Episode 326: HANDsYMAN

5:40 PM! Lucius-Bodie Apartments, Nashville Tennessee!

Tony Gunther was ready to shoot some hoops. Having freshened up a bit, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, rolled on some armpit stank removal, and donned socks to go, all he had left was his favorite Jordan One Take Fours performance shoes to put on, but those could wait a few minutes. Loose fitting trunks, no shirt, and a ballcap turned backwards he was pure court. Sitting down next to his roomie Amber Hawthorne still sipping wine he realized he still had some in his glass. “Here! Finish mine off too, Wino!” Wink! Wink!

“I am far from any wino. But I will polish yours off.” She wrinkled her nose amusingly. “I really don’t have much to change into so I’m going as I am in these shorts and tee.”

“Suit yourself! You look darn good in those anyway. Now I know what to buy you for Christmas and your birthday.”

“Clothes?”

“Booty cut shorts and a chop crop. Or less, like this red off the shoulder thing you’ re rocking.” He smirked at her cleavage nearly exposing itself. “Seeing as you’re so easy to please.”

“The only other clothes I really have is one nice dress and a bikini. My ex-boyfriend Nick didn’t like my wearing much, so he gave my wardrobe to Goodwill. I was fine not doing laundry so often anyway.”

“Nick was his name?”

“Well, Jordan Nicks! He preferred it the other way around. He hated being called Jordan.”

“Strange but okay!” He puckered and eyed the clock. “Let me put on my own Jordan’s and I’ll be ready.”

“You named your tennis shoes Jordan?”

“Uhhh? Michael Jordan?” She shrugged; she was not really into sports to know one of the greatest ballplayers alive. “Chicago Bulls? No? Well, at least he didn’t play for the kNICKs.” He chuckled! Laced and ready he paused to slap his knees. She knew something was on his mind. “Before we head out, let me get this off my chest and we won’t go near the subject again ... out of respect. Okay?”

“All ears!” The same could be said for Cora St. James ears as well, now that the pooch had joined them sitting at Tony’s feet ready and knowing that shoes meant exercise.

“My overhearing you masturbate the day you gave me the tour of the apartment. Obviously over me, correct?”

Blushing she reacted with a shy grin. “It’s just been a while since ... well ... Jordan, Nick, left me hanging. Yes, I’ll admit your presence overwhelmed me more than expected. Now that we’re sharing the apartment, I’ll contain myself.”

“You don’t have to contain yourself Hawthorne. We just discussed all of that. I’m cool if you masturbate whenever you need to. I know I will. It’s natural. Boundaries! You play on your side of the bed; I’ll play on mine.”

“Oh, my God! You could honestly resist...”

“I know I could. Question is, can you?”

“Of course, I can.” She rolled her eyes with a frown just to look convincing. “I do have a question though.”

“Yeah?”

“You mentioned if the occasion ever arose where one of us brought a date home and wanted to ... you know ... engage, how could you possibly just roll over and ignore it? Lauren for instance. Once you meet her and bond, who knows, right? Or Tessa across the hall. Even Svetlana!”

“That might be a good long while. I could probably go to their place and have sex. For instance, my friend Piper she’s rich and has her own home. If I hook up, I’ll go there or get a room.”

“I didn’t think you had friends here.”

“Recently made! She’s the gal that got me the coaching job at Horton-Dexter. She and her friend Josie. Piper’s the Counsellor and Josie’s an English Teacher.”

“I see. So, you plan to date them?”

“Not sure I’d call it dating.” He chuckled! “Only sex! But to be honest that’s all I want. I’m not ready for any relationship stuff.”

“Me either! Jordan ... ugh! Nick has soured me toward relationship. I think I’d be happy just finding a special person to...” Another deadly blush snuck up on her. “ ... enjoy a few hours with.”

“Sounds like a solid plan. As long as it’s not you and I together. I think that would get in the way of our newfound status as roomies and friends.”

“Absolutely! I suppose if we ever wanted to bring someone home, we could give each other space, right? You might have forbidden me to sleep on the couch while you entertain another but, I’m not sure I could just ... roll over like you could. My couch is actually pretty comfy.” She patted the cushion beneath her.

“Sooner or later, I’ll go home to West Memphis and bring my full-size bed here. I can set up the spare room as yours so we’d both have our privacy. Seeing as I bought your king.”

“Right! No hurry! I know West Memphis is a long drive.” She wanted that shared bed option as long as possible. She simply needed him to think she was edgy about his ideas. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“Yep! Drink up, Roomie, it’s time to go. You’ve about got this bottle cashed.” He wiggled the two inches still on the bottom. “Save it for a victory drink when I crush the landlady. I’ll sleep like a bambino after a good workout.”

Getting up, Amber took their glasses to the kitchen and rinsed them good, placing them in a dish strainer. While she did that Tony connected Cora Belle St. James up to her leash. Eying him doing so Amber paused a moment and caressed her neckline. Recalling Nick Jordan wanting the BDSM life and she ready to try it before he dumped her, she sighed. It was a damn shame he was such a shit. “Collar me, Tony! Collar me.” She shook off her mental delirium and slipped her sandals on. “Ready when you two are. Oh! Baggy just in case.” Nick a shit reminded Amber to grab one just in case Cora dropped the ball.

“Courtside Cora! Hoopty Hoop Hawthorne!” He chuckled! Ball in hand he spun it on his fingertip like a pro even as Cora barked at him. Amber took the initiative to kneel next to Cora and hug her from the side to quiet her down. Glancing down at them Tony saw Amber looking up at him with doelike eyes. It paused his spin to avoid dropping the ball. Well now! What was this about? “You okay, Hawthorne?”

“I’m fine! Just comforting Cora so the neighbors don’t complain.”

“With everyone in this building having screaming orgasms and beds beating the walls they had better never bitch about us.”

“Us?” She immediately pictured having a screaming orgasm over Tony fucking the holy hell out of her. Now more than ever she wanted to beg from down under.

“Get up!” He shook his head and tossed her the lead on the leash. “Fetch!” She turned red and smirked. Leash in hand she stood up looking hopeful.

“So, now I’m a puppy?”

“That’s on you Hawthorne. You do your thing, I’ll do mine. I’m the dominant type.”

“A man should be.” He left her thinking as he opened the door and left the apartment. Locking up he handed her his key. She had no pockets. “I need a lanyard.”

“Maybe the school has an extra lanyard lying around. I’ll ask Piper tomorrow.” Walking away they ventured toward the rear entrance to the building and outside. Gloomy and dark skies incoming it was a good thing the court had pole lights around it to maintain a well-lit environment. Waiting on Amber and Cora he noted two women on the court. Pausing a moment to realize just how built Lauren McBride was, he silently whistled under his breath. Even with her long hair partially pinned up that bitch was Piper Cherry quality.

“Goddamn! Lauren has a healthy rack.” 40G magnificence it was a guarantee that she had a boob job at some point. Wearing her tank promoting the Memphis Grizzlies over chopped up booty denim, her cheeks were definitely free spirits. “Nice ass too! Yep! I’m going to like it here.” Taking his time there was something holding him up and turned to Amber. “Cop! Maybe we should give them a minute.”

“That’s just Catalina Juarez, she lives out here. She must have just gotten off duty. She lives up on the third floor of our building.”

“Wonderful! Cop close by.”

“Don’t let her fool you, she’s as wild as Tessa and Svetty.”

“Oh, yeah?” He sized Cat up while continuing their walk. “Now that gal can cuff me anytime she wants. I love me some Latina.”

“Tony?” He glanced back at Amber who clenched her teeth. “Cat is a lesbian.” Buzzkill! Well shit!

“Don’t tell me, Lauren is her lover, right?”

“Not that I’m aware of. My guess is Cat saw booty shorts and started sniffing. They tease one another but I’m pretty sure Lauren is into guys.”

“Over the phone she did say guys kept her from continuing basketball in college.” He pondered to himself. “Whew! That would have definitely ruined my evening if she was gay.”

“Hi, Amber!” A voice from above on a second story balcony called down. Tony looking up for the youthful voice saw a teenage boy likely around the age of 13 leaning over the railing with folded arms.

“Hey, Gideon. How are you?”

“I’m good! You got a dog? Maaaan! I wish mom would let us have a dog.” The mixed young man of black and white pouted.

“This is Cora. She belongs to Tony there.”

“Hi, Cora! Is Tony your new boyfriend?”

“Just roommates, Buddy.” Tony backtracked a bit to give Lauren and Catalina time. “Sup, Gideon? You play basketball?”

“When mom allows it. She’s protective.”

“Gideon has MS.” Amber quietly revealed while looking at Cora as a diversion. Tony heard her clearly. “He tires easy.”

“Poor kid! Well, maybe sometime if your mother lets you we can shoot a few hoops together.”

“That would be awesome.”

“I shoot!” A girl joined him on the balcony. Once she looked down at Tony her eyes bulged. “Who be you?”

“Tony Gunther. You can’t be the mom.” The girl was at least 16 or 17 also mixed.

“Giddy’s sister. I’m Grace.”

“Grace Period!” Gideon busted up laughing. “It’s her time of the month.”

“SHUT UP!” Grace turned beet red and ran off out of humiliation. Going! Going! Gone. At least she didn’t say she hated her brother.

“Ouch! Careful Buddy, she might sneak into your room and put a nail polish moustache on you.”

“You go apologize to your sister. Right this minute young man.”

“And there is momma.” Tony smiled up at an extremely hot Ebony. He honestly expected her to be white, the father black. Not unheard of but that was simply his prediction. With Gideon ordered away the mother took her turn leaning over the balcony on her arms. Her white halter top covering only her chest as she leaned on the rail it appeared as if she were nude until she straightened her posture. Large 38C breasts with no bra, her nipples were spiking as she shook her head down at them.

“I’m sorry about Giddy. He just blurts things out sometimes. Hey, Miss Amber.”

“Hi, Simone.” Introductions seemed in order. “Tony Gunther? Simone Scott. Simone, my new roommate Tony.”

“Looks like I’m meeting the whole building in one day.” Tony grinned up at her. Her appearance reminded him of Janet Jackson in her early 30’s. “I love your music. Black Cat was a favorite.” He then looked at Cora at his feet, “No chasing, Miss Jackson.” The humorous connection made Simone bust up laughing.

“Where did you find this hunk of a man?”

“He answered my sublet ad in the paper.”

“Oh, no! You’re moving?” Simone went all pouty.

“No, she’s staying. We agreed to share the place and cut expenses. I just moved over from West Memphis. For now, I’m living on nickels and dimes until my first paycheck.”

“Tony was just hired as the basketball coach at Horton-Dexter High School.” Amber chimed in.

“Nice! Looks like I get a front row seat to watch you play.” Simone flirted! “Best seat in the house.” Her balcony onlooked the court with zero obstruction from trees in the yard. “My babies attend Private School. Trust me, I teach History at Filmore and the schools in this city have gone to the dogs.” Simone preferred doggystyle! Her secret! She was as bad as anyone at Filmore. Sadly, her ex-husband Lucas Scott taught there too. Divorced but seeing each other every day was crappy, but the pay was too good to abort. Cora howled just to say she was one, a dog that is. Chuckles all around! “Good luck! You might regret it.”

“I doubt it.”

“Hey! Are we sparring or talking?” Lauren made her presence known, Catalina right behind her. “You must be Tony.” She waved up at Simone then bumped hips with Tony. “I’m Lauren in case Amber didn’t point me out.”

“Abusing your tenants?” He frowned at her impactful greeting and tossed his basketball into her hands. “Personal foul!”

“Expect a whole lot of those. I’m brutal.” She laughed! “Nice to meet you Tony. This lovely lady behind me is Catalina Juarez.”

“Officer!” Tony saluted her then nudged Cora from sniffing Catalina’s ass. “Sorry! She’s ... well, nosey.”

“I’ll humiliate myself.” Catalina frowned! “I got pissed on by a dog earlier. I didn’t have time to change so I survived on perfume.” Her devious partner Officer Anson Potter had urinated on her after making her piss in the grass at Pitstop Park. Close enough to a dog. She knew she wanted to run his ass over like one.

“Eww!” Amber felt badly for her.

“Sucks to be me. On that note I need to check my mail and grab a shower. Welcome to Booty Call, Tony.”

“I’ll take care of that leak as soon as I hire a new handsyman.” Again, with the Handy Handsy joke. Tony rolled his eyes.

“Speaking of ... I have a leak too.” Simone called down. “My shower won’t shut all of the way off.”

“I’m working on it.” Lauren again hip bumped Tony. “If he takes me up on my offer this here is our new handsyman.” Amber was feeling overwhelmed by flirtations. HER MAN! Sighing she caved on that idea. Lauren and Simone were both models compared to meek geek Amber.

“I won’t be able to even coach if you dislocate my hip.”

“Oh, come on! It would take a lot more than that whiplash to break you, Mister Sturdy.” She wiggled her brows at him. “But we can try later if you want. On the court that is.” Tongue flip, she took his ball and even with nails spun it with finesse on her finger.

“Not if those nails deflate Spaulding there.”

“On that note, I’m out.” Simone cut in from above. “You kids have fun. I’ll wait on a knock to fix my tub.”

“Tomorrow evening after my first day at Horton-Dexter.” Tony called up just as she left the balcony. “No water damage, right?”

“Not yet!”

“Okay! Hang in there, Simone.”

“Nice meeting you, Tony.” Simone shut her French door and dealt with her feuding kids.

“Same here! I need to feel clean again. Ever need POPO stop by my place. Even if you just want to borrow handcuffs.” Catalina laughed! Better spirits after a shitty day she had a Darkhorse to ride. Well, chat with. “Later, Lauren!”

“Bye, Cat! Keep the peace.”

“They won’t listen to me.” She chuckled! “Have you met Doreen and Kyle yet?”

“The headboard terrorists?”

“Yep! Bye, puppy!” Catalina patted Cora, then in turn patted Amber. “You too, gorgeous.” Amber playfully bit at her hand then blushed. “Careful! I can roll up the evening paper and harass you with the adopt a pet section.”

“I’ll pass! Bye, Cat.”

“Seeya POPO!” Tony nodded then turned to Lauren. “Let’s get this ball a rolling, Landlady.”

“Come on Cora let’s take a seat.” Amber led the Rottweiler to an outdoor bench as Lauren and Tony headed out onto the concrete court.

“You told Simone you would be by tomorrow night. Does that mean I can put you on the payroll?”

“I’ll do her for free. Let me get going on the coaching gig first and see what my schedule looks like. The basketball season starts in over a month, so I’ll need to get our team in shape and build confidence in them.”

“Do her for free. You are a bad boy.”

“You know what I mean. I also promised Tessa and Svetty I’d look into their garbage disposal, and Amber and I need a new toilet seal. If you want to pay for the parts, I’ll hook them all up over the weekend.” He watched her shoot and swish. “Nice form!”

“Make your list, I’ll cut a check. Quit undressing me with your eyes.”

“I wasn’t but I can start! Aren’t you afraid of sexual harassment?”

“Not from you. I’m no dummy. You’re attracted to me.”

“Oh, yeah? How’s that.”

“I’m asking the same question.” She eyed his tented trunks. “How is that?”

“What makes you think this bad boy is because of you? Simone is pretty fine. Even though I’ve been warned of Cat’s preference so is she.”

“Sue me for ego. I know I’m the cause of that. My booty shorts aren’t hiding anything if you look close enough.” Pinky thin inseam it was a bet she would win. Her Grizzlies tank drifted down her ribcage and showed off quite a bit of side boob. Win! Win! Ball intercepted she passed it to Tony. “Let’s see what you’ve got, West Memphis.”

“Fair enough!” Primed shot, swish round two.

“Not bad!” She again snapped the ball up and went out further on the court. Leaning over dribbling she intentionally showed off her 40G’s with a wide open cleavage drop. No nipples but darn close.

“Nope! Not bad.” He grinned, Lauren reading his thoughts. “Are you sure that you don’t want to be skins and me shirts?”

“Kids!” She nodded toward Simone’s windows to see Gideon watching through the curtains. “Otherwise, I would.”

“You’re just the property manager, right?”

“Correct! For both the Lucius and the Bodie sides of the divorce. They share expenses and income off of this hellhole. Marion Bodie, she reverted to her maiden name, Charlie Lucius. In their 60’s but spry. Charlie hired me for my legs. I used to be in realty over at Harsh, but I got fired.”

“Let me guess! Bedding down perspective buyers.”

“Something like that. Poor judgment but fun as hell.” Shot from thirty feet, backboard rebound.

“Sounds like me. If you can be open so can I. Did you run a background check on me?”

“Coach fired! Yep!”

“Student interaction. Bad judgment as you say.”

“Shit!” She rolled her eyes at him! “Tell that to Simone. You’re going to find out what the schools are like here in Nashville real fast. That’s adding a capital G in front of Nashville.”

“Gnashville?”

“You’re catching on.” Ball back in Tony’s grasp he stepped next to her for the same shot and bumped her hip to move. Chuckling she stepped aside. Stance taken, posing like a Greek God he sent the ball through the air. Swish! “Damn!” Cora howled from the sidelines, proud of her master. Amber just sat there lost. No competition! Her self-esteem needed a lot of work.

“It will tell you this, it does concern me the school thing. After what I went through over in West Memphis, I suppose I need to tow the line to avoid any new charges, even if they were dropped. I got lucky once ... well, three times.” He sighed heavily. “Three girls, all best friends to this day. As a matter of fact they’re moving to Nashville next month so you just might meet them.”

“Just three? I have you beat. I was fired for a gangbang at one of the biggest closes in Harsh history. They got the money; I got the boot. Fun! Fun!”