Today was fun, fun, fun!

This morning, Nils suggested that, after he put in a couple of hours in his studio, we go to the county fair. I haven’t been to a fair since I was a teen and I realized that I had missed the fun, so I told him “Sure. I’d love to go; haven’t been there since I was a kid!” Of course, Nils just seemed amused.

When we got there, I insisted that we first go see the livestock. I used to love roaming the pens, petting the cows and sheep and goats. I didn’t much care for the pigs, but I loved to see the piglets! It was noisy and smelly and I loved it. I’m not sure how much Nils liked it, though. He seemed to have a permanent disapproving look on his face.

There was even an exhibition where ordinary people, not farmers, could try their hand at milking a cow. I challenged Nils to a milking contest: whoever could get the most milk out of the cow would foot the bill for the entertainment!

Nils was not happy about that. I think he sensed a scam, and he was right! Grandpa taught me how to milk a cow so that I could have the freshest milk for my morning cereal. But Nils didn’t know that, so after a little teasing he said, “You’re on!”

I let him go first. He was in a tracksuit, red with white stripes. I don’t know why he was dressed in that because it certainly wasn’t a good idea at a fair. Fairs are dirty and stinky and Nils can sometimes be very fastidious. But, he got down on the stool and did his very best, I will say. His best, however, wasn’t very good.

Now, me, I know I should have been dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but I wasn’t. I had on a very light, see-through top with a black bra (I don’t know why I was wearing the bra: it was a very small demi cup that showed off my nipples!) and a very short skirt. And, no, I didn’t wear any underwear!

I said, “I see you got a couple of squirts in the bucket. Now, let me show you how I was taught!”

Nils got on the other side of the cow and knelt down to watch. Not bothering with the stool, I spread my knees for a little better balance, and grabbed one teat in one hand and another in the other hand. I punched up into the udder then started the “pull, squeeze, release” method I was taught when I was about 7 years old. You never really release the teat, but you do loosen your grip. In no time at all, I was getting a pretty good stream from each pull. I spied a kitten nearby, and I aimed a squirt at her. Nils laughed and the kitten lapped it up.

It felt good to do that again, and I know Nils wasn’t really watching my technique. He was far more interested in the entire scene beneath the cow. I stood up and showed him that I had about a quarter of the bucket filled and he conceded defeat.

I took his arm and led him from the barn to the exhibition hall where all sorts of homemade crafts were on display. Everything from doilies to prom dresses were in the sewing area and the quilts were very nice. There were baked goods, from cookies to pies, biscuits and all other manner of baked goods on display.

Then there were the 4-H exhibits where we learned what kids were learning these days.

Believe me, it ain’t just how to plow a furrow anymore. There were exhibits on silage and feed manipulation; exhibits on how to make the most of solar power; even an exhibit on how to turn barnyard manure (including chicken shit!) into fuel to power farm vehicles. I know I was impressed, and I think Nils was, too.

Then came the arts exhibits. The farmers and their children made things for around their homes, like benches, chairs, and tables. They made art to decorate their walls, including paintings and photographs. Nils surprised me when he enquired who the judge for the paintings was and he offered his services for the next year. He also found out that a friend of his, Jon Eugene, was the judge for the photographs.

And, everywhere there were ribbons for all of the exhibitions. Blue ribbons and green and white and even pink ribbons. Of course, each category had a purple ribbon for the best in show for each category. There were a lot of happy people posing with their ribbons! Of course, there were also some very disappointed people, also, each vowing to do better next year. You would have thought they were Cubs fans!

By then, I was starving, and I insisted that we get something to eat. I love fair food! I wouldn’t eat it every day, but once in a while, it’s great fun. I dragged Nils over to a tent where a church was cooking up butterfly pork chops on hamburger buns. Then I dragged him over to where they were serving corndogs and then to the French fry booth. I got a lemon shakeup and then some cotton candy and a caramel apple. I was sticky and gooey and I hadn’t been so happy in quite a while!

I got cleaned up in a restroom, and then I dragged Nils over to the Midway. We played lots of games and Nils even won me a pink teddy bear at a shooting gallery. Then, we went on some rides.

We first got on a Tilt-a-Whirl, and I got slammed and pressed into Nils’ side. He wrapped his arm around me and tried to hold me even closer! Then we went on the bumper cars. He slammed me once, but then I got the hang of my car, and the next time he went to slam me, I moved out of his way and he slammed someone else. He kind of got stuck in a traffic jam, and I got around him and then I and my pink teddy slammed him real good. We were both laughing so hard we almost couldn’t get out of the cars!