Chapter 15: Full Moon

-- FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2008 --

I don’t think Sasha was a hundred-percent sure how I would react. I mean sure, I’ll bet some part of her hoped my eyes would sparkle with unbridled joy and love while smiling so big it outshone the sun. We were both riding the high of post-orgasmic bliss, our two bodies interconnected as closely as two human beings could ever be. I’ll bet some part of her was terrified I’d react angrily, physically yanking her off my body and tossing her aside while I stomped away down the hall. But ultimately I did neither of those things.

I didn’t do anything, actually.

I just sort of gawked at her, jaw hanging open, eyes wide but not exactly sparkling.

I was in shock.

Utter and complete shock.

The spinning hard drives in my brain skipped and then abruptly seized, grinding to a halt. Her question had seemingly come out of nowhere and I didn’t know how to respond. I mean, logic dictates that things go from A to B, B to C, C to D, and so forth until eventually getting to M for Marriage. And it felt like Sasha and I had worked through those natural progressions all the way to like ... I? J? ... before realizing we’d gone as far as we could and then backtracking to somewhere around G. And you’re not supposed to go straight from G to M. That’s just not how the alphabet works.

L leads to M. I’d gotten as far as L with Dawn before her meltdown at the end of junior year: feeling ready and willing for marriage even though I hadn’t actually popped the question. I’d gotten as far as L with DJ after learning she was pregnant: mentally prepared for marriage while holding firm in the belief that our unborn child deserved to have a cohesive family. And I’d gotten as far as L with Adrienne: actually getting engaged even though I didn’t technically pop the question.

But Sasha? I mean, I had loved her. We had loved each other. We had bonded closely together through the end of college and entered our post-Cal adult lives happily committed to each other. But somewhere along the way our relationship plateaued, I reconnected with Adrienne, and we both ultimately realized that while we still loved and appreciated each other, neither of us had the kind of “forever” love that would bring us all the way to M. We got as far as ... J, let’s call it J ... which isn’t bad.

It just isn’t M.

Or even L.

And you need to get to L in order to be ready to say yes to M.

Sasha read it in my eyes. “You don’t want to marry me,” she murmured despondently.

The hurt in her tone was evident. I blinked twice and tightened my grip around her body. We were still joined together, my dick slowly deflating inside her sperm-soaked snatch. When moisture started forming in Sasha’s eyes, I clutched her upper arms and tried to once again stare straight into her soul, but she was grimacing and now turned to look away from me.

Reaching up to gently turn her face to mine, I murmured, “Sasha, please. I don’t want you to feel rejected.”

She still avoided my eyes, pinching her lips together and clearly trying to keep her emotions in.

“I DO love you, please believe that. But you HAVE to realize this is all coming a little out of left field for me.”

“I know...” she muttered in the same despondent tone, turning left and right still avoiding my gaze.

“We’re friends ... Intimate friends. We used to be a romantic couple, and there’s still a lot of love and affection there, but we’re not even dating anymore. You’re not my girlfriend – I thought we stepped off that path a long time ago - and I never imagined you’d ask me to marry you.”

She waggled her head and finally looked back at me for the first time. “I didn’t actually ASK you to marry me. I asked if you’d consider it.”

“I ... well ... I mean I suppose I would consider it...”

“My heart goes pitter-patter with the intensity of your emotions,” she deadpanned.

I sighed and gave her a steady look. “Dawn’s dropped out of the running. DJ’s moved away. Adrienne is... fuck, Adrienne is in love with YOU. Have you stopped to imagine what this might do to her? To learn you were considering marrying me instead of her?”

“We’ve already talked about this.”

My jaw dropped again. “You have?”

“Open communication. I tell her everything.”

“No wonder you get into so many arguments.”

Sasha waggled her head. “I like to think of them as ... discussions.”

“Heated discussions.”

She shrugged and wiped her eyes, which were drying out. “I’m not afraid of conflict, and neither is she. We each say our piece, we vent a little bit, we acknowledge where the other one stands, and then we have sweaty monkey make-up sex.”

“And what does SHE think about your little idea to marry me instead of her?”

“She said you’d never do it.”

“She’s not wrong.”

Sasha looked hurt again and she pouted. “You really wouldn’t even consider it?”

I sighed and raised my eyebrows. “If it was just you and me? Yes, I’d totally consider it. You’re amazing, and I love you, and I already considered it before. I know if we had the time and space to really develop our relationship, we could get back there again. But if Adrienne’s against it? You’d better believe I could never hurt her like that. She’s too important to me.”

“But if she WAS okay with it?” Sasha’s eyes narrowed expectantly.

I arched an eyebrow. “Didn’t you just say she wasn’t?”

“I said she said you’d never do it. I never said she was against it.”

My jaw dropped. “She’s NOT against it?”

“Oh, no, she’s totally against me marrying you,” Sasha explained rather flippantly. “I mean ... well, obviously, she wants me to marry HER.”

“Obviously.”

“But I’ve at least raised the possibility of me marrying you instead.”

“And she absolutely hates the idea.”

Sasha pursed her lips together, took a deep breath, and wiped her eyes again. “‘Hate’ is such a strong word. She doesn’t ... She’s not...”

Sasha’s voice trailed off and I gave her the space to compose her next sentence.

“Adrienne’s locked into a singular goal: marrying me. It’s making her completely discount or discredit any other options.”

“And you’re all about keeping your options open.”

“I’ve made clear to her I want both her AND you in my life. I’ve made no secret that I was happiest when we were a triple living together in San Francisco.”

“Even though she and I were the engaged couple and you were our mutual girlfriend?”

“I never had a problem with that arrangement. YOU were the one that got cold feet and walked away.”

I frowned. “I thought you liked being Number One.”

“I do, but...” Sasha exhaled slowly. “I don’t need to be Number One all the time. If the two of you had gotten married and I’d remained your mutual girlfriend, I think I would’ve had a very happy life. I mean yeah, I thought about eventually getting married. What girl doesn’t at least think about it? But all my ideas about getting married were theoretical and more about feeling like I had someplace I belonged. I get that right now without needing to be ... to be...”

She was doing that thing again, where she had a word already in mind but didn’t like the taste of it in her mouth.

“Needing to be...?” I prompted her.

“Chained,” she finished with a sigh.

I frowned. “Do you feel chained right now?”

“No ... not exactly.”

“Which translates to, ‘Yeah, kinda.’”

Sasha sighed. “It’s been better lately. I mean, Adrienne and I went through that little period of monogamy because, quite frankly, you traumatized her into thinking she needed to totally dedicate herself to me and not have all the outside distractions. And even though we opened things up and started mowing down pretty models and mousey P.A.s again, she never really got back to having the same kind of ... voracious ... appetite she once had.”

“But you still have your appetite?”

She shrugged. “I like having fun. I like having fun with HER more. And I like having fun with you BOTH best. Is that really so wrong?”

“No, not wrong.”

Sasha took a deep breath, shook her head briefly to clear it, and then focused her eyes straight at me. “I don’t need to be Number One. I said it before and I’ll say it again: Adrienne marrying you instead of me solves ALL our problems.”

“She wants YOU,” I reminded her.

“But she loves YOU,” Sasha countered.

“She loves us both. She already knows she’s never gonna lose me; we’re family at this point.” I raised my eyebrows. “But we both know that deep down, Adrienne’s a lesbian. She’s always been romantic about other girls. That’s where her core attraction lies. She loves YOU. She wants to be with YOU. And quite frankly, you’re not ‘family’. She can still lose you. If you ultimately decide you don’t want to be chained down and want to flit off and find someone else, you still can.”

“I’m not about to flit off anywhere else. You wanna talk family? Everyone outside by the pool is your family. Kim and BJ are your family. Really, the only ones outside looking in are me and June. Now I won’t speak for what June does or doesn’t want, but if Adrienne and I were to break up, I’d be ALONE. I don’t have parents. I keep in touch with the Vandenbergs but I can’t go back to Rod. You guys are my family. I’m not going anywhere.”

I narrowed my eyes. “At the same time, I don’t want you staying in a relationship with Adrienne solely because you’ve got nowhere else to go.”

Sasha laughed. “Relax. I love her. That hasn’t gone away. But I also love you. I think you forget sometimes just how important you are to me. I’m who I am today because of you, because of how you helped me grow. I owe you everything.”

I pursed my lips. “You don’t owe me--”

“Yeah-yeah-yeah,” she cut me off. “I’m not saying I love you out of obligation. We’ve been over that already. I fell in love with you senior year because I fell in love with you. If Adrienne hadn’t sort of taken over pole position in your heart – or eventually, in mine - I’d like to think you and I would still be a hot and heavy romantic couple right now.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I still think Adrienne should marry you instead of me, assuming you’ll have her. But if she won’t be the one to give you the Happily Ever After you wanted, I’m saying I’ve given genuine thought to you and me.”

“I’m not gonna marry a woman who loves someone else more than they love me. That goes for both not marrying Adrienne if she loves you more than me, or not marrying you if you love Adrienne more than me. I’m a very understanding and accepting man, but I’ve got enough self-respect to believe I deserve to be my wife’s Number One.”

Sasha blinked a few times and leaned forward, gently brushing her lips against mine. And with a seductive purr, she murmured, “And what if I could reassure you that you ... Ben ... that YOU were my Number One?”

My eyes got big. “But what about Adrienne?”

Sasha’s shoulders sagged. “Don’t get me wrong. I love her to pieces and I already told you I’m not staying in a relationship with her just because I’ve got nowhere else to go.”

My eyes narrowed. “But...”

Sasha sighed. “I told you I’d feel incomplete without a guy. I’m not a lesbian. I’m not. I love Adrienne. I love making love to girls. I love pinning a girl down and making her scream. But you talk about Adrienne being romantic for other girls deep down in her core. I’m ... I always saw myself with a man. And when I look to my future, the man I see beside me is you. I promised you I’d never touch another penis but yours. That’s not penis-fidelity to Adrienne; it’s penis-fidelity to you.”

My eyes got big again. “And you really want to marry me?”

“I want BOTH of you,” Sasha whined, and for a moment she made a face that reminded me of the twins when they were nine and upset Mom wouldn’t let them have both ice cream AND a popsicle for dessert. “Look, open communication right? I realize maybe sometimes my wants are unreasonable. I realize I’m being selfish, and maybe I have no right to be. But at the end of the day, I’m incomplete without BOTH of you. I love her, but I NEED you, Ben. I NEED you. And I know it’s unfair of me to throw that word in your face because I know it’s kind of a trigger for you, but it’s the truth. I NEED a man in my life. I need YOU.”

“Clearly, you’ve already had him,” a new voice cut in from the open ‘wall’ to the outside.

Sasha and I immediately looked over to find Adrienne standing just inside the living room, still topless, but with her arms folded over her chest to obscure her massive tits. From my vantage point, I could see that Dawn was still napping in the shade of the cabana and the twins had flipped over onto their backs to sunbathe the front-side of their bodies, but still with their earbuds in.

I winced and asked, “How much did you hear?”

Adrienne shrugged. “Nothing she hasn’t already told me before,” she replied neutrally, and yet there was no mistaking the annoyed expression on her face.

Sasha also winced and offered, “There’s a yummy creampie inside me...”

Adrienne just rolled her eyes, sighed, and then walked right past us, heading down the hallway towards the bedrooms.

Sasha gave me a quick peck on the lips and dismounted me. She left her bikini bottoms on the floor and scampered naked after her girlfriend, leaving me with my swim trunks around my ankles and my limp penis still coated in mixed orgasmic fluids.

Well ... that could’ve turned out worse.

I feel more confused than ever right now.

Look on the bright side. At least SOMEONE has said they want to marry you.

Marrying Sasha would destroy my relationship with Adrienne.

I dunno. If Adrienne’s dead set on remaining your adoptive sister and taking herself out of the running like Dawn has ... I mean seriously, dude, this is kind of a win.

Then why doesn’t it feel like one?

Well there’s the whole bit about you stealing Adrienne’s girlfriend from her leaving ADRIENNE feeling like second-best if Sasha marries you. And we know how much Adrienne loves feeling like second-best...

It seems to me like Sasha just made Adrienne feel like second-best less than a minute ago.

Well ... yeah.

I’m fucked.

Totally. You’re screwed.

And not in a good way.

Part of me thought about following Sasha to go and talk to Adrienne, but cognizant of my own well-documented history of entering such discussions with all the delicacy of a bull in a china shop and digging myself into a deeper pile of shit, I decided I’d be better off collecting my own thoughts and then approaching Adrienne sometime later when I thought she’d be ... calmer.

Hurricane Adrienne was not a force I wanted to tackle head-on.

So after pulling up my swim trunks, I reapplied my sunblock and then headed outside. Dawn was still dead to the world in the shade of the cabana, her mouth open and drooling just a little bit. I rather loved the sight of her looking somewhat less than perfect. It reminded me she was human, and flawed, and just another young woman doing the very best she could to find happiness for both herself and for me. She was both topless and vulnerable, and I felt a bit of guilty pleasure ogling her spectacular body. But I moved on, feeling a different kind of guilty pleasure ogling the completely naked twins tanning themselves face-up in the sun.

Eden noticed my approach and glanced at her phone to check the time. She reached over and tapped Emma, and the pair of them sat up just before I arrived. Apparently they’d been tanning long enough.

Eden flashed me a brilliant smile full of pearly white teeth, her expression rather plainly that of a girl completely in love and absolutely delighted to see the object of her affections. She extended her arms to me as she stood up, I extended mine, and the naked nymphet promptly ran and vaulted herself up into my arms.

I caught her easily and opened my lips just in time for her tongue to spear into my mouth while she wrapped her legs around my waist. We made out like a couple of horny teenagers for a minute before she broke away and sighed dreamily. “We were just about to go play in the water. Come with us?”

“Of course,” I replied affably, quite happy for the distraction away from thoughts of Sasha and Adrienne.

“But you have to lose the trunks,” Emma added. “No swimsuits allowed.”

“Off! Off! Off!” Eden cheered enthusiastically as she set her feet down and started tugging at my waistband.

I laughed and let my barely-legal teen hottie sister strip my shorts down to my ankles. I stepped out of both them and my sandals, and then used my right foot to flick the trunks neatly onto the lounge chair Eden had just vacated. But rather than stand up, Eden remained squatting before me and she grabbed my hips to hold them still while leaning forward to slurp my sleeping penis into her mouth.

A moment later Eden pulled back and licked her lips experimentally. “Naughty boy. Who were you just fucking?”

“Sasha,” I admitted with a shrug. “But she and Adrienne went inside to ... uhhh ... talk.”

“Sounds ominous.”

I waggled my head. “They’re sorting through things.”

Eden sucked my dick again, and although I thickened up a little, it was still just a bit too early for me to rise up to rock hardness. “Well at least it tastes like they let you finish. C’mon, we can go play first then.”

Standing up, Eden took my hand, reached out with her other hand to Emma, and then the three of us practically skipped across the sand to our private beach. The surface was exceptionally calm, with no significant waves. Soon we were all waist-deep in the cool waters of the lagoon, the crystal-clear blue doing very little to hide the girls’ nudity. We splashed each other a bit. We swam around a little. At one point, Eden ducked her entire body below the surface and then burst upwards, making her long, dark hair fly back in a long arc that sprayed water everywhere while simultaneously scooping water against her naked torso with both hands, all with Mount Otemanu in the background. The whole thing seemingly happened in slow motion, and to this day I have a very vivid mental video of that moment.

They say time flies when you’re having fun, and I have no real idea of how long we were splashing around naked together. But at some point I glanced back at the beach and saw Adrienne standing just back from the waterline with her arms folded across her chest.

More to the point, I saw that Adrienne was wearing a shirt.

Nothing on this trip would better announce in great big flashing letters that Adrienne meant business than her putting on a shirt and therefore removing paradise from view. I knew immediately I should leave the water and go talk to her. So taking my leave of the twins, I headed back for shore.

I approached my ex-fiancée but did not hug her, wet as I was. I did lean forward for a peck, which she readily returned with a smile, so I didn’t worry too much. Still, I asked carefully, “I’m guessing you’d like to talk?”

Adrienne nodded, although her expression was otherwise unreadable behind chunky Christian Dior sunglasses.

“Lemme get my trunks.”

She nodded again, and then followed me as I retrieved my swim trunks and sandals. After making myself decent, I slipped my hand into my lover’s and head-nodded her away from the bungalow and back down towards the beach, although this time at an angle. We had a good bit of private property and I felt like taking a walk.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked as we crossed the manicured grass.

“No, of course not,” she replied neutrally, but she squeezed my hand back reassuringly.

“I just want to make sure you understand I have no intention of stealing your girlfriend from you.”

“I know you don’t. But the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

I thought about that for a moment, and we walked on in silence. A moment later, I glanced over. “Sasha said she’s told you all this before.”

“She has. Some days I wish she’d be a little LESS into open communication and keep these little insecurities and negative thoughts to herself. I don’t think there’s anyone who would enjoy hearing their girlfriend would rather marry someone else.”

I frowned. “Wait, I thought she was just considering the idea of marrying me. She made it seem like it was just an idle thought to be discussed as an option that you immediately shot down. But you think Sasha would ACTUALLY rather marry me than you?”

Adrienne pursed her lips. “She doesn’t want to marry anyone, really. Officially less than a year into this relationship and all that. She’s still young and wants to just enjoy being in the moment and all that. But yeah, she’s told me before and she told me again just now that if the choice was between her marrying me and marrying you ... she’d rather marry you.”

“But that makes absolutely no sense. She clearly loves you more than she loves me.”

“She’s stated that as well.”

“Then how does she reconcile--?”

“I don’t really get it either,” Adrienne cut me off and sighed. “Other than the fact that you have the working equipment she apparently can’t live without.”

I stopped walking for a moment and squeezed Adrienne’s hand. “Please let me reassure you I would never do ANYTHING to undermine your relationship with Sasha.”

“I know, I know. Relax, Tiger. I know you. I know your heart. You would never intentionally hurt me, period.”

“I wouldn’t. But how can I make this situation better? Do I need to cut her off and make sure she understands that her and me getting married is never gonna happen and that her continuing to think that there’s an outcome here where we do is hurting you?”

Adrienne shook her head. “Well for one thing, it could happen.”

“What?”

Adrienne took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and then started walking again. I still held her hand and followed along, waiting for her to collect herself.

We hit the beach, although we were a good ways down from where Eden and Emma were still frolicking in the water. After turning to walk along the back edge of the sand, Adrienne sighed and said, “I want you happy, Tiger. I NEED to know you’re happy and settled. We had this conversation like ... a month ago ... speculating about who you might eventually marry. I would love for DJ to come back, personally. I think you both could’ve been very happy together, but at the same time she’ll forever be ‘Dawn’s little sister’ to you. We briefly talked about the Tri-Delts like Kirstie and Nora, old friends like Cassidy or Candy, Peyton, Summer ... even June. Dawn thinks you should try convincing Kim to marry you again, especially now that Kim’s kind of coming out of that longtime ‘submissive’ shell she kept herself under. Then the two of you and BJ could be a...”

“A real family?” I finished for her.

Adrienne shook her head. “You already ARE a real family, as real a part of your family as I am at the very least. But yeah, the three of you could at least be official.”

“I love Kim, and I always will, but not like that.”

“Not like me? Not like Dawn?” Adrienne glanced over at me and coolly scrutinized my face. “Not like Sasha?”

I read a world of innuendo in her voice. “Are you actually suggesting I marry Sasha?”

“No, of course not. I want her marrying ME.”

I blinked. “I thought so. That’s why I told you I would never undermine your--”

“Yeah-yeah-yeah,” she cut me off and then stared back out across the water with a sigh. “It’s just that...”

Adrienne’s voice trailed off again and she pursed her lips together. Now it looked to me like Adrienne had a specific word in mind but didn’t like the taste of it. They say that as two people get closer together, they start to adopt each other’s mannerisms. I wondered how many other things Adrienne and Sasha had started to copy from each other.

Eventually Adrienne stopped walking and tugged down on my hand to get me to stop as well. We both turned to face the water, our eyes pointed straight at the spectacular view, and yet I don’t think either of us even noticed it. “I get where Sasha’s coming from. At the end of the day, she’s searching for some solution ... almost any solution ... to find her own happiness. She needs both of us. I need both of you. I can’t lose her, Tiger. I can’t.”

“I know. And you know I’ll do anything I can to help you.”

“You really mean that?”

“You know I do.”

“Even if it means marrying Sasha instead of me?”

I frowned. “Didn’t you say five seconds ago you don’t want me marrying Sasha?”

“Yes.”

I sighed. “I feel like I’m getting mixed signals here.”

Adrienne sighed. “I can’t lose her. I want to marry her myself, but she seems dead set against that right now. On the other hand, she seems much more inclined to marry you. So from where I’m standing ... if Sasha marries you, then I get to keep her forever. You’d never keep her from me; I know that. You’d finally get the loving wife to give you your Happily Ever After, a loving wife who by the way gets off on voyeuristically watching you destroy dozens of pretty little things. Sasha would get the kind of ironclad bond that will bring her into our family for good. It’s a solution under which, it seems to me, everybody wins.”

My eyes narrowed. “You just said the words ‘everybody wins’ but you did so in a tone that plainly said, ‘I lose’.”

Adrienne’s shoulders slumped and she pursed her lips. She looked to have moisture in her eyes as she shook her head slowly, took a deep breath, and finally muttered, “She would be happy, and you would be happy. At the end of the day, those two things are what matter most to me.”

I shook my head and reached over to wrap her up in my arms. Feeling my embrace burst the dam, and Adrienne’s tears started pouring down her cheeks. “I would NEVER hurt you like that,” I reassured her. “Making YOU happy. THAT’S what matters most to ME.”

She didn’t respond except to continue sobbing.

“Tell me the truth: you want to marry Sasha and you don’t want her marrying me.”

“I don’t want her marrying you,” Adrienne confirmed in a wobbly voice through her tears.

“Then I won’t. Simple as that.”

“I’m sorry, Tiger.”

“Don’t be. I love you.”

“I love you too, Tiger.”

“Forever and Always,” I reassured her.

Adrienne gave me a weak smile, wrapped her arms around the back of my neck, and then nuzzled her nose against mine. “Forever and Always,” she repeated back to me.

And then she kissed me.

It was getting close to five o’clock when Adrienne came out onto the wraparound deck and hollered to get everyone’s attention. “Alright, I’ve got dinner menus!”

The other five of us were in the pool, which by now was well-shaded from the sun by the abundant trees lining our private slice of paradise. As usual, none of the girls had a bikini top on and I had yet to get sick of the view.

Craning my head around, I saw Adrienne come to a stop several feet from the pool and hold up a few laminated papers. “What do y’all want for dinner? Chinese, Mediterranean, or Persian?”

I didn’t really care, happy to let the girls choose. But while Sasha and Dawn started debating between Chinese and Persian, Eden cleared her throat and then raised her hand, asking rather nervously, “Actually, guys. Can we ask a favor?”

Everyone turned to look at her. Eden shared a shy smile with Emma, turned to look at me for a long moment, and then glanced across everyone else. “Would anyone mind if we ... uhhh ... borrowed Ben for an evening?”

I reclined in a corner of the pool on a submerged concrete bench with both arms spread out up on the deck. Dawn was tucked into the crook of my right arm, my hands almost lazily trailing across her nipple. But I sat up straight now at the mention of my name.

Sasha frowned and looked confused. “Define ‘borrow’. Did you want him to sleep in your room tonight or something? Because if you’re just asking permission to bang him, you already know you don’t need to ask permission.”

I shook my head. “Sorry, girls. You two had me Wednesday night, and I slept with Dawn last night. Tonight Adrienne and Sasha get me. It’s only fair.”

“No, we didn’t mean overnight,” Emma spoke up.

“Just this evening,” Eden added. “I know this is a little last minute, but we only have two nights left before we have to fly back and Adrienne has her special dinner planned tomorrow night. This was kind of a last-minute idea.”

Adrienne crossed her arms over her chest. “What idea?”