Chapter 3

Things don’t go as expected on Cove’s next adventure.

After cleaning his sheets for the second night in a row, Cove considered just going back to sleep to see if he’d return to Ignis’ world again, but found that he wasn’t tired at all. He searched the web for anything like what he had experienced, but ran afoul of fan fiction fantasy erotica. He read through a few of those, and even shot a wad reading a particularly hot Game of Thrones one, but sighed when it seemed that whatever he was experiencing, it was unique to him ... well, of course it was; it was his dream, after all.

After playing video games and watching the ‘flix all night, his single Mom got up in the morning and informed him that she wouldn’t be back after work; she was heading out for a girls night with some friends. “Good for you, Mom,” he told her before he headed back to sleep.

Ignis greeted him again as he opened his eyes in her sweltering chamber. He grinned at the sight of the lava woman that he’d had sex with, sort of, the previous two days, and noted that her breasts seemed smaller this time. He didn’t know how to ask her about it, but figured that maybe it was because the mermaid she had possessed the last time had small breasts? Desire and intent, she had said when she first met him, were important, and he had desired the mermaid with the intent to fuck her.

His fiery patron directed him toward another tunnel which slanted downward and eventually came out in some foothills. He heard screaming further down the hill and ran toward it.

As he crested a ridge, he stopped, confused. Down in a gully was an old-timey wagon under attack, except it was only one large woman doing the attacking, laying about her with some kind of strange light-colored club. One guard was already face down, his head at a lethal angle. As Cove watched, the woman’s strange maul smashed the other guard’s shield and he fell to his knees, holding his now broken arm.

Cove broke into a run as the woman raised her bizarre weapon above her head, bellowing like a banshee, ready to deliver the death blow. He was still too far away, though, and winced as the downswing pulped the man’s head.

The woman turned to the last remaining man, who was older and unarmed, cowering against his wagon. Killing an unarmed man? Clearly she was the asshole.

As Cove got closer, he lightly tossed the marble to the woman, yelling, “Hey! Catch!” Sure enough, she turned and reflexively caught it out of the air.

Immediately her oversized weapon crashed to the ground. Cove figured that her magic must have made the weapon lighter, or her stronger? However it worked, she couldn’t wield it anymore.

Now that Cove was closer, he could see that the club was ... a penis? Yes, it was a massive fleshy-looking dong, with veins and everything! She had killed these men with a giant dildo mace! “What the fuck?” he managed to utter before the athletic woman, garbed in leather armor with a helmet covering her dirty blonde hair, let out a bloodcurdling shriek and rushed at him, her sharp-nailed fingers directed at his face like claws.

He reached back for the knife. “Hey, wait...” He pulled the blade free just as she reached him, smashing into his chest and bowling him backwards. He fully expected her to shred his face with those talons, but she just lay on top of him, moaning. When he rolled her off of him, he saw that she had impaled herself on the ebony blade, right between her breasts.

Her eyes locked with his. He saw fear and rage there. “Whoach...” she got out before her eyes closed and she was gone. As with the dragon man, her body started to glow, and then she was gone, the resulting sparkles disappearing into the ground.

Cove retrieved the knife and marble, and went over to the older man to help him to his feet. “You all right?” he asked.

The older man, dressed all medieval-like, had some bruises forming on his face, but otherwise seemed unscathed. “I am now, lad, thanks to you! How can I ever thank you?”

“Um ... do you have a hot daughter in one of these wagons?”

The man gave him a confused look. “My daughter awaits me at home with my wife, Sir...”

“Oh! My name is Cove.” He shook the man’s hand.

“Well met, Sir Cove. I am Bertrand the trader. It is poor recompense, but I can take you back home with me to meet my family. We will feed you like a king for your service!”

Cove looked back at Ignis’ mountain. No immediate reward this time, and he couldn’t touch Ignis’ lava body so...

He turned back to Bertrand. “It’s just Cove, and I would be happy to accompany you home, Bertrand.”

Cove sat in the back of the wagon as it trundled along the gully for a while. Bertrand talked a lot, which no doubt made him a good salesperson, but not about anything important; the weather, the crops, the dragon...

“Oh, I took care of the dragon,” Cove told him.

There was a sudden gust of wind and Bertrand looked up, startled. “Guch...” the older man gurgled.

“Bertrand?” Cove came forward as the merchant slumped to the side. Cove saw that his throat had been slashed from ear to ear, but he had seen nothing!

Cove ducked back into the shelter of the wagon. With nobody holding the reins, the horse stopped. Everything was quiet.

“Come outtt...” breathed the wind outside. “Drop your weaponnn...”

“Fuck,” muttered Cove. What could he do?

A few seconds later, he pushed the wagon’s door open and dropped the ebony blade to the ground. Then he stepped out, his hands up, and waited.

“A pretty boyyy...” the wind whispered, and he felt it caress his cheek. Then a darkness coalesced in front of him, quickly forming a humanoid shape.

It was a slim man of about thirty years of age with pasty white skin, a dark cloak, and sharp teeth. A vampire?!

“Perhaps I will dally with you, pretty boy, before I feed,” the creature said, coming forward. He had a strong accent, not Transylvanian like in the movies, but definitely East European.

Cove kept his mouth shut. Dally? he thought. This was a gay vampire?

Suddenly Cove’s t-shirt was ripped in half vertically. He hadn’t even seen it move!

Then the vampire was pressed against him, practically drooling. “Give us a kiss, boy...” The creature pressed his lips to Cove’s. As the vampire’s tongue slipped into the young man’s mouth, it touched the onyx marble that had been hidden there, and recoiled. “SSS!!” it screamed, and violently shoved Cove back.

“Gack!” Cove gasped, coughing. He had accidentally swallowed the marble!

“What did you do, boy?” the vampire screamed, suddenly looking a lot less vampire-like with flushed skin and normal teeth. “I can’t discorporate!”

“Yep,” Cove responded, picking up the black knife, “which means I can do this...” And then he sliced the blade across the man’s throat, opening it up much like the vampire had done to poor Bertrand.

“Guchh...” the man gasped as he collapsed to the ground. Soon his dead body glowed and transformed into the usual glowing sparks that then fell into the ground and disappeared.

“Goddamnit,” Cove said, after he had confirmed that Bertrand was, indeed, dead, though his body remained, unlike these murderous assholes. He figured that they must disappear because of the black blade.