Chapter 14

The weeks passed in what became my new normal.

Debbie, Gina, and I hung out when we could with Debbie feeding us bits of information about sex she got from her older sister. Nothing I heard was new to me, although I had to pretend it was, and some things she said simply didn’t make sense. For those, I asked Mrs. Russo who confirmed that Debbie’s sister was bullshitting or simply didn’t know so she had made it up. I wanted to tell Debbie, but that was impossible. I couldn’t tell her about my relationship with Mrs. Russo.

Joey kept asking me on a date and I kept telling him that I wasn’t allowed. I knew he was dating other girls and that made me jealous. I really liked him. It was so easy to talk to him. I wondered why it had been so hard when I first met him. Although I didn’t realize it, I had changed.

I babysat for Mr. and Mrs. Russo from time to time. I even changed doody diapers without throwing up. I did get peed on once, but Mrs. Russo laughed and said it was my baptism. She also told me that when I was babysitting I could use her dildos. It was so peaceful to lie naked on her bed and casually fuck myself with the cylinder while rubbing my clitoris without having to worry about my mother discovering me. In the beginning I wasn’t at ease because Mr. and Mrs. Russo had once did just that, but after a while I realized that had been a one-time thing. I felt guilty taking their money. I felt like I should pay them for the use of their bed and dildo. But I did babysit for them. The other was a fringe benefit of the job.

And, of course, I masturbated in my bed and in the bathtub. I was sated right after my orgasm, but always had the urge for more. I didn’t know if other girls were like that, so I asked Mrs. Russo. She told me that some girls were more sexual than others and liked sex more. She didn’t use the word nymphomaniac, but she described a woman who liked sex a lot. She told me she was like that.

As to my hairbrush, I had considered using it as a dildo. But the handle wasn’t a cylinder. It was rather flat. And the part of the handle near the top was thin while the bottom was wide, like a bowling pin, except flat. I never tried using it as a dildo. No way was I putting that inside me. I didn’t have to, anyway. I masturbated with my fingers, and when I babysat I used Mrs. Russo’s cylinder dildo. I was tempted to try one that was shaped like a cock, but even the smallest one frightened me.

Before I knew it, it was Thanksgiving. We went to my aunt’s apartment in Canarsie for the celebratory dinner. As I had said, my grandmother lived with my aunt so it was a nice family gettogether. I hadn’t known at the time that it was my grandmother’s last Thanksgiving. As we drove down Ralph Avenue to Canarsie, I thought back to the same ride with Joey when we had gone to Canarsie Pier. Would I ever go on a date again?

And then fate intervened.

Debbie and Gina were in my house, at the kitchen table eating a snack. Debbie couldn’t sit still, and the way she kept eying my mother was a sign that she wanted to tell me something but not in front of her. And then my mother left the kitchen to do some cleaning in the living room. We soon heard the hum of the vacuum cleaner.

“I got asked out!” Debbie said so loudly that it was a good thing my mother was vacuuming.

“Who? Do I know him? When?” I asked in one breath.

“He’s in my Spanish class. His name is Jay, Jay Levin. We’ve been talking for a long time and he asked me out.”

Gina sat with her arms crossed, a sour expression on her face.

I leaned forward. “What did you say? Are you going?”

Debbie’s face fell. “He wants to double date. He wants me to get someone for his friend. Can you ask your mother if you can go?”

“Where will we go?”

“Ice skating at Prospect Park. His mother will drive us. It’ll be during the day on Saturday. So can you go? Can you?”

“I don’t know. My mother was real angry at me.”

“That was forever ago.”

“I think she’s still mad.”

“Please ask her,” Debbie said.

I turned to Gina. “Maybe your parents will let you date. You should ask them.”

“They won’t,” Gina said, frowning. “Not until my grades improve.”

“Your grades are better than mine.”

“Not good enough for them.”

Unlike Debbie’s mother and mine, Gina’s mother worked. Gina’s mother, like her father, was a professor at Brooklyn college and expected Gina to go to college. My mother only wanted me to get married and give her grandkids. Our mothers were so different that later, in the 1960s and 1970s, Gina’s mother would be an activist in the women’s rights movement that my mother didn’t understand.

Debbie and I argued back and forth while Gina seethed. I was sure she felt cheated. If she had been allowed to date, Debbie would have asked her. But I was afraid my mother would remember the lie and punish me again so I wasn’t anxious to ask her. She hated lying more than anything. Boy, if she only knew the other stuff I was doing.

The vacuum cleaner shut off and so did our arguing. Debbie pressed her hands together in front of herself with her fingertips under her chin like one would pray and mouthed, “Please.” I shook my head no just as my mother returned to the kitchen for a drink of water.

“Mrs. Marino,” Debbie asked, “can Julie double date with me?”

My breathing caught and I glared at Debbie wondering how my best friend would do that to me. I wanted to strangle her.

“If she wants to,” my mother said.

I released the air from my lungs in a loud whoosh.

“I can?” I couldn’t believe what I had heard.

“Sure, if you want to. Where are you going?”

“Ice skating at Prospect Park,” Debbie said. “Saturday, during the day. A week from today.”

“Sure, why not?”

Holy shit! My mother had forgotten that she said I couldn’t date. I wondered how long ago I would have been able to go out with Joey.

That Monday in English class I told Joey I was able to date again. His grin was ear to ear.

“How about Saturday night?” he asked.

I hadn’t expected that. “Oh, I can’t do it this Saturday. How about Friday?”

“I can’t do it Friday.”

“Have a date?” As soon as I said it, I kicked myself, literally punching my thigh underneath the desk.

“No, I work after school.”

“Really? Where?”

“At the wholesale drug place.”

“What do you do?”

“I work in the back. Stocking shelves and stuff. How about next Saturday, then? That good?”

I was beaming and nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! Next Saturday night. Where?”

Joey gave me a toothy grin. “I have two weeks to figure that out.”

Every day in English class for the rest of the week I asked Joey where he was going to take me. His answer was the same, that he hadn’t decided yet. I punched his arm a few times which brought a huge smile to his face. Not once all week did I think about the double date with Debbie. Who wanted to go out with a sophomore? I had a senior. And I really liked Joey. Maybe we could go steady.