Chapter 123: Prejudgement?

Thursday, May 3, 1984

There was a tap on my shoulder as I was walking to lunch. When I turned to look, I got a major surprise.

“Hello, Trish,” I said, smiling. Or, at least, trying to smile, without making it look too forced or weird or ... whatever.

“Hi ... um ... I’ve ... I ... could we talk after school?”

“I have rehearsal after school today,” I said.

She nodded, but then said, “Look ... it ... it’s important ... okay, fine, it’s important to me. It might be nothing to you at all, but it is, for me, and it’s gotta be today. I’ve been trying to catch you at a good time, and there are no good times.”

She was right about that. I’d missed multiple school days with tournaments, tended to leave in a hurry, and so forth.

“That is pretty much the story of my life,” I said.

“I promise, it’s nothing bad, but ... look, I just need to talk. Before Prom, and there’s no time left. And, okay, that’s all my fault, but ... still. Please?”

“I can probably manage fifteen or twenty minutes without Steffie murdering me. It’s not like I’m in every scene. Will the benches outside work for that?”

“Near Drama and all? Yeah, I can do that,” she said.

“Actually, the ones near the auditorium, this time. We’re rehearsing in there after hours.”

“Okay,” she said, nodding. “Yeah. I can do that.”

“I’ll meet you there, then.”

“Thank you. I ... look. It’s...” she said, then stopped.

She looked around, then said, “This will take too long to say. Just ... thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Cammie gave me a thumbs-up as we got to lunch.

As we left, she hugged me and whispered, “All good! We’ll talk, but there’s no rush, and I know you’re bushed and distracted.”

I hugged her right back and whispered, “Thanks!”

During Drama, I took the opportunity of a break in rehearsals to check with Angie, and then with Jas and Paige. None of them could imagine any reason why Trish would’ve tracked me down. Jess proved slightly more helpful. Trish had tried to talk to her a couple of times over the past month, but Jess had been busy every time. Legitimately busy, too. That was interesting, even if it hardly shed any light on anything.

While I was talking to her, I let Jess know that Cammie knew the big secret and seemed to be doing fine. Jess was happy to hear that. She also reminded me that she wanted to get together soon, perhaps the week after the show. I hadn’t forgotten, but reminders are good. It was clearly important to her, so I’d make sure to keep it in mind. We’d obviously both been guilty of putting a lot of people off about a lot of things recently.

Meg let us head over to the auditorium early, which kept Steffie happy, or at least less unhappy about my taking time to talk to Trish.

I stepped out of the auditorium a bit after the last class bell to find Trish just walking up. I nodded to a bench away from the flow of students (not that all that many came by here after school) and she smiled and nodded.

We sat, turned slightly to face each other, and I said, “What’s on your mind?”

She hesitated, and then said, “I ... okay, well, I was going to start this another way, but...”

She paused, bit her lip, then said, “Okay ... no. I guess, first, I need to say that I didn’t do it.”

“Do ... what?”

“Cammie. It wasn’t me. I swear it wasn’t me. It wasn’t Mike, either. Neither of us ratted her out.”

I nodded, while trying to process that. I’d never suspected it was Trish. How could she have gotten photos of Cammie and Mel? It made no sense, and...

Well. Trish wouldn’t know about the photos, now would she? She could be playing a very clever game of misdirection, protesting too much about something she knew I couldn’t pin on her, but I just wasn’t getting that feel from her so far.

“Why should I believe that?” I said, partly to stall for time and partly to see where she’d go.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” she said, sighing. “But I didn’t. You ... I mean you personally, but also all of you collectively ... you’re not my enemy. Not like I’m all super-thrilled with lezzies, but some of my best friends are lezzies and I’m not bothered, and ... well, fuck, I’m not stupid! I do that, and you all go nuclear on me, right?”

“True enough. So...?”

“I didn’t blab and I don’t know who blabbed and ... honestly, I’m glad she’s back and seems okay. And that you did well together. I waited to talk to you because I didn’t want to get into your head before your big tournaments.”

“Thanks, and ... let’s say I agree. Why are you telling me this?”

“Because Prom is my ‘big tournament,’ Steve,” she said. She sighed as she said it, but her eyes said she was trying not to cry. Giving Trish a lot of credit for being manipulative, I was tempted to believe it was honest. “I know you don’t get it, but ... let me try, okay?”

“Okay,” I said.

She sighed again. “I was the queen of my old school. No one would’ve disputed that. I got what I wanted, people listened to me, people mostly liked me, the ones that didn’t like me were a bit scared of me — all that. And, yeah, I mean the people I care about, but everyone cared about them there. This place confused the hell out of me! Still does, sometimes. Anyway ... Mom got a great job offer and Dad could work here and ... well, no one asked if it was going to screw up my life. When I got here, it felt like there was this ... void, I guess ... and I tried to fill it. I mean, before, I was gonna be Homecoming Queen, Prom Queen if I wanted — which maybe I wouldn’t have, I don’t know ... all that. Adored, praised, blah blah blah.”

I nodded, saying nothing.

“Then I get here, and ... like I said, it felt like there was a space for me. I thought that right until Homecoming. Then you and Jessica Lively just brushed Mike and me aside. I figured you hated him, and...”

She bit her lip. “We’ll get back to that. Anyway, so, I’m trying to be honest, even when it’s bad for me. Mike blew up your group and I admit that I put him up to it. It was a huge fucking mistake, okay? It was, and I’m really sorry. I didn’t get it until it was way too late. It’s one of the two dumbest things I’ve done since I got here, but ... well, it would’ve been the right thing everywhere I’d been until now. Studying with a bunch of people puts you in their circle, and that’s the kiss of death most places, in terms of popularity.”

I nodded again.

“You’re creeping me out. Say something!”

I smiled a little. “I think I understand so far. Memorial is weird. Our cliques aren’t necessarily the usual ones, and we do things a bit differently because of it.”

“See? You get it!” she said, then sighed. “Good. Anyway ... look. Homecoming hurt! It took me until January to realize that you and Jessica didn’t win to hurt me, you won because you fucking well deserved it. She’s the queen here, and you’re the king.”

I started to say something and she waved her hand. “Don’t deny it. It’s like — Mike told me about the times you tried to let him lead your study group because it was his house and his stepmother and all that, and ... yeah, you could’ve let him lead, but he wasn’t the leader. Which is okay — he’s learning to be a leader — but then he wasn’t.”

“Um ... okay? Thanks?”

She smiled. “Let me put some cards on the table, or some more cards, or whatever, ‘cuz ... I have to, or you won’t trust me. We had nothing to do with any of the locker crap, I swear. Do you know who did?”

I shook my head. “I don’t, I promise. No idea whatsoever.”

She nodded. “I’m gonna trust that you’re telling the truth, and I hope you’ll trust that I am. That’s what I expected, though. The damn cockroach thing...”

She stopped, shuddering a bit.

“Sorry. I still have the occasional flashback.”

“I’m sorry. Not something I’d want to happen to me, or my friends, either.”

“Thanks,” she said, sighing. “Anyway ... that ... I heard what you said to Mike, both times. He really thought it was you, or one of you, and ... after a bit, I realized it wasn’t. It’s the sort of petty bullshit one of us might have done. You have no reputation for petty bullshit. Mike was even more pissed after the perfume, but I convinced him that it wasn’t you guys.”

“Thanks. Maybe the damn baggie thing helped?”

“Oddly, it did. Mike’s completely convinced, now. No way you’d risk Angie, or Jessica, or even yourself getting suspended just to get the finger of blame off you, when no one was blaming you anyway.”

I nodded. “Thanks, again.”

“We don’t think it’s the same person, but ... who the fuck knows?”

“That’s about where we are.”

“Anyway...” she said, then paused, smiling just a bit. “Look ... I’m not begging or anything. I just ... let me have Prom Queen, okay? Tell Jessica, tell whoever. I’m pretty sure I’d win if you didn’t block me. Who else is serious competition?”

“She doesn’t want it,” I said, “and I really couldn’t care less about Prom King.”

“Then let people know that! Please!”

This time she hesitated longer. It was obvious that she was trying to figure out what to say next, and what it was, when she said, it, stunned me.

She looked at me, right in the eyes, and said, “The thing I can’t figure out, and I’ve tried — I’ve really tried — is why you, and even more your sister, hate me so much.”

“We don’t...” I said, but inwardly I could immediately see how she would think that, and ... I didn’t like how it felt.

“I saw the way she looked at me! I mean, the first day we met! It was like I was some nasty thing on the bottom of her shoe! You followed along, but not so much, just ... it got more and more. I never did anything to her, and I never did anything to you. Except, fine, I did — I latched onto Mike, and I know you guys liked Sarah, so maybe you chose her, and I drove you out of Mike’s house because ... well, you didn’t trust me and you have secrets. I don’t even know most of them, but I know about Cammie — but I don’t know about her because of Mike, in case you’re worried that he spilled the beans.”

I was trying not to show it, but ... fuck! Was she right? Had we misjudged her? Or even maybe judged her fairly but prematurely? How much of Angie’s first-life Trish was in this Trish back then? How much was there now?

“Just ... why?” she continued. “I know I sound like I’m whining, and I hate that, but...”

“It’s probably because of Sarah. Mike and Sarah had trouble before, and got through it, and we all really liked her...”

She nodded. “The thing you don’t know is that Sarah was always going to move away for college. Mike and she talked about it over the summer and she was adamant that she wanted to go to New England, and Mike didn’t, and she said they’d just have one more fun year and then go their separate ways. I mean, they were doomed, and they were doomed because she doomed them!”

Another thing we’d conveniently missed. I knew I hadn’t asked Sarah, but could it be that none of the girls asked her? And, if so, was that Angie’s doing? Inadvertently, I was sure, but ... still?

“Why didn’t Mike tell any of us about that?” I said.

“He’s ... you know the guy. He thought it would make Sarah look bad, and he wasn’t going to throw mud. Also, some of it was me. Like I said, I fucked up and blew up your study group, and keeping Mike from saying anything was part of that. If you blamed him, you’d move on. If you blamed Sarah, I’d have to figure out some other way to get Mike to separate from you.”

“That ... actually makes entirely too much sense, as much as it’s kinda ... awful,” I said.

She blushed. “Yeah, well ... I think it was awful, too. I’ve grown a lot this year. If I had it to do over, I’d be a totally different person. I really would. It’s just ... no mulligans in life. If you fuck up, you live with the consequences, learn from your mistakes, and do better.”

If I’d thought she was hinting ... but, no. There’s no way Trish had any of the things she’d need to figure that out. Mike didn’t have anywhere near enough information. No one who did would even talk to Trish without being on their guard.

With that in mind, I gave her points for having a fairly mature attitude about things.

She continued, saying, “Look, Mike’s a big immature doofus, okay? I get that. But he’s my big immature doofus, and he’s getting better, and I actually lo...”

She cut herself off, then said, “Like the guy. A lot, really. I’m not sorry that we’re together, and I’m not sorry that I elbowed Sarah aside. But that’s ... well, if it’s a reason to hate me, then it is.”

“I don’t hate you. It takes a fair bit to get me to hate someone.”

“Actually...” she said, smiling a bit, “ ... that’s what I was counting on. You have a reputation for being reasonable and open-minded. So do the rest of you, really. Except with respect to me, but I’ll freely admit you haven’t gone after me.”

“I have to ask, just to touch all of the bases. You and Mike never went after Jasmine?”

She blinked, looking puzzled. “I missed anything happening to Jasmine. Did her locker get blasted, too?”

Again, I had to guess that Trish was good at this, but it felt like an honest answer, and honest puzzlement.

I shook my head. “No. Something else happened, but ... well. I shouldn’t get into it.”

“I didn’t. Period. I’m pretty sure Mike didn’t, but if he did, I’ll make him admit it to you, I promise.”

She bit her lip, hesitating, then added, “Look, Mike in particular was a bit vocal about being pissed at you after Homecoming, and I wasn’t a lot better. Some of the people we both hang around with are assholes. I kinda ... well, I need them for another few weeks, and then it’ll all just quietly go away, but I’ve got a dozen or so friends I want to keep and a dozen or so people who, if I never see them again, I’ll be very happy. You probably know how that goes.”

“Honestly ... mostly not. I’ve been lucky that way.”

“Or careful,” she said, nodding. “Anyway. The whole ... this spring has been eye-opening, for me. Shit happened at Ben Morgenstern’s birthday that ... well, it shouldn’t have. I’m not okay with some of it. Not at all. And then that fucking party at Penny Blankenship’s ... you heard about that, right?”