Chapter 66

My eyes lazily opened and I stared up at the ceiling in the predawn darkness. I felt great. It had been the best night’s sleep I had in a long time. I stretched, extending my arms over my head and curling my toes. My arm bumped into Paul. I turned, hoping I hadn’t awoken him.

I gasped.

Lying next to me was Kirk. On his side with his eyes open, watching me.

“Where am I?” I shouted.

Disoriented and confused, I bolted upright and swung my legs over the side of the bed. But I didn’t jump out. It all came back to me. I looked around the bedroom to confirm it wasn’t mine. That’s why it wasn’t Paul in bed with me. I looked over my shoulder at Kirk.

“Are you regretting it?” Kirk asked with a worried look.

“No, but I can’t be here. I didn’t go home. What time is it? What is Paul going to think?”

“I didn’t mean for us to fall asleep,” Kirk said. “I’m sorry, but I can’t undo that.”

“What should I do?”

“Move in with me.”

“What! I mean now. What am I going to tell Paul?”

“Does that mean you will move in with me?”

“I’m married. I have a husband.”

“I thought we discussed that yesterday. Do you want to remain in your marriage?”

“I don’t know. But I have to do something now. Paul must be worried. What should I do?”

“Take a shower,” Kirk said.

“Huh?”

“You smell of sex. I don’t think that’s how you want to be when you talk to your husband. And I came inside you. I assumed that was okay since you can’t get pregnant.”

“Yes, yes, it’s okay! I mean— I don’t know what I mean.”

“Take a deep breath and let the air out slowly. Clear your mind. Take the shower. It’ll give you time to think.”

I knew where the shower was. My apartment was identical to Kirk’s. I jumped out of bed—Kirk’s bed—and ran to the shower. I felt his eyes on my naked butt as I ran from the room.

I turned the shower on and, while waiting for the water to warm, I looked around. Kirk’s stuff was on a shelf by the sink. I picked up his hairbrush, brought it to my nose, and inhaled. It smelled like Kirk. I fingered his razor and held the handle against my cheek. I sighed before putting it down. The steam coming from the shower told me the water was hot so I reached in and adjusted it to my liking.

The only thing I brought with me to Kirk’s apartment was my robe. I didn’t have anything to pin my hair up and surely didn’t have time to dry it, so I was careful not to get it wet in the shower. I aimed the shower head below my breasts and washed the best I could. I was able to wash the sweat off me, mine and Kirk’s, and spent plenty of time scrubbing my pubic hair and pussy and inner thighs. The fact that I was using Kirk’s soap, the same soap he used on his body and face, sent a chill through me.

When I finished and dried myself off, the ends of my hair were damp, but not noticeably. I went to the living room where I located my robe still on the couch and put it on. I guess Kirk had heard me. He joined me in the living room. He was still naked.

“Will you be okay?” Kirk asked.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t make any rash decisions. Think about what we talked about. If you need to talk, I’m here for you. And my offer to move in with me stands. You know how I feel about you.”

“This is crazy. I’m married.”

“That’s what I want you to think about.”

“But what about Paul? He must be out of his mind with worry.”

“Then you better go talk to him,” Kirk said.

“What will I say?”

“You’ll think of something.”

I left Kirk’s apartment and walked through the deserted hallway to mine, two apartments away. With my hand on the doorknob, I took a deep breath, held it, and then let it out. Maybe I could sneak into bed and Paul wouldn’t be any the wiser. I turned the knob. The door was locked. I had left it unlocked when I fled earlier. Shit! I hadn’t brought my key. I hadn’t brought anything except the robe I was wearing. I tried the door again.

Still locked.

I had no choice. I knocked on the door and waited. Hardly breathing, I waited and waited. I raised my fist to knock on the door again when it swung open. Paul stood there staring at me.

“Where have you been?” he asked in a panic.

“Can I come in?”

“What? Yes. Of course.”

Paul stepped to the side and I walked into my apartment. He closed the door. I stood there with my eyes lowered.

“Julie, where were you? I went looking for you, but didn’t know where to look. I came back thinking maybe you were here, but you weren’t. I sat down and I guess I fell asleep. You woke me when you knocked on the door.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Don’t be. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.”

“I meant about leaving.”

“Why’d you leave? Where’d you go?”

“I was angry. I don’t even remember what about. So I ran out of here.”

“But where’d you go?”

“I just wandered around.”

“Dressed like that!”

“I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

“Well, you’re back and that’s all that matters,” Paul said. “I better get ready for work.”

That was it? Paul left it at that? He thought I was walking around the streets in nothing but a robe in the middle of the night and that was okay with him? And after I had been so angry to run out of the apartment in only my robe, he didn’t want to talk about it? Work was more important?

Those questions filled my mind as Paul showered and dressed for work. I was sitting at the dinette table drinking coffee when he was finished. He kissed me on the forehead and left.

Thoughts about Paul and my life flooded my mind as I sipped my coffee. And thoughts about Kirk and what he had said in his apartment. I finished the coffee, washed the cup, and put it away. I was unusually calm.

Then I got dressed and packed all my belongings in our two large suitcases. I grabbed the handle of one full suitcase with both hands and heaved it off the bed. It dropped onto the floor with a thud. Clutching the suitcase handle with two hands, I bent forward and, walking backward, dragged it to the door. Then into the hallway. And then I lifted it with both hands and lugged it to Kirk’s apartment as it bounced on my knee and thigh. I dropped it onto the floor at Kirk’s door and knocked.

Kirk opened the door and, when he saw me standing there, his face filled with concern. But when he spotted the suitcase, he looked at my face with a raised eyebrow. I nodded. Kirk lifted the suitcase with one hand and effortlessly brought it into his apartment.

“Is that all?” he asked.

“I have one more.”

“I’ll go with you. They’re heavy.”

Kirk followed me to my apartment. It was strange to lead him into my bedroom, but Kirk didn’t say anything. Without being told, he snatched the suitcase off the bed and carried it to the door and then down the hallway and into his apartment.

“Anything else?” Kirk asked.

“That’s everything I want. I’ll have to bring the suitcases back, though, and I need to leave Paul a note.”

Later, I called Paul from Kirk’s apartment when I knew he’d be home from work and had read my note telling him I was going to call. Kirk didn’t go to work that night. With his auditions, his boss allowed him a great deal of flexibility. I didn’t think I could do it without him at my side, often holding my hand and embracing me when I broke down in tears. I told Paul that I didn’t want to be married to him anymore. He argued and said we were meant for each other and loved each other, but I told him I didn’t love him anymore. I made sure to include the “anymore.” I didn’t want Paul to know I never really loved him. He was a nice guy and I wanted to hurt him as little as possible.

That night, I slept in Kirk’s bed. There was no sex. We clung to each other and I cried a lot.

The days living with Kirk turned to weeks. Kirk worked at night, but I hardly left his apartment at night because that was when Paul was home. I was living two apartments from Paul and I dreaded bumping into him. He didn’t know I was living there. I never told him where I was. He had called my parents thinking I was there, but they were surprised to discover I had moved out. When I spoke to my parents after that, I told them I was okay and staying at a friend’s. Kirk and I would go out during the day when he didn’t have an audition, but it was the weekends that were the most stressful. I couldn’t stay locked up in Kirk’s apartment the whole weekend, but so far I hadn’t run into Paul.

Kirk got a part in an Off-Broadway play so he stopped working in the restaurant for a while. The restaurant was accustomed to that. I rehearsed Kirk’s lines with him. It was fun. And when I went to the opening day performance and saw Kirk on stage, I thought my heart was going to burst with happiness. And pride. It wasn’t a lead role, but it was a pretty big part.