It was the typical story. Our frequency of sex was down. My wife was getting calls in the evening and leaving the room. Finally, she was being a bitch to me and our son Trevor. I suspected she was having an affair.

The worst days were Fridays. She would be an absolute bitch and always started a fight when she came home from work. I realized that was so she could have an excuse to be mad at me all weekend and not deal with my wanting to have sex. Like I said, typical story.

I decided to end the charade. I followed her one Friday and she left work early to meet with a guy I never saw before. He was our age, had the same middle-aged body that had seen better years, but he had her, and I had lost her. Our marriage was over as soon as she walked into the motel holding his hand.

I waited, and two hours later, they came out. Two hours. What the hell did they do for two hours? I realized then that I must have sucked in bed, at least compared to him. Our lovemaking sessions never lasted more than a half hour unless we did some extended foreplay. Well, unless I did some extended foreplay. I hadn’t gotten a blow job since the night she told me she was pregnant with our child. Even then it was just to get me started. She didn’t like giving oral sex. Which was fine, I guess. I was sure some women were like that.

Anyway.

I met with an attorney and had the divorce papers drawn up. I didn’t want to do anything spiteful or to hurt her. We still had our son and would have to be civil in the future. I didn’t want to add fuel to any fire she could use to turn Trevor against me.

So, on a Friday morning, I didn’t go into work as I normally would. I always left earlier than she, so I hung out in the basement drinking coffee until she woke and got in the shower. I made my way upstairs and saw the clothes laid out on the bed.

It was like a checklist for the cheating spouse. Thigh high stockings? Check. Lace garter belt? Check. Lacy panties and bra set? Check. I never saw that lingerie set before, mind you.

I sat in the chair in the corner of our room and watched the closed bathroom door. I never sat in that chair before, I’m not sure anyone had. I wondered why we needed a chair in the bedroom.

A few minutes later, I drank my last sip of cooled off coffee and the bathroom door opened. She jumped in shock at seeing me sitting in the bedroom. Then she looked at the bed and turned white. I never saw anyone turn pale before. You read about it all the time, but never see it. She turned white as a ghost.

“Pretty sexy for casual Friday, don’t you think, Vanessa?” I asked.

She smirked and answered, “It’s for you. We’ve been distant lately and I wanted to have a date night with you to rekindle the fire.”

I smiled and walked over to the dresser. “Thank God. I thought you may have been dressing for the guy you go to the motel with every Friday. You don’t know how happy that makes me.”

I picked up the envelope as she sat on the bed and said nothing. She didn’t deny anything. She knew I knew about her affair. How else could I know about the motels on Fridays.

“What’s that?” she asked quietly. She already knew the answer.

“Dissolution of Marriage documents.”

I tossed it onto the bed and walked towards the door.

Just before leaving, I said, “Everything is split down the middle, except I’m keeping the house. I’ll buy you out. Please be out by this evening.”

I walked out of the house and went to work. I knew she didn’t have to be out of the house that quickly. I just threw it at the wall and hoped it stuck. Maybe, she didn’t want to stay anyway?

She knew how the process worked and I was being fair. I hoped it would end civilly.

I was a senior partner at Lowe, Ball, and Lynch, attorneys at law. I handled our largest corporate clients. I had a team of attorneys that did all the dirty work, but I oversaw everything and brought new business into the firm.

My wife was an attorney with The Payne and Fehr Group. She did divorces ironically, I wondered if she would do her own.

She wasn’t a partner yet, due to being a stay-home-mom until Trevor was in high school, but she was on her way up the ladder. Trevor was a senior in school, so she’d been back on the job for almost four years and was doing very well for herself. I say for herself because she refused to keep joint accounts after she went back to work and demanded we file separate tax returns. I wondered why and would eventually find out that she was trying to hide how much money she made. I knew then that she was planning an exit from our marriage. I guess I upset her timeline.

It’s funny in a way. She was moving money in short bursts to an account overseas. Had she been the one to file, and caught me off guard, she would’ve been prepared and stopped making the transfers for a few months prior to serving me. That way, if she produced some asset statements, there wouldn’t be any indication of another account. If I’d have suspected it we could’ve dug deeper, of course, but I didn’t know about it until she had to do her financial disclosure. The statements showed the transfers. She was pissed. I laughed.

She also had to pay the IRS back taxes on the cash bonuses she was receiving under the table from her firm. I didn’t push that issue, it just allowed me to keep more of my money, so it worked out for me.

At first, I was disappointed that she didn’t try to fight the divorce. As time went on, I realized that she was close to ending our marriage herself. I just moved up the timeline. That was bad for her lover, who turned out to be one of the attorneys she worked with. He wasn’t prepared either and his wife went crazy on him. She had to serve 90 days in jail for the amount of damage she did to his testicles.

Don’t get kicked repeatedly by pointy high heels, gentlemen. It turned out they make hamburger out of your man bits if kicked enough times.

At our final meeting, as I slid the check for her share of the equity in our house across the table, I asked, “Why?”

She smiled and said, “Your job was done, Andy. Trevor has grown into a fine young man.” She picked up the check and walked out of the room leaving me stunned.

“I did my job?” I asked the empty conference room. What the hell did that mean?

It was that easy. The divorce was final in the minimal time, Trevor chose to stay with me after Vanessa moved out, and life went on.

Trevor knew what was going on from the start. I told him upfront I was divorcing her, and he understood. The thing that surprised me the most was when he said that she hadn’t really been like a mother to him since she went back to work. I guess that was true. Maybe she thought her job was done when he was old enough to fend for himself?

I found out later from her mother of all people that Vanessa was disappointed she had a son, and that he grew up favoring me. After Trevor’s high school graduation, he didn’t see her until his wedding day. Her mother didn’t know why Vanessa said what she said about me doing my job, but she knew that Vanessa was disappointed that she couldn’t have any more kids. She figured Vanessa wanted out to just live the life of a single woman. None of it made sense to me, but life went on.

A year after the split, I was sitting on my porch, enjoying a cold beer on a hot day, when I saw the little girl that lived across the street walk out of her house and look around. She saw me and started running towards me. Thank God there were no cars coming as she didn’t look as she ran across the street.

She was a cute little red-head, I thought her name was Shanna or Shannon or something. I never interacted with them much. Her and her single mom, Sandy or Sara or something, lived there for almost a year and had moved in after her husband died. We heard he died in an attack on his vehicle in Afghanistan.

The little girl was probably only three-years-old, so I was surprised at her escaping her mother’s view and leaving the house.

I stood and walked towards her. I figured I’d walk her back home. I hoped I would be offered dinner for the effort. I hadn’t had a home-cooked meal in weeks. When Trevor went away to school, I lost all motivation to cook. It got to the point where I was on a first name basis with the Chinese food delivery guy. His name was Jack; he was a good kid.

“Help my Mommy! Help, help!” she screamed as I neared.

“What’s the matter?” I asked as I picked her up and ran across the street.

“Mommy’s sick. She’s can’t breathe. It’s the allergies.”

“Shit!” I thought, as we approached the door. “Where is she, baby?”

She pointed to the kitchen. I thanked God her house was the same model as mine, and I wouldn’t waste time looking. I saw her purse as I ran into the kitchen and by instinct I grabbed it, hoping there was an epipen inside.

I found her gasping for air, but still breathing. She was trying to crawl out of the kitchen, I’m sure to get to her purse.

I sat her up and dumped her purse on the ground. I found the epipen, and the little girl said, “Blue to the sky and orange to the thigh.” I smiled, thanked her, and administered the shot to her mother’s thigh.

After a few moments, the color came back to her face, and she was breathing easier. I called 911 from my cell and held her as her daughter crawled into her lap.

“You were a very brave young lady,” I said as I lifted the little girl’s chin.

“I forgot where it was. She showed me and I forgot.”

Her mother kissed her forehead and was crying. “Thank you,” she whispered hoarsely.

“Think nothing of it,” I said. “We’re gonna have to teach a little someone how to look both ways before crossing the street though.”

Where the hell did that come from? She was barely back to breathing normally and I practically told her she was a bad mother.

“I’m sorry. She wasn’t in any danger. I shouldn’t have mentioned it until later.”

She smiled and touched my cheek. “You’re a good guy, thank you.”

She looked like she was going to pass out and I said, “Whoa! Stay with me please. I don’t want to lose you on our first date.”

Her eyes shot open, and I couldn’t believe I said that. What was wrong with me?

I stood up and said, “I’m sorry, that was a bad joke. I...”

She patted my leg and shook her head. “Don’t worry about it.” She sounded stronger and I was glad.

The ambulance showed up and the paramedics tended to her for a few minutes. One of them said, “We’re taking her to St. Alex. Do you know where it is?”

I nodded, and she said, “Please watch Shannon for me. I’ll be released today, it’s just a formality.”

The paramedic said, “She’s right. We just want to make sure she doesn’t have a second reaction and she stays on the right track. It probably won’t be an overnighter.”

“Okay,” I said as I held Shannon’s hand and followed them out of the house. “Do you know where your mom keeps her keys?” Shannon nodded and ran into the house.

When I found her, she was trying to tie her shoe. “Need some help?” I asked.

She nodded.

As I tied her shoes, I asked, “Ever go to the hospital before?”

She shook her head no.

“Okay, we’re going to go wait for mommy and bring her home. Is that okay with you?”

She nodded and I smiled. She wasn’t much for words.

Before we walked in I asked Shannon, “What’s your mommy’s name?”

“Sara Jacobs,” she said proudly.

“Okay, let’s go in.”

I wasn’t worried about Shannon freaking out about her mom being in the hospital. It wasn’t as if it were bloody or if she was on a ventilator or anything.

We walked up to the desk, and I asked, “Sara Jacobs was just brought in by ambulance. I’m her fiancé, and this is her daughter.” I didn’t feel bad about the lie. I wasn’t sure if they would let us in and I didn’t want to sit in a waiting room all night.

“George, can you escort these people to 1107 please?” she asked an elderly gentleman wearing a green vest and badge.

“Sure thing,” he answered happily. “Come on with me young man.”

We walked through the double doors and down a long hall that of course wound around. After several turns, he pointed at an open door and said, “Here you are. Best of luck to your fiancée.”

“Thanks,” I said as I picked up Shannon and turned to the room.

I peeked in and saw her resting with her eyes closed. She had a finger monitor on her index finger, a blood pressure cuff on her arm, and was hooked up to the heart monitor but she had no IV. I thought that was a good sign, although she hadn’t been there long, and they may not have had a handle on what she needed at that point.

“Knock, knock,” I said as we walked in the door.

“Mommy!” Shannon shrieked and wiggled down.

“Hi, baby girl,” Sara said as she reached her unencumbered hand out to her child.

“I’m sorry, Sara,” I said. “I figured you would need some company and I didn’t think it would be too gruesome or scary for little Shannon.”

“It’s okay, um ... I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.”

“Andy. Andy Charles. I live across from you.”

“I know that. I watch you—I mean I’ve seen you mowing your lawn.”

I caught her gaffe. I smiled and ignored it to save her the embarrassment. She was cute. Very cute, and I thought maybe I should pay more attention to my neighborhood.

“How are you feeling? I’m sure you haven’t seen a doctor yet?” I asked.

“Better, thank you. No, the attending nurse just left before you walked in. I don’t know what happened. I haven’t had a reaction to nuts since I was in high school. I thought I was over it and only kept some EpiPens to follow my doctor’s orders. I guess she was right all along.”

“Good thing, too. What did you eat? Surely, you avoid nuts right?”

“I ordered Chinese. There must have been peanut oil, or something in there.”

I nodded my head. If I were allergic to nuts, I’d never order Chinese food. There were nuts in all kinds of dishes from those places. Maybe she started taking it for granted?

I smiled and said, “It’s a good thing you taught Shannon about the pen. She told me how to use it.”

She squeezed her daughter’s hand and said, “I sent her to get it because I was getting too lightheaded, but she forgot where it was. I’m thankful that she went out for help and found you.”

The doctor walked in and interrupted us. She did what doctors do and was out of the room onto her next patient. Within an hour, Sara was discharged, and we were walking out to the car.

“Thank you for coming to the hospital. You didn’t have to.” She said as we swung Shannon between as we walked.

“My pleasure.”

“Oh! You drove my car? Sorry about the mess.” She frowned.

I laughed. “You had the car seat, and don’t worry about the mess. I have a son. There’s no greater force on earth for making messes than little boys.”

We laughed and I helped her into the passenger seat. I buckled little Shannon into her car seat and smiled at a memory of doing the same for Trevor popped into my mind.

“What are you thinking about?” Sara asked as I sat behind the wheel.

“Huh?” I asked dumbly.

“You had a smile cross your lips and then looked sad all of a sudden.”

“Oh yeah? I was just thinking of Trevor, my son. He’s away at college now. I miss the days of car seats and cuteness. Now, they’re different days.”

“Lonely days?” she asked.

“Perhaps,” I said and started the car. She flashed me a sad smile.

I carried Shannon as I walked them to their door. She wiggled down as soon as the door was open and ran into the house. I had expected her to fall asleep in the car, but she was the only kid I ever heard of who was immune to the car nap.

Sara smiled and said, “Believe it or not, as far as first dates go, this wasn’t my worst.”

We laughed and I said, “I really don’t know why I said that. I thought it was funny but, probably a bit much for the first time we officially met.”

“Well, the entire event was a great icebreaker. I’ll admit, I never got engaged on a first date. Do you have a ring hidden somewhere?” She held out her hand and giggled.

“Okay, I think that’s enough embarrassment for me for one night.” I took her hand and kissed it. “Until next time, Sara. Good night.”

“Good night, Andy.”

I caught a glimpse of her tight butt as she walked into the house. I turned before I got caught looking and jogged across the street home.

I cleaned up the trash I left on the porch and went inside to take a shower.

It didn’t take long for Sara to pop into my mind. Her perfect ass, her long legs, her handful of perky breasts. I got an erection and imagined Sara’s thin lips wrapped around my stiff shaft as her mop of curly copper hair covered my stomach. I stroked to my new fantasy girl, and it didn’t take long for my load to circle the drain.

I sighed as I lamented my lack of effort. I should have asked her out.

In that year that passed since the end of my marriage I learned a few things about myself. The biggest thing was that I liked living alone. Sure, it was great when Trevor was home from school, and it sucked I wasn’t getting laid, but not being nagged for one thing or another was pretty liberating.

I suppose I could have been a pretty eligible bachelor if I put myself out there. I was successful, I was still decent looking and in good shape, and I was only forty.

I guess I was in a time loop of ennui. My life was devolved into something akin to washing my hair. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The monotony of sitting on my porch, and drinking a couple of beers, was comfortable. Going out to a bar or club on a Friday night was too much effort. Hell, I didn’t even go to the health club. I had a weight machine and treadmill in the basement.

One hobby I had was cooking. I was obsessed with making the perfect omelet and I was getting good. I also bought a smoker and became a bit of a pit boss. I wasn’t great at it yet, but I when I was on my game, my ribs and brisket were amazing. My homemade sauce was delicious and when I smoked I had leftovers for a week. That was after I brought a bunch of it to the office for everyone to enjoy.

My neighbors were also beneficiaries when I practiced. Whenever I smoked, I noticed my neighbors on both sides in their back yards more and were more talkative with me than normal. I finally just told them they had a standing invitation to come over whenever they smelled it. I always made plenty of extra and they always brought some beer for me.

It was two weeks later, and one of those mornings where I was smoking a large brisket. I started it at one in the morning, so it would be ready at lunch, and I was up at five adding some wood. As I was closing up the fire box, a little yapper dog started barking at my feet.

“Where’d you come from?” I asked.

It just barked again, but I heard a voice from behind, “Sorry, Andy. The leash broke off the collar somehow.”

“Hi, Sara. When did you get this guy?”

“Monday. I’m still getting used to taking him out to do his business.”

“I bet little Shannon loves him.”

“Oh, my God! You have no idea. She carries him around like a doll.”

We laughed at the image of that poor dog being carried around.

“You’re grilling kind of early, aren’t you, Andy?”

“No way! I’m smoking a brisket I want to have for lunch today. It’ll take about ten or eleven hours, so I started it at one.”

“Good, God! There’s no way you’d ever get me up in the middle of the night to start cooking.”

I smirked and said, “I guess I’ll have to find a way to keep you up.” I couldn’t believe I flirted like that. It wasn’t my style at all.

Her eyes widened and she smirked back, “Can you keep it up that long?”

I didn’t expect her to say that and I’m sure I blushed when I couldn’t think of anything to say that wasn’t too sexually on the nose.

She giggled, “You should see the look on your face. I guess you can’t take as well as you give.”

“No, I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Nice,” she said. “So, do I get to have some of your barbecued yummies today?”

I smiled, “Of course. You can come over anytime you smell it. You can even bring your daughter.”

She laughed and said, “Thank you. Speaking of whom, I’d better get home I was just supposed to let him tinkle and get back, she’s still sleeping.”

“I get it. Why don’t you come over around noon?”

“Sounds good. I’ll bring some potato salad.”

“Perfect.”

I watched her walk away and got caught checking her out. She did that look back over the shoulder and smile thing ladies do and smiled wider when she saw me watching. I waved and went back to work.

It was a beautiful morning, so I showered, shaved, and brewed some coffee to enjoy with a cigar as the sun came up. My wonderful son gave me a gift of a coffee sampler that had various beans from Africa and South America. I decided to pair a Sumatran coffee with a Sumatran tobacco cigar. Yeah, I know, who cares?

While I was basking in the morning glow, I heard yapping again and the dog was back nipping at my ankles.

“Hello, little buddy,” I said, as I looked at the corner of my house to get a glimpse of Sara.

“Hi, Misser Andy!” Shannon chirped as she hopped up my deck’s stairs.

“Hi, sweetie. Did you run away from home?”

She giggled, “No, silly. Mama’s going to the store. She said Cuddles can keep you company.”

I looked at the stairs and saw Sara smiling brightly.

“I thought you might like some company while you grilled your meat.”

I smiled and said, “I’d rather it be you two, but I’ll take the boy dog named Cuddles as a close second.”

I lifted my table and put the hand hole of his leash under the leg. “Don’t go anywhere now,” I told him. He panted at me and yapped.

“You’re supposed to say, ‘sit,’” Shannon chided.

I laughed because as soon as she said sit, the yapper sat beside her.

“You have him trained well, Shannon,” I offered.

Sara said, “He went through training before we brought him home.”

“They forgot to teach him not to run away when his leash breaks,” I teased.

“Hey! That was just because he smelled your steaks,” she teased back.

“Brisket,” I corrected.

“Whatever,” she shrugged.

We laughed and she continued, “I’m going to impose terribly on you and come over here to make my world-famous potato salad.”

I loved that idea but teased her. “I don’t know. I mean, I have a lot to do, as you can tell.”

She snorted, “Obviously, Mister sitting on his butt smoking a cigar.”

She walked up and whispered, “Look, I feel like we’ve wasted a lot of time by not introducing ourselves sooner. I hope you feel the same way.”

I kissed her cheek, “I do. I’d love for you to spend the morning with me. If you want, leave Shannon here and I’ll watch her.”

“Oh, my God! Would you? You have no idea what it’s like shopping with a three-year-old.”

I laughed, “It’s been a while, but yeah I do.”

She kissed my cheek and said, “Okay, then. I’ll be back in a flash.”

“Hey, what do you like to drink? I’ve was going to make John Daly’s, and I have some white wine or beer.”

“What’s a John Daly?” she asked.

“Do you know what an Arnold Palmer is?”

She nodded.

“Add vodka.”

“Sounds good to me,” she said and gave Shannon instructions to be good for me.

“Okay, Shannon. What do you do on Saturday mornings?” I asked.

She looked at me, confused, and asked, “Is there cartoons on?”

“I’m sorry. I’d rather you stayed out here so I could watch you.” I realized how much of an idiot I was. Of course, she watched cartoons on Saturday morning.

I pulled out my phone and asked, “Do you think there are cartoons on the YouTube?”

She giggled and said, “Uh, huh.”

I opened up the app and asked, “What show?”

“Dora?” she asked.

I searched for it and handed her the phone. She smiled and sat on the deck next to her dog, who immediately climbed on her lap.

“Did you have breakfast?” I asked. She didn’t look up but shook her head negatively. “Do you eat people food or dog food?”

“People food, silly,” she giggled.