Chapter 19: The Queen’s Chamber

I remembered that Mom had packed a pump bottle of hand lotion. In our suite, I asked Paul to sit on my bed while I went to her bedroom to grab it.

When I returned, “Paul, put your towels over there. Take them with you later because they will count them and charge you (a lot) if some are missing from your room when you leave tomorrow.”

As he stood up and turned to do this, I quickly pulled off both pieces of my new swimsuit, leaving me nude. When Paul turned back to face me, I was pulling open the bed and putting more towels down to protect the sheets.

“Paul, please join me on this bed. I would love for you to coat my skin with lotion and massage me thoroughly. After that, maybe we can do some other fun things. OK?”

“Paul?”

He wasn’t moving. His eyes were wide. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathed. “Are you still teasing me? I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Nora, I know I haven’t been this way with you, but I really am shy. No relationships, and no sex. I’m going to terribly disappoint you. You should have some guy with experience, not me!” He collapsed abruptly and heavily on the edge of the bed and looked at his feet. And he was shaking!

Horrified, I put my hand to my mouth. I was blowing it! I got so far into my lusty fantasies that I’d scared him.

I took a towel and re-wrapped myself. Then I sat beside him and held his hand.

“Paul, Paul, Stop. Breathe, be still. Look at me. Listen to me. Trust me. We weren’t, we aren’t going to have sex. Not today. I don’t have birth control, so it couldn’t happen. I just wanted your hands on my skin. You can keep your ugly swimsuit on. Today was just supposed to be some easy fun for both of us.”

Paul, I wanted you to feel, not just look at my body. Understand, I have been stared at my whole life. It’s been awful. But I enjoy feeling your eyes on me. I have come to believe you when you say that you see past my birthmark. I trust you, because you have treated me with kindness, and maturity.”

“For that reason, and others, you cannot possibly disappoint me. You cannot disappoint me. Look me in the eye! You. cannot. disappoint. me!”

“I was playing today, but when I’m with you I do feel like a Queen. Not disfigured. Attractive! For a grown man to look at me and speak to me that way is the most precious gift in my life.”

“Please, don’t you take that gift away from me. I couldn’t bear it! I need you to be brave for me, not fearful. Take back a portion of the confidence and strength I gained from you.”

“Let’s be totally truthful with each other. Originally, your mother browbeat you into approaching me. You were so self-conscious and shy, you apologized five times in three minutes for ‘bothering me.’ Meanwhile, I was working just as hard to convince you I was too deformed to waste your time upon.”

“True or false, Paul? Did that happen?”

“Am I too disfigured for you, Paul?”

“Are you too shy for me, Paul?”

“You look me straight in my eyes, Paul. Those gray eyes you’re so fond of. Then tell me you are too shy to be dating Nora Vinke. While you’re at it, tell me I’m too ugly to date you, because I’ll believe it. That will destroy me, but I will believe it. Because the one guy I ever allowed to see me naked chickened out and ran away from me!”

I was weeping. I was angry. I was terrified. We were on the brink of losing the fragile thing we had started together, owing to a failure of self-confidence.

I still held his hand.

Paul spoke quietly, looking straight into my eyes.

“No.”

“What? What do you mean, ’no’?”

“I am not too shy. I will not run away. I will not disappoint Nora Vinke, the bravest, strongest, sexiest, smartest, most beautiful woman I will ever meet. And, in a few minutes, I’m going to be giving her the very best erotic massage that I possibly can.”

“Because as much as I enjoy looking, I need touching too, so very badly. And hugging. And kissing. And most of all, I want to earn my way into your heart.”

“And your bed.”

We clung to each other. At that moment, I wanted to hold him forever.

And then we were kissing. Gently, and then more and more passionately. Glorious!

And then, I dropped the towel and lay back.

“Paul, I am yours.”