Chapter 56: Cards on the Table

-- THURSDAY, JULY 2, 2009 --

The ropes course activity was fun for everyone. Dad fell off the ropes a couple of times, for which Jack Evans ribbed him quite a bit. Sasha was a total pro, with perfect balance to the point where it seemed like she could walk the rope without needing to hold onto anything. Adrienne said she felt like a cow on ice, and Emma pointed out that she was pretty top-heavy.

Dawn was also uncharacteristically clumsy. Normally she had such focus that she could master these challenges with ease, not to mention that she’d already been up on this course more than a dozen times over the years by now. I felt Adrienne’s eyes on me, her voice in the back of my head asking what was going on. But I didn’t want to get into that stuff in the middle of the family challenge. I was rather distracted myself, knowing there was a loaded conversation I’d still need to have with Dawn. Although I’d come to my resolution regarding Option Three that I not only needed to help her realize we’d never get married in the future, but also that I needed to break off our current romantic relationship until we could re-equalize ourselves as best friends, there hadn’t been time to tell her all that before our ropes course reservation.

After we all returned to earth and were once again upon on solid ground, BJ scrambled away from the moms and rushed into my arms. I picked him up and set him on my hip while he animatedly recapped everything he’d seen. His arms gestured out to the sides as he explained, “And den you went ‘Ohhh!’ And den I tot you was gon fall. But den Daddy went ‘Uhhh!’ and he catch you! And yoh ahm was all stretch. But Daddy had yoh hand, and he pull, and then it was ‘Oh, yay. I’m okay!’ So funnnny. Hee-hee-hee.”

Seriously, BJ’s recap was even more fun than the real thing.

The plan was to change into our swimwear and head over to the lake for the rest of the afternoon before dinner. BJ was already in his swimsuit, as were the moms, so they took him straight to the lake so he wouldn’t have to wait for the rest of us to change. The dads went off to their cabin while the girls and I headed off in the other direction. And as we approached the cabins, I took a deep breath and prepared myself to ask Dawn if she and I could talk privately.

But before I could, Summer spoke up, saying a bit uncertainly, “Hey guys? Can we all come inside together for a bit? We need to talk. As a group.”

I gave her a look of surprise, not expecting her to preempt me. The rest of us all glanced at each other to check if anyone else knew what was going on, and then Adrienne was the first to ask, “Talk about what?”

Summer took a deep breath and gestured towards me. “About which one of us is gonna marry Ben.”

The twins looked confused. Adrienne frowned. Sasha glanced straight at me, as did Kim and June. Dawn kept her head down.

Adrienne finally spoke, asking, “You’re not serious, are you?”

“As serious as my mother’s death. Yes, that serious,” Summer stated plainly.

Eden’s eyes got big, and she stared at me with an expression that asked, ‘Did she REALLY just say that?’

Adrienne frowned and looked questioningly at me as well. I looked confused and held my hands up helplessly. Next, both of us (and everyone else) turned their attention to Dawn.

Feeling dozens of eyes lasered in on her, Dawn blushed and gestured to the purple-haired girl next to her, explaining, “This is all Summer’s idea. I’ll let her explain.”

“C’mon,” Summer continued, gesturing towards my family’s bigger cabin. “Let’s everyone go inside.”

Even in the “big” cabin, ten people was a tight fit. There was only one couch and a table with four chairs in the living room, so we ended up crowding into the bunk room. The twins sat cross-legged atop the bunk bed while Kim and June parked themselves on the bottom bunk. Adrienne and Sasha sat together on the bed-bridged king-size against the opposite wall, and I was perched on the side of the bed with my heels up on the bedframe. And Summer and Dawn sat together on Brooke’s single bed in the middle of the room.

“I think it’s long past time we all laid our cards on the table, as it were,” Summer stated with a quiet certainty. “I know we’re all still a little emotionally raw. Ever since my mom died, you’ve all done so much for me, every one of you. I know this is a tightly-knit group of people who love each other very, very much, and would gladly run through a brick wall if it meant making someone else’s life just a little bit better.”

“Well maybe you would, but I’m not really a fan of brick walls,” June muttered.

Adrienne snorted, Kim elbowed June, and June blushed. I chuckled and remarked, “And they used to say you had no sense of humor.”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past few weeks ... a LOT of thinking,” Summer said with a sigh. “Losing my mom is going to haunt me for the rest of my life, and I’m not sure I’ll ever truly get over it. But being with the rest of you means the world to me. Feeling your love, seeing how many of your friends and family showed up to support us, I’ve never experienced that before. It’s because of all of you that I feel strong enough to face the coming days. It’s because of all of you that I know I’ll never have to be alone again. But at the same time, we’ve all been reminded that life is precious ... and fragile ... and that there’s no guarantee we’ll all be together again the same time tomorrow.”

Everyone was nodding, everyone except for Adrienne. My Tigress leaned forward with her forearms on her knees, narrowed her eyes, and said, “I get all that, but I don’t get why that means we need to get together and discuss which one of us is gonna marry Ben.”

“Well for one thing,” Summer explained, “We all know that Ben and Dawn hiked out to their special clearing this morning. I’m not going to go into the nitty-gritty details about what they said, but bottom line, they came to a mutual understanding that they really are better off as best friends and will never, ever get married.”

Adrienne’s eyes narrowed. “I fail to see how this is new information. Hasn’t Dawn been insisting to anyone and everyone who’ll listen that she never, ever wanted to be his government-titled wife?”

I leaned forward, “And just because Dawn and I got that part locked down this morning doesn’t mean we suddenly need to have a group discussion about which one of the rest of you is gonna marry me.”

“Yes, it does,” Summer stated firmly. “This is a family, a team. This is a conversation we need to have collectively to put our cards on the table and make some decisions.”

I shook my head. “There is no way in hell we’re deciding collectively whether or not I’m getting married at all, let alone who I’m going to marry. That kind of decision will be entirely between me and the woman in question and is NOT subject to group approval.”

“Please...” Adrienne drawled. “Do you honestly think you’d actually make that kind of decision without asking the rest of us for our input?”

I arched an eyebrow at her. “Well of course I’d ask for your input and everyone else’s.”

“Damn straight you will. We’re a part of each other’s lives, Tiger: united and intertwined.” Reaching forward, Adrienne grabbed my shoulders and pulled me down flat on my back so that I was looking upside-down at her as she loomed over me. “You’re the only man I will ever truly love, I will be a part of your life for the rest of mine, and that’s final.”

I chuckled and puckered up. “Yes, dear.”

The others around the circle giggled as Adrienne bent over and pecked my lips. Across the room, June stage-whispered to Kim quite loudly, “Explain to me again why they won’t get together?”

Kim rolled her eyes and didn’t bother to mime stage-whispering. “If I had an explanation that I thought made any logical sense, I’d tell you, but I don’t.”

“I do,” Adrienne interjected. “(A) Summer’s his girlfriend. And (B) We all know Ben and Dawn being only ‘best friends’ is bullshit. They’re soulmates who can freaking read each other’s minds. They can never truly be separated, and even ME plainly stating to him flat out - in this very camp - that if he ever fucked her again, that would be the day he lost me, they still couldn’t be separated.”

Still flat on my back, I stared up at my Tigress as I said softly, “I’m still sorry about that.”

Adrienne’s nostrils flared once as she snorted, but then she sighed and shook her head dismissively. “I’m over it. I mean clearly, I’m not completely over it, but yeah I’m kinda over it. I get it, and I forgave you a long time ago even if I can’t quite forget. I was wrong to try to separate you back then and if anything, I’m the one that owes you an apology. But we’re getting off topic right now. The point is: you two love each other, will always love each other, and if we’re going to seriously have a discussion about which one of us girls is gonna marry you, it’s really between Summer and Dawn.”

“It’s not gonna be me,” Dawn stated quietly. “Ben’s right: we’re better off as best friends. The tension and anxiety were killing us. I tried to insist I was a hundred percent certain we wouldn’t get married, but at the same time I still thought about marrying him all the time every day. It was stressing me out. It was stressing him out.”

“It was my fault,” I interjected. “For still holding out that shred of hope that she might change her mind. My refusal to accept that she didn’t want to be officially married just gave us both a lot of anxiety. I kept asking, she kept calling me a fucking moron for not listening to her, and all the circular arguments we got into were just rotting our relationship from the inside. Like I said: we recognized we really are better off as best friends. And by putting the matter to rest, it allows us to finally move forward without that tension anymore.”

“Great for you guys. Really, I mean it,” Adrienne said, although her tone was somewhat less than sincere as she focused on Summer. “But I’m still confused. Just because they realized they’re better off as Best Friends Forever doesn’t mean that we should be meeting up to discuss what seems like a conversation asking, ‘Okay, Dawn’s out. Who’s up next?’”

“Okay, okay, okay.” Summer held her hands up and waggled them with a sigh. “It’s clear I’m going about this the wrong way by asking you all to discuss which one of us is gonna marry Ben. So let’s try a different approach. I’M going to marry Ben. Any objections?”

Adrienne and Sasha immediately jerked their heads back in surprise at the finality in Summer’s tone. June canted her head to the side and took on her ‘I’m calculating’ expression. But Eden raised her hand atop the bunk bed and said, “Sure, I’ll object.”

Now everybody gawked at Eden.

My baby sister looked at me as I sat up straight again, and she said, “Before you actually get married, I have to at least try and ask one last time if you’ll consider moving with me to another country where nobody knows we’re related and will let me marry you.”

“Uhhh, no,” I stated flatly.

Eden deflated a little and sighed, but bobbed her head up and down. “I figured. Okay, objection withdrawn. You’re good, Summer, at least so long as you hold to that promise about never kicking me out of bed if I want to come sleep in his arms.”

Summer smiled warmly. “I promise.”

“I also haven’t felt him inside me since we got here,” Eden continued. “If I vote for you, will you let me fuck him tonight?”

Summer laughed. “Of course.”

Eden flashed two thumbs up. “She’s got my vote.”

“We’re not taking votes,” I grumbled.

“For the record, I’ll vote for any of you who’ll let me fuck him tonight,” Eden continued.

“Eed,” I growled.

“What?” she asked with false innocence.

“If I said I’d fill you up with eight inches of brother dick tonight would you behave?”

“NO promises.” My baby sister smirked and shrugged, not looking the least bit contrite, and I sighed.

“Well ... anybody else?” Summer asked, surveying the others. “No other objections?”

Sasha elbowed Adrienne. Adrienne shot her ex-girlfriend a harsh look.

I sighed and raised my hand, “I can’t believe I actually have to do this, but I object.”

Summer frowned. “What?”

“We are NOT getting engaged like this.”

Summer waggled her head. “I didn’t mean we’d actually get engaged like this. I didn’t ask you to marry me, did I? I just said, ‘I’m going to marry you’ and then asked if anybody objected. The point here is to stimulate discussion, not actually put a ring on it. Think of it as one of Professor Ice’s case studies.”

I frowned. “You’re turning our romantic life into a case study?”

“I’m trying to get everyone’s cards on the table. I’m trying to get everyone...” Summer gestured around the room, “ ... to get out of their own heads and talk about their true feelings. Especially this one, that one, and maybe even that one!” Summer tapped Dawn first, then pointed at Adrienne, and finally added Sasha at the end.

“Me?” Dawn queried, looking confused. “I’ve already told you and everyone else that Ben and I are better off as best friends.”

“Yes, you did,” Summer confirmed. “I also know we spent more than an hour talking, and yet you still haven’t gotten out of your own head and still won’t talk about your true feelings.”

“Nnngh,” Dawn groaned as she face-palmed.

“You need to open up,” Summer advised.

Sasha cocked her head. “You’re asking us to have Open Communication!”

Summer smirked. “Yes, basically.”

Sasha elbowed Adrienne again. Adrienne shot her ex-girlfriend a harsh look again.

“Something to say, A.D.?” Summer queried.

“Nope. Nothing to say,” Adrienne muttered quietly.

“C’mon, A.D. Everyone here knows how much you love him. I just told you two minutes ago that I’m going to marry Ben. You have nothing to say about that?”

“If this were an actual engagement, I’d say congratulations and wish the both of you all the happiness in the world.” Adrienne’s voice was decidedly less than enthusiastic. But she seemed to sense that and sat up a little straighter. And in a more heartfelt voice, she added, “You’re my friend, you’ve gone through some of the worst emotional pain a human being can go through, and you deserve every joy in this life you can find. I believe you can make Ben happy. I believe you both can make each other happy. So while I realize the purpose of this is more ‘case study’ than ‘actual proposal’, I just want to say that when it finally happens, not if, I will be thrilled for both of you.”

“[Bullshit!]” Sasha coughed with a fist in front of her mouth before sitting up and blinking a few times. She then sat up theatrically, pressed the five fingers of her right hand to her chest, and glanced around the room. “Oh, I’m sorry. Had a tickle in my throat.”

Adrienne glared at the brunette.

“Something to add, Sasha?” Summer pressed.

“Open Communication,” Sasha replied encouragingly, nudging Adrienne again.

“I’ve got nothing else to say,” Adrienne muttered. “Summer’s his girlfriend.”

Summer shook her head. “We’re never gonna get anywhere if you can’t be fully honest with me.”

“I AM being fully honest with you.”

“No you’re not,” Dawn said quietly, her eyebrows up.

Adrienne’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, and you’re gonna start talking shit about being fully open and honest?”

“Hey, hey...” I extended my arm out to Adrienne and squeezed Dawn against my side, warding off Dawn from responding. “Let’s please not turn this into a catfight.”

“I’m not--” Adrienne began before stopping herself and gritting her teeth.

I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and began, “The day before Yvaine died, Adrienne told me I was her Plan A. She decided she wasn’t rebounding anymore, that she would always love Sasha and hope for her to come home, but that even if Sasha did return, I’d still be her Plan A. She said she wants to be my wife again, to bear my children, to move into my bedroom and take over ninety-five percent of my closet. She said she keeps my engagement ring in her nightstand and would put it on just to lie in bed and stare at it. She said she wants to have everything we dreamed about back when we were engaged...”

I let out a long exhalation. Everyone could tell I wasn’t done yet, and Dawn led me, “Buuuttt...”

“But she insisted she’d never be the selfish bitch that took me away from Summer,” I finished.

Summer sat up straight and stared straight at Adrienne. My Tigress had scrunched her face up and buried it in her hands with her elbows on her knees, and Sasha was rubbing Adrienne’s back. With a curious look, Summer asked, “You said all that the day before my mom died?”

“I can’t. Believe. You said all that, Tiger,” Adrienne moaned without removing her face from her palms.

“You gonna try claiming it’s not the truth?” I asked.

“Yes, exactly. It’s not the truth,” she growled and sat up straight, glaring at me. Grabbing Sasha’s hand between both of hers, she narrowed her eyes at me and scowled, saying, “I’m a lesbian. My romantic love is for other women. I was lonely because Sasha’s the love of my life and she was out there trotting the globe without me and I was latching onto my Rock, the one I’ve always run to for comfort when I needed it most. But it wasn’t real. I don’t actually want to marry you, Tiger. I was just really, really lonely, and now that Sasha’s back I don’t need you in that way anymore.”

I frowned and started processing what she’d said. Meanwhile, Dawn shook her head and leaned forward, looking at Sasha as she asked, “And do you feel the same way about Adrienne?”

Sasha blinked and looked taken aback. She glanced at Adrienne, furrowed her eyebrows, and then looked back at Adrienne before replying, “Honestly, I don’t know what to say.”

“I call bullshit,” I stated firmly.

Sasha blinked at me in surprise. “Uh, I’m not sure why you’d think that, because I really don’t--”

“Oh, no, sorry-sorry,” I stammered. “I didn’t mean you. I meant Adrienne. I’m calling bullshit on her claiming she doesn’t want to marry me.”

Adrienne pulled her head back. “What?”

I shook my head. “You think I haven’t been paying attention to you ever since Sasha left? You think I’m the same clueless moron who couldn’t read anyone back in high school? We’re not kids anymore, you’ve always worn your heart on your sleeve, and I can tell when you’re lying to me. Are you perhaps clinging to Sasha a bit now that she’s back because you won’t let yourself be the bitch that steals me from Summer? Sure. But don’t claim that her return made you suddenly realize your feelings for me three weeks ago weren’t true. I held you in my arms, felt your passion for me, and I knew what was really in your heart.”

“I didn’t...” Adrienne faltered. “I’m not...”

“This isn’t the first time that fear has made you hesitate to move forward with me. In high school you came up with ‘nottogether’. In college you tried to deflect me with Paige. Now it’s making you try to lie about being a lesbian and wanting to get back together with Sasha.”

“Tigerrr...” Adrienne whined.

“Sasha, back me up here,” I said.

Sasha nodded. “It’s true. She loves him and wants to be with him. She spent months texting me and calling me to moan and groan about him like a lovesick teenager. She feels like she missed her opportunity in that gap between Valentine’s (when Dawn rejected him) and March (when she agreed that Summer should be his official girlfriend). Kim told her that was the moment she needed to step up and fight for him, that if she did, she could finally have him back. Dawn asked Adrienne if she was ready to become everything he wanted her to be, and if so she’d do everything she could to help Adrienne become his wife. The chance to reconnect was there when they flew off to New York together. But she let her ego get bruised by the idea of being his Plan B. The Taylor thing happened and made her fly off to Malibu. And the next thing she knew, Summer was in his arms and in his bed, and she felt like she’d missed out.”

Adrienne seemed to shrink as she buried her face in her hands again, mumbling, “Traitor...”

“Open Communication.”

“Fuck open communication,” Adrienne bitched.

“No, this is good, this is good,” Summer said encouragingly. “I want this stuff to all come out.”

June canted her head to the side. “Adrienne basically admitted she wants your boyfriend, and you think this is good?”

“It’s not a competition,” Summer stated simply. “Look at us, ALL of us. We all love him, don’t we? And he loves all of us. Adrienne’s afraid of stealing from me, but in plain simple fact: that’s impossible. Or are you claiming you’d try to kick me out of his life if the two of you got married?” That last part was directed at Adrienne.

The blonde popped her head up. “What? No! Never!”

“Then what’s the problem?” Summer asked with plain honesty. “Love him. Be IN love with him. Tell him you want to marry him. Tell him you’ll love him Forever and Always.”

“I WILL love him Forever and Always,” Adrienne replied, “but you’re his girlfriend.”

“And I’m his wife,” Dawn stated flatly. “But he can clearly have more than one.”

Adrienne’s eyebrows went up and she looked at me. “What happened to recognizing you two better off as best friends?”

Dawn set her jaw with a firm look of resolve. “We are best friends. I’ll never actually marry him, but he’s already the only husband I’ll ever have in my heart. ‘Til death do us part. For all eternity ... Forever and Always.”

“Then you’re only talking semantics,” Adrienne muttered. “To you, the terms ‘best friend’ and ‘wife’ are interchangeable.”

“No, not at all.” Dawn took a deep breath and glanced at me. “Words have meaning, and to Ben, the term ‘best friend’ implied that we weren’t romantic and that if he didn’t claim me, that eventually some other man might make me ‘his cow’. Despite all my promises, he still lived in fear. But when we had that talk about expectations and collectively agreed that it was time to make Summer his official girlfriend, I told him that I was already his wife and he was already my husband. I reminded him that I was more devoted and faithful to him than millions of other titled wives claimed to be. And even right now I’ll remind him that just because we’ve agreed to a title of ‘best friends’, in my heart that still means I’m his ‘wife’.”

June arched an eyebrow. “That’s exactly the definition of semantics.”

“Fine, fine, we’re talking semantics,” Dawn conceded.

“So you ARE claiming the wife mantle?” Adrienne asked.

“I’m claiming it on my own terms.”

“Which is what, exactly?” Adrienne asked rather coldly. “Planting your flag first to claim primacy?”

“She didn’t mean it like that,” Summer insisted.

“I really didn’t,” Dawn agreed before taking a deep breath. “Ben and I have both made clear to you and everyone else that we will never have the government paperwork. We’ve agreed on that, and I’ve accepted in my heart that I will never be his titled wife. But functionally, I don’t want to change anything about our current relationship. I’m not going to live with him as a traditional wife does: I’m not going to move into his bedroom and spend every night in his arms, I’m not going to take over his closet, and I’m not going to ‘claim primacy’. Really, nothing changes from our existing ‘best friends’ relationship, and we’ve both agreed that nothing WILL change, either. I belong to him. Forever.”

“Wait-wait-wait,” I interjected, shaking my head. “That is NOT what we agreed to. I told you this morning that our existing relationship has gone to shit and we definitely need to make some changes.”

Dawn frowned at me. “Changes like what?”

I took a deep breath and glanced at Sasha, the only one who knew of my Option Three plan to ‘break up’ with Dawn. And then turning back to Dawn, I pursed my lips and explained, “Changes that you and I need to discuss in private one-on-one.”

“Awww...” June groaned with an expression that plainly stated she didn’t want to miss out.

“Is this the part where Ben explains that not only are he and Dawn better as best friends, but also that Ben wants to break up with her on their romantic relationship until they can find their balance again?” Eden asked with her right hand raised.

“Wait, what?” Dawn sat up straight and turned to look at me with a fresh world of hurt in her eyes.

I blinked in surprise at Eden. “How in the world did you--? I didn’t ... Sasha!” Turning to face Sasha, I glared at the brunette who was currently gawking across the room at Eden with a look of shocked surprise.

“I didn’t tell Eden! I didn’t say anything to anyone!” Sasha exclaimed defensively.

“You didn’t tell Eden what?” Adrienne asked roughly. “What does she know that you didn’t even tell me?!”

“She didn’t,” Emma explained wearily before elbowing her twin sister in the ribs. “We came back to the cabin before heading out to the ropes course, heard Ben and Sasha talking, and couldn’t help eavesdropping.”

“You can’t break up with me!” Dawn squawked, reaching across the gap between our beds and whacking me in the upper arm.

I groaned and started rubbing my forehead, mentally thinking, ‘I wanted to have this discussion in private.’

Dawn glared at me with an expression that plainly said, Don’t be a stupid fucking moron thinking you’re gonna break up with me and we wouldn’t NEED to have any discussion at all!

I winced, thinking, ‘Didn’t we just talk about you not calling me that anymore?’

Dawn’s eyes popped open wide, she winced, and immediately looked contrite while giving me a look that said, I’m sorry. You’re right, you’re right. That was the last time I’ll ever say that, I promise.

‘Thank you.’

Ohhh this is so fucked up. You’re right, you’re right. Our relationship really has gone to shit.

‘It hasn’t gone to shit. This is a speed-bump, that’s all. We’ll get through this. Together.’

Get through this how? By breaking up? I fail to see how that would make everything better.

‘I told you: I want to have that discussion in private.’

Doesn’t really get any more private than what we’re doing right now.

I smirked. ‘The others are probably getting really, really confused right now by the way we keep staring at each other.’

Dawn smirked back. Totally. This shouldn’t even be humanly possible, right?

‘I really have no idea how we keep doing it. But we keep doing it.’

Because you’re my soulmate forever. Because I love you and we belong together. Because you mean more to me than anything or anyone in the whole wide world.

‘I know that. I cherish that.’

We don’t need to get married on paper. You already ARE my husband, alright? In the only place it counts: my heart.

‘‘Til death do us part.’

Dawn smiled warmly, leaned in, and gave me a sweet, tender kiss.

“Annnnd this is why everyone believes you two belong together,” Summer stated emphatically.

Dawn and I split apart and then both looked back at her.

“Everyone saw that, right?” Summer pointed back and forth between me and Dawn. “The communication with just their eyes? The way they were on the brink of getting mad at each other for a second, but then did that little mind-meld thing and ended up kissing?”

“Of course we saw it,” June stated flatly.

“You haven’t been around as long as we have,” Adrienne drawled.

“It just starts seeming normal after a while,” Eden added.

“Why again did you ever want to break up with her?” Sasha queried to me.

“Because first and foremost, she deserves better than binding herself to me for the rest of our lives without any future hope of finding a romantic partnership for herself.” I turned my attention to address Dawn directly. “You deserve to live a full life with a husband who will love you and prioritize you. But as long as you keep yourself in this existential limbo between being fully romantic with me and not ... you’ll never be able to move on and find yourself a husband like that. Really, this is no different than when I had to cut off Eden in order to give her the time and space she needed to move on from me.”

“Still mad at you about that!” Eden called from across the room.

But I kept my focus on Dawn. “The phrase ‘break up’ is one I never should’ve used. I do honestly think we need to ‘take a break’, though. I never cut Eden off completely, just like I’ll never cut you off completely either. But you’ve been through this before with her. You’ve had these same discussions with her, reminding her that I could never be happy with her growing up into an old spinster saving herself for me for the rest of her life. It would be a life half-lived. Do I really need to explain the same to you?”