Chapter 23

I alternated between happiness at having seen her again, and sadness knowing that she’d have to leave soon. I guess I’d better get used to it, as this would be our life for at least the next four years.

My mother wanted to know everything that had happened when I got in, so I had to humor her for twenty minutes. By the time I finished I had jet lag myself and went off to bed. Just before I dropped off I thought, I should find the camera and take a few shots of her to keep at school. I didn’t really have any candid pictures of her, just that formal school portrait that I kept on my desk.

The next day was Christmas Eve. My mother had agreed to bring some items for the dinner tomorrow at my Aunt Betsy’s, so there was some serious cooking to do, lest she lose points in the running culinary battle. As I said, they were seriously competitive.

So I tried to make myself scarce. Mindy had been out at a party or a sleepover with girlfriends every night since I’d gotten home, but there’d be none tonight. Instead I went over to Jeff’s and we played video games, as we had through most of high school. Truthfully, it had been a while since I’d had a controller in my hands and I’d lost some of my touch. I got trounced as a result.

When we took a break we went up to his room, and behind closed doors he filled me in on him and Kate. They’d managed to spend a few hours together, most of it talking, but when her mother took a quick run to the store he’d gotten to finger-fuck her and she gave him a blowjob.

He didn’t say so but I got the sense from how he told it that she might be pulling away, perhaps because she’d met someone else at school, or maybe just because she was trying to put high school romances behind her. I thought he’d take it pretty hard if that turned out to be the case, because he really liked her, but for the moment they were still nominally committed to each other.

When dinner time rolled around, I headed home where we had a light meal, and Mindy chattered on about all the after-Christmas sales she was looking forward to. My mother, I could see, was preoccupied, probably trying to think if she’d overlooked anything for tomorrow. My father was half-listening to Mindy ramble.

We cleaned up the supper dishes, washed and put away. I have to give Mindy credit. When she was talking about something that interested her, there was no stopping her, even while we were doing the dishes.

Afterwards, as we went off in our separate directions, I asked her in passing, “Did you get a chance to look at those books Maloney assigned you to read?”

She stopped on the stairs. “Yeah, I decided you were right, even if it’s stupid, I should probably do it. I’m partway through the first one. It’s not so bad, there were even a few parts I liked. Oh, there’s the phone!” She ran off.

So I don’t know if that was due to my planting a suggestion that she’d get some satisfaction from learning something, or just because I gave her a pep talk to do something she was probably going to do anyway. I ought to be more methodical about this, to make my experimental approach less trial-and-error.

I read a book for awhile before bed, and with the lights out, waiting for sleep, I thought back to when I was a kid trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve. The anticipation had been palpable then, and so pervasive that sleep seemed an impossibility. Somehow we always dropped off, and when we woke it was like an electric shock, the realization that it was Christmas, that there were presents downstairs, from family, from Santa, and we couldn’t wait to see what they were!

Well, the enthusiasm had moderated somewhat over the years, but was still there in some part, so after a quick breakfast we exchanged gifts. Lots of clothes. My parents gave me a blue blazer, perhaps in the hope that I would start dressing more ‘grown up’. I got a gift certificate to a chain department store that I could use back at --------.

Karen had given me a long scarf in her university’s colors, and a book on defense moves in martial arts, a general approach rather than one specifically aimed at Hapkido. The scarf would definitely be useful now that the cold weather had settled in here.

And soon it was time to get in the car and drive to Aunt Betsy’s for dinner. My mother’s contributions, which had been warming in the oven, were wrapped in towels to insulate them and then placed in an ice chest to help keep them warm in the car’s cold trunk.

When we arrived, there was much hugging and exchanging of holiday greetings. Except for Andrea, who was wondering, I’m sure, what these people were doing in her house. Barney, the dog, was ecstatic at having all these people to pay attention to him.

Dinner was wonderful, as it always was, the spirit of competition between my mother and Aunt Betsy raising the dinner standard several points over previous years. Everyone was in a good mood, and my mother even got Andrea to say a few sentences about how she was enjoying college. When Aunt Betsy asked me how my first year was going, Andrea pointedly stood up and walked away. Everyone was so used to it that almost no one noticed.

No need to spend much time on this, as it doesn’t advance the story, but it was nice to spend some time with family (even Andrea) and by the time we packed up to leave I was so full I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to stay awake the few blocks drive home. I helped put things away, then headed off to bed. I don’t even recall my head hitting the pillow.

The next day I felt considerably brighter, and after coffee I made a few phone calls (Mindy had headed off to the mall for the sales, so the phone was available for a change) to touch base with some of my buddies from high school.

I finally got through to Frankie Binkowski, and asked him about his first year at State. He was enthusiastic, but more about the social aspects than the classes. To hear him tell it, he was doing okay in his courses, but he was worrying about upcoming exams. I wished him luck.

Later that afternoon the doorbell rang. I opened it and found Karen.

“Oh, boy! A late Christmas present!”

“In your dreams, Carter. I was actually coming back from the store and thought I’d take a chance and see if your Mom was at home. I told her I’d try to stop by.”

“Yeah, she’s doing laundry. It’s a tough call, I know, but she could probably pull herself away from that for a while.”

“Why don’t you find something to amuse yourself with while she and I talk? I’ll find you before I leave.”

“Discarded like a used hankie. That’s all we’re good for. Use us and dispose of us. It’s just not fair.”

She smirked and wiggled her fingers. “Here’s the world’s tiniest violin playing you a sad song. I’ll talk to you in a bit.”

She went off to find my mother and I went up and read a book. I was secretly pleased that the two of them got along. I know a lot of people whose parents don’t like their son’s girlfriends, and it made for an awkward relationship, especially if things got serious.

I got wrapped up in my book, and after an hour or so I heard a tap on the door jamb. I looked up and Karen was standing there.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen your room. It kinda looks like you, has your personality. I like it.”

“I’ve never been compared to a room before, but thanks. And before I forget, your presents were wonderful. Thanks for those.”

“I hoped they were a good choice. And I see that you thought that I didn’t have enough reading, so you bought me another book. A hidden message there, maybe? Well, I may not get to it right away with exams coming up, but it looks really interesting. And the calculator? Good guess. I can do those conversions on paper, but I hate it, they’re so tedious. This’ll be a time-saver.”

“I have the receipt if you want to exchange it for something else, Karen.”

“No, it’s just right. I should have bought one for myself. Thanks for both of those.”

She went on, “Listen, you remember Carlie Fletcher?”

“Um, yeah, the New Year’s party last year, right?”

“That’s it. We finally got to talk on the phone today, catch up. She’s throwing another party this year. You want to go?”

“I don’t have anything on for New Year’s. You know I’m not a big party person. But hers was nice, kinda low-key, so sure. I’ll have to see what I’ve got to wear. I got a new blazer for Christmas, so this may be my only opportunity to wear it.”

“Okay, why don’t you pick me around nine? She’ll have food there, so leave room.”

I walked her to the door, and got a quick kiss before she left. I watched her walk to her car. Well, that’s something to look forward to. The after-party party last year with just the two of us was memorable, but I wasn’t sure we’d have the chance to repeat it if her parents were going to be home.

I walked in to the kitchen to find something to nibble on and found my mother washing a few dishes at the sink.

“I’m really glad she found time to come over,” she said. “I like her. She was telling me about her school and how tough it is.”

“Yeah, we had much the same conversation. It’s always rough for the smartest person in a school to go off to a college where there are lots of even smarter people. It makes you feel like you were fooling everyone for four years of high school and you’ve finally been found out.”

“Is that how you feel at ---------?”

“No, because I knew that I was never one of the smartest people. There were always brighter people than I, so I never felt like I had to compete with them, beat them to be at the top of the ranking, like Karen. Karen’s very competitive, and used to being at the top of her class. Anything else feels almost like failure to her, and others like her. We talked about her resetting her expectations and focusing more on the experience and less on the grades.”

“That kind of came through in our conversation. She’s rethinking that. I hope she figures it out.”

“I think she’ll be all right. Listen, while I think of it, she invited me to a party at her friend’s house on New Year’s Eve. If you and Dad aren’t using the car then, may I borrow it?”

“I think so. We’re going over to the Casey’s as usual for New Year’s and we’ll probably walk there in case we have too much to drink. I’ll check and let you know.”

And so the days passed. I did get the okay to use the car. I spent some more time hanging out with Jeff. Later, the two of us met up with Frankie Binkowski and played video games like the old days, and I also touched base with a few other people I hadn’t seen in months or longer.

As New Year’s approached I checked my closet and found a pair of chino pants that would work with the new blazer. Against my better judgment I took the bus to the mall where I found that a lot of the high-priced items that were being pandered by the stores in the lead-up to Christmas were now on sale, seriously discounted. So, a new white dress shirt, something with a discrete pattern of thin blue stripes. Not really my thing, but there were times for dressy clothes. Karen liked when I made an effort.

She’d checked in with me to make sure we were still on -- as if I’d bail on a chance to be with her -- so she was expecting me when I pulled up in front of her house. The weather had turned cold, and there were some flurries about, so I had dressed in my winter parka. Not exactly GQ-approved outer wear, but I’d rather be warm than stylish.

She must have seen me pull up, because she opened the door as I climbed the steps. I stepped in past the storm door and my jaw dropped. Women seem to know how to make a statement with the clothes they chose to wear, much better than men do. It must be genetics. She was wearing a tight blue satin sheath that ended just above her knees, showing off her legs.

It was tight enough that I could see it straining across her chest and her butt. She looked breathtaking, and was sure to make heads turn when she walked into the room. Around her neck she was wearing the gold pi pendant I had given her for Christmas last year.

“Is it okay?” she asked.

“You look ... amazing. I mean, words fail me, Karen.”

“The dress might be just a bit too small, but it was on sale cheap and I took a chance.”

“Good choice,” I said, a little breathlessly.

“Okay, let me get my coat and I’ll be ready.” She pulled her coat out of the closet, and I helped her into it. She pulled on thin gloves and took her house keys out of her clutch bag. She locked the door behind us and as we walked down the steps I thought, “Man, I wish people could see me now, with this gorgeous woman on my arm.”

I helped her into the passenger seat and closed the door. “You’ll have to direct me again, ‘cause I’ve forgotten where she lives.”

“Head over to Crane Boulevard and I’ll tell you where to turn. I’m hungry, I didn’t have much for lunch, but she usually has plenty to eat. Did I tell you my parents are doing the hotel New Year’s thing with their friends?”

“No, you didn’t. Is this a regular thing with them?”

“More often than not. I think it’s a way to blow off steam in a safe environment with friends. They don’t get out enough together because of my Dad’s work schedule, so I’m glad they were able to do it.”

“My parents did much the same thing, except no hotel. They usually go to a friend’s house for a New Year’s party with their friends. They always seem to have a good time.”

“Make a right here, then second left. That’ll be her street.”

I recognized the house when I saw it again, and found a parking spot. We walked to the door and she rang the bell. The door flew open and she and Carlie did their hug thing, and Carlie said hi to me.

We found a place to put our coats. When I took mine off, she said, “Let me see. Oh, good. Nice shirt. You look really good, Tom.”

“I feel a little too ‘prep school’ dressed like this. It doesn’t feel like me.”

“It’s actually a good look for you. Think of it as normal clothes for this kind of event and you’ll feel more natural about it.”

I had my doubts, but she led us into the living room where all her friends shouted their greetings. I was introduced to a few people, and a couple of others I remembered from last year. When she was able to pull away, she headed for the table and found a few appetizers to take the edge off her appetite.

I brought her a glass of white wine and we found a place to sit. The two of us got pulled into conversations with others around us, and it actually felt kind of pleasant. Everyone was having a good time, and so were we. Every few minutes I’d turn and look at her, talking animatedly with her old friends, and thought how lucky I was. She was truly beautiful.

The first time that we had made love we were just sixteen, and I remember holding her, before we’d done anything, and telling her that, as beautiful as she was, by the time she reached twenty she’d bring traffic to a screeching halt wherever she went. She wasn’t quite there yet, but I’m pretty sure it would be true even now.

And again my insecurity popped to the surface and I started worrying about all the other better-looking, smarter, richer, more charming guys out there who’d get one look at her and set their sights on her. I wouldn’t stand a chance.

I shook it off. It was a self-defeating mantra that did me no good, and I forced myself to enjoy the evening. For tonight, she was mine.

Someone started a bad joke challenge. Everyone had to tell the worst joke they could remember. I had never, in all the time I had known her, heard Karen tell a joke. But quick as a wink she came up with “There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.” Sure enough, it got a few groans.

When it was my turn, I pulled one out of sixth grade. “Guy’s walking down the street and hears a crowd in a fenced in yard yelling, ‘Nineteen! Nineteen! Nineteen!’ He’s curious, so he walks over to the fence and peeks through a knothole and someone pokes him in the eye, and the crowd chants, ‘Twenty! Twenty! Twenty!’”

It was silly and kind of stupid but everyone was a bit giddy with booze or other substances, so they were laughing. Before long, Carlie shouted that food was on, and the mob moved toward the table. This year’s selection included roast turkey and baked ziti, with lots of sides. In short order we had food on plates and were seated.

I told Karen that I was surprised to hear her tell a joke, that I couldn’t remember her doing it before. She grimaced.

“Yeah, about that. I stopped doing it when I was in middle school, ‘cause people weren’t taking me seriously. I thought that if people were going to respect my intelligence, then I’d have to stop doing things which distracted people from focusing on it. I didn’t start again till this year, when some really smart folks in my dorm started telling jokes and it made me rethink my position. So I’m trying to learn to tell jokes again.”

I had to give her credit. It’s hard to change habits that are ingrained, but she was making the effort.

Carlie had music on in the background and some people started singing along to some popular tune -- I didn’t know it because I didn’t care for most current bands enough to learn the words to their songs, but apparently I was in the minority. The evening continued like that, jokes and conversation, singing, more food, more wine, until someone shouted, “Hey, it’s almost time!”

Sure enough, when I looked at my watch there appeared to be only a minute to the witching hour. Someone appointed themselves timekeeper and started the countdown at ten seconds. When they reached zero, there were the usual shouts of ‘Happy New Year!’ and lots of kissing. Not to be outdone, I got my arms around her and kissed her for a long time. Just to make sure I got the new year off to the right start.

When we pulled apart, she was smiling and her eyes were shining. “That was nice,” she said.

“No, that was great. If you think it was only nice, then we’ll have to do it again until I get it right.”

“Okay, let’s practice some more later. I think maybe I’ll have a little coffee. You?”

I realized that Carlie had put out coffee and desserts and I had missed them. I was either losing my touch or Karen had distracted me. Probably the latter.

So I brought us both coffees and I had pie, and as I watched her laugh with one of her girl friends I thought, I am one lucky bastard. I wished I had brought a camera. I would have loved to grab a couple of candid shots of her laughing like that while looking so absolutely gorgeous.

When she turned to me, I told her that, and asked if she could sent me some snapshots of her smiling, maybe with her roommates, because this was the way I wanted to remember her. She promised to do that, if I’d do the same.

She spent a few minutes more catching up with her friends, and I watched her. There was a whole part of her background that was invisible to me, the part of her life that she shared with friends I’d never met or knew only slightly. Just as she knew almost nothing about the time I had spent with Jeff and Frankie Binkowski and Jackie Whelan, who were as close as brothers to me. I wondered if she’d ever tell me about it, or if we’d break up before that happened.

Oops, there I go again, starting to feel sorry for myself, certain that she would fall for some guy she hadn’t met yet. I need to work on my self-confidence.

She was talking to Carlie now, laughing as she said something quietly to her. Carlie laughed, too, then I heard her say, “Wait, I want to take a picture of you to remember you by. Don’t go yet.” She ran off.

Karen came and sat by me. “That was almost like being in high school again, gossiping with my friends and laughing at stupid jokes. That was fun. You hardly know anyone here. You didn’t feel out of place, did you?”

“No, not when I’m with you. And they seem like nice people, so I had a good time.”

Carlie came back holding a camera. “C’mon, Bunny, stand up so I can get a picture of the dress, too. You, too, Tom, stand next to her.”

We found a place to stand, and Carlie started giving us photographer’s instructions -- stand a little closer, look up a bit, turn your head to your right -- until Karen just shook her head and smiled, put both arms around my waist, leaning against my shoulder looking up at me, and I put an arm around her. She looked so beautiful and happy to be here with me that I couldn’t help but look down at her and grin.

Carlie shrugged, focused, and took a couple of pictures.

“That was nice,” Carlie said, “you looked happy. Both of you. I’ll send you a copy, Bunny.”

“Send two,” said Karen.

We said our goodbyes and found our coats. I thanked Carlie again for the party, and we waved behind us as we left the house. The car was cold and I shivered as we got in. It would take a while before the heater kicked in, and we’d be at her place by then.

She chatted about some of the news she’d caught up on as we drove, and in a few minutes I pulled up in front of her house. The heater was still blowing cold air.

She took my arm as we walked up the steps, and I held the storm door while she fumbled with the lock. Once inside I helped her off with her coat and again admired the beautiful woman she’d become.

She turned to me and put her arms around me, leaning her head against my winter coat. “I’m really happy you decided to come tonight. I was -- I don’t know how to explain this -- I was feeling like I’d forgotten who you were, that perhaps we’d lost our connection, that closeness we had. Did you?”

“Good God, no! Karen, I spent the whole semester trying to figure out a way to hear your voice that wouldn’t break the bank with long distance calls. I told you how much I looked forward to your letters and emails, what they meant to me. And the first time I saw you, after you came back, it was like two pieces of a puzzle clicking into place. I never felt we’d lost our connection.”

She hugged me tighter. “I think I knew that, but I had to hear it. The toughest times for me are when I’m trying to get to sleep and I wish I could just call you and talk about the frustrations I’d had that day, the stuff that was worrying me. Can you stay for awhile, Tom? Would you make love to me?”

“Karen, there is nothing in the world I’d like more. It’s taken all my self-control to keep my hands off you, but I had to know that you wanted it, too. So, where? On the stairs? Kitchen table? Right here on the floor?”

“Down, boy. I don’t think I’m ready for acrobatics yet. How about upstairs? In a bed. Nice, comfortable mattress.”

“No spirit of adventure, that’s your problem. Very well, on the bed. Wait a sec...” I unzipped my jacket, stuffed the gloves in one sleeve, and hung it up. She took my hand and led me up the stairs.

Her room was pretty much as I’d remembered it, though this time there were some clothes draped over chairs or on the outside of the closet door, things she’d tried on and ruled out perhaps. She kicked her shoes into a corner and put her arms around me. I lifted her chin with one finger and kissed her until I felt her relax into me.

I was so used to laying the groundwork with channeling and linkcasting that I found myself sending her the Foundation image almost before I realized I was doing it. I imagined a feather brushing her nipples and I could feel her respond to the feeling as I kissed her. Her hands had dropped down and were squeezing my butt. I couldn’t recall her doing that before but I wasn’t complaining.

It was late and we didn’t have that much time, so I reached up to find the zipper on her dress and worked it downward. The dress was tight -- she’d said it was a bit small for her, though it looked fabulous and sexy -- and I had some trouble in a couple of places, but eventually it was as far down as it could go.

I pushed her back a step. I was surprised at how much her new haircut had transformed her appearance, especially now with that look of anticipation on her face. Taking one sleeve in my hand I pulled and she was able to withdraw her arm from the dress. I did the same for the other sleeve, and when I released it the top fell forward and revealed her bra and her boobs straining under it.

The bra was new, one I hadn’t seen before, black and lacy, looking exactly like the ones in all the Playboy/Penthouse centerfolds, designed to show off the tits they were ostensibly hiding. I immediately felt my breath getting shallow. It wasn’t possible that she had changed so much physically in just a few months, but right now she looked so impossibly sexy that I could feel my hands start trembling, as they had the first time we’d made love a few years ago.

I forced myself to focus and knelt down before her. I took the hem of her dress in both hands and tugged, while she wriggled her hips to free the dress. The movement was so erotic that I felt myself stop breathing for a moment. And then the dress pulled free of the grasp of her hips and fell to the floor.

Jesus! It was a good thing I was already on the floor, because I likely would have fallen there anyway, to my embarrassment. She was wearing matching black lace panties, very skimpy, over a black garter belt holding up the blue stockings she wore.

“Someday I’m going to do this, Karen, and the sight will be so dramatic and erotic that I’ll have a heart attack.”

“Poor baby. I thought that you were a sophisticated college man now and could handle the surprise.”

“Apparently not. My heart’s beating like a bongo drum, and it’s your fault.”

She was looking for that reinforcement, I knew, and she smiled. I leaned in and kissed her belly as I grabbed her butt cheeks. Yep, still a fabulous ass, so I kneaded it in my hands as I kissed and licked my way slowly south. I could feel her tensing as I got closer to her pubis.

I stopped just short of the goal and got to my feet again. I pulled her in and kissed her again while I fumbled with her bra. When the clasp opened I pulled it off her arms and it fell to the floor between us.

“Oh, Christ, Sunderland, as much of this detail as I keep stored in my head so I can revisit it, it never comes close to the real thing. You just take my breath away.”

I reached out and took her breasts in both my hands and fondled them. They were truly spectacular, round and firm and surprisingly, given their size, no sag. The nipples were erect, standing at attention, and I rolled them between my thumbs and forefingers. She gave a quiet moan as she closed her eyes.

“Baby, I’ve got to get my clothes off so I can feel your body next to mine. Just a minute.”

I sat on the edge of a chair and unlaced my shoes, pulling off my socks, and began unbuttoning my shirt.

“There’s a surprise waiting for you,” she said. I looked up in confusion.

“I don’t want to spoil it, and I’m not sure you’ll like it, ‘cause we’ve never talked about it.”

“What is it?” I asked, a little puzzled.

“Better you see for yourself. Then you can give me your opinion.”

Now I was really confused. I got the rest of my clothes off and stood up. I was suddenly struck by a trick of the lighting from the two lamps that lit the room. The light fell on her almost as if it had been designed by a photographer to minimize shadows and accentuate her shape. For a moment, she looked so like one of the centerfolds we had lusted over in high school that I was tempted to run and find a camera to remember it.

She looked completely natural, a woman in her sexual prime, proud of her body, waiting to share it with her lover. I felt my heart swell almost to overflowing as I reached out to her. We wrapped our arms around each other and I felt like our souls were again beginning to merge.

My dick, being somewhat less spiritual, had something else in mind and was sticking straight out. It got pushed to one side when our bodies moved together, but the touch of her skin was so arousing that I knew that one wrong movement would have me shooting my load in seconds. Maybe now is the time ... I placed an ejaculation filter in place before it was too late.

I felt some of the urgency subside. I was still so erect I could hammer nails with my dick, but it wouldn’t make me cum in the process.

While I kissed her with lots of tongue, I ran my hands down her sides and got my fingers in the waistband of her panties and slid them over the garter belt, over the curve of her ass and let them fall to the floor. I moved her slowly back until her legs were pressing against the mattress, and laid her back so her legs were hanging over the edge, my eyes never leaving hers.

I dropped slowly to my knees in front of her, and found the surprise.

Karen’s pubic hair was delicate and very soft. While other women I’d been with had shaved their pussies, partially or completely, Karen had always left herself natural, and I loved how it felt.

That was gone. She had shaved her pussy, leaving a little triangle above her slit. I stared at it. I looked up at her, and I knew she could see the surprise on my face.

I could almost see her preparing an excuse or an apology, but before she could speak, I said, “It’s beautiful.”

“Really? You like it? I wasn’t sure, it’s been the other way forever.”