Chapter 19

When my parents returned home from my aunt’s that Sunday, my mother came directly to my bedroom to check on me. She hadn’t even taken the time to remove her coat. I was lying in bed, dreamily reliving the lovemaking Mr. Russo had given me. His touches had been electrifying and his words still warmed my heart. My mother said I looked tired, but better. She had no idea how tired I was. Or how sore my pussy was, not that I minded. It was a good soreness.

After Mr. Russo had made love to me just a few hours earlier, I redressed and went into the living room where Mrs. Russo was waiting. I had wanted to talk to her, but she shooed me out the door saying I needed to get home before my mother did. I had so many questions, but she was adamant about me going home.

The next day while walking to school, Debbie wanted to know everything about my Saturday night dinner date with Joey. I told her it was okay. She prodded, wanting to know why it wasn’t great. I simply said it wasn’t anything special. What I didn’t mention was that sex with Joey in his car was anything but special. After making love with Mr. Russo, I learned what special was, but I couldn’t tell her that either. The only person I could talk to about sex, really talk about sex, was Mrs. Russo. I wished I could confide in Debbie that way, but was afraid to. What would she think of me? Would she think I was a tramp? She hadn’t even kissed a boy yet. I went all the way with Joey and made love with a married man. Normal girls didn’t do that. Not normal high school girls I knew. I was so conflicted.

In English class, Joey was all smiles.

“I had a great time Saturday,” he said. “When can we do it again?”

“I don’t know.”

I guess that wasn’t the answer Joey had expected. Maybe it was because I wasn’t as excited as him. I had enjoyed a lot of the kissing and touching in the car, but it had left me frustrated. I think I had a few small orgasms, but none that satisfied me. If anything, each one had built up my arousal more only to be left hanging.

The smile was gone from Joey’s face. I really did like him so it bothered me to see him sad.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked.

What could I say to that? Yeah, you fucked me but came before I had a chance to come. Girls have needs, too. And if you really knew how to make love like Mr. Russo, then I’d be dying to go out with you again. I forced a smile.

“I had a good time,” I said.

“But not good enough to go out with me again.”

“I didn’t say that. I like you, like you a lot.”

“So?”

“So what?”

I was stalling. My mind was reeling, trying to figure out what to say to Joey.

“About going out again?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’d like that. Maybe after Christmas break.”

“Why not now?”

“Midterms are coming. I need to study and then take the tests and then it’s Christmas break.”

“Oh, okay.”

Joey’s sullen expression hurt. I liked him. He was a nice guy. I just had a lot of thinking to do. I was learning more about my body all the time and what it desired. My heart and brain liked Joey, but did my body? At one time I had thought Joey was too old for me. Maybe he wasn’t old enough.

And then in Band class, I couldn’t take my eyes off Mr. Roman. Would he be as good as Mr. Russo in bed? He wasn’t a boy like Joey. He was a man like Mr. Russo. My panties dampened thinking about it.

When I got home, I rushed through my homework. With midterms coming, there really wasn’t much. We were supposed to be studying for the exams. But I couldn’t get my mind to study. I went downstairs to find my mother. She was preparing dinner.

“I’m going to Wanda’s,” I said.

“Why?”

“I want to talk to her. I like her.”

“She’s not your friend,” my mother said.

“She sort of is.”

“She’s too old for you.”

“She’s not that much older.”

“Not in years, but she’s married and has a baby and another on the way.”

“But I like talking to her.”

My mother was silent for a moment and then, tilting her head to the side, asked, “What do you two talk about?”

Uh oh. Now what? I took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh like it was a stupid question.

“We just talk. About school and stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“We talk about things like cheerleading and boys.”

I saw the uneasiness in my mother’s face and posture. My mother never talked to me about boys, I guessed because it would lead to relationships and sex. And I was sure she thought I was much too young to know anything about sex.

“Okay,” my mother said, “but be back in time for dinner. No later than five-thirty.”

I agreed, fled my house, and was soon knocking on the Russo’s door. Wanda opened it and greeted me with a smile.

“Did you forget something here yesterday?” she asked.

“No, I was wondering if we could talk. I have until five-thirty when I have to eat dinner.”

Mrs. Russo let me in and led me to the living room where Suzy was chewing on that same doll’s arm. Or maybe it was the other arm. She was teething. And once again she ignored me.

“Do you regret what happened yesterday?” Mrs. Russo asked.

“Oh no, it was wonderful.”

“I’m glad. I wasn’t sure. Then what do you want to talk about?”

We were sitting on the couch and my eyes dropped to my lap. I couldn’t look at her, but I had to ask.

“Didn’t it bother you that me and Don made love?” I asked.

“Why would that bother me?”

My eyes shot up. “He’s your husband!”

Mrs. Russo smiled. “Oh, I see.” She paused while thinking and then said, “Julie, I think you are a lot like me. You just don’t have the experience I have so you don’t understand a lot.”

“That’s what I want to talk to you about. There’s so much I don’t understand. I’m so confused.”

Mrs. Russo shifted closer and took my hands in hers. She held them on top of her thigh.

“I like sex a lot,” Mrs. Russo said. “So does Don. That’s why we’re perfect for each other.”

“But you let him have sex with me. You asked him to.”

“Because you were confused about boys. You had a bad experience with a boy and thought you didn’t like them. That they couldn’t satisfy you. If you don’t like boys, that’s fine, but I didn’t think that was the case when you kissed me.”

I blushed and looked down again. Mrs. Russo brought my eyes back to hers by cupping my face in both hands and lifting my head up.

“You kissing me didn’t bother me. I know a lot of women who kiss each other. What bothered me was the reason. You kissed me for the wrong reason. I wanted to show you that a boy could give you what you need. So I asked Don to show you.”

“But didn’t it bother you that your husband was fu— was with another girl?”

“You can say fucking. I thought we were beyond that. And, no, it didn’t bother me. In fact, hearing you two turned me on.”

My cheeks burned and I buried my face in my hands. “Oh god! You were listening?”

“Julie, you left the door open. And the walls aren’t that thick. And by the sound of it, you really enjoyed it.”

“But he’s your husband!”

Mrs. Russo paused, once again deep in thought. “Julie, why do you think Don has a drawer full of condoms?”

“So you don’t get pregnant.”

“I’m already pregnant.”

“I thought they were from before you got pregnant.”

“No, we don’t use condoms. I like when Don is inside me without the condom. He pulls out before he comes.” Mrs. Russo patted her round belly and chuckled. “But sometimes not soon enough.”