Chapter 6: She Peed in my Mouth

A girl and I were getting intimate for the first time - it was perhaps our third or fourth date - and we ended up in the “69” position, with her on top. When she climaxed, she, without warning, urinated into my mouth. Prolifically — I’m not talking about a few drops here; I had to swallow it or risk choking. I understand that this was a case of what is often called “female ejaculation” or “squirting” but I promise you, the liquid, from its taste and quantity, was urine. (We’d drunk a lot of beer that night and it was relatively dilute, but it still smelled and tasted like pee.)

As if the pee weren’t enough, she topped it off with a big fart straight into my nose, just as I was trying to recover from choking down all that urine. Unfortunately, my immediate reaction was to burst out laughing at the absurdity of it and that did rather kill the mood.

I couldn’t stop laughing, and my new girlfriend was terribly embarrassed, blaming it on losing control because her orgasm was so intense, and on having a full bladder from all the beer, and I had to apologize and reassure her that I really didn’t mind. In point of fact I didn’t mind — that much — and in fact we dated for a year after and she would very often pee (squirt, female-ejaculate, whatever you want to call it) when she came, which was usually when I was eating her out. I learned to put a towel down, and typically she wasn’t on top which made it a bit less overwhelming, as I wasn’t forced to swallow whole mouthfuls of it. I learned to recognize when the flood was coming; there’d be a sudden sour taste and that was a sure indication that a healthy gush was on its way, especially if she had drunk a lot.

My girlfriend was, like me, in her late 20s. She surely must have been aware by then that her orgasms sometimes involved pee, and furthermore that most people probably don’t want someone peeing in their mouth, but she didn’t warn me, and — she went ahead and peed right into my mouth. I was subject to an involuntary long drink of urine. So I guess I would have had every right to be upset or at least indignant. And yet, that wasn’t my reaction at all, either then, or subsequently; I look back at it as funny and ultimately an experience that we bonded over. Sex is wet, messy, and gross sometimes.