Chapter 19

“I am loathe to get involved, because between my TWO sons I thought you would handle things. My weekend however seems to be spent talking about this new chore arrangement, instead of enjoying my so-called new free time,” Mom said sternly. She always seemed apprehensive about what we proposed but now her doubts were abundantly clear (and justified).

“I assure you Ma’am, we will get it together. We just need to work out the kinks,” Scotty said. I don’t think he intended to use a double-entendre’ but I felt like everyone in the room got that we had crossed well into some sort of kinky territory. Matt absolutely knew that now, and I felt like Mom suspected there was more happening than she cared to know. I could have been paranoid though. Scotty felt the need to clarify that he felt the time invested in establishing a foundation would eventually pay off.

“I am learning so much about what it takes to take responsibility. I believe that Danny and I are the ones who should take responsibility for the rolls, Ma’am,” Scotty offered humbly.

Danny clearly did not like that, and he said it was our job to make the rolls.

“Yes, but we were put in charge. I shouldn’t have asked to talk to Mom during a time I knew there would be visitors and left you out there all alone to try to keep an eye on them. Matt’s friends are your friends too,” Scotty addressed his own culpability first, which soften the blow when he added “You told the girls to do something, and your job description is to go behind them and make sure they do it right. You missed it. Mistakes were made, but the blame doesn’t fall squarely on the girls.”

“That’s very noble, Scott. I appreciate that but the fact remains,” Mom addressed us both “I believed you when you told me you would take this seriously. We just had a VERY long talk about my concerns, and I think you addressed them. I cannot abide being rude to guests or having a messy house when people visit. I also definitely can’t have another situation where the house might burn down,” Mom scolded us with her eyes. It was blinding – I couldn’t even look up at my mother’s face. I was afraid if I did her eyes would burn right through me and she would see me as a liar and a manipulator, and I did not want her to ever have that perception about me.

She turned to Scotty and my brother and told them both what she wanted. “Then your punishment is that you two must come up with a way where I don’t have to worry that the house gets burnt to a crisp, or that guests are treated rudely, and if you cannot then I am going to swap you two out and let YOU clean up after the girls, and they will inspect your work. How does that sound?”

I felt passionate about serving around the house. I wasn’t sure if it was the hypnosis talking because it was a very organic and natural feeling – hormonal, primal, you can call it what you will but, in my gut, I felt it was right. I decided it was time to come out and say it.

“Mom, can I say something?”

“Sure hon, you are always free to talk to me,” Mom was frustrated but she wasn’t raising her voice. Her initial anger had been as a result of the possibility the house could have caught fire. That had subsided and she was still concerned but not unreasonable.

“You and Dad were right to think my sister and I were up to something when we asked for these extra chores. We aren’t. You had no reason to believe us though because my help has always come with strings. I really do want to help out and take on all the chores. It hurts me to think that you are spending more time on your weekend when you could be showing houses or relaxing because we can’t seem to do this right.”

“I appreciate that, honey,” my mom nodded, and she genuinely seemed happy. That thrilled me. I had more to say, and she let me continue.

“There is a part of me that regretted volunteering for all of the chores, because I had doubts that we could pull it off. You knew right away that we may have bitten off more than we could chew. You gave us a chance to try, to make mistakes, and to learn from them,” I added.

My mom brightened. I don’t even know where the words I was saying was coming from. I hadn’t prepared them, but they felt truly from my heart.

“It’s nice of Scotty to say he takes responsibility for what happened, but he wasn’t even in the room when any of this happened. He wouldn’t have been spending an hour talking to you about whatever concerns you have if we were doing what we were supposed to do,” I said. It felt VERY natural to defend Scotty. I meant every word of what I said.

This next part of what I told my mother was a complete fabrication, but I meant every word.

“Danny did everything he could short of kicking us in the ass to make us pay attention. I was a little embarrassed that I knew one of the boys that came over. I felt self-conscious because I am so fat and so I started running my mouth and talking like I always do. I was rude and sassy, started cussing because I didn’t want the guys to laugh that I was waiting on them, I didn’t listen to the drink orders. Those boys were very polite, but I feel like I ruined Matt’s Day. I got the drinks mixed up. That wasn’t Bethany’s fault. That was mine. There is only one vacuum cleaner, and I ran it worse than I ran my mouth. Bethany had to get down on her hands and knees and pick up the crumbs WE SPILLED because I was in a hurry to clean up so that I could get out of the living room because I didn’t want you to get mad that I caused a mess. I’m also the one that was supposed to watch the Totino rolls. Danny warned me that I should check on them and I didn’t do it – so the fault is all mine.”

That was all lies, and yet nobody that was there contradicted me – even Matt.

“I’d like to apologize to everyone, one at a time and make it up to you. The only way I know how to do that is by doubling down on my commitment to do a kick ass job cleaning the house. I am also BEGGING you mom, and I’ll get down on my knees if you want to show I am serious, not to threaten to MAKE the guys do the chores simply because of how bratty I am. That would punish my sister who is genuinely making an effort to do this right. That would punish me because even though I am trying and failing, I consider it a privilege to serve this house and try to give a little back to the family that gives so much to me. Please let me clean and cook, and I’ll accept ANY punishment or consequence for this entire debacle without any complaint – but the guilt lies squarely at my feet.”

“That’s nice of you to say, but I think part of the problem is how you are dressed. I think it may have been a little too much for Matt’s friends to process,” Mom offered politely. She didn’t say I had to change but I could tell she was thinking about it.

“When it was first agreed that we’d do chores in the house dressed in the swimsuits we wash the car in, I agreed because it is practical. Scotty was right, I was spending too much time trying to keep my school clothes clean. I didn’t see it as a big deal because it isn’t,” I explained. “This morning I was REALLY angry. You know how I used to be when you tried to wake me up if I wanted to sleep in,” I smiled, and she nodded. I actually didn’t remember being that way, but others have told me I was a raging bear in the morning.

“Well, I wasn’t just rude. I was downright intolerable after I got soaked with water. The guys picked out this thong from my closet. I thought it was to humiliate me for putting on a few pounds, but it really was because I was such a brat this morning. I agreed because I was bluffing and thought they wouldn’t really make us go downstairs like this. I thought if they did, you’d tell them to march us back upstairs and change.”

“I still might,” mom’s lip curled into a smirk because she was joking. “I thought you said your sister got hit with water?”

Oops! I HAD told her that earlier. “I mean I was angry because they were GOING to dump water on me,” I laughed. Mom is very smart, and she picks up on little details. I changed the subject. “I am glad you didn’t make us change. I deserved it. Today has been a wakeup call for me. Matt’s friends didn’t see anything they wouldn’t see at the community pool. We might have been walking there on the way out the door if they came over. The issue wasn’t how I was dressed. It was how I behaved. I think everything you said today has inspired me to renew my efforts, and get passionate about cleaning, listen more, talk less, and be a little more willing to listen to my brothers when they tell me to do something the right way instead of thinking I know everything, Ma’am.”

Mom couldn’t argue with that logic. I think she was stunned. Danny felt vindicated and he looked at me approvingly. My sister actually looked a little annoyed, and Scotty looked upon me like he was genuinely proud of me.

“Sometimes doing housework puts things in perspective, and you start to really get angry at your family for leaving a mess and filling up the sink with dishes that they could have washed. At other times, you start to feel a sense of accomplishment and feel appreciated. I think you are feeling that, and I didn’t expect this big of an attitude adjustment from some light housework. I guess in light of things, I don’t see that a punishment is necessary,” my mom said.

“Thank you, Ma’am, and I don’t know if I’ve reached the point of Nirvana where I feel a sense of accomplishment and appreciation. I’d like that feeling and I am asking for the chance to actually feel it. I know this is going to sound crazy. I am just asking for me. My sister is blameless and so are Danny and Scotty. I did not say everything I said to get out of being punished. I knew I fucked up big time. I fully expect to be punished and if you don’t then even though I meant every word I said, I will know I got out of the consequences of my actions. I am asking and begging you to punish me, and yes, I know I said fucked up, and yes, I know I get the soap, and yes I know that is not THE punishment for today. I am sorry. I screwed up, and I wasted everyone’s time on this, and ruined a bunch of food.”

I grabbed the kitchen soap before mom could tell me to put it down and clenched it between my teeth., placed my hands behind my back and stood with my shoulders apart – like I do in trance position.

“Well, the main question that I have is who are you and what have you done with Tig O’Brian? Because I’ve seldom ever heard you apologize for anything in your life and insisting on actual consequences when you didn’t have to do it – I am blown away. Okay, maybe there is something to this arrangement. If that is the case, I am not saying you can punish your sister, but given everything she did today what do you think is appropriate?”

Mom was clearly testing Scotty and Danny by giving them a chance to tell her how they’d punish me. I was flattered. I was curious.

Scotty went first. “If it were up to me, then first she would create a TikTok Video on her account for each guest today individually of two minutes in length. She would summarize what she just said in a personal and unique message to each of them. She would apologize for leaving the house a mess and intruding on their time instead of just being helpful. She would invite them to return and post it publicly. That would indicate she is willing to say what she just said openly and not in the kitchen after they’ve left the house.”

That would embarrass me. I had cultivated my TikTok account for years, but I was more than willing to obey my brother. I nodded enthusiastically to accept his conditions.

“Yes, and she apologize to ME for not listening to me when I told her she was being too pushy during the visit,” Danny may have convinced himself that really happened because he was very convincing when he sounded hurt. “I would say that, so she never burns the rolls again – she made them, so she eats them one at a time.”

I nodded acceptance, although Mom said they were really roasted and probably inedible.

“Anything is edible if you are hungry enough,” Danny chuckled and said “Whatever I can’t finish would be my dinner later tonight and I’d never make that mistake of forgetting to check on them in the oven again after that.”

Mom considered their expectations for a minute and asked them if there was anything else.

“I have a question, Ma’am,” my sister abruptly responded and asked “What is the punishment for lying? That is NOT what happened!”

Why was Bethany doing this? We had mom on board and the punishments would be sort of fun. I wasn’t looking forward to eating charcoal briquet flavored pizza rolls, but I would do it. Mom arched an eyebrow and bade her to continue.

“Matt and Danny were there, and they know that isn’t what happened. I don’t know why you two are protecting me, but I was just as rude and obnoxious as my sister. I know I’ve kind of been in her shadow, but I shouldn’t get a free pass. I’ve got a huge ass, and I was mortified. Everybody knows I like Jordan. I got nervous and started talking incessantly and not paying attention to what I am doing. I am the one who spilled the chips in the first place. Neither of us let Matt get in a word in edge-wise with his friends, and I’ll take my punishment, but I think my sister deserves something more than time out for lying!”

“Awww, that was sweet. She was trying to protect you. Isn’t that better than throwing you under the bus like she normally does?” Scotty consoled my sister with a big goofy grin on his face.

“Danny and Scotty, what would you propose for lying in this case?” Mom was looking to my brothers for the wisdom of Solomon to pass judgment on us. I was genuinely caught off guard by my sister’s interruption. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was a glutton for punishment like me, or she genuinely felt it wasn’t fair and she wanted a sense of karmic justice.