Because I know. I can sense something is off with him and it has been. And that phone call last night just proves it.”

She sucked her teeth, “The man told you it was one of his troops.”

“His troop my ass. It was on the tip of his tongue; he was about to confess but he changed his mind.”

She shook her head, “You and all this supernatural stuff, chakras and worshiping ancestors—”

“I don’t worship my ancestors. I honor them. There’s a difference.”

“Jackie is right—”

“Of course, you’d say that,” rebutted Ro.

“I’m just saying, Jackie, is usually right about her gut feelings.”

Ro took a deep breath, “Um, so who do you suppose he’s fucking?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe one of his troops, which would be fucked up because it would cost him his career.”

“Jackie doesn’t need this emotional stress right now. She going to need a support system.”

Ro’s face morphed into a question mark, “What is she talking about? She acts like you’re about to die or something.”

It was quiet. I could see the expression on her face morph into turmoil when she noticed we weren’t laughing or smiling, “Jackie?” her voice trembled.

“I found out that I have breast cancer.”

“That’s crazy. What?”

I nodded, “I start treatment in two days.”

Her eyes welled with tears, “No. No. No.”

“I’ll be okay. I just need my two sisters to be there for me as I go through this.”

“Does Warren know?”

I shook my head, “Don’t tell him. I’m going to go stay with my sister for a little while.”

“Jackie? You can’t—”

“I can. He made his decision. Let him focus on fucking his side piece. Maybe he shouldn’t know. I wouldn’t want him to feel obligated to stay with me out of pity.”

She couldn’t stop crying. I got up and hugged her, “You stop all this crying. I’m not going to die. I’m going to beat this. Okay.”

She sniffled as her tears stopped, “Okay. Okay. I just feel so terrible.”

“Don’t. I’ll be okay.”

I left the house. No explanation. I just left. He called my phone but I blocked him. I needed time to focus on my health, not his lies and bullshit. After my first treatment, I returned to my sister’s home. I was nauseous and weak; I didn’t have an appetite. All I wanted to do was rest.

There was a loud banging at the front door. I knew it was him. I heard his voice speaking over my sister’s voice demanding to see me. He called my name and found me in one of the bedrooms as I lay recouping from the procedure, “Jackie, what the hell is going on?” he asked with concern as he came to the side of the bed.

My sister walked into the room, “Sorry Jackie.”

I nodded. She left us alone. He stared at me, “What happened? I went to your office today, and they said you were on leave for the rest of the week.”

“I just had chemo,” I replied shakily.

It looked like someone had punched the wind right out of him. He shook his head, “Chemo? Wait.”

“I have breast cancer.”

He walked over and touched my hand, “Breast cancer?”

I pulled my hand from him, “Yes. I’ll be okay though. Don’t worry.”

“What do you mean? You’re my wife. I am worried.”

“I know that our relationship has been hard on you. This is not what you signed up for. I’m releasing you.”

Tears streamed down his face, “Jackie, I fucked up,” he nodded repeatedly, “I fucked up but I swear to you I don’t love that person. I love you. I love you.”

I heard a throat clear. We looked and saw Ro holding a plant as she stood by the door, “I brought something to cheer you up. I know how you like plants,” she said as she walked over and kissed me. She placed the plant on the nightstand, “I see you’re here,” she said to Warren.

“She’s my wife, of course, I’m here.”

She scoffed, “She might not be for long.”

“Do you mind?” he snapped at her.

“Fine, I was just checking on my girl.” We watched as she left. He turned and looked back at me, “It didn’t mean anything.”

I hated it when people would say “it didn’t mean anything.” What the fuck is that supposed to do for the person you’re confessing it to? “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I asked with an attitude.

He shook his head, “No. it was just—”

“I know. You just knew that I had fucked Kelly so you used that as an excuse to let your dick roam. I get it.”

“We can get through this. Your mom and dad are a testament to that. All we have to do is—”

I shook my head, “No.”

“Come on Jackie, please. I swear to you I’m team—”

“Fuck Team us. I’m on team Jackie right now. I can’t manage your bullshit while I’m fighting for my fucking life Warren. I just can’t accommodate you right now. Please just leave.”

“I’m not giving up on us. I’m not,” he said as he left the bedroom.

My sister came and sat with me. “It’s going to be okay,” she said as he strummed the top of my head.

Once my mother got wind that Warren and I split up and that I had cancer, she arrived on the scene. It wasn’t easy for her to show up at Silvia’s house and ask to see me. It forced her to acknowledge my sister. Of course, she forbade my father to come.

I was doing better after a week. I wasn’t one hundred percent but I was mobile. It was hard telling my mind that my body that it needed to move slower. I wasn’t quite where I wanted to be physically. I was used to moving swiftly with ease.

My mother sat on the sofa. My sister left us in the living room to talk. She sighed as she eyed me. I could feel it coming, the sermon. Her mouth opened, “You’ve always been such a dramatic child.”

“I’m sorry about getting cancer and making your life so miserable.”

She sucked her teeth, “Not that. You’re my only child, you don’t think this bothers me? That it hurts.”

I remained silent. I knew it couldn’t have been easy seeing me weak when she raised me to be so strong. “Why not go home? Work on things—”

“No. I’m not just running back to him. If I do, he’ll end up having three kids on me with another woman.”

Her jaws clenched. I could tell she wanted to slap the shit out of me. I repented immediately. “I’m sorry. I just can’t. He needs to understand that what he did was unacceptable. He will not have me looking like a fool.”

“I’m not as soft as you think I am. I put my foot down with your father. I stayed for you. I wanted you to have your father.”

I hugged her, “Come on mom, let’s not do this. I love you. And I don’t think you’re weak. You’re the strongest woman I know. You had to be to put up with my dad’s stuff. I appreciate what you did for me but I would not have faulted you if you would have left him to secure your peace and sanity.”

She nodded and then her hands touched my face, “I love your dad. I always have. Sometimes the people we love do things and we just have to look to God—”

I was already moving my head left and right, “No, I can’t. I can’t listen to some biblical reasoning as to why I the woman have to suffer long and be forgiving and obedient to a man that shit on our relationship. Those same men that preach those sermons go out and fuck around on their wives but I promise you if their wives stepped out on them, they’d sing a different tune.”

She nodded, “I just know how much you two love each other. I don’t want you to feel like you have to let a good man go for a mistake just because you’re trying to prove a point.”

That stung a little. I was trying to prove a point. That no man will fuck over me and just roll back into my life. I would not be that woman. If I forgave him, it would be on my terms ... not his.