Chapter 2

I was quite excited as I climbed in my car. I had just bought lighters and three packs of 164 menthols. I realized I would also need an ashtray but the gas station didn’t sell them. I searched for the closest place that sold them on my phone and was happy to see a smoke shop a few blocks away. The shop opened at 8am and I impatiently waited in my car until a young lady unlocked the door.

I browsed the shop briefly and stopped to look at a variety of artistic ashtrays. One was a ceramic frog with its mouth open wide. Many were simple short pots with designs or animals painted on them. I thought one that resembled a wide-open mouth with plump lips was a little disturbing and looked away. I decided on two traditional-looking ones with four slots to hold cigarettes, plus a small metal one with a lid I could keep in my purse.

As I walked toward the cashier and saw a display with cigarette holders, I remembered the man’s hypnotic voice, “Long cigarette holders are feminine and turn on men who like smoking. They also keep the smoke away from your eyes. You should buy a cigarette holder longer than your hand if you get a chance.” I picked up two with stickers that said ‘12 inches’, one black and the other pink.

I climbed in the car and dug out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I eagerly looked at the pack but remembered the man’s hypnotic voice, “Its best to smoke at home alone, with no distractions. You should listen to my voice while you enjoy sucking on your wonderful cigarettes.” I remembered I’d left the CD in my bedroom and cursed, “DAMMIT!”

I didn’t want to wait until I got home for some nicotine relief, so I went to the pharmacy next door. I rapidly strode to the Quitting Smoking section and picked up a 10-pack of nicotine gum. I hesitated when I saw larger boxes. I thought about getting a box of 100 pieces, but saw the boxes of 160 were cheaper per piece. Being out of nicotine was awful and I didn’t want to go through it again, so I picked up two of the largest boxes. I walked to the checkout and the urge was getting intense. Before the cashier even rang them up I ripped the top of a box open, took out two pieces, and shoved them in my mouth. I saw what I really wanted on a shelf behind the cashier. I said, “And three packs of menthol 164’s.” I was quitting, but I definitely didn’t want to run out before it was time.

At home I dropped the bag from the pharmacy on the kitchen table, ran upstairs, and set my gas station and smoke shop purchases on the bed. I had put the open box of gum in my purse, and chewed another two pieces to tide me over until I could open a pack of cigarettes and put one in a holder. I chewed quickly and looked at a very long white 164 menthol in anticipation, as I put it in the end of the pink plastic holder. I put the CD in and skipped to the last section I had last listened to.

“Once you have a pack of cigarettes and you are in a private place, put one between your lips and light it, or even better, put it in a cigarette holder. Fill your mouth with the pleasant smoke, then move the cigarette or holder away from your lips slightly. Take a big breath through your mouth, pulling the fantastic smoke deep inside you. It will help you relax and feel good. You love to smoke but can only have three a day, since you are quitting. Inhale again, filling your mouth with the wonderful smoke, then move the cigarette away from your lips slightly. Take a big breath through your mouth, pulling the pleasing smoke deep inside you. Relax now and rest your free hand on your thigh. You love to smoke but can only have three a day, since you are quitting. Enjoy how good the nicotine makes you feel as you slowly move your hand between your legs. That’s it, move your hand up and down very slowly, enjoying how good you feel. Smoking is very relaxing and sexy...”