Episode 23: Copperhead Road

“Damn it’s hot today and it’s only first light.”

Sadie Outlaw wasted her water trying to cool her flesh. Those nanites injected into her bloodstream and literally expanding to every pore of her body were supposed to have air conditioning units in them weren’t they. Her thoughts on that had her smirking. Shortlived once Dorieann Finn and Chasing Wind stepped from around a rock where they had just urinated.

“Hurry it up Ned!” Behind his own rock the goofy outlaw was taking a dump. No toilet paper to wipe with he had no choice but to use his poncho. He would gripe about his odor as much as anyone else once Chasing Wind produced a corn cob that her man Beaver had left to her in and against his will.

“I’m a comin’ Diva Diablo! Sorry for the smell I can’t help it, out here in the desert ain’t no leaves.”

“We’re all a mite ripe Ned.” Dorieann at least defended him. “I wish we was headin’ home. Sadie why do I gotta go back to the reservation?”

“To show the tribe we care and respect them. Beave was a good man he deserves a hotbed to go out on in style.” Meaning a torch to cremate him on a bed of straw and stick. “Now Snake, I say let the whole tribe piss down his throat and cast him down river.”

“I still wish to stay with you.” Chasing Wind pouted and hugged Sadie from the side.

“I know ya do Windy, but you have to set things straight with the Comanche so there’s no mistaking what side I’m on. Just go on home and I’ll find a way to take you with me once I get back.”

“Ain’t you gonna get in trouble over not returnin’ Ned to the law?” Dorie held her derby and swatted at flies buzzing around her due to Potter’s poncho of shame. “Ned, I like ya but step on back ten paces.”

“You can ride with Snake he deserves to be shit on.” Sadie sighed as her horse Tarnation walked up to nudge her shoulder. “I’m about ready. Don’t rush me. I want to get home as much as anyone.”

“Are you gonna settle in Sugar Plum?” Dorie grew giddy. “We can be best friends.”

“Always will be besties, Dorieann. You know I can’t stay I got things to do. Two things before I have to go back to work.”

“What’s that Diva Diablo?”

“I was born in Next of Kin, Ned. I need to visit ... and pay respects of my own. The other ... I can’t really explain because you wouldn’t understand. I jus’ need you all to trust me.”

“What about the towns money?” Dorie pointed at the cash box tied to Tarnation’s back.

“Stays with me until I can get it back to Sugar Plum safely. I won’t be long. Once I deal with my pitstops and Cyrus O’Malley I’ll work on rescuing the Dillsby’s.”

“Judge should be comin’ soon.”

“I might have to have a parlor parlay with him too.”

“I hear he’s friends with O’Malley.”

“Which makes my work that much harder.”

“Diva Diablo?”

“Nedward?”

“What about Miss Victoria. Her picture was in that there, locket we had. Sam never showed us that there locket.”

“Which makes me wonder how he ended up with it. She was the neighbor to the Dillsby’s ya say.”

“Yes’m! Her and Sam... “ He shied a bit.

“Bumped boots?”

“I shouldn’t be talkin’ about Sam. He’s like my kin”

“Doesn’t explain the other guy in the locket with Vicki.” She knew it was her great grandfather Jessup but did not understand their connection just yet. According to Tilly Ford, Victoria Wyndham passed away in the future. Obviously, a well-orchestrated master plan on her part if she was in 1876. Time traveling was getting kind of congested in these parts. “I’ll need to have me a chat with Sam about her when I get back to town. Let’s jus’ get moving while we can it’s a long ride any direction. Ned? I’m trustin’ you not to go runnin’ off on Dorieann.”

“I won’t betray ya, Diva Diablo. You been good to me. ‘Cept for draggin’ me naked through cactus plants.”

“Hey! If I didn’t do that, you’d never have got yerself close to Dorieann. She did pick those needles out of yer balls.”

“Gave ya some balls too.” Dorie grinned sheepishly at Ned. “Don’t get no ideas though.”

“You two can bicker and make up back at Waters Edge. Mount up, Critters!” She slapped Chasing Wind on the ass then kissed her on the lips. “I’ll be back for ya, I promise.” Weeping slightly the beautiful squaw hugged her one last time then shared her mate Gnawing Beaver’s horse with his corpse. Even wrapped in a blanket the flies were horrid. Thankfully their horse liked to use his tail as a flyswatter.

Everyone on their steeds Sadie saluted them and sent her party on the trail back to the reservation. Rounding the corner and disappearing from sight Sadie turned Tarnation to the west and headed for the mesa where she first arrived here in 1876. “Fresh clothes and a hot shower here I come.” Long overdue!

Someone’s future! In doubt at the moment!

Boone Tickle Bear navigated his ancient Jeep a bit clumsily tonight. After leaving his girlfriend, one he had only known for 24 hours at best he was struggling to cope with whatever this new reality was sending his way. Yesterday was full of insanity and processing it all was impossible. Firstly, running into Sadie Outlaw’s mother in the grocery store, a woman he had known since childhood then realizing she had no idea who he even was. Hell, Boone’s old prom date in High School had no clue to his identity. Bitch!

Secondly, returning to his two-story home and tattoo parlor he discovered his new girlfriend who had pictures and mail to prove they were a couple. He had supposedly been with Beatrice Chasing Wind for quite some time but had zero recollection as to ever meeting her before that moment. If she wasn’t so amazingly sexy, he would have thrown her to the curb for trespassing. Still, she like he, was quite the talented tattoo artist by trade. Oddly enough they got along even if he were winging their relationship. Sex was incredible but once that was said and done, he decided he needed fresh air and his bottle of whiskey. So yes, driving drunk!

“Grandfather is in a nursing home. I have to drive up there in the next few days and see him. First light I’ll ride out to Eagles Nest and see if anything has changed there. Surely, grandfather did not leave willingly when that was his ancestral home.”

Swigging from his bottle he began weaving into the other lane. That was all it took. A reflection in his rearview mirror he saw cherries light up along the side of an adjacent road. “Fuck!” Cop giving chase Boone quickly tossed his bottle out into the desert terrain. Hopefully, the officer didn’t see him do it. Siren blaring Boone pulled over and shut his Jeep off. A breath mint from a console popped into his mouth was all he had as a disguise. As if that was enough.

“I do not need this. My luck the cop won’t recognize me either.” Idle, the officer parked behind him blinding him with the headlights of his Bronco. He saw only a silhouette strolling his way but was forced to shield his eyes and turn down his mirror.

“Evening! I noticed you were swerving a bit back there. Everything good?”

“Yeah! Bug in my face caught me off guard.” Directly next to Boone now, he took a good look at the officer. “Duke Yaeger? When did you become a cop?”

“Been an officer for two years now. Ever since my uncle Wyatt was gunned down. You’re the tattoo artist, aren’t you?”

“Gunned down? I just saw Wyatt two... “ He would have said two weeks ago but realized that only made his story look worse. “Yeah! I miss ole’ Wyatt. He was one of the good ones.”

“You obviously didn’t know my uncle. Crooked bastard! I hate to say it but he got what he deserved.”

“Copperheads involved?”

“No snakes! He was taking money from some shady oil companies. Anyway, it got the best of him in the end. It was in all the papers.”

“Oh! I meant the biker gang. The Copperheads! Jake Korso’s bunch of snakes in leather.”

“Korso? Jake runs a body shop over in Lackluster about forty miles from here. He fixes our squad cars. I don’t even think he owns a motorcycle.”

“What? He rode with Roadkill and Beastro. Whirlwind too!”

“You must be mistaken. Have you been drinking?”

“I had a few nips earlier with my girl Beatrice.”

“Oh, yeah! I heard you hooked up with a college gal. Does tats with you now, right? She any good?” He paused a bit in his enthusiasm, “Art wise! Before you think I was asking about her abilities in bed. I will shut my mouth now.”

“Both!” Boone grinned hoping to avoid a ticket. “Swing by the shop and I’ll have her hook you up. Almost said tie you up.” Boone chuckled! Knowing Duke was almost hinting helped his case.

“I might just do that.” The twenty-four-year-old laughed. “Where you headed?”

“Needed fresh air in my face is all. No real destination. Hey! Do you by chance recall a girl by the name of Sadie Lynn Outlaw? Busty redhead with tattoos all over her. Tits included!”

“She a stripper over in Daltry? There’s a gal fitting that description dancing at Wildcats.”

“She was in the Army.”

“Naaa! Can’t be her, this girl is trailer trash. Between you and I she sucked my dick right there in the club for fifty bucks.”

“Sadie would have bitten it off. Anyways, I was just thinking about her and wondered if you recalled her, she grew up around Kinship.”

“There’s nobody with that Outlaw last name around here that I know.”

“All good! Thanks for chatting Duke. Like I said stop by sometime and I’ll have Beatrice draw something on you.”

“Does she do penis art? I hope that’s not to personal?”

“You just want a hand job.” Boone shook his head. “Don’t make me scalp you Yaeger.”

“I meant like, you know, a hundred-dollar bill around the girth of my cock tattoo.”

“Same thing! She would have to keep you hard and hold onto it to tat it up.”

“Good point! Might hurt like hell anyway.”

“She can kiss it and make it all better.”

“Damn, Dude! Hey! You drive safe. No warning even.”

“Thanks, Duke!” Boone started up his Jeep and slowly left the side of the road. About a mile down he spotted the turn off to the Outlaw ranch where Mary Outlaw was now living with some other man and going by a different name. Tempted to turn in he stopped just long enough to talk himself out of it. Using the road however to turn around in, he shined his headlights up the road and saw of all things a mountain lion run across the road and vanish.

“Grandfather would say that was a sign if I ever saw one.”

It wasn’t a black cat but still in the family.

“Let’s go home and fuck Beatrice again. If I’m stuck with her, I might as well enjoy some ... pussy.”

He had a hell of a lot to think about.

1876! Dallas, Texas! Two days before Sadie Outlaw’s arrival on the mesa. Let the countdown begin!

Bushytail Saloon was lively in the after dark hours. Doves in abundance, the ladies of the evening were scattered about looking for a dime to set aside for retirement. Meaning the night! Normally rowdy, the denizens were less than troublesome for some reason. Perhaps it was due to a party of five Texas Rangers sitting at a table dead center of the activity. The doves did try to gain attention from them but with business at hand come morning they were waved away. One more drink and they had plans to turn in for the night to be refreshed once the rooster crowed. At least that was the plan.

“How many times are you going to read that letter, Jessup?”

“What does it matter to you, Doubleday. I’m a new pappy. A job like mine you need all the good news you can to keep going. When are you going to find a nice God faring woman to settle down with?”

“I like sewin’ my oats too much. One of these days though.” Ivan Doubleday looked toward the entrance at the swinging doors. “You by chance notice that woman over there lookin’ our way without coming inside.”

“I did! No women allowed in here so she’s either looking for her man or looking for A MAN. There’s your chance, Ivan. She’s dressed like a Sunday School nag.”

“Huh! She just made a face as if she heard you put her down.”

“Over this piano music I highly doubt that.”

“If her man is in here, he must be upstairs with a pretty little dove because she’s been loitering’ since we set boot in here.”

“Before that!” Ranger Ethan Hurley chimed in after polishing off a juicy steak and dabbed the corners of his mouth with a cloth napkin. “I noticed that woman when we were still at the hotel. She sure is circlin’ us like a hawk.”

“Maybe one of you handsome stranger Ranger’s ought to go ask her what she’s up to.” Jessup grumbled! The man in charge did have that authority.

“I’ll go introduce myself and compliment her on her dress.” A fourth Ranger by the name of Crusty Duchamp, real name Chester, stroked his over the lip moustache and stood up to stretch. “Never know! She might be lookin’ for some fun herself.”

“Don’t go bedding down any gal, Crusty.” Jessup folded his letter and stashed it inside his coat pocket. Dressed stylish, the burley man with a bushy moustache of his own looked dashing. “Rest your weary bones before our next ride.”

“I’ll do what my heart tells me, Outlaw.” Crusty pointed with a playful sneer. “Not all of us have a lady waiting on us to change a baby’s potty drawers.”

“Right!” Ranger Dennis Rumsey the fifth in his group chuckled! “I bet yer gal is using yer best Sunday shirt for that.”

“I can always buy me a new set of duds if’n she does.” Proud Poppa Jessup grinned for once. “Hurry it up, Crusty.”

“On the prowl my good man.” Twenty-seven-year-old Chester put his Stetson on and tried to appear as if a gentleman and took a stroll across the saloon. Seeing him coming the woman in a black dress with a lengthy petticoat bulged her eyes and stepped back out onto the boardwalk. Even at night the people were mingling the streets with wagons and horses. Trying to look proper the woman heard her visitor clear his throat. “Pardon me, Ma’am!”

Turning the brunette aimed to appear in good spirits. “Why, hello!”

“Chester Duchamp at your service.” He took his hat off out of respect. “Me and my associates have noticed you’ve been eyeballin’ us since we arrived here. First at the Welcott Inn and now here at Bushytail’s Saloon. Anything we can do for you?”

“Oh! You’ve caught me I’m afraid. My ... significant other Brandon is here in the city and I’ve been searching for him.”

“Ah! So you do have a man. Durn it!” He winked at her.

“Why would you fancy ... me?” A fanning of her features she smiled. “Why thank you for noticing.”

“Brandon you say? What’s his business in Dallas?”

“Here to visit family that he recently learned was here.” That was the truth!

“Kin! I see. And you followed him here?”

“Oh! Yes! From Kansas. I’ve always wanted to visit Texas. Brandon left before I could beg him to come along. I wanted to surprise him.”

“Lucky fella! Did you find where he was staying?”

“I did! At the Connery across town.”

“Fancy place. That Sean fella sure did a nice job makin’ it a gambling institution. Me? I rather like the Roulette wheel.”

“Casino Royale!” She giggled! Of course, that term went right over his head, even with his Stetson back on.

“Got a name, Ma’am?”

“Yes! Matilda Ford! It is a pleasure to meet you, Crusty.” Hearing his nickname bristled the hair on his neck. He hadn’t introduced himself as Crusty. Just that fast he cheered up and forgot that he had even heard his nickname.

“Indeed! Let us know if you require help finding this Brandon. I will advise you to not stay out too late. The men in these parts get drunk and unruly.” As if on cue he heard glass breaking above them and spotted a man come flying from the upper deck. Landing on his feet in the dirt the man turned, looked at them then began salivating heavily with a hint of insanity in his eyes. Tilly Ford immediately uttered, “Brandon!”

Overhearing her Crusty Duchamp started to connect dots when she realized her error. Glancing at Crusty he made eye contact then tipped his hat and went back inside the saloon as if nothing was amiss. Perks of being a high-level telepath, Tilly Ford simply suggested that he saw nothing and go back to enjoying his night. More than a mind reader she could easily navigate the human brain with mental suggestions. Fun when it was in her favor. Turning her attention back on Brandon she found him missing and the glass no longer in the street. “What in the world?”

A flash of light from an alley way spotted Matilda scurried down the street just in time to witness a time retrieval. A large muscular blonde woman in a blue vest had incapacitated Brandon and had him over her shoulder as if he weighed nothing. Just as she stepped into the light the woman looked at Tilly and saluted her.