Chapter 5: Conspirators

The next week, those two plotted against me. I couldn’t believe it! When we arrived at Lennie’s as usual, Dan, my Dan, was on her front step. He looked a little nervous, but greeted us with a small smile, “Hello, ladies.”

Inside, Lennie took over. “Dan, this is Eve Scott, she goes by ‘E’, and she’s a senior in our high school. E, Dan Tyson told me he thinks you’re pretty, and he would like to take you to Swenson’s for some ice cream. My best friend Lara tells me Dan is a nice guy and you can trust him to treat you right. So, now that I have introduced you, will you go for ice cream with Dan?”

“If Lara is endorsing him, I guess I will accept ice cream with Dan. Now?”

“Yes, please, E. Shall we go?” To Lara and Lennie, “Thank you. She will be back soon.”

Safely out on the sidewalk (Swenson’s was only eight blocks from Lennie’s house), I asked, “Alright, Dan, what is this? If you wanted ice cream, I’m sure Lennie has gallons of it in her ginormous secret freezer.”

“Apparently, those two decided we both need practice at being normal and doing normal things. The word ‘fun’ was mentioned. Also, credible threats were made, if I didn’t ‘man up’ and show you how a guy should act with a girl. Ice cream is a baby step, for working up towards an actual full date.”

“A date, with me?” I think, for the first time in years, my voice cracked. My usual alto turned into a high squeak.

“Yes, E, a girl as pretty as you should have guys taking you out. You hide from people too much, it’s bad for you. Lennie and Lara see it, and they worry about you, I worry too.”

“You worry? But why?”

Dan stopped in his tracks and turned. He put his finger under my chin and lifted my face, so we were eye-to-eye.

“Why not? Except for Lara, and maybe Lennie, nobody knows you better than I do. We have lived in the same house, for practically our whole lives, E. We used to play together, remember? But we got older, and we pulled away from each other. You and I both are nervous with other people, outsiders. I get it. I understand. How could you imagine that I don’t?”

“Those two ladies are right about us, I think. We are so inhibited, we can’t relate to other people. But I’m not an outsider! I’m Dan! According to Lara, I’m ‘your Dan.’”

Damn her, telling my secrets!

“Finally, Lennie—an outsider—managed to pry open Lara’s shell, and she’s begun working on yours. But I think she’s attacking your iron plating with a drinking straw. Somehow, you have gone so far down into yourself that, well, frankly, mental is becoming physical. Lara is becoming completely scared about your stability. I am, too. E, you’re taking yourself away from us. We miss you. You’re at real risk, and we hate it. We hate it!”

Dan took my hands in his, still holding my eyes. I was feeling ashamed, like I had let him down. Somehow, he intuited this.

“Stop it. This is not me attacking you. And not another reason to attack yourself, either. You’ve been doing way too much abusing of yourself already. Except for a slight positive blip lately, you have been spiraling down for a long long time. I don’t think your dad sees all of it yet, but I do.”

“Lara sees it and therefore Lennie sees it. And I for goddamn sure see it. So, we worry. We have to. There’s just no choice, because you’re our E.”

“There is a great person inside you. We want to find that person, support her, and bring her out into the light. Part of that is practicing. How to be a great sister, for Lara. How to have friends, with Lennie. How to date, going out with me. How to date, for me, because I need practice too. A lot of practice.”

“So please trust Lennie, and Lara, and trust me too. Let’s go have some ice cream, enjoy spending some time together, and count it as good practice. It’s good for my ego and my reputation to be out with a pretty girl.”

I felt a shift inside, maybe Dan is right! I need to stop hiding. Cowering, actually. Dan won’t hurt me, and he already knows our family’s secrets. I needed to grab the lifesaving rope he was extending to me.

I replied with a smile, “Going out with a pretty girl won’t do much for me. But a handsome man would be fine.”

I emphasized the point by poking him, then turned and resumed walking toward Swenson’s.

Lennie was right, a casual unstressed ice cream date was the perfect first practice for the two of us.

Afterwards, I managed to thank him and hug him warmly. I asked for another practice date.