Chapter 2

We explained to Brenda that Gillian was getting such bad period cramps that it was interfering with her schoolwork. She gave us a bit of a funny look but, once she’d checked we’d tried painkillers and everything else, she seemed happy enough to prescribe her oral contraceptives.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders when she started taking them. They promised me that they’d been careful up to the point she was protected, so my greatest fear was taken care of.

Our new lifestyle started to fall apart after ten days. In the end, Tom did get sick of me fucking him senseless in the middle of the night. Not because he didn’t enjoy it, but because he knew what was turning me on, and it wasn’t him.

“What don’t you just fuck them and get it over with?” he hissed at me.

“They’re our kids for fuck’s sake. We’re not supposed to do that.”

“Well, you know that you want to, and you do it in your dreams every night. I think you’re way past supposed. Just be honest with yourself Pamela.” he said, stomping upstairs. I was shocked when he came down carrying his travel bag.

“I’m going to stay with Will. Call me when you decide what it is you really want.”

I told the twins that Daddy was staying with his friend for a few days and tried to make light of it, how convinced they were I wasn’t sure.

Gillian found me crying softly to myself in bed later on. She came to me and lay down with her arms around me. It felt lovely to have her cuddle me like that and gradually my tears just faded away. It was a beautiful moment and I just let myself bathe in it. Then she started to kiss my neck and her hand, that had been on my tummy, started to softly stroke the underside of my breasts.

My whole body started to respond to her and I really, really wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her and stroke her and...

Instead, I lifted her hand gently away from me.

“I think you’d better be getting to bed,” I told her. “Thank you so much for looking after me.” And I kissed her lightly on the lips. She looked almost hurt as she stood up and walked away, and I very nearly called her back.

About twenty minutes later Dylan came into my room, and he looked furious.

“What did you say to Gillian?” he demanded. I wracked my brain trying to think what I’d done to provoke this sort of reaction.

“I don’t think I said anything...” I stammered.

“She thinks you don’t love her anymore!” he accused me.

“What?!” I cried. “Oh God,” I said more quietly as I realized that she’d taken my reaction to her caresses as a rejection. I started to get up to go to her.

“Don’t,” he said firmly, putting out a raised palm. “I’ve only just managed to calm her down and get her to sleep. Whatever you’ve got to say will have to wait for the morning.” Then he walked out.

Fuck!, I thought. The more I try to do the right thing the more I turn everything to shit!

Things were a bit frosty over breakfast but I really didn’t want to get into it before school.

I kissed Dylan goodbye but Gillian dodged me, which really hurt.

“We’ll talk tonight,” I told them, and added a forlorn “I love you.” but they were halfway out of the door by then, and I got nothing back.

So I was waiting for them again when they got home. Reese was really pissed with me leaving early again, but I told him the truth: it was a family crisis.

I sat them down together this time, one on either side of me on the sofa.

“I’m so, so, sorry if I upset you last night baby,” I said softly to Gillian, holding her close. “The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt either of you, you must know that.” I looked from one to the other and they were pensive and quiet, as if expecting more.

“I love you both so much,” I told them. “more than life itself.”

“So what’s the problem? Why did you freak when Gillian touched you?” asked Dylan somewhat bitterly. I thought about that for some time.

“I’m your mother, I don’t think we should be touching like that,” I said finally.

“So you don’t want to?” asked Gillian. I wasn’t about to start lying to them. Just being this close to both of them and breathing in their lovely scents was getting me going.

“I do want to, but we shouldn’t,” I said, knowing as I did that it sounded very weak.

“Because it’s illegal?” asked Dylan this time, clearly confused. “Because as you pointed out with us, that’s only a problem if someone finds out.”

“Mothers shouldn’t feel that way about their children,” I insisted.

“But you’ve already said that you do feel that way,” Gillian pointed out, horribly reasonably.

“So you want to, we want to, no one is going to tell,” Dylan pressed on. “It’s only sex Mom. It’s what everyone does. It’s kind of what we were made for.”

“I’m sorry guys. I know you’re making a lot of sense and I admit I’d love nothing more than to go upstairs with you right now, but there’s something in me that just can’t do it. I think it’s to do with being a Mom and I think you’re just going to have to go with me on this, at least for a while. Is that OK?”

They still looked a bit confused but they seemed happier, and both nodded.

We had quite a subdued evening and, after they’d gone to bed, I rang Tom. When he answered I could hear the sounds of gunfire and shouting, and figured they were probably playing a video game. I explained what had happened.

“I still think you’re lying to yourself.” He told me. “I’m going to give you guys a bit more space to work things out.”

They went to bed early that night but that wasn’t unusual recently, and I smiled wrily to myself as they kissed me goodnight.

I rattled around downstairs, toyed with having a drink and decided against, and then tried to watch something on the TV. I was rewinding a scene for the third time because I couldn’t concentrate enough to follow it, and decided to call it a night myself.

As I passed their room I heard soft moans coming from inside but resisted the temptation to stay and watch.

When I finally settled into bed I kept hearing those moans in my mind and realized that I was very, very horny. I figured I’d never get to sleep with my pussy nagging at me, and I did something which I hadn’t done in months: I masturbated, or at least I tried.

It wasn’t that I had trouble pleasuring myself it was just that every time I got close to a climax the images that came unbidden into my mind were of Dylan and Gillian, and I found myself shying away from it.