Chapter 2

I met the new women’s basketball coach when Eve registered. She was greeting all of the female players as they signed up.

“So, I hear you’re my basketball team’s new star. I’m Tara VanDerveer. These are two of my assistant coaches, Amy Tucker and June Daugherty.”

Eve shook hands all around. “Sorry, I’ve got a bit of a crew with me today. It seems like most of the family is getting registered for some classes this fall. I think we’ve given the admissions department fits since none of us came through the regular admissions process, but that’s part of the fun. It’s a pleasure to meet you, ladies.”

“Hopefully, your teammates will think the same, regarding you. We’re only allowed to carry a roster of fifteen players, and I thought I had things pretty well sorted out until Mister Geiger and President Kennedy said you wanted to play, so I had to make it happen.”

A pained look on her face, Eve said, “When we came out here last October, President Kennedy overheard me tell Cal that I enjoyed playing basketball, so he had me do a little scrimmage against Judy Griffith and Leslie Crandall. It pissed Coach McCrea off when President Kennedy pretty much told her if I wanted to play, I could. But he also said she was on her way out.”

“Well, I think what pissed McCrea off was when I said I doubted Stanford would complain about winning the NCAA Championship in two sports,” I said. “I think she was insulted. Ladies, I’m Cal Lewis, Eve’s husband.”

That made all three women do a double take, with VanDerveer speaking first. “Are either one of you old enough to be married?”

Beth and Dora came over, each taking an arm. “This is Beth Watson and Dora Menendez, two of my other wives. I think the other dozen or so are running around here somewhere.”

Beth laughed. “You know, that’s the first time you’ve ever referenced us that way, but what makes it funny is, you’re right. I don’t think any of us ever thought about it like that before.”

Amy Tucker said, “That means you’re not only the Cardinal quarterback, you’re also a King.”

“Guilty as charged; but since I have diplomatic immunity, I can get away with it,” I said with a smile. “The fun part for you is, I’m certain you sometimes have girls on your teams with attitudes thinking they’re Princesses. This year you really will have a Princess on your team.”

VanDerveer blinked, then said, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, Eve, but I need to see you in action on the court before I make my actual decision.”

“Oh, I understand. Cal’s lucky, he doesn’t have practice today due to registration, and because he really doesn’t need it. I was told our practice season starts today. What time do you want me at the gym?”

“Are you done registering?”

“Yes, Coach.”

VanDerveer nodded. “Then now would be good. What you’re wearing is good enough for today.”

Since I was done, as were Beth and Dora, the three of us tagged along. I’m not sure what the three coaches thought of our four golf carts – two for us and two for our security – tagging along.

While we were riding to the gym, Eve said, “By the way, the ‘other dozen or so’ thought that was funny, as did the three who aren’t back in country yet. But they’ll be home by this weekend. Do you have a problem if I steal the bullshit story you came up with for Coach Elway, about helping others?”

I tried to give her a look like I was offended by that remark, which made her laugh. “Fine, be that way,” I answered with as much dignity as I could, which wasn’t much.

We got to the gym and went inside. There were several girls already present, doing warm-ups. They stopped what they were doing when we walked in, with two of them coming over.

“Hi, Judy, Leslie!” Eve said.

“Hi, Eve,” Judy replied. “Bringing us some more talent?” she asked, looking at Beth.

“No, I’m the only one that wants to play basketball.”

“Cool. Coach, if I can say so, I think our chances of having a winning season, and maybe taking the whole thing, just improved drastically,” Crandall said.

VanDerveer frowned. “We can only play fifteen, so I’ve already got two girls I’m going to have to red-shirt. What makes you think Eve even deserves a place on this team?”

That got both of them laughing, with the other girls that had also played the previous year laughing as well. “Coach Plank! Toss me a ball!” Crandall yelled. A shorter, dark haired woman in sweats that was talking to another woman, also in sweats, looked up when her name was called. She grabbed a ball from the rack next to her and tossed it to Crandall. The ball bounced once before reaching her. She handed it to Eve, then motioned with her head for Judy to go out to the foul line. “Jill! Sara! Go down to the other end, guard under the basket!”

I looked, then did a double take. I was used to looking up at Beth when I first landed here, then meeting and finally surpassing her in height. One of the girls was the same height I was now, while the other was easily three inches taller than me. Both of them ran to the other end.

Crandall laughed as she joined Griffith at the foul line. “A little one on four, Eve?”

“What is it Cal always says? He’s not here to win the games by himself? But if this is what it takes, then ... let’s do this.” She immediately started dribbling, putting on a burst of speed around to the right. That got Griffith moving that way, so Eve bounced the ball between her legs and switched to going left, now dribbling with her left hand. Crandall was already running backwards, trying to get into position to slow her down. Eve did another body fake, this time to the left, switching back to her right hand with the ball, so Crandall was out of position. She then went low, split between the girls that had their hands up to block a regular jump shot, leaped a good four feet into the air, and dunked the basketball through the hoop behind them.

“Son of a bitch,” VanDerveer softly said.

“It could be worse,” I said. “Eve! Toss me the ball!”

She threw it full court to me, with it bouncing once. I had to jump a little to catch it, then came down with it just inbounds. “A basketball court is a lot shorter than a football field,” I said, tossing the ball back to the other end, where it hit the backboard, then went right into the net.

“Holy shit!” Tucker exclaimed. “Are you going to play basketball for the Cardinal, too?”

“No, I mostly was just curious to see if I could do that. To me, football is more fun. Plus, there’s too many basketball games, which would take away from my family time, since I do have seventeen wives, five babies, two toddlers, and Diana pregnant.”

Leslie Crandall frowned. “Seventeen? When you did Sports Illustrated, you only had sixteen.”

Beth smiled. “That’s our Cal, he’s always been an overachiever. I guess you didn’t come to his first home game, when the grandmother of the two toddlers visited. Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth. Diana got custody of William and Harry in the divorce, so she’s one of our sister-wives.”

Eve said, “Which does bring up one minor detail for me. I had this problem in high school, and I’d prefer to not have it at college. I’ll be your teammate, I can be your friend, hell, I may end up teaching you in a class or two before I finally leave Stanford, since I’ll be getting at least two doctorates this quarter. I have sixteen other women I love, okay? Oh, and fair notice. If you see someone that you think is me taking a class with you this fall and she seems to ignore you, that’s because it’s not me.”

Judy said, “That’s cool! I didn’t know your mother was going to be taking classes here, too! Coach, Eve’s mother won this year’s PGA Masters Tournament. Jennifer Patrick.”

VanDerveer looked stunned. “Jennifer Patrick is your mother? She looks like she’s seventeen!”

“Good genetics,” Eve said with a chuckle.

Beth, Dora, and I took seats in the bleachers then, while watching Eve and the rest of the Cardinal women’s basketball team figure things out, and get things sorted for starting their practices. They would have three women red-shirt now, meaning they’d keep a year of playing eligibility. Since two of them were on what was going to be a five-year degree plan anyway, that didn’t matter to them. The third needed more practice before being able to play at the college level anyway, and this would allow her to get that practice time in without burning a year of playing time, when she’d have ridden the bench.

After a couple of hours, practice was over for the afternoon and we headed home. As Eve didn’t bring other clothes, she didn’t shower with the rest. I did see her having a talk with Judy and Leslie before joining us.

Once we were in the golf carts, Eve shook her head. “I swear, some girls are so fucking stupid!”

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Like you couldn’t smell them when I scored that bucket,” she replied. “Judy and Leslie are going to have a very long talk with them in the locker room.”

“You know what they’re missing?” Beth asked. “They didn’t get the training that the football team did. Are you still planning on having a barbecue with Texas after the game on Saturday out at Moffett?”

“So far, yes,” I replied. “Coach Elway said they’re not stuck up pricks, and actually have a sense of humor. We got permission from the NCAA so they can land their plane at Moffett and save on airport fees, without it being considered any kind of bribery. That’s just us being nice. What are you thinking? Invite all the Cardinal teams out so they can see what the football team already knows?”

“Si, that is a good idea. It’ll give my cousins a chance to properly cook the beef and pork for afterwards, and with so many people eating, we shouldn’t have to worry about the State of California giving us grief because we won’t have leftover food.”

When I showed up for practice the next morning, I found Coach Elway before getting dressed. “What’s up, Cal? You normally wait to drop bombshells on me until after you’re ready, and I’m totally in coaching mode, so you make me freak out.”

“Well, yeah. I admit that is how things sort of happen. Um, Coach, can I ask you for a favor?”

“Okay, now I’m really worried. What is it?”

“Can you talk to Mister Geiger, and make it mandatory that every member of every sports team – including all their coaching staff – are at Moffett Field at eight on Saturday morning ... the day of our game?”

“I could do that, but I’d like to know why,” he said with a puzzled look on his face. “We’ve got an early afternoon kickoff, so Texas is going to be landing at about nine. You’re not planning on pulling some stunt with them, are you?” he asked with some worry.

“Not in regards to Texas, no. We simply have to get the cows butchered before Dora’s cousins can cook them. Apropos of nothing in particular, the only team that knows not to fuck with me or mine is the football team. And by the way, Eve made the basketball team, and she’s not a lesbian or available for dating, even if I do have sixteen other wives that share my marital bed. Also, all seventeen of them are enrolled in classes here now, too. Oh, and I’m not interested in playing basketball, either, although I’m sure at some point with classes starting Wednesday, Coach Davis or one of the other men’s coaches are going to ask me about it. I made a ninety-three and a half foot one handed bank shot, mostly because I was just curious to see how aerodynamic a basketball was compared to a football.”

He drew in a deep breath, then let it out. “We’re the only ones who really know Sayel. Hell, we’re the only ones who know about you and what you can do with a sword. Fuck! Come with me,” he said, heading for the locker room at full steam.

He blasted through the door, slamming it open. “CARDINAL! Listen UP! Practice today is CANCELED! Get your street clothes back on, and hustle it up! Sonny! Get on the phone and call Mister Geiger and President Kennedy! I need an emergency meeting of all the coaches of every team and sport on this campus, immediately, if not sooner!”

“What the hell is going on, Coach?” John asked from his locker.

“We’re the only team that understands what meeting Sayel means,” he said, looking at the wall where Sayel was casually standing. “Not only has Eve made the basketball team, but all of Cal’s wives are now enrolled for classes here, not just Beth and Dora. I need all of you to run – not walk, but run – to every athlete you know, no matter what the sport, and give them some seriously life-saving advice. Even if they try to blow you off, tell them that it will be mandatory for them to be at Moffett Field at eight on Saturday morning. Do we have pictures of Cal’s wives with the Dollies? Of their faces, not their butts?”

“We’ve gotten the first run of a thousand of both, Coach.”

“Good. Take some of them with you. It may not do any good, but tell them you’re deadly serious. If they have any questions, have them call Dave or one of the assistant coaches. They’ll be here and ready for phone calls.”

“Jack? Kennedy will meet you at Geiger’s office in ten minutes.”

Elway ran out the door.

“Cal? What the hell was all that about?” Coach Lubick asked.

“Everyone in here knows me pretty well by now. You also know how protective I am of my family, and who all I consider to be family, and nearly all of you know just what I can, and will do if I perceive a threat. Eve made the basketball team yesterday.”

“SHIT!” came from more than one player.

“Don’t worry about putting your stuff away nice and neat!” Marty yelled. “Just get dressed and get out there to save lives! We’ll put it up for you!”

Less than five minutes later, the Cardinal football team was running all over campus.

“Sorry, Marty. Let me help you get this mess picked up,” I said.

“It’s okay, Cal. We got this.”

I went back outside. “Dave, you might call security and...”

“I already did, Cal. All of Stanford security knows the football team will be beating on doors in dorms and fraternities today, and they’re going to help, too. Did the girls really hit on Eve?”

“The coaching staff is all new. The players that were at the practice where the old coach got her ass chewed out by Kennedy knew about Eve, but that was last December. They’ve not had months of team building.”

There was a call on Dave’s radio. Since he was using an earbud, I didn’t listen in. He changed directions. Instead of driving me home, we ended up at the Athletics Academic Resource Office. A Stanford security officer was waiting out front. “Thank you, Sir. Coach Elway contacted me, to have you bring Cal and Sayel here for a demonstration.”

“You did the right thing.” He sighed. “Well, come on, you two. Time to go show some idiots why you don’t fuck with Cal.”

Sayel almost broke a grin at that, as he followed us up the stairs. It was rather obvious where we needed to go, because there was a lot of yelling coming from a room at one end. Dave went in first.

“AT EASE!” he yelled in a command voice, which surprisingly worked. “Thank you!”

At one end of the room was President Kenney, Mister Geiger, and Coach Elway. The rest of the room was a nearly angry mob of men and women that I presumed were the coaches for the other twenty-five organized team sports at Stanford. The only one I actually recognized was Tara VanDerveer, and she looked pissed.

Kennedy said, “Okay, people. Now that Cal and Sayel are here, we can continue to explain why all practices except football are canceled until after Saturday. And Coach VanDerveer, before you open your mouth and say something we’d all regret – you especially – just be quiet and listen up.”

Coach Elway looked at me, saying, “Cal, I quickly told Don and Andy a little bit of what you told me, which is why everything is canceled. They don’t understand,” he said, waving his arm at the rest of the coaches.

“Damned right we don’t, Elway,” one of the men said.

“Then I suggest you shut up so His Majesty can explain reality to you,” Elway said.

I took in and then let out a breath. “Mister Geiger, do you have copies of the pictures taken of us with the Presidents, and later on with Her Majesty, as well as those of the Princesses?”

“Yes, I do. Give me just a moment, I’ll get some and pass them around.” He ran out, and was back in just a few seconds, handing stacks of pictures around.

I glanced at Coach Elway, nodding for him to say something.

“Yes, those are real pictures. I realize that each of us gets a little insular at times, in our own little sporting worlds. I’m sure you all know the football team is two and oh so far. Some of you even know that Cal is our starting quarterback. You may have even seen the Sports Illustrated article about him, with the pictures of sixteen lovely women. Well, he’s up to seventeen, and all seventeen of them are his wives. Yes, that’s President Reagan and Federation President Mondale with our football team. And yes, that’s Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip with our football team. If you look closely at the picture of his wives with our Dollies, you’ll recognize Princess Diana. She’s also one of Cal’s wives.”

“Seventeen wives? How the hell is that legal?”

“Tim, I’m glad you asked. Um, normally I call you Cal, but ... Your Majesty?”

“We thank you, Coach Elway. We are the Absolute Monarch – King – of the Indigenous Peoples of Australia, Alaska, and Washington. We are the Prince of Punjab, absolute ruler and monarch of that region of Pakistan and India, and will be its King effective January 1^st. We are also a member of, but hold no titles with, the Royal Family of Saudi Arabia. All seventeen of our wives are Princesses, with Princesses Helen and Diana serving as our Queens. We are also the Spatial Defense Minister of the Federation of Terran Nations, which means we are the third highest ranking member of the World Government. We have complete diplomatic immunity regarding all things, which includes killing those who either offend or otherwise harm us, or any members of our family. We have a rather broad definition of the word family, such that it normally includes everyone in, on, or involved with Stanford. Please note that we have killed people before who we felt have wronged us.

“The reason your practices have all been suspended until after Saturday is quite simple. Over the course of the summer, various members of the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band, as well as the Cardinal football team, were witness to some demonstrations of exactly what we can, and will, do to protect our own. The man behind me is sworn to protect us with his life, or to kill anyone we tell him to. He has done so, at our word. He is also – tied, if you will – with two other people as being the most deadly assassin in the world. Sayel, draw your blade.”

Without a word, he did so.

“Coach Elway, do you have two quarters in your pocket?”

He reached in, and pulled out a handful of change. I picked up two of them. Holding one of them by the edge between my left thumb and index finger, I held it out. “Sayel, cut this quarter in half.” He took half a step to his left, then swung the blade. I kept eye contact with the other coaches, watching their eyes go wide. I smiled inside, because I cheated a little, using my power to keep both halves together until I dropped them into Elway’s hand. He held up both halves, one in each hand.

Then, I held the other quarter between thumb and index finger, only this time by the face and back. “Sayel, cut this quarter in half.” I did move my other fingers up, so they weren’t in his way. He again made a swift motion. This time, I didn’t hold the pieces, but allowed both slices of quarter, perfectly cut down the middle, to fall to the floor at my feet. The only sound you could hear in the room was the metal tinkling as they rolled in two different directions.

“The Stanford University campus is the safest college campus in the State of California, probably the entire United States, quite possibly the entire world, because the security forces here operate under our authority. Saturday morning, there will be a demonstration upon livestock of what you just saw on metal, for every member of your coaching staffs and your teams. We have seventeen wives that are now enrolled as students here. What you saw happen to the quarters, what you will see happen to several cows, pigs, and goats, is what will happen to anyone that causes upset to our wives. Keep one other thing in mind.” I reached behind me and quickly pulled out my khukuri, the glistening blade reflecting the light in the room at them. “Sayel and two others are the second best assassins in the world.”

I stopped talking, meeting each of their eyes. “We are the best.” I then turned, so they could see the scabbard for the khukuri at my waist, flipped the blade into the air, and allowed it to land in the scabbard, without ever moving. I did cheat a little with telekinesis, but they didn’t have to know that.

Turning back around, I said, “Oh, and to step outside the ‘royal persona’ – because I really don’t like doing it, unless it’s for a state function or absolutely necessary – just as an FYI, you’ll probably find more interest in your own athletic events, simply as a secondary effect of our football broadcasts. So far, our two games have been viewed by over one point five billion people around the world. What’s it going to do for women’s basketball as a sport when one of my wives plays, and broadcasts of those games are viewed around the world as well? Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for ruining your morning and your practices this week, but I think that’s better than finding half your team slaughtered – just the way we will kill the animals at the barbecue this Saturday – because they acted stupidly, don’t you?”

Without saying another word, I turned and walked out of the room.

I stopped in the hallway, just so I could listen. Kennedy yelled out, “Before you ask, yes he is, yes he can, and don’t even bother saying anything. He just turned seventeen, he’s earned four doctorates from us just since last January. If it came to any of your jobs – or any of your lives – there’s nothing the Trustees or administration can or will do. He’s already been investigated by the NCAA, and if you decide to quit, so be it, we’ll find someone to take your place.”

Elway said, “Look, everyone, one of my assistant coaches last year had an impeccable resumé, wonderful referrals, and turned out to be a serial rapist. He raped a nurse here on campus. When Cal found out about it ... I watched him with my own eyes literally cut that man’s dick and balls off using Sayel’s sword, then cauterize the open wound with a blazing hot iron. He was also attacked by eight men armed with tire irons that planned on raping his girlfriends when he was back in Kansas. He didn’t just defeat those eight men in unarmed combat, he destroyed them. Three of his wives are in Mexico City right now because they’re in charge of the international rescue efforts. Oh, and if you heard that during our Fourth of July celebration, we fired live artillery rounds at Fremont – we did. He’s also the nicest kid you could ever want to know. He’s a team player, he’s got wonderful wives and kids, and is the smartest man on Earth. Just...” he snorted as he continued, “Don’t fuck with him. You piss him off, you better have your will made out and ready.”

I smiled at that, nodding at Dave, so we then left.

I’d already been in communication with Eve, so she was waiting for me at the door. First she kissed me, then she slapped me, then she kissed me again.

I wiggled my jaw a little, because even though she hadn’t used any power, my body knew her to be safe, so I felt it.

Jennifer was sitting inside, laughing at my discomfort. “You get a B minus on this one. You defended your family as the husband, like you should. You didn’t ask your wife first, like you should have. And you scared the living daylights out of everyone, to protect all of us, like you should.”

“Um, I wasn’t expecting quite what happened, actually. I’d just asked Coach Elway if he could have everyone meet at Moffett Field Saturday, so we could demonstrate what a bad idea it is to mess with any of you. He’s the one that ran with it, about canceling all practices for every sport but football.”

Eve frowned, then smiled. “Okay.” She gave me another kiss. “Consider the slap revoked, and your grade improved to an A, then.”

“Don’t worry, it’s a woman thing, love. You’re the smartest man on the planet, but I doubt you’ll ever figure us out,” Diana chimed in.

I turned to Sayel. “Thanks for not protecting me just then.”

“And break my sword? I need to sharpen it now. I think I got a nick in it because I may have accidentally touched your hand with it.”

“You didn’t, but I bet cutting that quarter edge-on didn’t do it any good. You know what? Ladies, when you’re melting down metal, how about enough extra for two swords, and maybe a dagger? I can’t make one for Sayel without making one for Yagyu as well, and William deserves something, too.”

Sayel actually choked up, saying, “Master, you would make me a sword from the metal of your Home?”

“Yeah. I apologize for not thinking of it earlier, but we’ve been a little busy.”

He actually had a tear come to one eye. “This is the happiest I have been since the day I was forced to marry Jasmine instead of killing her. And you’ll have to ask her about that story, I simply cannot do it justice.”

Niranjana chuckled. “No, my brother-in-law, you cannot. Neither can I. I doubt there are any bards alive who could do it justice the way my sister can. It is legendary now among our people.”

“You know, that almost – but only almost – makes me want to go look up Jasmine right now and talk to her,” I said.

“I knew my Master was a wise man,” Sayel said with laughter in his voice.

When I showed up for my first class on Wednesday morning, I got some strange looks from the instructor. Since he’d been one of my law class professors before, I wondered what was going on. I stopped after class to ask him, and found out.

My rather unique status due to being royalty was common knowledge in the law school. But other than the one incident, no one had really cared a whole lot one way or the other. After the meeting with all the coaches yesterday, there’d also been meetings with every single member of the faculty, of all of the schools. While some of the departments were aware of Beth, Dora, and Eve, having fourteen other women also having the status as my wife running around campus, potentially at the same time, with blatantly armed security officers sitting in classes with them, wasn’t something many of the undergraduate professors had experience with.

“I’m rather used to you having one of your assassins, as well as a guard, in class. They maintain a rather low profile. Apparently Miss Watson will now have armed guards that are not quite so discreet with the concealment of their weapons. That doesn’t bother me. I’m a veteran. Some of the other professors here...” he made a wobble motion with his hand. “Not so comfortable. The same regarding your other wives.”

I sighed. “I didn’t really ask for any of it. It just comes as part of the job description.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I understand, Mister Lewis. It’s one thing to be a simple, unassuming college student. It’s another to be somewhat more important than the President of the United States.”

I just closed my eyes, shaking my head. Cindy Keller came in for the next class, and saw me standing up front.

“Was class so difficult that even the great Cal Lewis is having trouble with it?”

I opened my eyes. “Thanks, Cindy. No, I just found out I’m terrorizing the entire campus and scaring everyone.”

“Shit! You’re just a big teddy bear,” she said, giving me a hug. “Tell Yagyu I’ll be free tonight after four if he wants to come by.”

“I will.” I just shook my head again, then went to my next class.

The rest of my classes that day went by normally. I stopped by my chemistry lab to see how things were going, to find Virginia Heinlein deep in discussion with Doctor Helen Blau, the Director of Pharmacology, Doctor John Ross, an Assistant Professor of Chemistry, and Melissa Everett, the nurse that ran the lab’s day to day operations.

“Welcome back, Cal,” Ginny said. “We’ve been debating about something, and we need your opinion.”

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I think we’re ready for initial human clinical trials on the antiviral,” Melissa replied. “Doctor Blau is concerned about possible side effects depending upon the medications the patient may already be taking, and Doctor Ross is trying to figure out cost per dose based upon lab creation. Since your game this week is here, we’re going to schedule a meeting with Doctors Madix, Fallow, and Korn for Friday afternoon, after your last class, to discuss some things with them.”