Episode 10: Whiskey Deke

A late lunch, bellies were growling.

Sadie Outlaw or as the townsfolk knew her by the last name L’Amour hooked her arm around the local barber Edward Pike’s arm and let him escort her to Millie’s Saloon. With money in her pocket thanks to Red Butler she was ready to live hog on the high. He wasn’t going to need that money anyways and it was from mugging a weak-kneed fella in El Paso. Not that he got a name to ever pay it back, and not even History books refer to every single thing that happened in the past. Whomever the poor guy was she at least hoped he wasn’t too roughed up. Entering the saloon through swinging doors the locals immediately turned their attention on the new arrivals. Applause erupted the moment they spotted Sadie.

“Drinks on the house for saving the Sheriff.” Alfred told her slapping the bar. Millie DuPont his wife cocking a brow wondered what his new attitude meant. Normally he was a grumpy old fart who hated women unless they served his needs in bed or behind the cook stove. With gentlemen callers in the way of gratefulness the citizens of Sugar Plum stood up and offered Sadie a seat at one of the tables. She puckered and sat Edward down at the seat pulled out meant for her juicy derriere. Sadie then took the one across from him that was not pulled out.

Laughter followed at her unladylike approach, everyone seemed in good spirits. Sadie was quickly becoming a breath of fresh air to this miserable God forsaken town. Catching two ruthless gangs in under a week then pulling a bullet out of Tom Barrett’s chest successfully and now being of assist in safeguarding the town while he and Deputy Ira Grennon were down for the count meant a lot to them. Now if they could just get their money back that the Dillsby Boys robbed from them. Thank goodness many of the citizens kept a little money out of the bank or they would not be sitting here drinking. Rainy day funds!

Eager to please, Alfred left his bar to bring over a fresh bottle of whiskey and two glasses. Going so far as to opening it and pouring shots. Sadie took both glasses and slugged them back in two breathless big gulps. That alone made for more cheers. They had never seen a woman drink like her. Two more shots poured she slid one over to Eddie. “Best catch up or I won’t suck your Cockney.” He turned beat red as the citizens chuckled, Ed being British and from the London area originally, they knew what she meant. His stories alluding to his former home legendary from the barber’s chair banter. The thoughts of Sadie sucking dick made every man in the saloon hard. Her rugged beauty was breathtaking, and her ignoring the laws by what she often wore as attire only added to their lustful thoughts. The tattoos still scared them some, but they would overlook it because of her heroic deeds.

Edward claimed his glass and raised it in the air. “Too Sadie L’Amour!”

“To suckin’ your dick later.” She battled back. That led to further cheers, but Sadie paused them and stood up. “Ain’t none of you scoundrel’s watchin’ me do it neither. Well, if’n I get drunk enough maybe.” Rejoice at the thought sent the saloon into a tailspin, the doves in residence taking advantage of the menfolk while their imaginations were peaked. Sitting back down she eyed Alfred. “Thanks for backing me up out there Alfie. Yer a good ole’ son.” That made him stammer but inevitably agree. “How’s about them steaks Millie?” She leaned around Alfred. “Medium rear for me. How’s about you Eddie?”

“A tad crisp if you will Mrs. DuPont.”

Millie frowned at the guests; she had wanted to secure Sadie as a possible saloon girl but was finding her far too wild to ever be tamed. Now her judgment was changing the more she heard the gossip surrounding the woman. Sadie noted Millie’s demeanor and patted the table before rising. In doing so her dildo vibrator Deke slipped from her borrowed shirt and fell onto the wood floor below. “Dammit Deke!” She stood up and bent over in front of every guy there. While all eyes went on that perfect ass, the second they saw the big dick they panicked.

“She cut off a pecker!” Lloyd Periwinkle the local blacksmith that worked out at the stables jumped back. “That belong to one of the Butler gang Miss L’Amour?”

“Nope! I had this big fella made jus’ for me. He keeps me company out on the range. Chased many a wolf away howlin’ louder than them.” Her banter crossed into fear territory. They had never seen such a thing that was not attached to the male anatomy. “Here Eddie! Hang on to Deke for me. I’ll be right back.” Setting it in front of Edward he scooted his seat back away from it in embarrassment. Eying it as much as everyone else he chose to take out his handkerchief to cover it up.

“She ... had it made.” Rancher Corbin Lackey winced, “Out of what? And who makes ... fake peckers?”

“I wonder if they make fake lady parts?” Lloyd chuckled. “At least they won’t complain if you get home late.” A future business venture in the making. Once he figured out what Deke was made of.

Lifting the handkerchief cautiously Edward noted words engraved on the controls at the bottom. “I say ... there is a name here ... Reckitt Bensckiser.”

“Wreck It Bend Kisser?”

“Yes! I believe you pronounced it correctly.” Edward accidently touches the control activating it, although the batteries were weak it had enough juice to wiggle about on the table as if alive. “OH, DEAR GOD!” Edward jumped up from his seat. Every man there held their breath. One man even pulled out a derringer prepared to protect himself. Alfred shook his head then lost it; his laughter so intense his belly jiggled.

“Vera?” He called to one of his saloon doves. “Take that thing back to Miss L’Amour before it hightails it out of my saloon.” It was creeping toward the edge of the table. The brunette jumped at his direct order but even she feared it. Finally, she got the nerve to pluck it up and hold it before her eyes. Batteries fading it ceased movement. “I think ya killed it, Vera.” She blushed heavily then shuffled away to find Sadie.

While gone Carlotta Dean the muffin girl joined Edward moving behind him to squeeze his shoulders. With the amusement over, the citizens went back to their drinking and a friendly game of cards. Alfred eying Carlotta decided to stay out of it, she was paid to entertain the men. Never seeing Edward in here prior to last night and now today he wondered if he was even paying. The man rarely drank or even ate here, preferring to seclude himself and be independent. With Edward accompanying Sadie the question of whether Carlotta was wasting her time weighed on him. Yet, Sadie was not one he cared to offend now that they had made friends. Alfred respected strength and Sadie was displaying that time and time again. Who catches a sizzling stick of dynamite and bites off the wick? Not anyone Alfred cared to have as an enemy that was for sure. He found it safer behind the bar. Refills were waiting on him.

In the kitchen Sadie cornered Millie as she and her youthful cook threw on a pair of thick juicy steaks. Sizzling instantly Millie fanned the smoke out an opened window. It was the only vent they had. “Can we talk?”

“Why are you in my kitchen?”

“Because I am. That look you jus’ gave me out there ... what was that about? I thought you and me were gettin’ along. Is it because I’m not for sale?”

“Of course not.” The chef nodded behind her; he had overheard conversations before about Sadie being a business magnet. Sadie winked at the young man but remained on course with her chat. “Are you flirting with my staff?”

“Winkin’ is all. Could be smoke in my eye.” She grinned. “Listen ... I’m not yer enemy Millie. Can’t truly say friends neither because I don’t really know ya. I’m willin’ to work on that though.” She eyed the boy putting fresh potatoes in the hot water, the earlier potatoes sold when Sadie hadn’t shown up for lunch time due to all of the action in town.

“I can see no reason why we cannot be friends. I understand you are not like my girls working here. However, you do discourage their income when all of our male suiters prefer to stare at you.” Millie lowers her eyes at Sadie’s opened cleavage and her black leggings. “Perhaps I should dress my doves in clothing such as yours.”

“Can’t hurt! Speaking of, I know this ain’t none of my business, but yer girls are gettin’ a mite skinny. I hear yer only feedin’ them twice a day. How do you expect to keep their energy up like that? Be nice and up them one more meal. I bet they work harder if ya do. Add some more taters to that water. Enough for me and Eddie, Carlotta, Vera, who else you got that I don’t know by name?”

“Bonnie and Gretchen.” The chef spoke up.

“What about you? You eatin’ enough?” Millie raises her fork threateningly.

“Dwight ma’am! Dwight Pepper!”

“Do not tell me how to run my business or my girls Miss L’Amour.”

“I’m buyin’ dinner. Yer girls are eatin’ with me and Eddie. They can earn ya money on a full belly. I’ll make you a deal Millie? When I’m not busy savin’ yer town or lookin’ for stolen loot I’ll come in here and be yer bouncer.”

“Bouncer? What on earth is a bouncer?”

Hopping in step her tits darted about, the chef Dwight grinning up a storm at the turbulent mounds. He found it funny to see his employer being put on the spot like this. “Where I come from a bouncer is another word for bodyguard. If’n folks get unruly the bouncer controls the situation or tosses them out into the street.”

“But that is what Alfred is for dear.” Dwight staring at Sadie’s breasts taken note Sadie smirked and undid the remaining buttons right before Millie’s cocked eyebrow. “What on earth? Are you auditioning?”

“Sure am! These here are how I distract fellas so I can show them ... the door. Both of ‘em ... the saloon doors that is. Not ... well, yeah I’d prolly show both of these too.” Opening her shirt wide Dwight dropped a potato and it rolled under Millie’s long skirt and out from beneath right where Sadie stood. Millie looking down at the potato scowled and raised her spatula rather than her fork. “See, Millie? That’s the reaction any drunken gunfighter or poker cheat gets. Then, I jus’ do this... “ Scooting her aside Sadie steps right into Dwight and grabs him by his shirt and pulls his face right between her breasts. “First ya blind them ... then you get their attention with a few slaps to the face to sober ‘em up.” Motorboating him her way, her big ole’ tits collided with Dwight’s facial features, nipples poking him in the eyes. “You submit, Dwight?”

“No ma’am!” He mumbled, not wanting her to stop. Submit was not in his vocabulary. Literally! Schooling out here in the middle of nowhere often did not cover certain nouns, verbs, adverbs or adjectives.

“Sometimes it takes a lil’ more soberin’!”

“Dwight has not had a drop of alcohol. Put him down this instant.”

The saloon dove Vera entering the kitchen with Sadie’s toy boy Deke intervened with, “Excuse me Miss Millie ... I was told to bring this to Miss L’Amour. It’s ... lookin’ for the rest of his body I’m thinkin’.”

“OH, DEAR GOD! What is that thing doing in my establishment? I haven’t seen one ... that realistic in ... years.” Millie turned beet red over her knowledge of such devices, if not battery-operated ones which had not even been invented as of yet. In this era the shapes and designs were simple. “Not since Boston when we first arrived here from France.”

Vera seeing Dwight with his face buried into Sadie pouted. Sadie realized that Vera might just have a crush on the boy even if he was likely younger than she was. Sadie lowered Dwight to the floor and discovered that she had to drag him from her cleavage by his scalp, his tongue wagging. Her chest was coated in glossy saliva. “Someone likes it rough.” He lowered his gaze as if in shame when Millie swatted at him with her spatula.

“Forgive me Mistress Millie.” He cowered, “She made me.”

“Go to your corner. You?” She pointed at Vera, “Pick up this potato.” She had the toe of her shoe on the home-grown tuber. Dropping to her knees to pick it up Vera knelt even lower, kissing Millie’s shoe before being allowed to pluck up the potato. With Dwight standing in a corner by a broom his nose touching the wall and Vera’s oddball loyalty Sadie just knew there was more to Millie than just any brothel Mistress.

“Well look at you Milldew! Where’s yer black corset and bullwhip?”

“Upstairs! Perhaps you would like me to let you taste it’s tongue.” Millie tried for intimidation. “Alfred simply adores it.”

“I bet he does. Dwight’s tongue is more to my lickin’ ... likin’!” Sadie opted to let this go for now, “About the bouncer job? Three free meals a day and a bath every other. I can even get my own water from yer well. Oh, and one extra meal for the girls workin’ here. How many meals you gettin’ Dwight?” She called out without looking in order to stare at Millie.

“Two ma’am!”

“Brutal! Millie ... you gotta insure yer employees better. Otherwise ... they might look for other employment.” Vera flared her eyes then let Millie take the potato, Sadie her toy Deke. Using her toy Sadie playfully tapped Vera on the nose and helped her to her feet. “Vera? Why don’t you grab some extra plates and utensils for the girls. Think of tonight as Thanksgiving dinner. Dwight? Fetch us some more steaks and taters ... I’m buyin’!” She reached beneath her leggings of her bikini bank and produced the bills flattened out within. Eyes bulging from all three voyeurs Sadie produced greenbacks taken from Red Butler. “That should cover dinner tonight and a hearty breakfast for yer employees’ come mornin’. Eggs, bacon, and make some more muffins around 8:00. I’ll be in to join you gals ... and Dwight there for vittles. That does NOT mean you cut one meal out because of my generosity Millie. Vera? Dwight? If’n Millie gives you that third good meal a day won’t ya’ll be grateful?”

“Yes, Miss L’Amour.” They both said, Dwight from his corner.

“Dwight? Which corner you prefer ... that white wall or between my birdhouses?” Her tattooed hands over her breasts flipping the bird to anyone looking them over.

“Hoot Owls, Ma’am!”

“See Millie? That’s respect. If you give a hoot, they give a hoot.” Vera looked down at her small breasts and pouted. “You have what God gave ya Vera. Don’t knock the knockers.” That made the girl giggle. “I bet Dwight thinks those hoot owls are jus’ fine. Don’t ya Dwight? You like Vera’s hoot owls, Dr. Pepper?”

“Very much ma’am.”

“ENOUGH! “ Millie turned the steaks that unfortunately were a little crispier than planned. Even without washing the potato she plopped it into the pot to cook away the germs.

“Gordan Ramsey would have kicked you out of yer own kitchen for that Milldew. You think on my job offer. I’ll be in town for at least a month. Gives me time to find O’Malley’s money and recoup the towns losses. How much are you and Alfie missin’?”

“Our bookkeeper knows, I am not discussing our finances with you.”

“Jus’ makin’ conversation Millie. Even though I’m givin’ you hell on how you take care of yer people here does not mean I’m yer enemy. I’m jus’ a firm believer in takin’ care of valuable assets. When’s the last time Doc Hollister had a look up yer cooter Vera?”

“Excuse me, Miss L’Amour?” Cooter was over her head.

“You know, their third gun holster.”

“Oh! I ... Mister Hollister has never once looked up there.”

“My young doves are impeccably clean.” Millie sneered.

“Funny that, when I can smell her from here. No offense Vera Lou. Jus’ look at her hair Millie. Come on now ... once a week wadin’? I bet she jus’ uses a bowl and clothe to take a whore’s bath.”

“You must think everything around this desert grows on trees.”

“I hear cigars do. Least that’s what Dorieann Finn says.” Sadie chuckled. “Seriously Millie ... bathe yer girls more and give ‘em a shot of yer perfume. Hell, wash their dresses more than once a month. Bein’ cheap does not make ya rich Mill.”

“Oh, for God’s sake! Will you just go sit and let Dwight and I cook. Dwight? Fetch more steaks from the saltwater, seeing as you are dining with Miss L’Amour. Scrub them thoroughly.” Leaving his corner Dwight Pepper grinned. Someone was finally standing up to Millie and she was giving in. He hoped for a raise, not just the one in his pants incurred from Sadie’s breasts and Vera’s eyes. Vera watched him leave and nibbled her lower lip while gathering plates in ready for steaks. Sadie noting chemistry between the two bumped hips with Vera and winked. Vera blushed yet again.

“Wanna try out Deke?” She whispered to the brunette. A nod along with brilliant eyes said yes. “Before I leave tonight.” Vera was beaming from ear to ear. Millie found it in her to hate Sadie enough to smile right along with Vera.

“They are fabulous.” Millie told Vera. “If you are nice, I will consider buying each of you girls one of those for Christmas.” The cheapest she could find. That, or have someone whittle one and cover it in pigskin. Vera clapped her hands quietly then was shooed off to make her money. “Go! Offer a hand job before dinner. At least make enough to cover these extra meals per day.” Yep! Cheap!

“Where am I?”

Deputy Ira Grennon was coming to again. Eyelids fluttering to capture the gloomy atmosphere of Doc Mayfair Hollister’s quaint office. Dizzy from the pain in his leg where the bullet was removed, he had to lay there and adjust to it attacking his nerves. A light twitch in that leg alerted him that something could be wrong. He felt numbness and that couldn’t be a good thing. Could it? Managing to lift his head the view of his lower body was obstructed by the tent that was the blanket covering his nakedness from the waist down.