Chapter 20

I’m not sure how long I slept. In my half-awake state I felt her get up and later heard the toilet flush. When she came back, she got in beside me, pulled up the sheet, laid her head on my chest, and put an arm around me. She was silent, but I knew she wasn’t sleeping. I was trying to nod off again.

“You awake?” she asked quietly.

“Um, maybe, not sure.”

“I’ve been lying here, thinking. Surprised? There was a lot to process and my brain just starts chewing on it automatically. You don’t have to answer, but I think I have to talk through this, so just listen, okay.

“I’ve been trying to match what I felt when I thought about my fantasies against what I actually felt when I lived it. And like everything else, it wasn’t the same, it was unexpected. I thought I’d get more of a rush from living the fantasy, but that didn’t happen so much.

“When I thought about my fantasy, before, the idea of having control taken away was very erotic, to the point where almost anything done to me would get me close or get me off. Now I find that I spent a lot of time worrying, wondering if I was going to get hurt, or have something done to me that I’d hate.

“I know we talked about limits and all that, but there’s a pretty wide range of things you could do that wouldn’t cross the stated boundaries but might still frighten me. Damn, this is hard to talk about!

“So the ice cube was weird. I wasn’t expecting that, so props to you for creativity. There was something erotic about the ice cube followed by the warm tongue, so maybe that’s something to try again in the future.

“The feather. Jesus, Carter, I wanted to rip these ropes off and beat you with a chair or my easel. I tried, but they were too strong. It was so sensitive, really more ticklish than erotic, I couldn’t stand it. It really made me kind of angry, until you got to my nipples, and they got so hard, I could feel myself getting turned on.

“I think there are parts of my body that respond differently to that kind of touch, like my torso and my thighs. It really was torture. And the feet! Oh, one of these days, Carter, when you’re asleep, I’m gonna strap you down and I’m gonna do to your feet what you did to me. You’ll beg and plead, you’ll promise me anything, but I’m gonna tickle your feet until you pass out.”

She stopped to take a breath.

“That was too much. I don’t want to do that again.”

She paused again, trying to decide what to say next.

“So if someone had asked if I’d like that, I’d have been pretty definitive about it. ‘Nope, no way, absolutely not, don’t like it.’ That’s what I’d say.

“Except ... Except when you did it to my nipples or my clit I thought I’d pass out from pleasure. It was so ... teasing, so gentle, and it brought me up to the edge so relentlessly it felt like I shot up in the air and floated down when I came.

“Nobody’s ever done that to me, and I haven’t done it to myself, either. It was powerful, but I hated the way it felt on the rest of my body. How many times did I cum from that, d’you remember?”

I shook my head.

“Well, it was several, anyway. So I thought you were just going to get on top of me and fuck me after that, so the bit with the honey was a surprise. Didn’t we talk about that one time, food and sex and the erotic links? I think so. So that’s another thing I’d never had done to me, and it was unexpectedly arousing, the feel of your tongue licking it off my boobs and my stomach.

“When I felt you drip it on my pussy I almost used the safe word, ‘cause I thought it might be too much. But it turned out to be really sexy and that orgasm was lovely. And the other thing what was sexy was when you put some on your dick and made me suck it off. You remember that I had a hard time getting it deep in my mouth the first time we did that, ‘cause it was one of the things that scared me. So I had the same fear, the same visceral reaction when you pushed your dick in my mouth, but then I remembered I could do this. It was really sexy, too, I liked it.

“Then we come to that other thing that scared me, things in my ass. I’m still coming to terms with this, so when you pushed that vibrator in there I panicked. I had to force myself to not say the safe word, and just experience what was happening. I finally decided it wasn’t that big, and I was surprised to find the vibration was pretty arousing and it seemed to be making my whole torso sensitive.

“When you finally put your dick in me it was one of the strangest things I’ve ever felt, to have things in both holes. Part of me was fighting it and another part was telling me how good it felt. I was feeling things I haven’t felt before. I think I came a couple of times before the H-bomb at the end. I think I really did pass out on that one.”

She’d talked herself almost hoarse and lay her head down. My turn.

“I kept having this running dialog with myself while I was doing those things to you. Gail, I know I said I’d help you work through these things, but I didn’t really like myself much in that dominant position, giving orders, doing things to you I was pretty sure you wouldn’t like. I didn’t find it erotic and it made me a little ashamed of myself.

“There was a part of the scenario that was arousing, to be sure, having you tied up so I could do anything to you, fuck you in the ass or the throat and you couldn’t stop me, but that’s a part of me that I try to keep buried because I don’t like that person.

“I’m not sure I could do this again, unless we worked out a very specific script that we both agreed on, and having it mapped out beforehand rather defeats the purpose, as I understand it.

“Here’s what really scares me, Gail. If you’re still trying to explore these feelings of ceding control and you hook up with the wrong guy, it could get really out of hand. There are guys -- and I think I suspected a couple of my acquaintances in high school of having those tendencies -- who get a real, powerful sexual rush from abusing women, humiliating them, seeing the pain on their faces and knowing they’re helpless.

“I would hate to think of you ever being in that situation, of what might happen. I think I’m asking you if this is a fantasy that you’re likely to pursue further in the future?”

She was quiet again for an extended period. Finally, she said, “I think what I was trying to work out here when I was talking nonstop was whether this particular fantasy felt the same way in real life as it did in my imagination. In that sense it was a bit of a disappointment, except for a couple of things you did to me.

“I had thought that being restrained, blindfolded, helpless would be more ... lascivious than it actually turned out to be. So I think the short answer is I probably won’t do it again. I’ve proved to myself that I could work through the fear of being helpless, even though it wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.”

She put her hand on my chest.

“Thanks for trying that with me. And I think it’s sweet that you were concerned about hurting me, of doing things I might hate. So I learned a couple of things, about the tickling, and the honey. Even the vibrator in my butt, I wouldn’t have thought I’d actually like that. So all in all, I got what I wanted out of it. You? What did you like? Or hate.”

“I disliked the dominance of it, or forcing you to try something you might hate -- or hate me for doing. On the other hand, I liked the idea of forcing you to try something you might find you like.”

“Ya can’t have it both ways, smart guy.”

“Humans are complex, we can sometimes believe contradictory things. What I’m trying to say is it was kind of a rush to get you to try the vibrator in your ass, and see how erotic it could be to eat food off someone’s body. I didn’t like the other stuff, because I could sense it made you really uncomfortable.

“And before I forget, there was something extraordinary that happened there, when I put my dick inside you, it was like you were milking me, like all the parts of your vagina were operating independently, all working in different rhythms, producing different sensations. It was unbelievable. I think I said something when I first felt it. After that I was helpless, you were controlling me. And when I got off, it was like an explosion tossing me about. I’ve never felt that before with you.”

“So that correspondence course paid off after all. Money well spent.”

“Now you’re just messing with me. I’m tired. Let’s rest for awhile.”

I could see her smiling. She was messing with me, but after what she’d done to me, she was allowed. I found the switch for the bedside lamp and flicked it off. I could feel myself drifting off.

Some hours later -- I couldn’t see the clock and it was too dark to see my watch -- she got up, got her robe, and wandered out. I realized I hadn’t heard her roommates come in, but I could have been out of it. When Gail came back she could see my eyes open from the dim floor lamp.

She hung up her robe, saying, “I was thirsty. I needed some water. I was going to ask if you wanted some, but you were out.”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

She got under the sheet again and snuggled in against me. “I like the warmth, it feels nice.”

I noticed her hand extended just far down enough to touch my limp dick. A finger would periodically reach out and stroke it.

“Have you recovered from your infirmity?” she inquired politely as she rolled my dick between her thumb and forefinger.

“You knocked me out pretty good, Gail. Too early to tell.”

“I have great faith in your recuperative powers, Carter. It’d be a shame to waste this opportunity.”

I had forgotten -- or was too wiped out to remember -- to send my dick an arousal command, so I would have to trust in her expert assistance in getting it up again. It was actually feeling kind of nice under her hand, not urgent, just pleasant and erotic. While she played with me, we talked, about sex, about fantasies, about politics, everything.

I was actually getting interested in the conversation, when I noticed that I was actually stiff now, and she was stroking my dick to keep it hard.

“We might have a working implement here, Carter, what do you think?”

“I’d say it’s borderline, Conlon, I think you should spend a few minutes sucking on that to ensure that it’s fully erect.”

“Couldn’t hurt. Gimme a sec.”

She pushed the sheet off and got herself centered over my dick and gave it a few licks. Oh, yeah, definitely sensitive. The dick was jumping around now, but she managed to grab the tip with her lips and bob up and down, just an inch, but damn!

She reached under me while she did that and cupped my balls, giving them a gentle squeeze every now and then, and tickling the back.

She must have heard me choking ‘cause she looked up and smiled, my dick still in her mouth, thinking, I’m sure, ‘yep, haven’t lost my touch’. She held the shaft in her right hand between thumb and forefinger and pulled her lips off.

She looked me in the eye, stuck out her tongue and dropped down on my cock, pushing it right to where it was poking at her throat, then wrapped her lips tight around it and sucked while she pulled slowly out.

“Oh, fuck, Gail, that’s wonderful. More, please.” As I said it, I realized that I hadn’t set my ejaculation filter. I’d be good for another few minutes, but better now than later. I also realized that I hadn’t sent her the two images that worked with sucking dick, Spitshine and Boner Bliss, and perhaps now would be the time.

Then I hesitated, and started ruminating again. Right now I was wondering if those two images were still active from the last time we’d been together. It had been a couple of weeks, and the longest I’d ever observed these states lasting was about a week. I constantly amazed myself on my perverse ability to dissociate myself from the arousing things women were doing to me while I puzzled out what they were feeling.

So I walked the link up to her epicenter and looked, while she sucked my dick. Boner Bliss should show an increase in pleasurable sensations the deeper the dick goes in her mouth. I remembered where her ‘pleasure meter’ was from the last time we’d had sex, so I was able to get to it fairly quickly and watch. Now she was starting at the top of my dick and working her way down, while she flicked her tongue back and forth, making it really difficult for me to concentrate.

In between gasps I found the needle rising slowly up the scale the deeper she went. Not enough pleasure to get her off, but it’d make her feel good and induce her to do it again. As she pulled out, the needle dropped. Each time she did it, it happened again. So the image was still active.

“Gail, don’t tease me, baby, go deeper, please.”

She was still a little reluctant, I could see, an artifact of her previous fear of gagging at things in her throat. But she also remembered what it felt like when she’d forced herself to do it, so she talked herself through it and pushed when my dick met her throat.

As it slipped in I could see the meter approach the red zone, but I also felt her sense of happiness that she was able to please me, and the contentment she got from that. So Spitshine was still active, too.

“All the way, baby, you did it before. Show me again.”

Still some panic there, but she was getting a rush from both the pleasure she was feeling and knowing that I was reacting so strongly to it. She pushed the last inch until her lips were wrapped around the base of my cock and her tongue was sliding back and forth.

“Oh, my God, baby, yes, YES!”

It felt spectacular so I had to let her know. I also linkcast her a very small wave, and I felt her shiver as the orgasm washed over her.

She couldn’t keep it in her throat any longer, she had to breathe, so she pulled off quickly and gulped in some air while she looked at me.

“Jesus, Gail, for someone who hasn’t had much practice at that, you’ve become an expert. That was fucking amazing!”

“It still feels a little uncomfortable, but it’s easier for me now, I think.”

“So a little more practice is what you’re saying, right?”

“Well, that wasn’t what I meant, but you’re not entirely wrong, I guess. Maybe a little more.”

She put her lips around my cock and drooled on it, then stroked her hand to distribute it evenly. Another deep breath, and she dropped down on the dick, lips loose, and when it reached the throat she pushed with only a tiny hesitation until she’d taken the whole thing in. She closed her lips and poked at the base of my dick with her tongue.

“Oh, fuck, yesyesyes, that’s it!”

She bobbed up and down a couple of times, all the way, I think more to prove to herself that she could, then pulled off.

“So, did I pass, teach?”

“Oh, hell, yeah. And a gold star, too.”

“Mom will be so proud.”

“Yeah, let’s talk about that phone call later. Right now I need to have this dick inside you pretty damn quick. Where are my pants?”

I located them and my wallet, and had a condom on in short order. She was up on one elbow watching me, and I leaned in and kissed her hard. “Do you have a position you’d prefer right now?”

She shook her head, so I eased her onto her back and moved between her legs. I rubbed my dick on her slit, making sure that it touched her clit, while I linkcast her the two images Foundation and Glow. She would be relaxed and sensitized, and my dick would feel like it was filling her to capacity when I finally entered her.

Right now my cock sliding over her clit was making her whimper, because it was really sensitive. I pulled back enough to point my cock at her pussy, then inched forward until it slipped in. She closed her eyes, and I could almost hear her say to herself, ‘It’s too big’, but it finally went all the way in.

“Go slow, Tom, it feels a bit uncomfortable.”

So I set up a very leisurely rhythm, in and out, very gently. In her epicenter I could feel her getting acclimated to what had previously felt too big, now feeling that it was just the right size. She was feeling ... good, little pulses of pleasurable sensations spreading out from her pussy when my dick pushed deep into it.

I started moving a little faster, because it was feeling seriously good right now and I wanted it to feel even better. She caught the change in rhythm and found that she was liking it a lot.

“Ohhh, that’s good, Tom, like that, fuck me like that.”

She didn’t need to ask twice, so I did that for several minutes as her breathing got a bit faster. I loved watching her as she got off, so more from a selfish perspective I linkcast her an image of a small wave breaking on a beach, and watched her open her mouth and let out a quiet “Ooooooohh” as she closed her eyes.

It took her a moment to recover, then she opened her eyes and gave me a beautiful smile as she put her hips into it and started squeezing my dick with her pussy. How the hell did she do that?

A question for another time, because her squeezing my cock like that was making me a little crazy. It wouldn’t make me cum while the filter was on, but it was bringing me right to the edge. I’d said to her that I didn’t like the feeling of dominance, but that wasn’t quite right. I loved feeling that she was at the mercy of my dick, making her gasp with pleasure and elation, until she came.

So I leaned forward on my forearms, her body under me, pounding my dick into her hard. I had to watch myself, because when I had this feeling of power, I tended to linkcast powerful images in response, which were always too much too soon. So instincts notwithstanding, I instead linkcast a series of Summer Breeze images, with about a minute separating each one. She was lovely to watch, and when each one hit there was such a brief flash of joy on her face that I knew it had been the right thing.

My arms were getting tired, so I slowed down and pulled out. I rolled her onto her right side and she opened her eyes and looked at me over her shoulder, puzzled.

“Lift your left leg, baby, rest it on my shoulder if you can, or I’ll just hold it up. You’ll see.”

She was pretty flexible, and was able to get her leg up and resting against my shoulder, but her knee ended below that point so she couldn’t bend it. Didn’t matter, and I slid forward and oriented myself until my dick was again pointing at her cunt and slid in.

Now I could set up a motion with just a little movement of my hips, in and out, not too fast. Each time I bottomed, she let out a little breath. I did a couple of minutes of that, then linkcast her Mineral Spring. That one was always fun to watch. The look of peace and contentment that descended on her was perfect, and she gave a long, quiet moan.

Her pussy was so wet now there was almost no resistance as I pumped into her. I looked down and could see my cock glistening as it slid in and out. I extended my right hand to touch my dick and immediately my finger was wet, too. I pressed it alongside my dick, and both dick and finger slipped inside her. I’m not sure she felt the difference.

When I took my finger off, it was dripping. Her extended leg had exposed her asshole and that was too good a target to pass up, so I pointed it at her anus and pushed it gently in.

That caught her by surprise, and she turned and said, “Oh, wait, what are you...”

She didn’t finish, as her initial fear was replaced by her memory of what she had felt the last time. My finger sliding in and out was actually feeling pretty good.

I loved this position, but I couldn’t do it for too long because I felt it in my lower back. I needed to change positions.

“My back’s hurting a little, baby? Could you get on top for while?”

“Yeah, then I can really give you a workout. You just lie there, I’ll fix you up in no time.”

She was on me almost as soon as I lay back. She got settled and found a rhythm that worked for her and set to work. She had a determined smile on her face, mixed with a bit of lust, as she moved in a very complicated, up-down-left-right-back-front motion. It was perfect, especially watching her tits sway as they mirrored the motion of her hips.

She was staring into my eyes, looking into me, and for a moment I almost felt that connection where we could share each others’ sensations, as I had with Karen. I sent her a series of small waves, about thirty seconds apart, just so I could watch her as she felt them. Each one was like a moment of euphoria, so fleeting that even a photograph was unlikely to capture it, but beautiful.

She was looking rapt now, intense, focused. I could feel that she was looking for something bigger. I didn’t want a huge ending just yet, but ... I know, the thermal geyser, that had always worked well before and wouldn’t debilitate her.

I started pushing into her harder and she looked up in surprise. I reached up and squeezed her tits, rolling her nipples under my fingers hard enough to make her catch her breath, then linkcast the thermal geyser. I saw her stop breathing as she realized what was happening, then she cried out, “Oh, Tom, oh, God, yes, yes, don’t stop, baby!”

So I kept pinching her nipples while I fucked her, the ecstasy painted on her face. At the top of her motion she slowed to a stop, then leaned slowly forward until she was lying on my chest, saying something to herself.