Chapter 1

I’m fourteen, maybe not that pretty — skinny, really — and have hardly any friends. I cut class and hang out at the mall. Sometimes creeps brush against me and I flip them the bird.

There’s this story about this girl who Security catches shoplifting and takes to their office where they make her come like three times and give her a gift certificate, but the video they take goes viral and she’s now a porn star married to a famous actor. It’s bullshit, but even if weren’t, it wouldn’t have been a mall around here.

There’s another one about this girl who gets raped in a storeroom at a mall by a guy in a Yoda mask. Later she finds the mask in her brother’s dresser and they go to her room. It’s a made-up story.

On one particularly-boring day, me just hanging, looking at my reflection in the store windows and thinking maybe I’d go masturbate — malls have better places than storerooms where you might get ambushed — I felt this guy watching me — pretty old, maybe my dad’s age — but not that old looking, with strong-looking arms. It’s dangerous to talk to strangers, but that’s not to say you can’t look back.

Next day, I’d chosen my sassiest skirt and my t-shirt that said “Candy” and best showed my bra that helped me out — same place, same time, and there he was again, this time catching my eye and moving his hand across his jeans. Old guys in them are just trying to kid themselves that they’re young. If this weren’t at the mall, I’d have been spooked, but as I was safe, I ran my own hand over my “C” and made sure he caught it.

When he came over, I liked his lazy smile, his soapy smell, his slow voice. He asked how old I was and I added a year. He wondered why I wasn’t in school, and I said it’s how we did vacation. He said he liked my top and bought me an Orange Julius. I should come over to his place sometime and he gave me his address. That was definitely wrong, but I put it in my purse and went to masturbate.

Next day I went past his place, just to have a look, was all. Probably not home — who’d be at 9:00 AM? — but I’d ring the bell so I could say I had. Sort of a game.

I did that, but then the knots in my stomach overcame me and I turned to go, startled to hear the door opening behind me.

And there he was, smiling like at the mall, me in what I’d worn at the mall, but now thinking I looked stupid.

“Just wanted to see where you lived.”

He didn’t seem surprised and opened the door for me to step in. hung my backpack beside the door, but didn’t invite me further. Rather he latched the door behind me, took my hand and pressed it against the front of his trousers. In the story about the girl and Security, she puts up a fight, but it’s a bunch of them and they’re evil. This was just one guy, but as I said, he had strong arms

“What you thought about when you got your jollies, right?” as he moved my hand up and down on what was now a shape. I didn’t answer, but had no choice but to keep doing it until he took a step back. “What you came for, right?” to which I also didn’t reply.