Chapter 1

It’s hard to foresee life’s unexpected twists and turns. Who would have known what a tortuous path we would follow to where we are today and how we got here. I guess I should start at the beginning.

I was born in Egypt. My father was of Russian and Armenian origins, while my mother was a mix of Lebanese and Italian blood. Both had been born in Egypt. After the Egyptian Revolution, my father decided to have the family leave Egypt and move to North America.

So here I was now at the age of sixteen and on the eve of graduating from high school. I was precocious for my age and had skipped a few years of school due to transferring from a European system of education to a North American system.

I was what today would be considered a nerd due to the difference in age with my classmates. I had not made friends in school. My refuge was in books, and I did not participate in school sports. That is not to say I wasn’t active in sports, but those I did were outside of school. I participated in Judo classes, swam, played tennis and skied in winter. My sports interest were not part of the school curriculum in which my classmates participated.

Now I was faced with graduation ceremonies and the prom.

“Ray, who have you invited to the prom?” my mother asked.

“No one. I’m not going,” I answered.

“What do you mean you’re not going?”

“No girl from my class would want to go with me. They are all older than me and already have boyfriends.”

“Can you bring a girl from a junior year?”

“I suppose so, but I don’t know. In any case, I don’t know any.”

“Leave it with me. I’ll take care of it.”

“What do you mean you’ll take care of it?”

“Trust me.”

Trust her. Hell no. Not with something like this. I could see myself being embarrassed by her and not for the first time. My mother had an incredible ability to get me into embarrassing situations. Like the time she went out without me to buy my school clothes and returned with things like knee britches. Then insisted I wear them to my first day of school.

I could still see my classmate’s reaction when I walked into the class on the first day at a new school in a new country. It had taken me months to recover from that humiliating disaster.

I put the matter of the prom out of my mind, thinking my mother was just being a little crazy. How could she find a date that would accept me or one I would accept.

My delusion was short-lived as she returned home an hour later and announced that she had succeeded.

“Who? Who have you dredged up who will go to the prom with me?”

“Kim!”

“The Kim that lives next door?”

“Yes.”

“But mom, she is one of the most popular girls in school and she is two years older than me. Why would she accept?”

“Ray, you do not realize who you are. Now shut up and come with me. We have to go get you a tuxedo for tomorrow night and a corsage for her.”

“What’s a corsage?”

“What was I supposed to do, Jean?” I wedged the chunky receiver against my shoulder with my cheek, careful not to smear freshly applied Hazel Bishop Ultra-Matic on its mouthpiece.

“Everyone else already has a date ... Yes, even Bobby Buell. Edie Marchand talked him into taking her ... Well, it’s obvious. Because he couldn’t have you, that’s why.”

With a practiced flick of the wrist, I funneled excess glop from the brush and began to gloss my toenails in American Beauty Red. Dave Brubeck sizzled in the background from my radio. Everyone else was crazy for Elvis. I just didn’t get it.

“You know what that dress set me back. And I don’t intend to let three months of babysitting those spoiled Lebeaux twins go to waste ... No, the pedal-pushers were a total loss.” Jamie Lebeaux had smeared grape jelly all over the seat while I was mopping up Johnny’s orange-juice tantrum. I turned cartwheels around the yard after Mrs. Lebeaux had phoned to inform me they’d be boarding the terrible twosome at Pinevale Academy, a hundred miles away.

By then, the sleeveless sky-blue gown whispered festive promises every time I opened the closet door.

Then the day before yesterday, another call, this time from Doug. He’d sprained an ankle during track practice and would be on crutches for at least a week, hobbling my prom-night dreams as well.

“Ray’s mom seems really nice, and I’m not sure, but he might have an after-school job because he rarely gets back before suppertime. That’s why you haven’t seen him when you come over. Anyway, you will, a little later. See you at the dance.”

I hung up, lacquered my nails and glanced at the latest Mademoiselle while letting my handiwork dry.

But I couldn’t concentrate. Doug was a known commodity - popular, athletic, good-looking if on the bland side. Other than the few times I’d seen Ray, usually at a distance, I didn’t know him at all. When he wasn’t wearing his glasses, he was quite attractive. For a younger guy, anyway. I’d assumed he already had a girlfriend his age.

What did I have to lose? It was only one date. Conversation would be no problem. I’d ask him about the other places he’d lived. I just hoped he could dance without stepping on my new shoes and knew how to keep his hands to himself.

Most of all, I hoped he wasn’t an Elvis bore.

I stood silently while my mum fussed with my bow tie and cummerbund. I felt totally ridiculous wearing a white sport coat, starched formal shirt and the pants with that ridiculous satin stripe running down the leg.

“Mom, I look like a damn waiter,” I complained.

“No. You look very handsome. Now stand straight so I can look at you. Okay, you’ll do. Now go pick Kim up next door, and I’ll get the car ready for you to drive over. Don’t forget the corsage.”

Terrified at what lay ahead, I went next door and rang the doorbell. Standing on the stoop, I had the overwhelming urge to run away. Mr. Wallace opened the door and looked at me with a smirk before turning and yelling out, “Kim, your date is here.” He then ushered me into the hall.

I heard the click of heels above me, and then Kim appeared and elegantly descended the stairs. I had always admired her from afar and considered her one of the most beautiful girls in school. This vision clad in a blue sleeveless dress took my breath away. Perched on high heels that accentuated her long legs and with her breasts leading the way, I immediately fell in lust.

I stood there like an idiot with my jaw gaping, and my eyes bulging out as I watched her descend and seemed to float towards me.

“Oh, Ray, are those for me?” she said as she looked at the corsage. “Those white roses and delphiniums will go so well with my dress. Would you pin it on for me?”

“Uh ... where shall I pin it?” I stammered.

“Well, it normally is pinned to my chest on the right-hand side,” she said with a grin. “Now, make sure you don’t stick the pin in me. Please.”

I moved close to her and looked at where I had to pin the damned thing, realizing the only spot would be just over the curve of her breast, thrusting forward from her chest. Blushing furiously, I reached out and curved my fingers into her cleavage to part the material from her skin so as not to stick the pin into that soft, warm flesh that I could now feel against the back of my fingers. The operation complete, I removed my fingers as fast as I could.

“Thank you,” she said. “I must say you look very handsome.”

“Uh, thanks, you are stunning,” I replied, blushing.

“Well, shall we go?”

“How are we getting there?” Kim asked.

“Your chariot awaits, my lady,” I said, leading her to the car and holding the door open for her. As she slid into the seat, she inadvertently revealed her elegant thigh as her legs parted to get in.

I got into the diver’s seat and started the engine.

“Since when are you driving?” she asked.

“It’s been a year, but tonight is my first-time solo. Before this, dad was my co-pilot, so I guess tonight you get the job,” I said with a grin.

As we entered the gym, I felt everybody stare at us. I led Kim to a small table and offered to get us a drink. On my return, she was surrounded by a group of her girlfriends and their dates. I could not help overhear one of the jocks ask her what the hell she was doing with me as a date. She glanced up, saw me and said, “Over here, Ray.”

The immediate effect was the prompt departure of all of her cronies. I served her drink and sat down next to her. “What’s that you’re drinking, Vodka,” she asked, looking at my glass.

“No, it’s just seltzer water. I don’t drink alcohol. My coach has us under stringent rules. No drinking or smoking.”

“Your coach? In what? I didn’t know you were involved in sports.”

“I am. I work out four days a week. I am what is called a young hopeful on the US Judo squad.”

“What are the young hopefuls?”

“We are the ones who hope to be accepted for the next Olympic team in four years.”

“You that good?”

“I’m not sure I am. However, several people think I might have a chance.”

“Ray, may I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure.”

“Why is your girlfriend not here with you tonight? Why me?”

“Kim, I don’t have a girlfriend. You are the first young lady I have ever been out with.”

“Why?”

“Why don’t I have a girlfriend, or why you?’

“No, the girlfriend bit. You must be interested in girls, I presume.”

“Definitely am, however, not only don’t I have a girlfriend, but I also don’t have any friends. Too many hours of training plus keeping up my class averages takes all my time. My history of different schools has proven to be to my detriment.”

“How so?”

“Kim, I have been to eight different schools in four different cities in three different countries to get this far.”

“Wow! That must have been a drag.”

It must have shown on my face what a drag it had been. Kim stood up, took my hand and said, “Come on. Let’s dance.”

“Kim, I don’t know how to dance.”

“I do. I’ll teach you.” She led me to the furthest secluded corner of the dance floor, and with exquisite patience, she showed me the steps and how to move my body. She was an excellent teacher, and by following her moves, I was soon making an ungainly approximation of dancing.

“Ray, relax and let your body flow to the rhythm.”

She sounded exactly like my coach as he taught us Kata forms in Judo. The ritualized forms developed to show the students mastery over the minutest detail of a move. Hell, I thought to myself this is much easier to do. I started to relax, and soon Kim said, “Wow! What have I unleashed? You look as if you have been dancing for years.”

I realized that I was having fun and that Kim was not as daunting as I thought she would be.

We danced and talked for the whole evening until one of the band called out last dance. Kim took my hand and took me to the middle of the other dancers. The music started, and it was different than what we had been dancing to previously. She moved right up to me and placed her arms around my neck. I looked at the other dancers and saw the boys were holding their dates around the waist, so I copied them.

This was different. I could smell Kim’s perfume and feel her supple body against mine. We swayed to the music as she led me through some easy steps which seemed designed to keep us glued together while moving around the dance floor. Kim rested her head against my chest, and I could feel the warmth of her body against mine.

I felt myself get an erection and tried to move my lower body away from her; however, she kept her pelvis glued to me. She stopped a moment and murmured in my ear, “Enjoy, don’t fight it. It’s okay.”

I gave in to the pure pleasure of holding her, feeling her breasts against my chest and our pelvises grinding together. The lights dimmed, and she lifted her face to mine, and our lips met in the first kiss I had received in my life. Her lips parted, and I felt her tongue in my mouth.

In a way, it was Donnie Dagle’s fault for being such a jerk while Ray was getting the drinks. After he made that snide remark, I felt more determined than ever to make up for his rudeness and show Ray a good time.

Before long, I was having a good time too. Ray was different from the cookie-cutter team jocks who saw me as little more than a trophy with legs, a polished prize to be shown off on a Saturday night. The living doll who would nod and smile on cue during Coke-fueled rehashes of last week’s big game.

Ray asked which of my studies interested me the most and what I liked to do when not in school. When his expression was winsome and attentive as I answered, I admit I was flustered at first, not being used to a two-way conversation on a date. But I liked the feeling very much.

And when I tried to get him to open up a little more about his Olympic judo ambitions - my gosh; Doug Taylor would have plastered it on billboards - he seemed surprisingly modest about it all and changed the subject.

The flow of conversation was at full-throttle when the Hadley-Bryant Band began, ‘It’s Not for Me to Say.’ Impulsively, I asked Ray to dance.

He told me he’d never learned how, and a secret thrill rippled through me, a sense of being the worldly older woman who could introduce an attractive novice like Ray to something new and exciting.

I just never imagined it would go this far.

Ray inhaled a gentle quiver when my lips touched his. I let my eyes telegraph a quick ‘Don’t be afraid’ before closing them and trusting his hesitation to melt away once unobserved.

He kissed me back, and it began with the same tender awkwardness I found endearing when his fingers fumbled to pin the corsage. I slipped an encouraging thumb tip against the corner of his mouth to coax it open, which helped him relax enough for my tongue to draw his out to play.

Yes, I’d kissed Doug Taylor. And Brent Larochelle. And Wayne Carter, and a few others of the school’s athletic A-listers, antiseptic presses redolent of Certs, locker room and Aqua Velva. All through lips as carefully latched as a clutch purse, all chaperoned by the porch lantern’s tungsten stare, enough to convey appreciation for a good time while letting them know the date was over.

Not one of them had penetrated the Hazel Bishop I’d apply for the occasion, or even made me want them to. Yet here I was, coming on to the boy next door and unable to contain myself any longer.

Ray’s confidence gained momentum, and so did the pressure of his hand low on my back as he pulled me closer. The ironclad evidence of his enjoyment burrowed into the tulle and found soft, undulating hospitality beneath.

Even Mays Hadley, who’d sung flat for most of the evening, was now perfectly pitched and determined to out-croon Nat’s ‘Send For Me’ as our bodies momentarily stilled against one another and let an unleashed, blended longing take over the dance.

Just as the sensations were flinging stars behind my eyelids, the band swung into ‘All Shook Up,’ it’s jaunty tempo a chisel knocking us apart.

We giggled at the same time, and I knew everything would be all right. Our steps fell into the rest of the room’s assembly-line rhythm once more.

All too soon, the dance ended. I realized this had been one of the best evenings of my life. Something had happened to me that seemed to open whole new vistas of pleasure for the future.

I had discovered girls. Not the plastic version represented by the unrealistic bimbos portrayed in magazines such as Playboy and Hustler, not the intimidating gigglers and shallow classmates. Kim was real, vibrant and fun. Notwithstanding her reputation as a jock groupie and as such presumably superficial, she was intelligent and vivacious, not to mention stunning to my eyes.

That final kiss as the dance ended made me feel as if I was floating on air. My nostrils were permeated with the sensual aroma of the perfume Kim was wearing if indeed it was perfume and not just her natural fragrance. My lips and mouth could still sense the passion of her kiss and the feel of her tongue parting my lips and invading my mouth to search out my tongue.

As I took her arm to escort her out, I could feel her breast pressing against my arm as we walked to the car. I marveled again at the sensuality of her body. The slight grazing of my hand against her breast as I had pinned on the corsage at the start of the evening still sent a shiver through my body as I thought about it.

I opened the car door, and she slithered in, and I was rewarded with another glimpse of her thigh as her dress rode up against the leather car seat.

I realized that again my gallant reflex betrayed me as I hastily adjusted my erection so that it would not be evident before opening my car door.

On the drive home, neon streams lining Route 9 sizzled their serial invitations to dine, drink and dance. It was mild enough to cruise with the windows rolled down, the night wind sweet with discovery and freshly baked bread from Freihofer’s late shift. Traffic signals winked in gumdrop colors; street-light moons scudded intermittently across our parallel silhouettes.

As we chatted over the radio’s faint accompaniment, I watched Ray’s hands smoothly maneuver the steering and gearshift. Even his class ring was low-profile instead of the usual chunky, sweater-snagging kind the school jocks usually wore. These were very much a man’s hands, broad and sinewed with his life’s efforts.

They were capable of radiating heat I could still feel through my dress. The perfume I’d dabbed hours ago alchemized my awakening into a heady blend that made me wish it could be bottled. Lanvin’s Lure? L’air de Lust?

Inside, I was singing, still flush with exhilaration. Taking the initiative was new to me. It made me feel strong, not in a dominant way, but alive to my purpose as a woman.

I really liked Ray. More than that, thrummed my vital signs.

“Your boyfriend isn’t going to challenge me to a duel, is he?” On the flying heels of our banter, his question seemed rhetorical.

“You mean Doug? You’re the judo champ - you could handle him, couldn’t you?” I answered in a coquettish lilt.

The dashboard glow limned his profile’s momentary seriousness, his striking features shaded in film-noir repose.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Ray.” I began to fashion lassos from the purse strap. “We’ve been on a couple of double dates, and he was the first one to ask me to the prom, but we’re not going steady if that’s what you mean.”

He clicked the directional arm as we approached Broadway and Maple. “Then he’s either blind, or he’s crazy.”

It wasn’t just his words; it was the resonance with which he said them, the clench of his hands on the wheel as he navigated left. I remembered what he’d told me about having no time for girlfriends. My heart pumped a dejected thud at the probability that it would be no different for me. Wasn’t it wrong to stir feelings within him that were best left alone?

The Wildcat Lounge’s scarlet letters shimmied through the windshield, minus the ‘o’.

There was an alternate world of girls who weren’t girlfriends. Girls who were rumors, hushed mysteries, groped in seclusion to mollify a young man’s incessant need.

Girls I’d looked down upon ... until now.

Despite sudden weakness that jellied my limbs, I managed to ease myself incrementally across the leather bench’s coolness until my flank nestled against Ray’s.

The car braked for a stop sign a block from our street. His attention turned from the road toward me, eyes dark with disbelief yet craving conversion.

“How crazy are you, Ray?”

His name was the last sound we heard before his lips silenced all but our breathing, which swelled to small craft warnings as one hand grazed his temple, then gale force as the other crept softly into his lap.

I broke the kiss long enough to gasp the socially unthinkable: “I’d like to see you again.”

I broke reluctantly from the kiss to look deep into Kim’s eyes. “How crazy am I? Right now, I’m crazy enough to believe that you just said that you’d like to see me again. I’m also crazy enough to believe I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you.”

“You sure it’s love? Could it be lust?” Kim asked me with a wistful smile on her face.

“Kim, I honestly don’t know, I’ve never experienced feelings like this before. I think I know what lust is. God knows I’ve lusted after many girls, after all. I have, despite being maybe a bit of a nerd in most people’s eyes, the same urges most men have.”

Her hand slid up my thigh and slowly brushed across my cock as her tongue lasciviously licked her lips. I instantly went from semi-erect to rampant. Her eyes grew wide as saucers as she gasped in astonishment.

“Where have you been hiding that?” she asked as she undid my belt and slowly lowered the zipper on my trousers. Her hand slid into my boxers, and her small hand attempted to wrap itself around my penis.

I was in an agony of ecstasy as she pulled out my member and leaning forward, planted a soft and tender kiss on my cockhead. I felt her soft velvety tongue lick around the mushroom head and suck it tenderly between her lips.

She then sat up abruptly and blurted out, “Oh my God, what’s come over me? I’ve never done anything like this before. What have you done to me?”

“I don’t know what I have done to you, but I now know that I have just fallen passionately in love with you. Yes, I definitely want to see you again. Will you be my girlfriend, Kim?”

“You’re just saying that because you want the sex.”

“Sure, I want the sex, but even more, I want to be with you. I have enjoyed every second of our time together and I want the opportunity to get to know you in all possible ways.” With that, I took off my class ring and took her dainty hand and placed it on her index finger. “Kim, will you go steady with me?”

She clasped her fist shut around the ring, looked at me and melted into my arms. “Yes, Ray, I would be proud to go steady with you. Now please kiss me.”

An eternity later, she broke the kiss. “Ray, you know that yours’s is the first penis I have ever touched.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I’m a virgin in every sense of the word.”

“But what about the guys you dated previously?”

“I’ve been groped, but none of them has had the privilege of touching more than my breasts.”

“So that makes us both virgins. The only breast I’ve felt has been yours when I pinned on the corsage earlier tonight.”

“Please take it off now.”

I reached up and carefully unpinned it from her dress. She took my hand and placed it on her breast seemed to think for a second and lowered her dress to expose her tit to me. “Touch it. Please play with it.”

I cupped that delightful roundness in my palm and rubbed my hand across it as Kim moaned with pleasure. Taking her into my arms at the same time, I kissed her passionately.

Our pleasure was short-lived as out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kim’s father walking down the street towards us.

Kim hastily covered the object that would be the focus of my dreams and got out of the car to greet her father.

Dad! Is everything all right? Is Mom okay?”

I tried to sound as alarmed as possible, which wasn’t difficult. From the ironclad set of his jaw, a look I hadn’t seen since Jersey Brannigan’s runaway pass shattered our picture window, I knew my only hope - and Ray’s - was to go on the offensive. I stepped directly in front of him and into the line of fire - anything to stall for time.

“Your mother thought she saw you coming down the block. That was ten minutes ago, young lady. What do you think you’re up to?”

“We were just -”

“All your dates bring you to the front door, Kim. All of them. Those are the rules. You can tell Ray,” he shook a pointed fist over my shoulder, “that there’s no exception for prom night.”

“He knows. And he will -”

“Well, how long is it going to take?”

“Dad, will you listen?” I kept my tone low to harmonize with the neighborhood’s hush. “It’s my fault. I was trying to talk Ray into going for a soda at Ned’s with the rest of the gang. But he told me he has to get up early to train for a competition.” I fervently hoped that was true. Then, as if I were offering him more mashed potatoes at supper, “If you like, we can walk from here?”

His arms folded in ultimatum mode. “You’ve got three minutes to say your goodnights - at the front door. Your mother’s anxious to hear all about the dance, so don’t keep her waiting.”

His shoulders rigid as carpenter’s squares, he turned and marched toward the house.

“I had a wonderful time, Ray.”

We faced each other, not touching, not wanting to arouse further suspicion. I could almost feel Dad’s glare boring through the closed front door.

“Thank you for everything.” I touched the hastily re-pinned corsage, wishing it were Ray’s fingers on the cusp of my neckline once more.

“We’ll take a rain check on Ned’s, okay?” he smiled.

I had to hand it to him for being such a quick study. “Sure. You know where to find me.”

Any fear that Dad’s protectiveness might have deterred Ray’s ardor, melted under his confident gaze. “Goodnight, Kim.” The words brimmed with all the intimacy of a kiss, all the promise of continuing what began moments ago.

As I watched him depart, envious of the shadows that enfolded him, I remembered the ring and twisted it off and into my purse. I saw no need to incite further interrogations - at least for tonight.

“Well, if it isn’t the cradle robber,” Jean caroled down the phone.

“Always good to hear from you, Donnie.” I pinched a coil from the laminated-Slinky wire and fought the urge to hang up.

“Aw, don’t be like that, Kim. I’m just joking. You two looked pretty cozy on the dance floor last night. So is the new guy a good kisser? Did he take you to Lake Lane afterward?”

“His name is Ray, and of course, we didn’t.” Thank goodness she couldn’t see what must have been a flush even a heavy hand of Maybelline couldn’t match. Had Dad not decided to launch a one-man search party, who knew where we might have gone - and how far? “What about you and Ritchie?” I deflected.

She snapped at the bait. “Oh, we went to Ned’s with Patsy and Travis. Guess who we ran into? Did you know that...”

I barely listened to the gossip that rattled over the line like a broken gumball machine, trying not to blurt out the biggest headline of all: that Ray and I were now going steady.

“You remember Tom Shafer from Clifton Park? Jessie brought him as her date. Nice guy, but two left feet...”

After bidding Ray goodnight, enduring Mom’s round of Twenty Questions and pleading sudden fatigue to get to my room sooner, I hung up the cloud of my dress and slipped on Ray’s ring. Its facets cast colored starlight from the mirror when I reached to undo my bra. As the lace fell away, I couldn’t keep from cupping the emancipated curves and seeing them as he saw them: invitations to touch, to kiss, to gather for his enjoyment.

“ ... and her new shoes got all scuffed. The only dates she’ll have the rest of the weekend will be with Esquire and a buff brush...”

And when his palm had brushed their startled eagerness, glowing filaments showered through my belly and kindled a wildfire of awareness where I’d had none before. I crept between the sheets, slipped a hand beneath my briefs, and gasped at how so much heat and moisture could coexist without one consuming the other.

Had Ray felt the same insane thrill when ... Ohh. A finger stirred a sensitive crest. I stroked again, feverish, longing to enter his universe. Was he doing the same thing right then? Where was his hand positioned on that massiveness; where did it feel the best for him? Would he ever let me know?

I lay like that for most of the night, hovering on the edge of wonder but afraid to take the exploration any further. When I showered in the morning, my hands were slick with more than soap. It filled me with indecent happiness that it would enable Ray to...

Jean’s soliloquy crossed the finish line with a flourish. “So, I’ll see you at Cherie’s at one, right?”

“Um, I can’t make it,” I lied. We were scheduled to join the ranks of the bobbed and permed, but I’d canceled my appointment moments ago, wanting Ray to see my long hair freed from its usual do. “Nena Harris is coming over,” I rushed on. “Have to help Mom get the place ready. As a matter of fact, she needs me now. I gotta run, call you later, okay?”

Alone with my thoughts and the chatter of bluejays, I exhaled worry. Fear clenched its ice-cold fist inside my stomach. Oh gosh. The things I did that felt so right, so natural in the dark, suddenly struck me as crude and whorish under daylight’s microscope.

Would Ray be disgusted with my forward behavior now that it was the morning after? What kind of ‘nice girl’ let a man feel her breasts or touched - let alone mouthed - his hardness on the first date? Would he change his mind about wanting to see me again?

Before I could breathe in, the phone jangled. Probably, one of my other friends with another crack about dating a younger man. Might as well face the music.