Chapter 2: Learning

I feel better, more relaxed, now that I’ve told you about yesterday afternoon. I was so excited by the event, I just had to tell someone, to get it off my chest, so to speak! And now I can settle down and begin to tell you about myself, my life, and my love of cock sucking.

I will concern myself only with sexual matters because I don’t want to bore you; but when I really think about it, that’s all that interests me anyway, most of my life has revolved around cock sucking. Sucking cock has been the driving force in my life, it has been my existence. And I think it will be my future even when I’m in a nursing home.

I should begin with Billy, my brother, who introduced me to the world of cock sucking. Later I can get to Greg, the guy who changed my life. I’m over the hurt of that now. I think I can tell the story with a good amount of objectivity. So let’s get going.

When men and boys ask where I’m from, I tell them Dallas. Actually, the truth is I’m from a little dump west of there called Lubbock, which is out in the middle of fucking nowhere, but Dallas sounds better. Lubbock has a horse racing track and lots of trailer parks, rodeos in the summer, and a Southern Baptist mega-church. Lubbock is where I was born and raised. We lived in a 4000 square foot house, 5 bedrooms, 6 baths, 4 car garage all on 500 acres just outside the town. We had a large storage barn where we kept our fifth wheel, boat, and 4 ATV’s, all paid for by the church. I’m the only girl in the family. I have a brother two years older: Today I’m 40, so Billy is 42.

Billy was sixteen that day I saw him playing with himself in the storage barn. The summer I turned 14, I’d just started puberty, would be the summer that changed my life. I remember seeing Billy naked when we were little kids, but nothing more than that. My parents were strict Baptists. My dad was an ordained professional minister of the Southern Baptists. What the church said, went and I believed it. In our family, Billy and I didn’t question anything, because questions about sex were never asked for fear of getting a mouthful of hand soap. When Billy was 11 mother did it to him when he asked her what “motherfucker” meant. I never attempted to ask a question regarding sex after that. We went to the Baptist school on the church campus and sex education was something that was not taught. Sex was something that was better left to the bedroom.

Billy and I had smart phones but dad randomly checked our phones several times a week for what he called “illicit material”. Billy told me later that meant porn sites or sex sites. I had heard of porn but didn’t know what it was until that day in the storage barn. But it would be sex that would peel away the layers of my religion, and show me the light out of the darkness.

Billy’s 16TH birthday party was great fun. Any kind of party was fun on the farm, which we called our homestead. We had acres of land and used it to play games and ride the ATV’s. Mother made the best apple cider in the county and my brother and I and our friends longed for it, especially since we were allowed only to drink it on special occasions.

After the party was over and our aunts, uncles, and cousins had departed, mother asked me to carry two of the empty cider bottles to the storeroom in the barn. Normally that would have been Billy’s job, but no one had seen him since the last few guests left. We figured he had gone for a walk with our family dog, Samson. So I picked up the two jugs and carried them toward the barn.

The side door of the main barn was open, which was odd because daddy always said to close it, it kept the critters out. I walked into the barn and looked around. Seeing nothing unusual, I thought a stray animal might have pushed the door open, I put the bottles on the cider shelf and turned to leave. Just as I was about to step out of the barn I heard Samson bark. I turned, wondering where the sound had come from. Samson barked again. This time I could tell the sound was coming from the far side of the building, behind the boat. I began to walk toward it when I heard Billy telling Samson to be quiet.

I can’t remember why I didn’t call to him, or ask where he was hiding. Perhaps I knew something was going on, I sensed Billy was doing something secret he would want to hide. So I walked along the edge of the barn, around the ATV’s and squatted down. Billy was in front of the boat on a camp stool. His pants were down around his ankles.

I stopped dead, breathless, he couldn’t see me, and stared at him. I had seen him naked when I was six or seven and for some reason had always thought his penis, the size it was then, would be the same now. I never had any idea it could grow! And so I was shocked when I saw what stood out between his legs.

Let me tell you right here that my brother was beautiful, still is, in a very masculine way, and I’ve always been attracted to him. I would get excited at school when I would overhear the other girls talking about him, how good looking he was, how they would give anything to have a date with him, how they thought he looked like a movie star. I was proud that he was my brother!

So you can imagine my shock as I squatted there looking at my handsome brother almost naked. His eyes staring intently off into space. The intense expression on his face was almost frightening. His whole body seemed to be concentrating on his right hand which was running up and down along his penis.

And what a penis! I can remember even now the tingle I felt through my entire body as I watched him rub it up and down. 10 inches at least, and round. It filled his hand completely and the head was a purple in color, darker than the shaft. Each time he rubbed his hand up it, the huge sac between his legs lifted and fell. And everything was surrounded by dark hair. I was mesmerized.

Looking back now, it couldn’t have been but a minute before he came. At the time it seemed like hours. He worked his hand up and down on his penis as Samson sat in front of him watching, his tail wagging back and forth, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Billy’s pants were in a clump around his feet and his underpants were about thigh-high, and I thought they would rip because he kept spreading his thighs farther apart. The look on his face changed to a big grin as he stared down at his penis, his moans seemed to transform into light sighs. Then it happened.

White liquid shot from the tip! I found out later it’s call cum. I couldn’t believe it at first. I watched the look of absolute pleasure come over Billy’s face as the cum shot up onto his shirt and into the air. Samson barked as some of the white stuff hit his nose, which sounds funny now, but at the time seemed to add to the unbelievability of the scene. Samson used his tongue to swipe the errant liquid from his nose.

I thought it would never stop. It finally did, of course, but it all seemed in slow motion before the final gush ran down his hand. I watched as he leaned back and relaxed on the camp stool. His cock flapped back against his stomach and started getting soft. The purple head was still there! I thought it had exploded. There was white thick cum all down his cock, on the sac between his legs, and even some droplet on the inside of his underwear. There was a lot of it.

Billy sat like that for a moment and then sat up straight and looked down at his cock. He seemed quite happy. I didn’t know if it was because of his birthday party or because of what had just taken place. I knew the Bible addressed masturbation, despite what detractors may say. Leviticus 15:1-18 speaks directly to a man’s emission of semen. Dad and others in the church spoke of the sin of masturbation, and yet here was my brother smiling and relaxing after such an act. The strange thing was, god hadn’t struck him down like daddy said he would. I didn’t know then that Billy liked to have an audience when he did it. But I was to learn it very soon.

I was still squatting there like a frozen statue when he stood up and pulled his underwear up and over the long-hanging cock. It was after he began to buckle his belt that I realized I wasn’t supposed to be there and had better run fast or be caught. I crept away, none too soon, and hid behind the fifth wheel till he and Samson had left the barn. I made my way back to the house. I can remember clearly that there was a tingling feeling between my thighs that night. I was excited. I don’t think that feeling has ever quite left me. About a week later, when I witnessed the same situation in the barn. I just wish I could’ve recorded it on my phone, but I know that dad would’ve found it.

After supper, that particular evening, Billy said he and Samson were going to walk down the creek for a little bit. I asked to go along, but Billy said he wanted to be alone, I think he said he had to memorize his Spanish for class the next day. So they left, but when they did I noticed something in Billy’s demeanor as he walked out the back door that told me I should follow them and see just where they would end up. Sure enough he made for the barn, just like the first time.

They had cut through the yard, going directly into the main barn. I followed and entered behind them. This time I was more cautious. Daddy had stacked some boxes in front of the ATV’s and that afforded me good protection from Billy’s gaze, and still gave me a perfect view of the action.

He pulled his shorts to his feet and then lowered his underpants. His cock was much smaller than the last time. He touched it with his hands, lifting it, dropping it, rubbing it. Suddenly it seemed to lengthen, then thicken. The tip grew into a smooth rounded bulb. The long stem was wide now, like the other time, and Billy wrapped his right hand around it. Immediately, he began to rub it up and down as he sat down on the stool. Samson lay there, content to watch him. I stood there, not content at all.

Something was burning inside me. I brought my hand down to my pants and pressed there between my legs. The sensation was a good one. I pressed harder, spreading my legs a bit. I could feel the lips of my young pussy spread apart a bit and moistness was evident because my fingers felt damp.

I watched Billy sit back on the stool, his right hand still on his penis, so only his legs were visible with the big sac and the long thing standing straight into the air. His hand worked up and down in rapid strokes and I almost moaned out loud because I was so excited. I moved my legs again, rubbing the lips of my pussy together. My whole body seemed to be filled with pleasure. I wanted to drop my jean shorts and touch myself, but I was afraid to. Billy was hidden from view, but if anyone had walked in the main barn door they would surely have seen me.

It happened again, only this time Billy’s hand stopped it from shooting into the air. Instead, it poured down his fingers. Actually, it seemed to ooze from the head and run down his hand over the moving sac between his legs, into a puddle on the floor in front of him. Again, I hid until Billy left the barn and then went back to the house. In bed later I tried to fall asleep. I couldn’t, no matter what I tried. My whole body seemed to be jumping. It was the first time I was really aware of sexual excitement, and it was only the beginning.

In early June I followed Billy into the barn just about every time I could and my body seemed to be rapidly developing from that of a gawky girl into a young woman. My breasts were beginning to grow, my pussy was beginning to be covered with soft hair, and my thoughts were constantly on this matter of sex. The focus of my mind all the time was on my brother’s cock. It was all I knew about sex, it was my only knowledge of the male body, but it showed me what kind of emotion the sight of it could stir up in me. I wanted to touch it and be part of it but the problem for me was the Bible commands us to be godly stewards of our bodies and our minds. Godly means acting in accordance with God’s intended design. Such a steward does not practice nor justify the habit of selfish, worldly activities such as masturbation. Daddy preached against the seven deadly sins most Sundays, so I knew it well, but Billy didn’t seem fazed by it.

As early early June moved forward I dreamed of one thing: being able to stimulate Billy’s penis as I knew I could from watching his manipulations on all these trips to the barn. I was soon to get my wish.

One Saturday morning about mid-June I was sitting in the swing hanging from the old oak tree in our backyard when Billy entered the barn. It was normal for him to go in the barn on a Saturday morning, helping dad with the chores, but by now I was really spying, so I noticed him give a long hard look around before he entered, as if to insure privacy.

He may not have seen me, or perhaps he did and thought I was so engrossed in reading my Bible that I didn’t see him. He ducked into the barn. I knew what he was up to, even though he had always gone into the barn at night, I could tell by the look on his face.

I crept to the door of the bar. I looked around before entering. Dad was in his office writing his sermon to tomorrow’s service and mom had gone into town. So I knew, as I suppose Billy did, no one was about to disturb us. I walked quietly across the floor to the boxes in front of the ATV’s and took my usual place.

Billy was unbuckling his shorts quickly. As soon as they dropped to his knees, I could see his penis hard inside his underwear. He pulled them down and took hold of his organ with his hand, as usual. But then he stopped. He bent down and unfastened his boots and sat on the camp stool and pulled them off. Immediately after that, he kicked his shorts and underwear off his legs, so he sat clad only in his shirt and socks. He spread his legs wide and cupped the sac between his legs with left hand while the other worked his penis in the familiar up and down strokes.

I pressed my hand against my crotch, the way I always did while watching him, and something deep inside me quivered and tingled. My knees felt weak and I began to sweat. I tried to breathe easily, fearing that Billy would hear me. But he was breathing so heavily himself, I doubt if he could have heard anything. He was working his penis with his right hand and had his left hand rubbing all over his scrotum.

I watched him in amazement, because this time he did something I had never seen nor dreamed possible-before. He stood up, walked over to the pile of lawn chairs and pulled out a lounge chair opening it flat. Then he laid down on his back. He spread his legs wide. This time his left hand worked itself down to the crack of his ass. He rubbed it, stroked it for a time, and then started flicking his index finger exactly at the opening. He was moaning and every few seconds his legs jerked as pangs of pleasure shot through his handsome body.

Then it seemed I was watching his finger and nothing else, my eyes were glued to it. He moved the index finger to the opening of his anus and slowly pried it open, teasing it gently. Then the finger slid up his ass! It honestly slid all the way up there! I couldn’t believe it. I felt hot and wet between my legs and I thought of his finger going up my ass and I nearly fainted right there.

Billy evidently loved the sensations the finger was causing because he began to move his hand faster and faster as his head rolled from side to side. In a minute, he lifted his legs into the air and shoved his finger in as deep as he could get it to go and then he spurted the largest load of cum I had ever seen pour from him.

I was in a trance. I memorized the scene, at that moment, and thought about it for weeks, months, years after that. I still think about it. It was quite a sight.

Billy got dressed and left the barn as usual and went back to the hedges out on the property line where he had been trimming the branches. Later that afternoon, when I had finished reading about God’s command to Adam and Eve, delivered with His blessing, to be fruitful and increase in number, in Genesis 1:28 and then reading that Adam made love to his wife Eve, in Genesis 4:1 resulting in son being born, I strolled over to the field and offered Billy some of the chocolate bar I was eating. We sat on a tree stump and shared the candy and talked. In the middle of our conversation I said something that I shouldn’t have.

Billy said to me, “Darn, Maggie, I think I lost that fifty-cent piece I had in my pocket. I can’t find it.”

And I replied without thinking, “Maybe you dropped it in the barn.”

There was a prolonged silence. Billy’s face flushed red for a moment and he looked embarrassed. Even if I had not known what he had been doing in the barn, he would have made me suspicious by the look on his face.

“How, how did you know I was in the barn?”

“I saw you go in. I was reading Genesis in the swing.”

“Oh.” Silence again. Then a phony explanation. “I needed some tools so I came back to the barn.”

“I didn’t see you leave with any,” I said, which complicated matters for him.

He stumbled over his words and said something about not finding the tools he needed. I don’t remember much more of the conversation, but I knew from that moment on he was suspicious and I was careless. I should have been extra careful when hiding and watching him, but I wasn’t. I think I secretly wanted to be caught, because I certainly was longing to touch his penis the way he did.

Two days later, after supper, Billy went to the barn with Samson. I followed. Everything went well until Samson happened to get up and walk around the boxes just as I was sliding my hand into my panties. He walked up behind me and put his nose under my ass. The dog scared me, I had been so intent on Billy that I forgot to watch Samson, and I jumped and let out a yell. Billy came around the boxes in a matter of seconds, his hard cock standing out in front of his jeans, which he had tried to pull up without much success. He just stood there staring at me while Samson kept barking. We didn’t know what to say or do, we were both so embarrassed.

Finally, I turned and ran out of the barn. I heard him call me, but I didn’t turn around and kept running across the yard to the house. I darted in the door and locked myself in my room, shaking with fear. I didn’t want Billy to be mad at me, that was my first concern. We had always been close and I didn’t want to lose that. We had always been in a kind of conspiracy against our parents, not that we didn’t love them, but rather as a reaction to their strict religious code. Out here on the homestead we had little in the world, other than one another.

It was late that night when I heard the tap on my door. I sat up, wondering where I was, for I had fallen asleep and had been dreaming I was walking along a seashore someplace. I blinked my eyes and realized I was lying on my bed and someone was tapping lightly on my door.

“Maggie? Mag? Open up. I have to talk to you.”

I recognized the voice immediately, but in it I recognized a gentleness that told me maybe he wasn’t mad at me for spying on him. I quickly opened the door. He came into the room and I locked it again.

“Billy, I’m sorry.” He stopped my words by placing his hand on my lips.

“Maggie, listen, don’t be sorry. I would have been doing the same thing if it was you behind the boxes. You’ve been watching for some time, haven’t you?”

I thought it best not to lie. “Yes,” I said softly.

“Well, I don’t know how to explain and I know its a sin,” Billy said, thinking I needed to be told just exactly what it was he had been doing.

“Billy, I know what you were doing. I mean, I know what this is.” I thought I did, at least.

“What’s it called?”

“I read about in the Bible, it’s called masturbation and yes it’s a sin but I don’t why God hasn’t struck you down, which I’m glad he didn’t by the way.”

Billy smiled. “Right. It’s just that masturbation is something a girl your age shouldn’t even be thinking about, much less watching. In fact I don’t think I should be doing it according to dads preaching, but I get these urges!”

“I do too,” I blurted out.

He stared at me, realizing maybe that I wasn’t as little as he thought. Hell, I thought to myself, hasn’t he noticed my breasts? I was a Freshman and he was a Junior, didn’t he realize some of the girls he talked about dating were girls in my class at school? I was always “little sister” and I suddenly wanted that to change.

“What do you mean?” he asked, interested.

“Well,” I continued, “sometimes I like to touch myself down there, like you do, and it feels really good. I especially like to do it when I watch you because that’s when I’m really excited.”

“Maggie, you shouldn’t!” He almost screamed at me and started walking around the room. I think it was his big-protective-brother image falling apart. He had to realize that I was 14 and growing up as rapidly as he was and I was just as sexual as any other person my age. Or maybe more.

“How about you? When did you start masturbating?”

Billy blushed and look down. “The fall of my Freshman year. Tommy and I were in the showers after gym, just the two of us. My cock, it’s called a cock by the way, was stiff and so was Tommy’s. He asked if he could touch mine and before I knew it he was rubbing up and down on it. If felt really good and in no time I came.” Billy smiled as he remembered. “My cum, that’s what the stuff is called, shot out all over the place. Anyway, Tommy showed me porn on his phone and I’ve been doing it ever since.”

Tom Devon was Billy’s best friend, a nice guy who lived two miles down the road from us. His father, Pastor Bruce, was the associate pastor. Tommy is a very good looking, same age as Billy, they could have any girl at school.

We sat there in silence for a minute or so. Finally, I blurted it out. “Well, I like watching you! What else can I do, dream about it? How am I supposed to find things out? I even want to touch it like you do!”

He stared at me in astonishment. I was a bit astonished that I had said it, but it was true and I was glad I had finally said it. It knocked him cold for a few moments, but it certainly warmed him up inside. He sat on the bed and looked at me and smiled. He was scared, I could tell that, but more than that he seemed suddenly excited.

“You really want to touch it?” he asked timidly. “You wouldn’t tell mom or dad?”

What did he take me for, I wondered. “If I didn’t tell mom or dad about you in the barn, why would I tell them about it now?”

“That’s true. Maggie, listen. This is all so amazing to me. I mean, I didn’t think you even knew about such things or cared about them. I guess it’s kinda nice that you do, ‘cause now we can talk about it. Tommy and I talk about it a lot, ‘cause we’re both horny.”

At the time I didn’t know what Billy meant about him and Tommy talking about it. One day, a couple of weeks earlier, I had seen Tommy walk into the barn alone, and I immediately thought he was going to do the same thing with himself that Billy had done, but he emerged a minute later carrying a rake and hoe. He was helping Billy with yard work.

“Can I touch it?” I asked simply.

“Now? Here?”

“I locked the door,” I reminded him.

“Well, I wasn’t planning on taking off my pants in front of my little sister.”

I decided to grow up a lot for him in those few seconds. “Look, Billy, I’m not ‘little sister’ any more. I’m a friend who wants to play, have fun, learn things, not only about creation science and the bible, but about anatomy.”

His laughter stopped me. He often has referred to that moment sitting on my bed. I guess I must have looked pretty silly sitting there demanding that he no longer be my brother, but rather a teacher of sex and a playmate in sexual affairs.

But he listened to me. He never again called me “little sister” in that context. He did become a friend who played with me, taught me a lot of things, and had a lot of fun doing it.

“Okay, Maggie, you win,” he said, opening his zipper. He opened his belt and then his pants and pulled them to his knees. Then he took my hand and placed it over the lump in his white shorts. I was crazy with excitement as I felt it stir under my fingers. Then he stood up and pulled his shorts down and his cock jumped out, just inches from my face.

I stared at it, looked it over, touched it lightly with my fingertips. The skin was soft, much to my surprise, and yet the entire thing was rock-hard. I brought my little finger up to the tip and rubbed along the little slit in the end, and then down along the long shaft to his heavy balls below.

“I have big balls,” he said quite honestly. I didn’t know if they were small or large, but I knew they felt nice in my hand. They were covered by dark hairs and seemed to move by themselves as I cupped my warm palm around them.

Billy stood there as his pants fell to his feet, and then he spread his legs as much as he could so I could hold even tighter to his balls. I was fascinated with everything I was touching. When I held his balls, he made his penis move up and down in front of my face.

“How do you do that?” I asked, amazed.

“Easy. Muscles,” he replied, making it bob up and down again. I grabbed it and giggled, thinking it was very funny.

I held tightly to it as Billy sat on the bed next to me. He let me play with it for a long time, and I knew he was enjoying it, because his cock stayed hard the entire time and every now and then he would sigh or moan in pleasure.

He finally got so excited he couldn’t stand it any longer. He pulled my hand away. “Don’t,” he said, “I’m going to come!”

“Yes, do, I want you to!” I said. He looked at me strangely. “Really,” I added.

“Really?” he asked.

“Really,” I said, grabbing his cock again. This time I tried to do exactly what he had done, pulling my closed hand up and down it, drawing the skin up and down, rubbing the head with my thumb. I put my other hand under his balls and held them gently in my hand feeling them move in their sac.

“Oh, Maggie, yes, that’s nice,” he said softly, watching what I was doing very closely. His hips moved slightly, in rhythm with my hand, and I could feel his entire body beginning to stiffen as he neared his climax.

“Is it okay?” I asked, seeing the smile on his face.

“Yes, yes,” he whispered, still watching my hand pumping on his cock. “Maggie, fuck, I’m going to come!”

I giggled at the nasty word. I was learning a lot.

As he said it, the cum poured out. My hand was suddenly soaked with the warm sticky fluid I had seen so many times but had never touched. I stopped moving my hand as he grabbed my arm. He murmured something I couldn’t understand as he watched the cream gush from the end of his cock and run down my fingers, over his balls below.

“God damn, Maggie,” he said, releasing my arm relaxing his whole body. He fell back against the bed and stretched out, as if he had no breath left. “That was fucking wonderful.”

I released his cock from my grip and wiped my hand with a tissue until most of the liquid was off, and then I rubbed it against my jeans till it was almost dry. His cock was still wet and shining, and I wiped it with a tissue, but had a hard time getting all the fluid off his heavy balls because they kept slipping and I was afraid to press hard. Finally I just sat there staring at his crotch, thinking how beautiful he was.

“That really was great, you know,” Billy said, looking up at me. He winked and then pulled me down next to him and put his arm around me. “I think little sister just grew up!”

“I think you’re fucking right,” I giggled.

Billy chuckled. He rubbed his hands along my body, playfully, not sexually, until he stopped at my thighs.

“You saw me, now it’s my turn to see you,” he said, resting his hand on my leg.

“I’ll bet you’ve been peeking into the bath room when I’m naked,” I said.

“It’s impossible. I tried,” he admitted with a sly grin. “I do want to see, though.”

I felt embarrassed. “Oh, you don’t really,” I said, but it didn’t convince him.

“Please, Maggie?”

I relented and stood up and slipped my jeans off my body and then pulled my panties down to my knees. He stared for so long that I began to feel something was wrong with me, that I was deformed or something. I didn’t know what to do or say, just standing there almost naked in the middle of the floor.

“God damn, Maggie you’re really something!” he finally said, at the same time grabbing his cock again. I was surprised to see that it was growing hard and long again, and even more surprised to see his hand beginning to move up and down it again.

“Maggie, take off your underpants,” he ordered, quietly. I obeyed, pulling them from my feet. Then I stood there with only my shirt on, spreading my legs far apart so he could see my pussy clearly.

“Do I have a nice pussy?” I asked. He nodded, as if he were in some trance. No one said a word then-we just looked at each other as we both grew excited.

“It’s called a cunt,” he replied. Then he motioned for me to spread my legs even farther, but I couldn’t do that without falling over so I sat down on the chair facing the bed and lifted my legs and planted my feet on the front of the chair, so my cunt was facing him, open and very wet now that I was so excited.