Chapter 21

Saturday 4 June 2022

“Larissa! Are you actually coming to Mum and Dad’s for dinner?”

Larissa grimaced. She could hear the edge in Julian’s voice; he was obviously frustrated with her. And she was frustrated too; Julian had agreed that she really needed to catch up on her course work, and she’d really tried, given it her entire sole focus all day. She’d spent just about every minute with her head down watching lectures on double speed while working on assignments. Her head was sore, her back was tight, and her eyes were having trouble focusing, and she still wasn’t actually caught up, though she was definitely close. But the price of that was that she’d ignored Julian all day, and then, once she was ready for dinner, she’d gone back to try and finish one more lecture.

“Sure, Sweetie, I’m coming! Just a few more minutes!”

“You already said that twice,” Julian grumped at her, and this time she could hear his frustration clearly. Had she said that? Actually, she had.

“Whoops. Well, I’ll give up on this lecture. Coming.”

In the car, there was silence for the first few minutes. Larissa rubbed her eyes and stretched her sore neck around.

“I’m nearly there, Sweetie,” she said. “I’ve got a few more lectures to watch, and one more assignment, and then I’ll be caught up.”

Julian just grunted.

Oh. He was more unhappy than she realised. “Sweetie, thanks for letting me catch up today. I really appreciate the way you gave me that time.”

Julian sighed. “No problems, Babe.”

But it was very obvious that there was a problem from the way he said that. She went to say that he’d agreed she could and should, but stopped herself. That wasn’t what Sal had taught her. How would Julian be feeling? Well, she didn’t even really know what he’d been doing all day. How sad.

“Sweetie, how was your day?”

He shrugged. “Just housework, babe. It’s not the same without you doing it with me.”

But he said she shouldn’t! So why say that now?

She was just going to say something defensive when Julian said, “I know I said you shouldn’t, Babe, and I’m glad you didn’t. I just want you to know that I like doing it with you. I’m sure you do it better anyway.”

Larissa sighed. “Maybe. But you did it, and you did it with love for me, and how could it be better than that? Right now, I’m not feeling like I deserve that.”

“Of course you deserve it, Babe, you’re awesome. Did you look at any news today?”

“Umm, no?” She’d really taken her task seriously. After she’d blown him when they woke up, she’d worked all day and resisted the temptation to get distracted by social media or messaging.

“You really did work hard today!” Julian said, amusement in his voice. “You made the real news plenty, and also we were all over social media too.” He ran over the highlights; not surprisingly, the footage of their dancing with Tony and Tamara at the end of the match was running hot, and so was her interview with Tamara. Some footage of them doing sex on the dance floor was trending viral as well, which was no surprise. And a photo of her tits pushed up in that halter top was circulating. But they’d also got good solid write ups of the campaign.

While he was telling her, she checked her messages; lots of stuff from friends and family pointing out coverage. But they were all OK with it, and she had a message from Deanna saying how thrilled she was with the coverage - way more than she’d dreamed of getting.

When Julian finished telling her about it, she said, “So, Sweetie, that’s more than we expected. You’re still OK with it?”

“Sure, Babe. I didn’t think we’d go off with quite such a bang, but I figured that you’d do something radical sooner or later, and I loved it. Every guy in the country wants you, Babe, but I’m the one that gets you. You aren’t going to get any complaints from me! But are you OK with it?”

“Sure,” she said, shrugging. “It’s pretty much what I expected, and like we said, how can we not do what we can? Anyway, we got to kiss Tamara! She’s a tasty piece, hey?”

Julian grinned. “She’s pretty impressive, but I’d be happy just kissing you. Honest, Babe. I just want you.”

“That’s sweet, Sweetie.”

She rubbed the inside of his leg, and she felt better now. “So just housework? That’s all you did? I feel bad for you.”

“Oh, no, I went for a run with Hamza.”

For a while, they talked about Hamza; he’d fallen out with the guys he was with, and moved to a new place, and he’d pretty much stopped drinking, and started wearing the ribbon. There was a girl he’d dated a few times, maybe there was something there ... he was hoping.

“It’s weird,” Julian said. “He has girls casting their eye at him all the time, but it sort of dies after after a few dates, except for one Syrian girl, I thought they were it, but then that suddenly fell through. There’s something odd there.”

“Is he actually gay and hiding it?” Larissa wondered.

Julian thought about that. “Nah, I don’t think so. I mean, if he is gay, it’d be a damn big issue for his family, but nah, I’ve never seen any hint. I mean, I’ve caught him plenty of times, checking out girls, but never guys.” He paused. “You, babe. He really likes looking at your ass in particular, even after you blew his mind back at Dave and Kat’s place.”

Larissa rolled her eyes. “Really? I don’t believe you! Maybe his family is a problem?”

“Maybe. The whole Syrian Australian thing is hard for him, that’s for sure. His mum and dad have particularly strong views about that. Anyway, he’s finally got a job, one that uses his degree, he’s training to do biosecurity at the border. I’m pleased for him,” Julian said. “Most of the other people who graduated biology aren’t getting jobs that use their degree but he is. Speaking workable Arabic helps, of course.” Larissa laughed; it sure would for that job. Hamza had been born in Australia but his parents spoke Arabic as their first language. “Anyway, he’s starting to think about settling down and working hard.”

“Yeah, well, that’s us too now,” Larissa said. “We had fun last night, but maybe I’ve taken on too much. Today wasn’t much fun, but what can I drop?”

Julian just gave her a look and kept driving.

That bad? She took a few deep breaths, and promised herself she’d be careful this evening, very focused on Julian, and how he was feeling.

Oh, she got a message from Toni. A fan had sent her a very beautiful artistic logo for her campaign, and Toni had seen it and liked it, and forwarded it to her. And wow, Larissa really liked it.

Julian was stopped at a red light, so she showed him the logo.

“Wow, Babe, that’s amazing art work, but I didn’t know you were looking for a logo like that?”

“I wasn’t, Sweetie, and I don’t think Deanna is either, but I could send it to her.”

“Nah, not that one. That’s very personal to you, and just a little bit edgy.”

“Yeah, I think you right. You know what I could do? I could get it done as a tatt somewhere. It’d have to be where people can see. Maybe my shoulder.”

Julian looked at her in surprise. “A tattoo?”

“Yep!” Larissa gushed. “It’s about time, I reckon, and this is a beautiful piece, just lovely, and wearing that for the campaign, that’s a really meaningful statement.”

That got her silence from Julian. Shit, things just weren’t going right for her tonight. They’d never talked directly about tattoos, other than occasionally she’d admire some very artistic pieces that someone was wearing. Micky’s pussy tatt, for example. And Hautere’s Mako on his chin. And Julian would agree that he liked them.

“Is that a problem, is it?” she asked him. “Why?”

“Umm, yes. It is.”

Shit, he said that with an edge, and her heart fell.

“I don’t understand, it’s a beautiful piece, and a really meaningful statement. So what’s the issue?”

“You really don’t know?” Julian shot back at her. “What’s got into you tonight?”

Well tonight was for shit, that was for sure. Just shit, and she couldn’t feel worse now, mad and sad, and Julian evidently felt the same way too. And things were escalating. Fuck.

She put her hand up, and took some more deep breaths, and tried to get control of herself, to not bite back at him.

After a couple of red lights, she’d calmed, and she said, “Sweetie, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s got into me tonight, but I really hate it when we’re like this. It’s not what Sal taught us. And I can’t remember you saying something negative about tattoos before, but if you did, I don’t remember it sorry, and so no, I really don’t know. But if you want, I’ll just never talk about it again.”

Julian sighed loudly enough for her to hear, and then said, “Babe, you’re right. We should be better than this, and I’m sorry too. It’s just ... well, you don’t have any tatts at all, and we’ve never really talked about it. Why?”

Larissa shrugged. “Never had any money, and I didn’t want a cheap crappy piece of artwork. You don’t have any, and I never thought about it, but maybe that’s a thing?”

“Well, Babe, Mum and Dad hate them. Did everything they could to convince us not to get them. Particularly not noticeable ones. And while I don’t mind other people having them, I just love that you’re flawless, that when you’re naked, you’re truly completely naked, and perfect.”

Larissa thought about that. He had said something like many times, though she’d never connected that up to the question of tattoos, though it was obvious now that she should’ve. “Thanks, Sweetie, that’s a lovely compliment. But mum and dad hate tatts? Is that like, a throwing you out the family thing? What did they say?”

“Oh, no, not that big a deal! Well, I suppose that particular tattoos could make them do that, but I’d never any way.” No, he sure wouldn’t, Larissa thought. “No, they wouldn’t be happy but they probably wouldn’t even say anything. But I’d know, Babe.” Right, that’d be final for Julian, he’d know how they felt. “They say that the problem is that you wear them for life, and they gradually deteriorate, and you move on, but the tatts don’t. And really, why do it? And then, well, Mum, you know that cousin?”

Larissa did know about that cousin indeed. The cousin who tried to rape her in her own bed. Yes. That cousin that got the beating.

“Well, he had tattoos then, and he has more now.”

Right, that was understandable. Not particularly sensible, but she could sure understand how Sophie felt.

“So she always criticises tattoos whenever she has a chance. Mum’s pretty amazing but that’s just a thing for her. Except once, actually. One of her close friends had a double mastectomy because she’s got that breast cancer gene, and her mum and grandma died early, and her sister had just got cancer, might die from it yet. And for some reason, reconstruction wasn’t an option for her, she didn’t say why. So she got tattoos over the scar tissue, and mum approved of them. Held her hand while she did it.”

“Interesting. So you won’t get them, and you don’t want me to?”

“Nah, babe. I don’t want to, and I really wouldn’t like it if you ... well, Babe, I don’t want to stop you from doing something you want to do, and you should always be strong and be the amazing woman you can be, so who am I to stop you? You should go for it if you want to.”

Larissa thought about that. Julian did genuinely believe that, was her greatest fan, and did everything he could to empower her, when not everyone did, more so because she was female. But he also clearly felt strongly about this. And she didn’t really feel strongly at all about getting the tattoo. That’d been more a whim than anything serious. But even if it had been serious, she’d never want to do something Julian wouldn’t like.

She made a snap decision that felt good: she’d never get a tattoo. Temporary skin art, that’d be fine, but nothing permanent. Ever.

“Thanks, Sweetie, I love you and that you want me to be everything I can be. And I promise, I’ll do everything that I should, but that’ll never include getting a tattoo, since you feel like that.”

That earnt her a genuinely nice smile from Julian. Yeah, maybe this car ride wasn’t a disaster after all.

“Babe, I really appreciate that. Thanks heaps. I love you.”

“I love you more!”

“Hah. Well, I’m lucky, that’s for sure. I mean, lucky generally, and on this particular issue.”

“Sweetie, I’m the lucky one, but why for this issue?”

“Well, a few months ago, at our weekly planning meeting, Dylan and Callum said that we should all get a tattoo, the project logo. Like on our arm or something. We talked about it, and I could see that Layna didn’t really want to, but she said she’d do it if everyone else was doing it, so I said no, I’d never, and I said that neither of us would ever do that.”

“You laid it on me?!” she asked in surprise.

“Yeah, I did. And you’re about to tell me how stupid and weak of me that was, and you’d be one hundred percent right, but we did sorta talk about it before, and you said, though perhaps you thought we were talking about something else.”

“I don’t remember, so maybe. But what did Steph say? What happened?”

“I was surprised, because Steph woulda. Or she said so anyway. I asked her later and she was glad I said what I said, because she didn’t really want to but she’s just all in.”

Steph certainly was all in on Layna and the project. Like, completely in as much as you could possibly be.

“Well, what I said was enough for Layna to say, and she said no, so we didn’t. But Callum and Dylan and their girls did anyway. Actually, I think it was the girls’ idea. So they did.”

“I haven’t noticed them!”

“Nah, babe, you have to get them naked to see them. Callum showed us a close-up photo of his girl’s one. They all definitely have to shave them, and she had pulled her panties aside for the photo. He says they got them there cause they can kiss them when they go down on each other.”

Larissa burst into laughter. That was quite funny.

And also it was lovely note to end a rather tense car ride on, since they’d arrived at James and Sophie’s place.

But inside, once she’d said hello to the family, and also Layna and Joe, Suzy and Nathan, and Ruby and Pete, Julian solemnly produced their discipline collar and held it out to her.

What the fuck?

She gave him a questioning look, but he didn’t say anything, just looked at the collar and then gave her a meaningful look.

What the hell was this about? She ran through what she’d done during the day, and the conversation in the car. Sure, he wasn’t happy with her, and they’d misfired on a few subjects, but they’d sorted it, and anyway, none of those things was anywhere remotely near the kind of thing that would earn the discipline collar: if she did something against the rules of the relationship. And he must have decided to do this before they left home, so it wasn’t about what happened in the car.

So what had she done? She really didn’t have any idea at all. What was Julian thinking about? Was it last night? Something to do with Tony and Tamara?

She shook her head, but Julian was set and determined. Well, she better, but he better explain damn well what this was about. But she’d have to wait, she knew that.

Stripping while everyone watched was damned hard. Not that they’d see her naked; all of them had seen her naked multiple times, but under these circumstances? It wasn’t about being naked, it was about ... yielding to Julian like that. Because she had no idea what this could be about, really not a clue.

She knelt down in front of him, took the collar from him, and put it around her neck, and then looked him in the eye as he buckled it up. It sat around her neck heavily, an unexpected weight, much heavier and more intrusive than even those damn collars at the white house. Once it was properly buckled, he tied her hands loosely beside her back and put Nala’s leash on her.

Then Julian leaned down and kissed her gently, and then said, “Babe, kneel beside me at dinner.”

Dinner was ready, since they were late, and when she knelt beside Julian he pushed her down so that she couldn’t see anyone else, couldn’t be part of the dinner conversation.

Fuck. Just what the fucking fuck was this about? She wracked her brain again, what the fuck did Julian think she’d done? It had to be recent, and it had been a big week. While Xander gave grace, no mention of Larissa, she did her best to trace her actions through the week. What had she done, and said? What might Julian have thought about what she’d done and said?

Again, Tony and Tamara stood out, but Julian had been part of that, had specifically said it was OK. Just to her alone. Was he lying? Surely not, but what else?

Maybe, she thought, while she had to listen in silence to the family talking about her campaign, he was just jealous. He’d said he couldn’t be, but just maybe he really was. Cause what else could it fucking be? Maybe that was what the problem was in the car, it wasn’t her, it was him, an underlying jealously that she was having more success than him.

Julian tried to feed her a mouthful. Fuck that, she turned her head away and refused. No fucking way she was letting him do that to her tonight.

Cause if it wasn’t him being jealous, then what the fuck was it? And if it was, well fucking fucking fuck him, she wasn’t going to let him slow her down from doing the right thing. She’d thought he was her man, the right man for her, the man who wanted the best for her, but maybe she was wrong about that. Maybe he wasn’t there for her. But surely there’d be some other man, someone else. Someone who wouldn’t fucking humiliate her in front of family like this.

She ground her teeth, and went to shout at Julian for treating her like this. Misogynistic pig, he should damn well know better. Fucking Fucking Fuck.

But just as she went to, something else kicked in and she realised: she wasn’t going give him the satisfaction. Oh no, she was going to keep silence, and only when he untied her she’d give it to him. Her last word was going to epic, damn epic indeed.

Julian reached down and caressed her head. She froze, not wanting to let him do that, but not willing to give him the pleasure of her turning away. No, she was going to stick to the rules as long as the collar was on, but damn him to hell. He didn’t care. Shit, no one cared. All the rest of the fucking family talking about her as if all was fine with the world. When everything was fucked with the world, not that they even noticed.

But then something unexpected happened. Sophie was on the other side of her from Julian, and Sophie reached down and pulled Julian off her. Larissa didn’t see it, but she knew that’s what happened. And then Sophie just patted her on the back and held her shoulder.

Right. Sophie cared. Larissa was suddenly back in the kitchen in just Julian’s t-shirt, that first night she slept over, Sophie hugging her and putting her back together after she’d had that first argument with Julian. Sophie had been on her side through thick and thin, and engineered Julian into moving in with Larissa. And Sophie was still on her side, she knew, and not happy about what was going on.

What if Julian was just wrong? Because she hadn’t done anything wrong, she was sure. So what was going on? She took a deep breath, and shifted, her knees were sore. Now she could lean against Sophie’s hand a little more, and she did.

Sophie loved her, her real mum. She was closer to Sophie than any of her sisters; they often had a quiet coffee together on Sunday morning before anyone else got up. Larissa was an early morning person, but she’d discovered later that Sophie wasn’t; she just got up early that first Sunday morning in case. Vintage Sophie. And on those Sunday mornings, they frequently giggled together over something her clueless son had done. The clueless son they both loved very much.

The son she loved very much. Yes, she did, and no matter how angry she’d let herself get, she did love him. And he loved her, completely. And really, could she find a man even remotely close to Julian? Of course not. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t try. For sure, he had something in mind, and he was patient and inventive, and thought really hard about what was best for her.

She consciously decided that she wasn’t going to try and guess what Julian’s issue was. Instead, she thought about their relationship. Actually, they hadn’t done their thing where they reviewed their relationship since back in March now, and it was overdue. Like naked Church, though it was getting even harder to find a place to do that now that it was getting colder. Doing it on their lounge room floor was completely a bad idea. What if she found a place with a spa? A spa that big?

Whoops, she realised, she’d just spent a few minutes day-dreaming about building a decent spa that people could enjoy naked, like she’d heard that they had in Germany. Unbelievable that she was kneeling at Julian’s feet and having fantasies about naked spas. Spas that wouldn’t sell any alcohol.

Sophie’s hand was gone, and instead, Julian was running his hand through her hair now. And dinner was over. Everyone helped tidy dinner up while she knelt there alone. But all her sisters went out of their way to stand behind her and touch her back lightly. It probably looked like an accident to everyone else, but it very much wasn’t, she knew. And it helped, made her feel better.

Then they moved into the lounge as they usually did to talk. At first she thought Julian was going to leave her where she was, alone by the table, but once everyone else was settled, he came back, took her leash, led her into the lounge, and settled her on her knees again beside his feet. Nala came and settled herself right in front of her, the side of her head over Larissa’s knees.

She looked around the room, and saw concern on everyone else’s faces. They weren’t happy at all. Asha had cried almost continuously the one time before she’d been collared like this, but she had no tears this time; instead, her face was tight and set. Steph wasn’t happy either, or Layna, and both of them were making it obvious. Joe was looking her compassionately, doing his best to send her his love. James and Sophie were staring intensely at Julian. She turned her head, rested her chin on Julian’s knee and looked up at him, doing her best to make it obvious that she didn’t know why she was there.

Julian ignored her and started a conversation about Sarah and Lucy and how they were getting more friendly with Everest. No, no one was interested, and all her got was one word answers. Of course. Read the room, she thought to herself, and now she was starting to get embarrassed for Julian.

“Oh, OK. I can see that you’re all wondering what’s going on with Larissa.”

Silence, but Larissa could see Steph nodding out of the corner of her eye.

“First of all, Larissa is awesome, just amazing. She’s putting herself out for this campaign because of how much she loves everyone. It’s astonishing, really.”