Episode 366: SWINE FLEW

8:30 AM! The McKellen household on Epicenter Court!

It had been a busy morning for Henry McKellen. A last-minute realization that he needed to wash the bedding for every bed in the house became a necessity. With a house full of family members arriving later in the evening it was a must to make a good impression. Finding more than he bargained for when stripping his daughter Dakota’s bed had his mind reeling. It was obvious his little girl was more mischievous than simply trying to goad him into lessons on how to be with boys. Sitting on Dakota’s bed he held up two very different dildos comparing them.

“What I wouldn’t give to read her diary.” As if she had one!

“Not only does Dakota still have her mother’s dildo but she has a second whopper under her pillow. I wonder where she got this monster.” Shaking his head over it he simply sat them on her dresser out of the way and continued on his mission. Sheets in a laundry basket he moved on into Sable’s bedroom. Pillow lifted to remove the pillowcase he felt a weight under the fabric. Shaking it another monster dildo landed on her mattress.

“Seriously? Sable has one the exact same size. What in the hell is going on around here.” Shrugging it off he repeated his routine and sat it on her own dresser. “Those fucking things are bigger than I am. They’re still virgins for Christ’s sake.”

He had no clue that Piper Cherry’s nephew Mace Belmont had cloned his penis multiple times. In the case of the twins those were their birthday presents early. “I’ll just stash both of those away in Dakota’s closet, so Will and Glenda don’t run into one of them when they camp out in Sable’s bedroom. No harm done I suppose, I’d just like to know who bought those for them. Surely, Josie would warn me if she did. I know the girls haven’t been to any stores they’ve been pretty close to home the last two weeks. For that matter they were eighteen until yesterday.” Curiouser and curiouser!

Once Sable’s bed was stripped, he went to his own bedroom and set out to remove his bedding. Once his mattress was vacant, he decided to flip it, it had been at least two years since they had done that. To his shock he found a third monster toy hidden between the mattress and box springs. “What the hell is going on around here. This is just insane. I need to ask Josie about these, she had to have bought these ... although they look ... oh, hell no! These are from a cloning kit.” He recalled seeing one at Hardcore Hobbies when Jasmine Stinwicky used one.

“Jazz sells cloned products. She, Burt and I discussed selling mine for laughs. Man, if it wasn’t raining hard and if I had time, I’d stop back by there and ask if ... Jesus! Stop being paranoid. Josie would need a cast to make these, and she sure doesn’t have a dick. Lord, I hope these aren’t cast from Roman Crandell. I mean I doubt that, and she has said he’s not as big as I am. Whatever! Have your fun ladies! I’m done stressing over these. There just needs to be more communication than we have had lately. Dakota would probably fess up if I cornered her.” Mission accomplished he shoved Josie’s toy MACEtodan back between the bed parts.

Carrying the basket downstairs, he headed to the laundry room and started a hefty load. The quicker he could get this shit done the better. “Damn! Almost out of detergent. I better grab a jug from Piggly Wiggly when I go get the birthday cakes. Dryer sheets too! It’s always something.”

Waiting on that load he went so far as to use the vacuum to clean couch cushions before stopping to take a break. Morning coffee in hand he stood at the front door looking out at the pouring rain. “I sure as hell hope this shit stops before I have to run out to Piggly Wiggly. Let’s check the forecast. If I recall right the Channel 12 weather hottie said yesterday the storm should pass through by midday.”

Plopping down on his sofa he plucked up the TV remote and turned the TV on. Channel 12 already on, it was the last anyone had watched television. “Price is Right! Drew looks like he’s been on a binge.” A glance at his liquor cabinet he chuckled. “Better add another bottle of Jack to my shopping list. Will and I might need a refill.” Full bottle already there and another a quarter way full. Nice reminder Drew!

Going to a commercial break the Channel 12 news popped on for a recap of earlier in the morning. “There’s that busty weather girl.” He sat up straight noting her wearing only a white t-shirt. “Is she standing out in the rain?” While getting drenched giving her forecast her white tee went transparent and her gorgeous body showed everyone watching. “Holy fuck! Even the network news is going porn. That bitch is fine! How in the hell is Nashville getting the okay to break so many laws? Our bank, Cashanova going crazy, society is just falling apart.” Not that he was complaining. Even Henry recorded Kendra Gooney’s weather report she eventually stripping that wet tee off to finish in complete nudity.

“Will is going to love her. Ratings will soar over this. That or the station will get shut down. I’m definitely going to start watching the news more often. I’ll show him this bombshell brunette tonight when I let him review what I’ve done in updating Frisque. Shit! Should I do that after copycatting my daughters into the game as Montana and Bunny?” Why not!

“He will probably just laugh at me. It’s better I don’t show mom and dad. Hell, I don’t even know how Will’s wife Glenda will take it. Yeah, just William.” Once Kendra Gooney shook her monster melons at her audience and playfully flicked droplets off of her nipples she signed off, the scene changing to a fellow anchorman who looked in total shock adjusting his tie. “Yeah! I don’t need local news!” He shut the television off.

Putting the vacuum away Henry swapped loads from washer to dryer and started his last load. Refilling his coffee cup, he peered out the back window and across his lot to spy Kelly Herbert’s home. “Man, after seeing the weather girl I feel like walking over and hitting Kelly.” Fast asleep after dropping Travis off. She had a rough night feeling like trailer trash. Out cold until shortly after noon she would text her son to see if he needed a ride home. “I don’t know what’s in the Nashville water but here lately my dick is hard more often than not.” Hmmm! Intriguing notion! Would Watchtower go that far? Spiking the punch would be big business! Topic for another day!

“I have too much to do without running between raindrops to bend her sweet ass over. Besides, from what Sable says if the football game doesn’t get cancelled Travis will be the mascot again.” Questionably! “Kel might want to go watch out for him after last Friday’s stunt.” Oh, she will be there! LOLOLOLOL!

“Honestly, if the family wasn’t coming in, I should be there to support Sable’s cheerleading. I’m a piss poor dad! Maybe next week if Horton-Dexter holds on. I’m not really into sports but it would be the right thing to do. Josie and I really don’t go out together. Ice cream last night was the first time in ages.” Still got laid behind your back Big Daddy! Bitch be sneaky!

A text coming through over his phone Henry intercepted it from the kitchen island. “It’s William! He says Glenda is bringing home two laptops and a virus protection kit from her job at Amazon. Good deal! At least this covers our lack of birthday presents at least. I’m not counting the bullshit Josie brought home last weekend. Clothes are just not birthday gifts in my mind. I only wish our budget allowed for cars for the girls. At least one that they could share. I refuse to buy a cheapie and put more work into it than the car itself cost.” No worries! Piper Cherry had you covered! Henry and Josie just didn’t know it yet.

Texting Will back thanking him Henry grinned. “Hell, let’s send him the weather girl video I just took.” A quick send he sat his cell aside and finished off his coffee in thought. Five minutes later his older brother messaged back questioning why Henry sent him a video of a bear playing a banjo. “What the hell? I don’t even have a video of any bear.” Watchtower protecting themselves, their hackers intercepted the video of Kendra Gooney and replaced it. Common practice beyond Tennessee borders. Ohio was not under Watchtower’s jurisdiction. Sending it a second time William laughed about a feline video of a cat wearing a Batman mask. “I give up! I’ll just show Will when he gets here. Too weird!” Within the confines of Nashville, no problem! Outside world, nope!

Killing fifteen more minutes Henry took bedding out of the dryer and switched loads again. He took the time to remake Sable and Dakota’s beds while his own was sloshing about still. Hiding those monster dildos in Dakota’s closet he finished things up by 10:15. “Fuck it! Let’s go get those cakes. I can dry the rest of our bedding when I get back. I’m not even going to bother to change clothes I’m not out to impress anyone.” Sweatpants and a white t-shirt it was! Grabbing his wallet, car keys and cell he hit the garage. Door rising via his sun visor trigger he backed out into the pouring rain.

Leaving Hooter’s Crossing traffic was a bear in the downpour. The trip across town took him roughly twelve minutes. Reaching the supermarket Piggly Wiggly he found that with the deluge at the moment their customers were next to none. Only eight cars in the entire parking lot, he guessed most of those were employees. “Well, at least this should be a fast trip. Let’s just hope the cakes are ready. It is kind of early, not quite 11:00 yet.”

Parking up close he growled then made a fast break for the entrance. The rain fierce his clothing got wet fast. “Shit! Maybe I should have put on jeans. My sweats are weighing down.” A drawstring kind that was ancient as it was, made for quite a scene. His waistline drooped below his t-shirt showing off his lower abdomen. “Why didn’t I bring an umbrella?” Worse yet, the stores automatic door wasn’t opening.

“Oh, come on! This is bullshit!” Watchtower hijinks! After tracking Henry’s attempted transfer of video, the hacker known as Pachyderm was punishing him and laughing his ass off. Forced to tug at the doors and endure getting drenched Henry looked as if he had just stepped out of the shower.

Gaining entry after a struggle he had to hold onto his sweats to prevent them from falling. “This is just not my day.” Grabbing a cart, he pushed it along with one hand and held his sweats with the other. His white t-shirt was transparent, his chiseled chest vividly showing off.

“What a time to go without underwear. Why should I give a fuck anyway. If Kendra Gooney can do what she did I can risk my sweats dropping to my knees.” In passing the cashiers there were two girls trying not to laugh. One being a nerdy but cute girl by the name of Natalie Breeze, the other a black girl by the name of Felicity Lawrence.

“Cats and dogs out there!” Henry chuckled! “Tell the manager your door is broken. I had to force my way inside.”

“That would be me.” A tall woman stood up from stocking candy between checkout lanes. “It’s been working fine.” Simone Tasker, aunt to one Reese Teller got a good look at Henry noting his abdomen. “Goodness! Should we close our eyes?”

Looking down Henry saw pubes sticking up. “I wasn’t thinking!” Seeing the busty beauty nibbling her lower lip his way and unable to avoid staring, immediately hit home. Henry began getting erect right in front of her. He had to turn into his cart to block the view. “Still not thinking.” He had to laugh. “Sorry if this looks bad.”

“You don’t look bad from my point of view.” She deliberately cocked her head to the side as if hopeful to see him better. “I guess I should tell you the same. Sorry if I look bad.”

“No sexual harassment suits coming from me.” He chuckled! “Simone!” Nametag said it all.

“Are you looking at my tits?” Her tag was clipped just beneath a very rigid nipple erection. Tight white blouse with a hint of open cleavage she pinched at her tag but purposely pointed a pinky at her nipple.

“I am now!”

“And who might you be?”

“Henry McKellen! I’d shake your hand but if I let go of these it’s all over.”

“Then you really must shake my hand.” She abandoned her job and stepped up to him from the side extending her hand a tad lower than necessary. Her fingertips were only an inch from his abdomen. “I won’t bite.” Her sparkling eyes had Henry mesmerized for a moment.

“Fuck it!” He let go of his sweats and shook her hand. The waistband dealing with a huge hard on pushing the fabric outward she could actually look straight down beneath the material. A very thick veiny cock revealed itself to her. There was no mistaking her desire to see it. “You’re really the manager?”

“One of, but yes! Are we done apologizing? I like what I see.” Suddenly, it dawned on her the name McKellen. Josie McKellen was the name of the slut her nephew Reese brought into the store yesterday before dawn. A wedding ring on his finger was a signal. Yet, this man did seem to be flirting a bit himself.

“Not bad yourself. You noticed the wedding ring.”

“I did! Should I stop flirting?”

“Nope! My wife and I have an agreement to see others. How about you? Taken!”

“I do have a boyfriend but like you he and I play with others if the situation does arise. He’s a firefighter.”

“Bet his job got easier today with all this rain.”

“No doubt!” She continued to lower her gaze to look down that narrow opening. “Is that growing because I’m so attentive?”

“More than likely.” He laughed! “Do you always try so hard to seduce a customer?”

“Only on rainy days.” She stepped right up to him and pinched the waistband of his sweats and pulled it out a tad more just to get a much better look. The upper four inches of his beast exposed itself. “Veiny! You Sir have a very nice cock.”

“Awful bold with your store cameras recording us.”

“That’s easy enough to erase if I need to. This type of thing happens quite often of late.” She smirked! “I won’t go into details. Trust me it’s not just my indulgences. You would not believe what happened here just yesterday.”

“Oh? Now you have my curiosity aroused.”

“More than just your curiosity it seems.” A further tug she captured a look at his thick crown. Her cashiers were snickering over Simone’s bravado. Lesbians or not, the girls found her actions awesome. “Oh, now that head deserves a kiss.”

“Maybe somewhere less open range.” He peered around him, now spotting a stockboy filling shelves. “I’m heading to the bakery to pick up some birthday cakes. My daughters just turned eighteen.”

“Aww! No kids here! I’d rather steer clear of stretch marks. Mind if I walk with you to our bakery?”

“As long as you don’t grab my dick and drag me along like a wagon.”

“Tempting but you do need to push your cart. I’ll behave for now.”

“Darn!” He winked at her. “I’m open to suggestion as long as I’m out of here in say thirty minutes. Busy weekend with my party and family coming in. Not too busy to let you kiss my head though.”

“Mm! Shall we?” She pointed toward the far side of the grocery store. Henry didn’t even bother to tighten his drawstring. With no customers he just let the world witness his creeping butt crack. Pretty much only his tilted-up erection held those soggy britches. The walk was eventful, that big boy pecker wagging with each step he took. Oh, was Simone enjoying it!

Rounding a corner Henry and Simone spotted a woman placing fresh donuts out in trays. The woman looked to be in her late 20’s with blonde hair pinned back in a ponytail. Crystal blue eyes observed their approach. At first, she didn’t seem all that surprised until Simone claimed Henry’s cart and pushed it up to the glass cases holding pies and choice baked goods. Once Henry was unobstructed, she zeroed in on that wag with lifting eyebrows and a devilish smirk. Henry froze like a deer in a Supernova. “You did that on purpose.” He shook his head at Simone.