Chapter 9

Mummy was surprised to see me but happy, hugging me tightly. She could tell something was wrong but didn’t push it, leaving me to myself, just loving me. I told her I needed some time to think, to sort myself out and make a decision about my future. She was worried, I could tell, but respected my privacy.

I phoned Mandy and told her I was sick, that I was at my mum’s place and would be for a week. She was worried, too, wanting to come and visit me. I told her she couldn’t, my mum being a bit funny about strangers. She accepted this and told me she would tell Julie, making me promise to phone her in a few days.

I phoned Jim as well, my lieutenant, telling him the same thing but also that I couldn’t go back to the apartment, someone in the building had recognised me and it wasn’t safe. He wasn’t happy with that but agreed, asking what progress I was making at the club. I told him not much, that Gino was very clever and didn’t give anything away. He wasn’t happy with that, either, telling me to ‘up my game.’

When he said this, I got angry, telling him I didn’t think I could continue, that it was turning me into someone I didn’t like. He laughed and told me the alternative was being back in uniform and just another useless female on the force. I shouted at him, telling him to go fuck himself and shove his undercover up his arse. I then slammed the phone down, determined to resign.

Lucky mummy didn’t hear, she was in the garden, picking herbs, her happy place. Ten minutes later, Jim phoned back, surprising me he had the number.

‘What do you want?’ I snapped, still angry.

‘I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. You take your time and get better, call me when you want to chat, we’ll figure something out then, ok? He asked, all apologetic.

I was still angry, both with him and myself, probably more me but thanked him and told him I would phone later in the week.

For the next three days I just kept going over and over what I had done with those boys, still not understanding how I could behave like that. Mummy had wanted me to sleep with her but I couldn’t, how would I explain the welts all over my body? Plus, she would want us to make love and I didn’t want sex at the moment, it had already got me in enough trouble.

By the fifth day, my body had recovered, most of the welts had gone, only a few remaining and they didn’t look too bad. I hadn’t phoned Mandy either; I missed her and knew if I heard her voice I would want to see her, I couldn’t risk it.

On the sixth night, when I was showering, mummy joined me, surprising me. Her hands came around my body and began caressing my tits, her lips kissing my neck. I sighed deeply, surrendering to her, enjoying her touch, wanting her love. She knew instantly, pressing against me, telling me she loved me.

We slept together that night, making love for hours, my need for human contact so strong I couldn’t deny it any longer. If I thought sex with mummy would help me with my shame and loathing, I was wrong. Even as she brought me to orgasm, I couldn’t get the images of those boys pissing on me out of my head, they were here to stay, it seemed.

In the morning, daddy was home, standing in the doorway, looking at us and knowing. Mummy said nothing as we woke to his coughing, drawing me closer to her, cuddling me. I looked at daddy, his eyes on mine, more disgust in them. He turned and left, saying he was only here to pick up some papers.

We stayed in bed until he left, not wanting a scene, holding each other. Mummy was so calm, even playing with me as daddy went through his stuff in the next bedroom. When he was gone, we showered, washing each other lovingly. Mum wanted me to stay, to move back home so we could be together, as if a couple. As much as I loved her, I couldn’t do that, I needed my own life and told her I would be going back to the city.

Having made that decision, I now needed to decide whether I wanted to be a cop still or go in another direction. If I resigned, I could hardly stay at the club, the police would surely let Gino know who I was and that could be the end of me, literally. The thing was, I liked working there and I loved Juie and Mandy, they were my best friends. God, what a fucking mess.

I phoned Jim and arranged to come in for a meeting, a clear-the-air kind of meeting where I could tell him exactly how I was feeling and how I wanted to go forward. He sounded a bit skeptical, but I was determined and told him so. Our meeting would be tomorrow morning, giving me one more day with mummy.

We spent it shopping and going to the cinema, coming home late after a few glasses of wine in a lovely restaurant. We were both a bit tipsy and more than a little horny, mummy fondling me all the way home in the taxi, making me gasp and squirm, much to the driver’s delight. When I called her mummy, after paying him, he looked so shocked it was worth it.

We made love again, for hours, making each other cum numerous times, both exploring the other’s body more than we ever had before. It was so erotic and intimate, as if we truly were a couple. We cuddled all night, happy to be in each other’s arms. In the morning it was hard to say goodbye, mummy crying and telling me she would always be here if I needed her.

Arriving for my meeting with Jim, I suddenly became so nervous, my breathing erratic and a sick feeling gripping me all over. It was a panic attack, I really hated being here and wanted nothing more than to never see Jim or anyone else in blue again. It took me ages to calm down, several passersby asking if I was ok. When I regained control, I entered the building, my dark glasses and hat hiding my face, not even my old partner walking past gave me a second glance.

Jim was waiting in an office on the ground floor, one no one used and where we wouldn’t be disturbed. He smiled and invited me to sit, joining me as I lowered myself onto an old wooden chair. The room smelt damp with only the two chairs in it.

‘Well, tell me what’s going on.’ He asked, looking me up and down.

‘I can’t do it anymore, I hate it. I like the girls I’m working with and can’t betray them, not that they’ve done anything illegal anyway. It’s like I’m a different person, doing things I would never normally do, outrageous things, things I’m ashamed of. If you don’t let me stop, I’ll resign, it’s up to you.’ I told him, tears rolling down my face.

‘What things, tell me?’ He asked, looking so fucking smug.

I blushed of course, confirming his suspicions, squirming in my chair. ‘Never mind, just... ‘

‘Tell me.’ He interrupted; his voice harsher now.

‘Just things, god, does it matter?’

‘Yes, it matters. You’re undercover and it’s ok to do ‘things’ if you have to. It’s part of the job, you won’t get in trouble, I promise. Did you have sex with someone, or people?’ He asked, really wanting to know.

I was still blushing, nodding my head, not looking at him.

‘Just do what you have to, fuck a dozen guys at once, I don’t care. Jesus, fuck a dog if it will help.’

What about minors? I thought, but not asking.

‘Did you enjoy it, is that what this about?’ He sneered.

He was right and knew it, I had already shown him what I was like before and now here I was moaning about it, acting like a baby, confirming I wasn’t up to the job. But I wasn’t up to it, I was a pervert who liked being a whore. How could I arrest anyone after what I had done?

‘Do you think you’re the only one to go a bit rogue? Fuck me, half the guys here have done far worse. One even raped a young girl because that was part of his gang initiation. Do you think we prosecuted him? Of course not. Just do the job, don’t think about the morals, we’re not fucking priests.’ He lectured, standing up and grabbing me.

He pinned me to the wall, pulling my jacker open and feeling my tits, laughing as he did so. I let him, my arms at my side, I had no fight in me.

‘Look, I can do what I want because I am the law, even molest you here in the precinct. You can do the same, go fuck whoever you want, I have your back, just get me Gino Bianchi.’ He said, undoing my shirt buttons.

My hand came up to his, taking hold and stopping him. All my buttons now undone, my tits on display for him. His hand was on my breast as I held it, motionless, waiting for me to say or do something.

‘I can see how hard your nipples are, look at them, begging for attention. You are a sexual deviant, like me, admit it.’ He whispered, his mouth on my ear.

His hand was now inside my bra, pinching my nipple, twisting it. My hand was gone, giving him free reign to do what he wanted. He pulled my shirt off my shoulders, ripping my bra and releasing my tits, watching them as they bounced, chuckling. He stepped back for a better look, his eyes wide as he took in my beauty, his hand now on his hard cock.

‘Beautiful, so fucking sexy. Cover yourself if you want but I’d rather you didn’t. If I get my cock out will you blow me?’

‘Fuck you.’ I spat, my back still against the cold wall.

He undid his pants, dropping them, his cock springing free, hard and ready. I gasped in shock, not really expecting him to do it, not knowing what to do.

‘Suck it for me and get back to work, I need you at that club.’ He ordered.

‘Put it away, you disgust me.’ I told him, not moving, my tits still on display.

‘Then go, go on fuck off, just be at the club tonight.’

He was still holding his cock, pulling his foreskin back and forth over his helmet, looking at me. I watched him, my mind in turmoil, fascinated as he played with himself, wondering what he would taste like. He then sat down, pushing his legs out as he continued wanking, smiling up at me. I had never seen a man do this, it was enticing, I wanted to watch, to see him cum.

‘Either suck it or sit on it but do it now.’

But I did neither, I just watched, his hand moving faster now. He was so hard and his balls looked full, he was getting redder and redder and breathing hard. I knelt down, to see better, his cock just inches from my face. He thought I was going to suck him, reaching out for my head, trying to pull me down. I resisted his efforts, holding my head where it was, watching his cock.

He carried on, faster and faster, his hand pulling at my hair, trying to get my mouth around his cock, wanting to cum in my mouth. But he couldn’t, giving up when his orgasm hit, grunting loudly as a rope of sperm shot out of his cock. It must have reached two feet in the air before landing on his stomach, another following straight after, this time not quite as high.

It was amazing, three big erupting like a volcano, landing on his tummy like lava. Sperm still oozed from his hole, running down his shaft, his fingers squeezing the last drops out. We both sighed, me looking at the white goo, licking my lips.

‘You liked that, huh?’ He said, all cocky now.

He rubbed his hands in it, pulling me to him and spreading it over my tits, not letting me move until it was covering them. I stood quickly, buttoning up my shirt, my bra still on the floor. His seed made my shirt see-through, my nipples sticking out obscenely, aching now. I grabbed my jacket and left, telling him I would phone him when I had some information, calling him a pig as I slammed the door behind me.

I ran out into the street, holding my jacket closed, his sperm all over my chest. But as I stood there, on the pavement, I realised I had nowhere to go, we had not discussed my new living arrangements. What was I to do? I wondered, my shirt sticking to my body as I looked back at the precinct. Fuck, I screamed silently, I had to go back in, get my new address.

When I got to the office, he was just coming out, looking oh so professional, the cunt.

‘I need my new address?’ I asked, not looking at him.

He laughed loudly, stepping back into the office, telling me to enter. I looked around, hoping to see others but there was no one else nearby, just him standing inside, grinning. I shook my head, my hand out, not doing as he wanted.

‘Get in here, that’s an order.’ He shouted.

I reluctantly went in, his anger scaring me, watching him as he took an envelope from his briefcase, holding it out, waiting for me to take it. I stepped closer, my heart racing and my shirt feeling all sticky. As I took it he grabbed me, pulling me to him, pushing my jacket open.

‘Nice, look how hard they are. I think you like my jizz all over you.’ He said, taunting me.

‘Please, just let me go and do my job, you’ve had your fun.’ I begged.

‘You’re right, go on, fuck off.’ He snapped at me, twisting a nipple.

I ran out, not looking back, tears now coming to my eyes. He was a horrible person and in that moment, I decided I would give him nothing about the club and Gino. Why should I? He was worse than anyone I had met at the club, at least the men there treated me with respect and Julie was lovely. Fuck him and the police force, I decided.