Chapter 26: In Through the Out Door

Shari and Onni had gone out into her backyard to enjoy the unusually warm weather. After a number of trips to a dermatologist and to a family counselor who worked with young adults, she was starting to feel better about herself.

Twice a day, she was treating her vitiligo with a prescription cream called ruxolitinib. She was advised that the process of re-pigmentation in her lower abdomen would take weeks, even months. But Shari was definitely hopeful and believed she was already seeing some improvement.

Vaginally speaking, Shari was completely healed from what started as, perhaps, an “overuse” injury. She had gone from zero to sixty to zero in the course of a couple of days. But now, she was comfortable. Onni had gone out of his way to make sure Shari felt relaxed.

“Onni, I need to tell you something. I’m sorry, you’re going to be disappointed with me.”

“I doubt it. Please, just tell me.”

“I don’t think we are working out. Onni, you are obsessed, and I’m just not willing to put up with it anymore.”

“You mean the butt sex, don’t you.”

“It’s more than that. Honestly, you lose focus. Your mother, your sister, my mother, and me. Your eyes are fastened on our asses. You get hard, you don’t complete sentences, you’re just distracted. My period is starting in a few days, and I’m going to have issues, maybe even diarrhea. With me, that happens a lot, actually.

“I really don’t want you nosing around back there when I feel icky and sticky and crampy and crappy. And I am 100% convinced you’ll simply wander off and poke some other asshole until I’m ready to entertain you again.”

“Shari! Oh, I’m sorry! You’re right, I am obsessed. What can I do to make you feel better?”

“Look, it’s fine. I’m just not going to be very sexy for the next week or so. But after that, I think we have to just be friends. No benefits. You and I just need to find better partners.”

“Oh, Shari, I want to say ‘better’ is not the right word. I might find someone who is more compatible. But I can’t imagine a better person than Shari Morneau. Your brother goes on and on about you.”

“He does?”

“Yeah. We’re down in my basement gym all grunting and sweaty, and Curtis is all, ‘Shari did this’ and ‘Shari did that’ and ‘that college grant came through for her’ and ‘did you see that drawing she made?’ He’s all sappy in love with my sister, but he’s fucking proud of you.”

“Curtis has always been so supportive. I’m going to miss you, Onni, and Anja, but most of all, not being around Curtis is really going to be hard on me.”

“Tell me again, where are you going?”

“North Carolina, Duke, Virginia, and Vanderbilt all made me tempting offers, but I finally settled on Virginia at Charlottesville. Mostly because I have a cousin living in Richmond. That’s just an hour away on I-64.”

“That makes sense. I’m already thinking about how I will be missing you, Shari. Virginia is so far from here.”

“Oh, Onni, I’m going to miss you too. And, despite what I’ve been saying today, I’m going to miss backing my ass onto your long and skinny pole. To be honest, I’ve been thinking that for today, I DO want you deep in my ass. Sort of, going out with a bang. I’m going to go inside to the bathroom and get ready for you, OK?”