Episode 9: Running with Scissors

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Remember when Brent Hardy ... Kandahardy...” Erin Parrish snorts her beer, forcing her to pause and react to wipe her nose with her hand before finishing the related trip down memory lane, “ ... got his Humvee stuck in the sand and had to have like five camels pull him out?”

“Oh Lordy! Yes, he was ridiculed for months. His unit was so cruel.” the lovely Kyra Whimsey chuckled between taking a hit on her rolled joint and choking over it, “Guys used to act like they were humping his Humvee after that, always asking him if it was Wednesday.”

“And asking him if he needed a camel tow.” She busted up, “I wonder what Brent’s doing now that he’s out?”

“Demolition crew I heard, somewhere in Texas.”

“Turban renewal?” Erin giggled, “That was bad even for me.” It was indeed, without her even knowing Erin’s necklace twinkled as it seldom did when reacting to something it obviously wasn’t happy about. At her feet the poodle Cotton, belonging to the deceased Brimley Stone cocked its head at spotting it’s seemingly lifeless revival. As fast as the pebble like gem lit up it faded away before any other notice. At least of the living kind. Seven of the thirteen young men who resided in this old home since it was erected back in the 1700’s were quite aware of the unusual phenomenon. It took seven to know one.

“Funny but sooo wrong.” Kyra waved the puff of smoke from her face. As if coming to her aid a gloved hand assisted her as she choked again. Two hands actually, one fanning the smoke, and another to pat her back caringly. Seeing and feeling the touch of ghosts was making her edgy, the weed was not helping. “Something just touched me.” She jumped forward in her seated position on the antique sofa left by the prior owners. A glove hovering toward her back waved at her with a friendly demeanor. “Why are we getting stoned and drunk out of our minds in a haunted house? Erin this is nuts.”

“Isn’t it?” Erin laughed and reached for Kyra’s bare knee, wearing shorts to help distill the warm weather even at night. “Bitch you need to shave your legs. I nearly got a playpercut.” Kyra merely winced at her goofiness.

“I haven’t had time to. I’ve been helping my Pop redo the kitchen. Since I’ve been back home, we’ve been trying to spend quality time together. Although, he says I’m in his way and need to find me a man. He just wants grandbabies before my biological clock stops tickling. Shit! Sore subject ... you must really miss your dad.”

“Right outside, remember?” Erin pointed with her hitchhiking thumb. Scooby Boo staring at them through the screen door while seated out in the yard. “I get it Kyra; it’s taken time for me to get used to things around here too. The boys are good to me though. They clean house and everything. Once they get used to more modern conveniences like a dust buster and a real vacuum cleaner things will be even better. They actually like it when I appoint chores for them to do.”

“I will never get used to... “ Her eyes flare as hands grip her shoulders and begin massaging them. “ ... Oh, my gawd! They rub shoulders?”

“Body massages are even better. Don’t get me started on the sex. HOLY FUCK It’s amazing.”

“Erin ... that’s just morbid. Fucking the dead?”

“No, the dead is fucking me. I’m alive still remember. Don’t knock it until you try it.”

“Not going to happen. Sorry ... um ... guys?” She flared her eyes darting them about without moving her head. “No offense! Even though the massage is... “ Gloved hands standing before Kyra Renee swoop low, plucking up her feet to take her shoes off. Strong yet invisible hands, although covered in latex begin rubbing her soles until she relaxes. “Now that I’ll allow.” A sudden sensation of a warm mouth around her toes results in flaring eyes and whimpers. “Is someone ... sucking my toes?”

“Get used to it! They can’t get enough of pampering me. I’m surprised they’re taking to you so quickly. They were raised to ... think whites were superior. Geneiveve was racist, owning dozens upon dozens of slaves to work for her. The boys didn’t know any differently but with me here I think they understand right from wrong better.” A sudden piano playing from upstairs paused their party with a woman’s scream attached to the notes. Wincing at it as it effected their nerves Erin frowned and used a pinky to clear out her ear after the piercing noise subsided. “Speak of the lady, she tells you how it is ... was. QUIET DOWN GENEIVEVE BEFORE I HAVE THAT PIANO HAULED AWAY.” Dead silence now, Erin grinned. “She’s learning. Hey Amos? Are you here?”

A hand to her left raises and shows her his sharpie written name on his rubber glove. “Amos? Go get a big bowl of water and two of my pink plastic razors from my bathroom upstairs.” Lester joined him as two pairs of gloves bumped fists just as Erin had shown them. Footsteps rushing up the stairs became rather spooky. Cotton even yipped at their hurried departure then barked toward the opened front door. “You want to go outside and be with mommy?”

Erin stood up and coaxed the poodle to the screen door. Looking out at Scooby Boo who sat with Erin’s father’s ghost inside him, the poodle wagged it’s tiny, cropped tail. Once let out Cotton’s eyes turned as white as his fur, reunited with his own Mistress Brimley who was prowling the grounds, unable to enter the house herself due to some mystical barrier. “We’ll figure that out one of these days so you two can come in out of the rain.” Not that a ghost felt the precipitation when it did rain, but the misery the dog might endure would certainly make them equally upset. Both were dog lovers after all. Clear night tonight, however. “Stand guard soldiers!” A paw rising from Scooby Boo looked exactly as if her father was saluting her. Too comically cute he really did go out of his way to mimic the Hanna-Barbara pooch. Even in appetite, she had already gone through half a huge bag of dry dog food between the two dogs.

“Erin? Why are you telling ghosts to go get razors? All I can envision now is being carved up.”

“Will you relax already? Trust me ... trust my sweethearts here.” Thumbs up all-around Kyra, the woman then saw many of them share an okay sign with their hands followed by valentine heart symbols.

“You taught them all of that in a week and a half?”

“They’re smart kids. Men! I think! Does it really matter? They’re all 200 years old or close to it. All I know is they got game. How’s that foot massage coming?”

“Amazingly ... relaxing.” Erin stood over Kyra in her slouch to read names on gloves to see who was pampering her bestie.

“Good job Guys! Don’t stop until she’s snoring on the sofa. Then one of you can carry her to bed.” More thumbs up until the spirit William went too far and used both of his hands in making a fucking motion, two fingers inserted through a curl of fingers on his other hand. “Not tonight! She has a headache.” Just that fast her shoulder man began massaging Kyra’s temples.

“Good lord! They live for this, don’t they? Well, live in the sense of making people feel good. Sorry guys I know that contradicts your situation ... y’all being deceased.” From temples back to her shoulders Kyra found her camisole’s shoulder straps swept aside over her upper arms to be more effective, her Cami slipping over her breasts a bit she bulged her eyes. “What have you been teaching these charmers?”

“Oh, they’re great at stripping my clothes off. Heck, I don’t even have to lift my arms up they do it for me.” She sat back down next to Kyra and packed her bong with weed, no more of that joint crap. Firing it up Erin took a healthy hit and held it. Ready to exhale she turned her head and blew it aside. The puff of smoke drifted over and around an invisible penis right before their eyes. That dick was huge for all that it lasted. Kyra and Erin both stared at it. “Well now! That was unexpeckered!” Unexpected pecker!

“How does that happen? I mean we can’t touch them, but they can wear gloves and condoms you say. They can touch us though.”

“I’m still sorting that out. Not complaining though, when they get handsy I’m putty in no time. Ooo! Ooo!” She hopped up sprinting to the kitchen after handing Kyra the bong to fire up. “Experiment time!”

While Erin was MIA, Kyra lit her bowl and inhaled deep. Prepared to exhale she looked over at her masseuse’s hand then tilted her head back as she blew her smoke. The cascade flowed over what appeared to be a man’s facial features with an amazing definition. “Whoa! You’re a cutie.” A smile shared just before the smoke dispersed, she sat back and pondered it all. “Okay boys! I’m willing to make peace. Whomever was sucking my toes ... do that some more please.” Ohhh, yeaaah! Momma like! Momma like a lot!

In the kitchen Erin grabbed the bag of extra plastic wrap she had purchased but hadn’t tried out yet. Tried out in the sense of seeing if she could mummify her baby boys for a better look at them. After seeing the piece pipe belonging to her cellphone lover, the camera ghost Curtis aka Curley she snickered, “Curly with a curled-up penis. It can’t get any more perfect than that. No wonder he drives me crazy when he fucks me. I’ll just make him my guinea pig.” Finding scissors in her cutlery set she shuffled back into the living room to find Kyra slouched even further into her couch cushion, her eyes rolled back into her brow like she was possessed.

“Umm? Guys? What did I say? No possessing my friends and family. Let Kyra go.”

“DON’T YOU DARE!” Kyra’s eyes returned to normal. “I’m just getting used to this. I have two toe lovers now. You just let them be.”

“Sorry! You looked like our realtor guy, all white eyed.”

“I was just ... this is unbelievable. Indescribable even. I think I might have had an orgasm without the sex.” As she tilted her head backwards one of her beaded hair extensions came undone and fell over her chest and down the front of her camisole. As if in a panic all of the hands on her thrashed around as if scared they had hurt Kyra. The boys at her feet were obviously sitting back on the floor because their gloved palms were flat on the rug. Erin busted up laughing.

“Relax fellas you didn’t rip her hair out.” Erin leaned over Kyra and dug under her blouse to retrieve the extension and used it to clip it to her own hair. As she did the hands all came back to life, one hand touching the extension and playing with it. “See? She’s not in pain.” Kyra even removed the rest of her extensions on her own and lay them on the end table beside her.

“There! No more losing my head.” Kyra smirked, “Why did I say that when this place terrifies me. Not only that, but you’re holding scissors.” Just as she got her fears under control, Hank eased back into rubbing her shoulders. While Timothy and Dim sucked upon her toes, in came a floating bowl of water. Lester behind Amos was holding a towel, shaving cream, and two pink women’s razors fresh out of a pack as if clenched between his lips.

“Here’s our baptismal. Thank you, boys.” Erin pointed for Amos to sit the bowl that used to have a ceramic pitcher in it on the floor between she and Kyra. “First things first!” She sat the bag of transparent plastic wrap beside the sofa then took her seat. “Curly? Where are you?” A hand waved down at her. “Where is my cellphone?” He pointed it out resting on a table by the front door where she and Kyra had left her car keys. “Bring it over here, you can record this for fun.” Giddy the boy hurried to get it, he loved playing cameraman now that he had processed the technology of it. Curly was by far the smartest of the bunch. “By the way Kyra ... if you need your cell charged just hand it to one of the boys. For some reason they can keep my cell charged without plugging it in.”

“That’s crazy!” She slapped Hank’s glove as it slipped from her shoulder down under her camisole as if wanting to play with her tit. No bra her cleavage was certainly attractive. Boys raised to be sex slaves back in the 1700’s they were hard wired to be playful. Some things would never change. Not that Erin wanted them to change. Certain habits maybe, but not when it came to sex. Oh, no! Nympho needed her guilty pleasures.

“Okay boys! Who wants to shave my legs? Kyra’s too!”

“WHAT?” Kyra sat up straight denying her tenders and put her palms to her sides, “Oh, no! No sharp objects are going near me thank you.”

“Will you freaking calm your coochie. They won’t hurt you. Just let them prove themselves. Boys? How many of you have shaved Geneiveve’s legs?” Four hands went up. “Bet they were thick and hairy, weren’t they?” It was obvious the boys were laughing because a few of them palmed their own mouths as if they could be seen. Upstairs hearing her being mocked Geneiveve pounded on her music room door where her spirit was held by a number of her boys playing guard to keep her at bay. “I BET GENEIVEVE HAD A BUSH BETWEEN HER LEGS THAT LOOKED LIKE THERE WAS A CAT CURLED UP IN HER LAP.” Piano, more banging, a wail of fury until someone shut her up. Somehow! “How do you guys shut her up like that?” Lester made a strangling motion with his hands. “Oh! Uhh? Does Geneiveve like that?” Thumbs up all around. “Mistress liked her bondage time, huh?” Hands dropped as if remembering their past lives. “Uh oh! Did I offend you boys?”

Thumbs down they tried to figure out a way to explain. Otis to Kyra’s side grabbed one of her extensions and used it like a whip lashing at Dim. “Did she ... whip you boys?” Thumbs up! “Did she ... let you whip her?” Thumbs up again.

“Ahhh, hell!” Kyra flared her eyes, “So, she was in charge but liked it right back in small favors. TMI!”

“Okay! Enough!” Erin looked at the ceiling, “SORRY GENEIVEVE! I WAS INSENSITIVE!” The boys hearing her made it clear that she shouldn’t apologize. The witch did poison the whole house back in the day, amongst many other atrocities. “Right! Anyways! Point taken.”

“Will you stop with the stabbing jokes.” Kyra was sweating. Even if Erin hadn’t meant it how it sounded. Slapping her upper thighs Erin stood up just long enough to drop her pull up shorts and kick them aside. Her shirt pulled up but left on she took one of the towels Lester had brought down from upstairs and laid it out to sit on. Returning to her seat she plucked up the scissors and began trimming her pubes down to a thin fuzz. As she did Amos chose to offer assist and took the scissors from her. She drank her wine and watched him carefully trim her down as fine as he could, even touching her pussy to protect it from those hard to get to snips. “Well, I’ll be!” Kyra shook her head as Amos sat the scissors down without any cause for stress.

“See? Drop your drawers Sargeant Whimsey.” Kyra took a deep breath and stood up, wiggling her own shorts down to her toes. An assist in taking her shorts away whoever was there sniffed them but without olfactory senses it was just for laughs. He couldn’t smell her. Pointing at his behavior with a wince Kyra used another towel to do just as Erin had. Plopping back down she stretched out. Her bush was very thick so she knew it would take time to eliminate. Scissor’s rising with a gloved hand she noted the name on the knuckles as Timothy.

“Please be careful Timothy.”

“Yeah! Just a trim Tim.” Erin giggled, “I’ll wait until the barber takes a little off the top. This calls for another hit.” Bong clutched from the couch’s center she packed another bowl and sparked her lighter. An excessively long drag she mumbled the word, “Curly.” The boy stood up in front of her like he had earlier. “Where’s your weenie?” He pointed at his penis as she hovered in front of him. Blowing a smoke ring it billowed his way and he put the head of his dick through it, the smoke highlighting his girth.

“Oh shit!” Kyra saw the size of that curled up behemoth. The fact Timothy was patting her clit lovingly as he trimmed her bikini area Kyra trembled. “I’m going to have nightiemares.”

“No, you won’t! We can’t get any better guardian angels than my boys here, right fellas?” Thumbs up! Curly filming them made a please relax motion with his hands. Kyra was in denial but trying to cope.

“Scooby Boo is sleeping with me tonight, that’s all there is to it. Lights on even!”

“You’re going to leave my dad out there with no host?”

“Yup! Sorry Benji!” A woof from outside let her know she was a bitch. Not really, Benjamin Parrish understood. It was crazy eerie that both dogs sat side by side with white eyes glowing in the dark. That part was not helping Kyra’s nerves. She had seen way too many horror movies in her time. They all went South. Of course, this was the deep South. VIRGIN IA! Not Iowa!

“Looks like your hedge fund is depleted enough.” Erin grinned, “Want another hit before they shave us silky smooth?” She passes the bong Kyra’s way with enough weed for a second toke. Knowing she needed something more to take the edge off she tilted the bong to her lips then lit up. Seeds burning, she inhaled a huge hit then held her breath. Eying her barber she leaned forward and blew her smoke at Timothy. She wanted to see him this time if it worked. Sure, enough his face faintly appeared smiling at her, Curly capturing his house brother on camera in its brief reveal. Erin puckered her lower lip at the handsome if not defined face. “Do ghosts get high?” She posed the question. A shrug out of all the boys in attendance in some fashion alluded to uncertainty. To many it was as if she were asking if they climbed or stood on chairs to get higher. “Hand over the shotgun, Sarge.” Erin reached for the bong and lighter.