Chapter 3

On Monday, I forced myself back to work.

My boss and lover, Barney, seemed about the same as every other Monday.

“Good morning, Cin, had a good weekend? I want you to work up some graphics for a jazz album we’re going to be promoting. New account, I need some stuff by the end of the week. Marcy has some photographs. Work with her and Tom.”

And so, as usual, I immersed myself in my work, and tried to forget the fact that my life was terribly off course.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment my brother ejaculated into my mouth; the look on his face, the raw emotion, our mutual horror and excitement.

The photos Marcy had for us to work from was of a black man with the saxophone; the man was Philip. It turns out he’s a famous musician, he has several children older than I am, several younger, a wife, and three ex-wives.

“He’s damn sexy!” Marcy said,

“I’d get on my knees for him in a second!” Tom agreed, “Do you think he’s got a big one?”

“No, it’s just normal size.” I told them, and the room went silent for a second.

“Bigger than Barney at least?” Marcy asked.

“What’s the female fascination about cock size?” Tom asked, “I think the rest of the person is more important. And the flavor of course.”

“Have you tasted a lot of men, Tom?” Marcy asked curiously.

“Oh yeah, LOTS.” Tom said. “I was into cross dressing when I was young and passable, I used to go to sport bars and the guys would line up for blowjobs.”

“Too much information!” Marcy complained, holding her hands over her ears. Tom shrugged; “You asked.” He said.

But I was curious; “How did it make you feel, to be used that way?”

“Oh, I loved it.” Tom admitted. “I know it’s weird, but I really like straight guys. If I had a face like yours, I’d be on my knees in train station bathrooms sucking straight dick all day.”

I laughed at his compliment. “Do you really think I’m that pretty?” I asked.

They both looked surprised. “Cin, you’re as beautiful as any model from the agency.” Marcy said.

“It’s true.” Tom agreed, “You’re way too good for Barney. And the last three big campaigns were all your ideas too. Shit, Joel in accounting tells me he hardly even pays you! You should really ask for a raise.”

“How can I though, with our ... relationship?” I asked.

“You need to forget that man.” Tom said.

What I really needed to forget was having sex with my brother; I feared I’d broken an egg that could never be repaired.

“Let’s get out of here.” Marcy suggested, “I need a sandwich and a beer.”

We got into Tom’s car and he took us to a place he knew.

A sports bar, with a huge TV and about 8 men watching a tennis match. Otherwise, the establishment was empty on a Wednesday afternoon.

Tom was greeted by the barman by name, we sat and talked for a while.

“This is where you used to come for come?” Marcy asked.

“I still get excited just being here.” He chuckled, “I learned a lot from it; I loved to watch their faces you know, and just as they climax it’s like I saw right through them.”

“Yes.” I agreed, thinking of Sam.

“Oh, so you have some experience of that?” Marcy asked.

“Well, not much.” I admitted. “There is one for sure I want to forget.”

We talked of other things for an hour or so, then Marcy had to go home.

“See that guy on the corner stool?” Tom whispered, “His name is Dave, when I was a boy dressed as a girl, I sucked him off at least 12 times.”

“He’s not much to look at.” I commented.

“Oh, but he has the most beautiful cock, and his come is sweet like honey. Or it used to be anyway.”

I looked again; it was an older man, 50 or 60. A bit large around the middle. A square chin that some people find attractive.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“You looked excited when I told you about my secret adventures. Who is it you need to forget? Never mind, it doesn’t matter; another lover is always the best cure. Sometimes you need several to get over heartbreak, but it works for sure. If you want to get someone out of your head, give someone else head!”

I laughed; “Did you really enjoy it so much? Didn’t it leave you frustrated?”

“You mean when I was a kid? Yeah, a little. But I loved it! The power of it you know, when you have a guy’s cock in your mouth. When he looks at you that way, and then the orgasm, the hot semen. It means something you know, maybe not much but something. Yeah, I did enjoy it that much. What about you?”

“I like it better when it’s in my vagina.” I said, shocked to be talking out loud about sex. “After the ejaculation, men lose interest. And their erection.”

“That’s true.” He conceded, “That’s why you need more than one! Tell me the truth, Cin; does the idea turn you on at all? To do what I did in the room through that door in the corner?”

I thought about it before answering.

“It does excite me, but it scares me more.”

We sipped our beer in silence. I looked at the man, who was laughing with two others and commenting on the tennis match. I thought about sex with him, enjoying the fantasy in the safe surety that it was never going to happen.

“You should see his face when he comes.” Tom said wistfully, “It’s not the private parts that really turns me on, it’s the face. Is it the same for you?” I thought about that. “You’re right.” I agreed.

“What if you could just do that part, look into his eyes as he looks back at you and maybe hold hands at most as he comes?”

“Haha! How would that work?”

“I do the sucking, and you just let him look at your face while I do it.”

“You’ve been thinking about that for a while.” I said accusingly.

“Years.” He admitted. “It’s my obsession. I never thought it could happen for real, but you have a face that any straight man would want to be looking at as he comes. In my mouth!”

I laughed pretty hard at that; “Oh sure! No straight man would agree to that!”

“Want to bet?” he challenged me, “I’ll go right over there and ask him. If he declines then you’re right.”

“And if he agrees?”

“Then we’ll just see where the evening leads us!” Tom said excitedly.

“Really?” I asked, still sure he was only joking.

He stood up, “Come on, I’ll do the talking.” He said with a strange look in his eyes, “Don’t chicken out on me now, right?”

Dave didn’t recognize Tom at first.

“Ten years ago, I used to dress as a girl and go in the back with you and your friends.”

“Holy shit!” Dave muttered, and looked a bit pale.

Tom took a while to calm him down. “ ... so I was telling my friend Cin here about my childhood you know, and how I could never seduce straight guys now, you are straight right? Yeah, so she had the idea, don’t freak out man, it’s just a thought, that you can look at her face, and maybe you two will kiss, but that’s all. And I’ll get on my knees and do my thing. What do you say?”

“Fuck man! That’s the weirdest proposition I’ve ever heard.” Dave said skeptically.

Suddenly kissing had been added; I let that rest.

Then Dave looked at me, into my eyes.

“Don’t you want to look into that face while you get blown?” Tom whispered.

“God damn.” Dave muttered, “Are you people for real?”

Tom exchanged a gesture with the barkeeper; I felt sort of numb as I went into the store room with the two men. As if I was merely an observer, watching myself be used.

Again.

The room was small, with an unused desk against a wall and cardboard boxes stacked against the others. There was a small handwash sink.

Dave leaned back against the desk while Tom steered me to within a foot of the handsome man. My friend looked at me, then Dave, and smiled with excitement. I think he was trembling.

Dave was two or three times my age. He had a nice figure with strong shoulders and arms, straight white teeth, good hair too.

“Talk to me while your pal does his thing.” Dave said, “Tell me about yourself. Tam, er I mean Tom, said you’re from Hong Kong?”

I spoke quietly, telling him about my life before coming to Canada; the man just stared at me rapturously, not once looking down at Tom. I did though.

How strange to watch a man do it to another man; I found it disturbing, interesting, and stimulating.

This went on for quite a while, at least 10 minutes. Dave’s long penis was stiff as wood, but he didn’t go over the edge. He just looked at me as we talked quietly, while my colleague sucked his penis.

“Give Dave a kiss, Cin.” Tom suggested, “This is great, but I’m getting tired down here.”

“Oh yeah,” Tom whispered as his hand reached for my face. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Before I could answer, my mouth was on his and I was in his arms, tilting my face up as he kissed me.

His big strong hands traced down my back, lifted my skirt, and clenched my rear. I went a bit weak, I think I leaned into him a little. In response, he slipped his other hand down the front, into my underwear, and a finger pressed on my clitoris.

My knees went weak, he was holding me up, fingering, kissing, clutching. I hadn’t realized how aroused I’d become; I shuddered and the room seemed to tilt, I heard myself moan with orgasm as I held him tightly.

Dave came at the same time, and we stared at each other as we shared our orgasm with poor Tom, who was gasping and grunting as he sucked and swallowed.

“Wow!” Dave exclaimed, still holding me tight as the door opened, “That was incredible.”

One of his friends looked in. “Hey Dave, the football is starting.”

“Never mind that Ralph, come in here and try this out.” Dave told him, “Tom still gives great head, and you can hold onto this gorgeous kinky Hong Kong lady while he does it.”

“I have fond memories, but that was a long time ago...”

“What do we say about those who hesitate?” Dave insisted, “Come on man, shoes off, trousers down, ass on the desk.”

I looked at Tom for guidance; we couldn’t just do it again with a different man! Or could we? Tom looked flushed, thrilled, and quite agreeable to the idea.

Ralph was huge in all directions, so I was surprised that his penis was really small. He looked younger than the others, even though Tom knew him from a decade earlier.

The large man seemed nervous as Tom did it to him, so I held his face in my hands and gave him a light kiss; he came quickly, Tom swallowed, and it was over.

“Thanks, that was great!” he said to us as he pulled up his trousers hurriedly.

I was simultaneously glad it was quick, yet disappointed.

As he opened the door to leave, another man came in. This one was tall but very thin, bald on top with grey hair around his head like a clown.

At first he was content to just stare at me while he held Tom’s head in his hands and pushed himself in and out with movements of his hips.

The thin man had a moderate penis, and funny big testicles that hung very low. I was curious about that, so I reached down to fondle them.

Then I realized I probably shouldn’t be doing that, but it was too late to stop, because he seemed to enjoy it a lot and actually so did I.