Chapter 52

“No!”

As dad’s yell echoed in the darkness, I peered at Shayna.

“Dave!” My mother’s tone was, if anything, more strident. That was her I’m not backing down voice. “We fucking well talked about this before we even went out there. A—and you always understood my—needs.”

“But—”

“But what, Dave? What can you possibly be complaining about after all these years?”

“Ironside, though. Your boss?”

“Yes. What about him? He likes me. How in the hell do you think I got that new company car? So what? I’m here with you. You suppose his wife doesn’t know? Or he’s looking for anything more than sex?”

There was a lingering silence, broken only by both their heavy breathing. And soft footfalls. Dad was pacing.

“Before, it was manageable.” My dad’s low voice was shaky.

“Exactly. Before, Dave. Not now. And not for a while.”

“So, you’re just gonna...? Like ... Back when we were younger.”

“Yes. Yes, and more. That yearning is so sharp. You’ve no idea. It eats away at me. Drives me to do ... All the things I want to do. To have done to me. And you know it. It’s always been that way with me, so stop being such an ass.”

“Ass? Really, Wendy.”

“Well, I am who I am. I’m freer now than ever before. After all this time, did you think you’d change me? Or are you hoping it’ll fade away when I get older? That bullshit you spouted back when we met.”

“You’re gonna ... Sleep with ... Him? Somebody else?

“No. Dave. Not sleep, but I’m gonna fuck him. And yes, somebody else. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I don’t want to, but that craving. You can’t imagine...”

“I love you, Wendy.” Dad’s voice was so low I strained to catch his words.

“And I love you too. It’s why I haven’t yet.”

“No?”

“No! Of course not. He’s still chasing me. And I’m keeping him at bay. For now. But let’s stay focused, Dave. This. What we did for Kyle. You must’ve known the extent? You had to? We’d been over it and over it.”

“Yes. Sorta. I mean, he said you’d be different, but—”

Again, I looked at Shayna. I’d been there. In his dusty shoes. He’d met the man in the desert before. Long ago. They’d made a deal. He hadn’t mentioned that to my mother? Not ever?

“Dave. I’m aroused all the time. At night, I have such vivid dreams. During the day, it’s almost worse. I daydream. Also detailed.”

“And? You’ve always had a high, uh, libido.”

“If he grabs me, I will fuck him, Dave. Hell, if he asks, I’ll do it. I haven’t worn panties at work in a long while.” She was silent for a while before adding in a hushed tone. “I let him play with me.”

At my dad’s gasp, I glanced at Shayna. Ears up and eyes front, she was focused on the conversation. Like a statue, she lay still. Even her tail, straight as an arrow behind her, was motionless.

“Also, I allow his wife to finger me, hon. And she doesn’t even ... Dave, she hasn’t got what I crave.”

There was a long silence filled with only dad’s halting footsteps and rapid breathing.

“Oh, come on, choir boy, don’t give me that look. You want me to say it aloud? Fine. I crave cock. There, happy? And while she may not possess one, Jesus, her fingers. Anyway, the point is, since we’re being all honest tonight. She wants me to fuck him. And I will. I can’t take it much longer.”

At my dad’s loud sigh and his crumpling to a chair, I also let out all the air I’d been holding inside. Shayna flicked her eyes to me for only a brief second.

“Yeh, I’m just peachy, dog. Fine,” I whispered.

And I mean, I was sorta okay. Sure, trying to sort through their lies and half-truths while discerning motivations was making my head hurt. But I was alert to every single word and sound in that darkened room. So, hurray for being able to focus again after three days of slumber.

“You need to understand.” My mother’s voice was calm. “Whatever he did out there in the desert. Not just, you know, so I could deliver him those ... Again, when we got back, he left a much sharper yearning inside me, Dave.” All of a sudden, her tone shot up in pitch and was louder. “And it needs more than you. There I said it. I’m sorry but—”

“—it’s true,” he finished in a quiet tone. “So what do we do, Wendy?”

“We find me company.” It was her turn to whisper.

“What do you mean?”

“You and I, together we pick ... Decide who I can—”

“—fuck?” he spat out.

“Yes.”

After her one-word reply, the silence dragged for minutes, hours, a millennium. With her long jaws stretching wide, Shayna emitted a silent yawn. Just as my eyelids started to droop, dad cleared his throat.

“I don’t know, dear. That sounds dangerous.”

“Dangerous is me deciding by myself. Or giving in to the cravings without you around. That’s what I fear most, Dave. I don’t wish to lose you.”

“But—”

“Dave, there’s such emptiness inside me. It wants to be filled again by Him. But I’m not crazy about going back out there. Do you want that?”

“No.”

“Well, so here we are. I’ve got drives, and...”

After her voice tapered off, there was another interminable silence. My heartbeat was battering my ribs. I stared at Shayna. It was because of me. At the crux of it all, I was on a timer. And my mother, well, she’d said it, had cravings. Once I was gone, they’d be without me to fill them. At a primal level, she was planning to survive. And to keep her marriage intact. Battered but intact.

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