Chapter 16

The morning after my dinner date with Joey, my mother came into my bedroom and shook my shoulder to wake me. I was grouchy from too little sleep. It’s not that I had gotten home late from the Saturday night date, but I had cried for hours and tossed and turned. I hadn’t been able to fall asleep because I was frustrated and sad, and mostly angry at Joey. It wasn’t fair. He had an orgasm. What about me? If he had touched my clitoris I was sure I would have exploded. That’s all I had needed. A simple touch. Why hadn’t he done it? I was so angry that I didn’t even masturbate when I got home. Hadn’t been in the mood. All I had wanted to do was throw something. I actually did throw my pillow. And had punched it a couple of times.

“Get up,” my mother said, shaking my shoulder.

“It’s Sunday, leave me alone.” I yanked the blanket up from my chin over my head.

“We’re going to your aunt and grandma’s. Did you forget? Hurry up.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“You have to. It’s a family thing. Now get out of bed.”

“I don’t feel good.”

“What hurts?”

“My head and my stomach.”

My mother pulled the blanket down to my shoulder, swept my tangled hair off my face, and placed the back of her hand on my forehead.

“You don’t have a fever,” she said. “You’re fine.”

I opened my eyes.

“Oh dear Lord,” my mother said, “you look awful. Your eyes are all red.”

“I didn’t sleep.”

“Because of your stomach ache?”

“Yeah, it kept me up.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I thought it would go away.”

My mother frowned. “Okay, we’ll stay home and I’ll take care of you.”

“No, Granny will be disappointed. You and Daddy go. I just want to sleep anyway. I’m just tired.”

“Okay, but have some breakfast first. Something light. We’ll be gone all day.”

I dragged myself out of bed, washed up, and had a light breakfast in my pajamas and a thick terrycloth robe. And furry slippers that kept my feet warm. My uncombed, tangled hair hung loosely around my face so I had to keep pushing it away from my mouth so as not to eat my hair. My mother gave me two aspirin and doted over me until she and my father left for the day. After they were gone, I soaked in a hot bath. Even then I didn’t masturbate. I just let the soothing water relax me. Then I got dressed in pants and a sweatshirt and pulled my hair off my face in a ponytail.

I wondered if Debbie and Gina were around. Since I was supposed to be at my aunt’s, they didn’t expect me home and I didn’t know their plans. Still angry at Joey, I moped in my bedroom. Soon bored, I went into my parents’ bedroom to call Debbie to see if she was available. About to dial the telephone, the doorbell rang. Maybe Debbie or Gina had forgotten that I wasn’t supposed to be home and stopped by. I slammed the phone handle onto the cradle and rushed down the stairs. When I opened the door, it wasn’t Debbie or Gina. Mrs. Russo stood there with her coat open as if she had thrown it on simply to come upstairs.

“My mother isn’t home,” I said.

“I know, she called me.” Mrs. Russo pulled her open coat closed and clenched it around her neck. “May I come in?”

I stepped back and Mrs. Russo entered my house. I stared at her. Why would my mother call her?

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Your mother asked me to check on you. She said you weren’t feeling well and that she’s worried about you. She feels guilty for leaving you alone and wants to know if she should come back home. So how are you feeling? What’s hurting?”

My pent-up frustration and anger boiled over. I burst into tears. Mrs. Russo wrapped her arms around me, causing her coat to part. I bawled into her chest as she patted my back. I didn’t know how long I was crying, but when I pulled my head back the front of her blouse was wet.

“There’s more to it than your mother knows, isn’t there?” Mrs. Russo asked. It wasn’t really a question. “Are you going to tell me what the problem is?”

I gazed into her warm eyes. I really loved her. I cupped her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers and pushed my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue flapped against mine for an instant before she broke away from the kiss.

“Julie, what was that about?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

I felt my cheeks burn. I didn’t know what had come over me. I hadn’t planned on kissing her, it just happened. I started crying again.

Mrs. Russo took me in her arms and said, “Julie, tell me what’s bothering you. Just between us girls.”

“I hate boys!”

“Do you mean you’re attracted to girls?”

“I don’t think so,” I said in a soft, childish voice.

“Then why did you kiss me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Julie, you do know. You’re just not telling me.”

I tilted my head back and stared into her eyes. “I don’t. It’s just that you make me feel good and boys don’t.”

“You don’t get excited around boys? You don’t like when they touch you?”

“Oh no, I get very excited. I like when they touch me. Well, only one boy has touched me, but I hate him.” I didn’t mention how I felt when Mr. Roman had put his hands on me in class or was even close to me.