Episode 297: RIGHT TURN CLYDE

“GPS says this is the place.”

Beau Hunter, his true name Curt Stewart pulled the car belonging to Darcy Beckett into a Northside adult emporium. The name of the place was Right Turn Clyde which had a cheesy looking Orangutang grinning while holding a huge banana where its penis should be. Below it had the caption Monkey Business begins here. Too funny!

Seated in the passenger seat of her own car, Darcy the newly spray tanned Goddess sat masturbating and making a mess of her floorboards. “I can’t stop playing with myself.” She whimpered, looking over at her neighbor boy and occasional lover. “All of that cum on me with that pheromone Joe mentioned mixed into the tanning solution has me so horny I can’t stand it.”

“I wish I had time to help you out.” A text over his cellphone had him sighing. Showing it to Darcy, she read it. “Andi wants a ride home. Today has taken longer than I expected. I might need to call an Uber and head on home, so I don’t run late picking her up.”

“I’m so sorry things took so long. I should have realized nothing ever works on any schedule when it comes to me.” Hissing she forced herself to stop knuckling her cunt and sat up straight. “I’ll pay for your Uber.” She sighed! “You make the arrangements I’m going inside Clyde’s here and see what they have.”

“Don’t forget that mask your hubby hinted at.”

“I won’t! I know I’m crazy tipping my hand over what Ross had me do for Randy’s workforce. If Randy ever found out that I was the escort sent to fuck his employees, it would be game over for our marriage.”

“Obviously that hood sparked something in Randy, or he wouldn’t call it his fantasy. I’m more worried about your dark tan now. If he calls for you again, how do you plan on hiding that deep of a tan from him.”

“Good question! I just hope Ross and Joe can come up with a solution for that. There is no way that this tan will wear off over the weekend. I’m stuck with it for at least two or three weeks. The guys are definitely pushing boundaries I might not escape from. To be honest with you Beau, I’m really grateful to have you as a confidante.”

“I’ve got you Momma! You go on in and shop I’ll make my call before time kills my pickup. I like it how Andrea wants me around.”

“Just be good to my baby. And never let on we have anything.”

“Never!” Opening her car door, Darcy stepped out and took him at his word. Waiting until she entered, he started to make his call to Uber when his Watchtower girl crush Polymer broke in.

“I have a ride on its way now Stud.” A feminine voice erupted from his cell speaker.

“Wow! Thanks, Polly.” A play on Polymer but he was right on the money. Her name really was Polly. Not that she could admit that to him. At least not yet. “I feel like you’re stalking me.”

“Quit complaining! Once you taste me you won’t want me out of your sight.”

“I’m counting on that. So, who’s picking me up?”

“Cop! I messaged the closest Officer to Clyde’s. Joey Chandler and Ross Green are on their way there too. Our superiors have need for Mrs. Beckett. Don’t warn her, let her shop while she can. Officer Peter Giffen’s ETA is five minutes.”

“Peter Griffin?” He laughed! “Family Guy?”

“Might as well be. Wait until you see that fat fuck, he really does look like Peter Griffin. He has the laugh down too.”

“That’s hilarious!”

“Want to know what’s more hilarious?”

“What, tell me.”

“Your real last name is Stewart.”

“Awwww, hell! Don’t you even start calling me Stewie!”

“It just struck me.” She busted up. “Listen! I have to go, one of my employers need me to do some snooping at her home. I’ll be in touch. Enjoy Andrea!”

“Later Polly!” All of their cellphone activity immediately deleted from memory. Texting Andrea back he said he would meet her to the rear of Horton-Dexter where he had dropped her off. Perfect! She sent him a picture of her pussy. “Nice! Someone changed dresses!” He noticed but kept it to himself. “I wonder why?” Intuition would be correct. Nathan Lowe! “She’s playing both sides. Not that it matters really. She’s fun and all but this is just a job. After Sunday, I’ll just hit her when I get the urge and move onward to bigger and better sluts. Polymer if I can coax her out of hiding is more my speed anyway. I mean we’re both deceptive fuckers. She’s a hacker and I’m a hack. Match made in heathen.” He smirked at how his future was shaping up. “Add in this cop gig and I’ll be in business to move on up the whorperate ladder.” Game on Baby!

Inside of Right Turn Clyde, Darcy Beckett noted the cashier to be an older man with a balding comb over and unshaven face. Regardless he had a winning smile, and his cologne was pungent. Not a horrid scent mind you but still a nostril knocker. He wore a white button-down shirt and simple blue jeans. “Afternoon! Anything I can point you in the right direction to?” He spoke up and sat his cellphone aside to be courteous.

“Possibly! I’m looking for... “ Deep breath! “ ... I presume they are called a bondage hood. The kind with no eye slots or ear openings.”

“You’re looking for the good stuff.” He chuckled! “I’m the proprietor Clyde by the way.” He rounded the counter and stepped up to her clasping his palms together. “Quick question might just get you a discount.”

“Married!” She flashed her wedding band with a blush.

“Same here.” He flashed back. “I wasn’t hitting on you. Not that you aren’t a looker.” A friendly wink changed the subject. “Not many folks understand the store name. I’ll give you ten percent off if you can tell me where I stole the name of my store from.”

“Oh! I totally caught on the second I saw the orangutang. It’s from that old Clint Eastwood movie Every Which Way but Loose. Clyde was his orangutang.”

“Bingo! Good job! The younger customers have no clue.”

“I just remember it from my childhood. My grandparents loved all of those obscure movies. I learned how to flip people off from Clyde.”

“Now that is funny. Make it 15%! Just send business my way.”

“Absolutely, I can do that. Do you sell those hoods?”

“I do! There’s not much I don’t carry. Nashville is becoming the freak capital of the United States. Works for me.”

“I bet it does. Lead the way.” She motioned him.

“Let me grab the leash.” Another wink. “I’m just ribbing you, Young Lady.”

“I love a good ribbing.” She plucked some ribbed condoms up off of a shelf acting as if promoting them like a gameshow hostess.

“I might need to hire you when I make a commercial.” He laughed! “I’ll throw those ribs in with the hood for free. A beauty like you with personality and trivia knowledge deserves a break.”

“Awww! Thank you. I’ll give the ribs to my daughter. She’s likely going to lose her virginity here soon.” So, she says! “I did tell her I would buy some condoms as a precaution.”

“Good for you. Right this lay, Young Lady.” Way! Gramps loved his sly charisma. Darcy simply played along. “By the way, how did you learn about this place? I’ve only been open for a month. Ran a few ads in the paper but it’s mostly been word of mouth.”

“My friend Ross. He’s a police officer.”

“Greenback?” He laughed!

“You know, Ross?”

“His ole’ man and I were drinking buddies. Until he drank himself to death. I’m a recovering alcoholic. Green wasn’t so lucky.”

“Ohhh, nooo! Ross never once mentioned that to me. He’s always such a charmer.”

“Yeah! Starrett was a good guy. He and I met in AA years ago and I tried keeping him clean, but he was too weak. I had to sever ties or fall back in myself. My liver is toast as it is so I’m steering clear. Anyways, Ross is a decent kid most days. Since he joined the force, he’s become pretty cocky.”

“I love his cocky.” She giggled! “I might be married but I’m unfortunately not so faithful. Neither is my husband, so it’s only fair.”

“Ross is tapping you? Good boy! He always did have good taste.” Winking at him she licked her finger just for kicks, her tastebuds loving the hint of pussy still upon them. “You are a tease.”

“I am!”

“With a body like yours I can see why. I hope you don’t mind my saying so.”

“Not at all. It’s nice to be acknowledged at my age.”

“At your age?” Clyde made a puffing sound with his lips, “Try being 62 in a market like mine. Even more with a last name that sounds like a baby. Folks who know mock me over it.”

“Surely It can’t be that bad. What is your last name?” Darcy appeared skeptical. “Let me have it.”

“Look at you, propositioning me.”

“I was not.” She liked the banter between them. “Oh, my gosh! Look at all of the dresses you sell.”

“Nothing but the sleaziest.” He chuckled! “Strippers are my biggest customers so I keep things nice and stocked up. I buy in bulk from Murfreesboro.”

“It sounds like Murphy wants to bring his burro to a party.”

“Nice one! Gerber, my last name is Gerber. It can’t get any more infantile than that. If you want to hear an even better one, when I was a wee lad, the other kids called me Gerbert. They got the T from my middle name Tipton.”

“You know there is a boy where my daughter attends school that they call Perbert. Shockingly he dates one of my daughter’s best friends. It is such a small world!”

“That it is! Masks are right over here.” Along a back corner of the outlet displays of bondage toys and the like captured her attention, swaying her from the dresses.

“That one waaay up top looks like the one Ross put on me. No eyes, ears, only mouth and a tiny air hole over the nose. It has buckles around the neck with a lock and key.” She thought to herself while admiring it from below. Clyde in reaction admired her butt cheeks peeking out as she reached for the mask without success. “Could you show me that black mask, Mister Gerber?”

“I’ve got a step stool if you don’t object getting it yourself. My back has been bothering me.”

“Oh, quit! You know you just want to see up my dress. Here!” She lifted her outfit clear up to her waist and performed a 360. “There! Nothing left to the imagination.”

“If you take that dress off and wear the mask for me, I’ll give you a free dress too.”

“Really? That’s very nice of you. Giving away so much I’ll put you out of business before you get started.”

“I’m hardly destitute.”

“Just for you then. Step stool?” He waddled off to a swinging door leading to the storage area and quickly returned with a Walmart special. Setting it up for her Darcy kicked her heels off and took the two steps to reach the hood and remove it from its hook. Coming back down Clyde held her hips just for fun. No complaints on Darcy’s part. “My hero.”

“That’s me! Mind if I use your dress as my cape?”

“You Sir are sneaky.” She giggled! “I am the only person in the store so I suppose I could try on dresses out in the open.”

“Works for me.” He grinned with a swell behind his jeans. “Pick a few outfits out and I’ll hold them as you change.”

“Mask on or off during? You can take cell pics of me in the dresses, and I can choose from how I feel about them.”

“Video 360’s!”

“Even better!” First off, she found three dresses that she loved the look of. Yarn style dresses on two which had those thousands of tiny holes to see flesh through. So perfect. The third dress was the ever-popular shoelaces up the side style in serpent skin motif. Once she had her selections ready, she removed her dress and cast it over a spinner of other outfits for sale. Clyde was biting his knuckles over her perfect body.

“Don’t go blind. That’s my job in one more minute.” Without further ado Darcy Beckett unlocked the hood and carefully slipped it on over her head. With Clyde’s help it was secured and stuck until he unlocked it for her. Funny how the customers began showing up at that exact moment.

Outside, five minutes before the masking.

“Looks like my ride is here.” Beau Hunter noted a squad car pull up. “Holy shit! That fucker does look just like Peter Griffin. HA! He even has a white dog in back. How much do you want to bet its name is Brian.” He wanted to laugh his ass off, but Officer Giffen was looking at him with a hint of recognition. Better not! Stepping out of Darcy’s car he left her keys in the ignition and walked over to Giffen’s car, the passenger window rolling down for him. “Hey Officer! Are you my ride home to Mister Rockhurst’s?”

“Looks that way! Quiet down back there Brian.” Beau just knew it. “Just kidding! Her name is Meg.”

“Dude! I am so sorry, but I have to laugh. I was told you looked like the Family Guy.”

“I hear it all the time.” He cackled like his hero, “Hop in and let’s get you home. I have to go pick up Lois, she’s rubbing twats with the dike from last weekend. Don’t ask!”

“Ohhh, fuck!” Beau cracked up! “This is so awesome.” Climbing in the passenger front seat Beau turned to grab his seatbelt when a second squad car pulled up. “There’s Joe and Ross.” A toot of his horn Giffen saluted Joe as they got out of the car. “Sup, Mister Chandler?”

“We meet again. It’s a good thing you hitched a ride. Beckett has a job to do before she heads home.”

“You guys move fast. I can’t wait to be a part of the fun.”

“You’ll fit right in Kid. Petey? Head on out and abuse the siren. Give the boy a run for his money.” A pat on Beau’s shoulder and a thumbs up from Ross at the store entrance, Giffen backed up and hit the street. Siren on at a stoplight that just turned red, it reverted to green just that fast as he hit the cherries. He drove sixty miles an hour all the way to Parker’s house. Beau and Pete had a good chat about Beau joining the force someday. Oddly enough they got along great.

Time catching up to the current Ross waited until the store owner Clyde waved them in. With Darcy trying on outfits, he paused recording her to greet the POPO. “Can she hear us?” Joe whispered! Clyde shook his head but regardless they kept their voices low.

“How’s it hanging, Rossy?”

“I’m good! How about you Clyde? How’s Bab’s?” Hilariously enough his wife Barbara went by Babs. Babs Gerber! Baby had to live with it.

“Good! Stop by the house sometime. We can toast milk to your Pop.”

“Will do!”

“How are operations here going, Clyde?” Joe asked seeing only Darcy in a dress of yarn. “Pussy likes her ball of yarn it looks like.”