Chapter 17: Misapprehension

It was Friday, Dec. 9, fourteen days before our date at City Hall. The Mexican Villa was booked. The private jet was reserved. Rings had been purchased and sized, gowns selected and altered to fit, etc., etc. As far as I could tell, everything was going smoothly.

We were all six gathered at home on the big living room sectional sofa. College was thankfully out-of-session. Sallie and I had been doing extra effort in our bank jobs to be sure our “virtual” inboxes would be clear when we left town. We were casually dressed after having dinner together and cleaning up the kitchen.

I looked around at our happy group. “I have been trying to guess what we might have overlooked. But we seem to have all the details handled. I guess my main concern is how much all this is costing Zach.”

“Andrew. Let me set you straight. Again. I checked with my accountant. And verified the numbers with my other accountant. If you aggregate all my expenditures in the twenty week period starting when I met Kara through February 1 when our honeymoon is totally complete, the total is a number, let’s call it X. Now, if I spend that same amount X every four weeks, it will take 1,420 months to deplete my personal fortune. That is 118 years.

“I want you to remember, also, COVID has depressed the tourist business. I could be putting the arm on all these guys, the resorts and staff down in Cabo. But I’d rather be doing good, helping the local economy. I’m going to give away a lot of my fortune anyway—as Kara already knows.”

Kara clutched Zach’s arm, her eyes shining.

“So would you please stop fretting and relax. For Kara, be happy with what is happening.”

Zach leaned over and gave his almost-wife the sweetest most romantic kiss imaginable.

Sallie spoke up, “Yeah, doofus. Be happy. Your daughter’s exceptional boyfriend is helping you marry me. But instead, I hear, “Waah, my penis is too small. Waah, Zach is spending too much. Don’t you love me?”

Oh, SHIT!

Suddenly, angry tearful Sallie was being hugged by Kara, Charlie, and Danielle. Over their shoulders, the accusation in Sallie’s eyes felt like an icepick. Zach was beyond exasperated.

“No, Sallie. I love you. Desperately. Please marry me. Oh, Sallie. I’ve never wanted anything more. I’m sorry I gave you any other impression.”

I was weeping, now, my face in my hands.

Kara stood, took my hand, and sat me beside Sallie. “Daddy, I’ve never seen you crying like this. What’s going on?”

“Actually, you have, you were just too young to remember. It was nineteen years ago. Sallie, when we first met, you saw her picture and asked me about Kara.”

“Paula. I remember.” Sallie answered, quietly.

“Oh, nooo,” breathed Kara.

“Nineteen years ago, I was married. In my arms was my precious new daughter. In my face was a nasty spiteful creature, who had just angrily announced she wanted nothing to do with me, my smelly little penis, or my bastard brat and her disgusting shitty diapers. Her boyfriend was a better lay, and they were going to his family in Mexico. I never heard from her again.”