Chapter 50: Navel Battle

IT WAS SO EASY to talk about all the things that happened a long time ago. Believe it or not, it’s much harder to keep recent details straight with what happened when. But we had an artist who came in for auditions and she was something else.

“Hi. This where you’re auditioning for some space race reality show?” she asked.

“This is it,” Doug said. “Um ... Wow! Do you have a resume and headshot?”

“I, like, took this at Walgreen’s. It’s all I have, but there are some selfies on my Deviant Art page. I can’t believe you guys need paper. Can I email my bio to you? That’s all the resume I’ve got,” she said.

I still hadn’t gotten a good look at her, but as Doug turned and ushered her to the front of the little studio we were using, I saw Peninnah stiffen. I finally got a look at her and almost choked holding back my laughter.

She looked small, but it only took one good look to realize she was a real hardbody. She made it obvious by the way she dressed. She wore a sleeveless crop top that clearly showed the muscles in her arms. Her bare abs were ripped. The legs that stuck out of her miniskirt were as strong as the set of her jaw. She wore ankle height black boots with thick soles. Her hair was short and curly with makeup that bordered on goth but didn’t quite cross the line. To cap it all off, a cluster of rhinestones sparkled in her navel.

Peninnah stood. Her own crop top had short sleeves and her miniskirt might have been a touch longer than what this girl was wearing. Peninnah, of course, did not wear boots, but five-inch spike heels that gave her a good three inches in height over the prospect. And the diamond in her navel was all the competition the contestant’s rhinestones needed. Pen walked around the table and stood facing our guest as they stared at each other.

I was ready to move in to separate them and I saw Zhi, our security detail, slipping up behind Doug. Peninnah had taken her martial arts training seriously, but I didn’t want to risk either of them being hurt if this tinder caught fire. After just staring at each other for almost a minute while the rest of us held our breath, they started laughing.

“You’re just what we need,” Pen said. “Come and have a seat and tell us about yourself.” Pen showed her to the usual auditioner’s chair and then took Doug’s place beside her, forcing Doug to come around the table to sit beside me.

“Well,” I said when we were all breathing again. “Let’s start with names. I’m Bob. You’ve met our producer, Doug, and my wife Peninnah. Between Peninnah and Doug is Liz, our casting director.”

She nodded at each of us in turn and sat there waiting.

“Um ... Your turn,” I said.

“Oh. Yeah. I’m Artemisia.”

“Last name?” Liz asked.

“Nope. Just that. I got it legally changed.”

“We try to be pretty informal, girl,” Pen said, adapting an accent almost identical to Artemisia’s. She was definitely Californian, from somewhere near the valley. “Give us some help here and tell us about yourself and what made you decide to come and audition. You aren’t an actress.”

“Dang, is it that obvious? Yeah, sure Penny. Okay, I’m an artist. At least I intend to be. I just got out of high school. I’m eighteen, which in California is old enough for any legal activity except alcohol and weed. As if we haven’t been smoking since we were old enough to raid our parents’ stash. I’d like to go to CalArts, but just tuition is like sixty grand a year. I don’t have that kind of money, so I looked for a job where I could get it. This looked like fun.”

“You’re a body-builder, too, aren’t you, Artie?” Peninnah asked. Apparently, it was okay for Artemisia to call her Penny, but she was giving it right back.

“Yeah. Beach bum. I play beach volleyball, too. I know that kind of thing is unusual for artists, but I get a lot of models out there,” she said. “And I don’t have to take shit from anybody.”

We went over the concept for the show, signed the papers and headed for the screen test.

You might not believe this, but she wasn’t the first Artemisia I’d ever met. And I don’t mean the other artist in sixteenth century Italy, from whom this one had borrowed her name. I was already in the Western Hemisphere by her time.

Remember I told you I went to Greece with Xerxes? Well, I kind of got caught up in the flotilla as a supply ship. I sailed with a small unit out of Anatolia. The queen of the area was Artemisia I of Halicarnassus. She was a subordinate of Xerxes, but was also one of his favorite generals. Or Admirals. I never knew quite how to address her, though she felt ‘Your Majesty’ was appropriate. She led a small fleet of five warships and an equal number of supply ships in Xerxes’ fleet of seventy ships that he sailed to Greece.

Of course, most of Xerxes’ forces marched by land and had to cross the pass at Thermopylae. That’s where the famous battle against the Spartans took place. I’d seen Spartans led by Menelaus at Troy. That’s where Helen was married to the king and then ran away with Paris. They were fierce, but what they were doing all the way up at Thermopylae is a mystery. They were part of a Greek coalition that included Thebes, which was much closer.

You remember Thebes. Always contrary and when they refused to pay their tribute to Alexander, he sacked the city and laid waste to it. Nonetheless, Xerxes’ army had to pass Thermopylae and the battle there was legendary. During the battle of Thermopylae, Queen Artemisia was distinguishing herself by leading the assault on the Greek Navy in the narrow sea passage to the Gulf of Malia, so we could resupply the soldiers.

Both Xerxes and Artemisia won.

On the other side of the pass, with fresh supplies, Xerxes was gung-ho to press southward and capture the Isthmus of Corinth, so his rule would be established over all Greece. Artemisia warned against it, but by that time, Xerxes was calling himself a god king and couldn’t be wrong. He sent the navy around the Athenian peninsula.

I was an admirer of Artemisia. She was a strong woman who was decisive and courageous. Also passionate, if you must know. We’d had some time together in Halicarnassus before the war. I probably wouldn’t have joined Xerxes’ invasion had it not been for her.

Her husband was dead and her son was a bit of an idiot, so Artemisia had taken over as Queen and ruled until her death—long after I knew her. But I’d been trading up the coast and brought some interesting Persian goods with me. She especially liked the linen that was being woven in the south. It was much softer than the wool she was used to. After supplying her with enough squares of linen to have an entire new wardrobe, we had a nice intimate dinner and I stayed with her for a year or so before Xerxes sent the word to get ready to sail.

We did not marry. Artemisia had a thing against marriage and I wondered exactly how it was that her husband died. But she was a strong woman and I might have been a little more vigorous in my loving than I was with most women. Artemisia uncovered a bit of my secret and knew I was more than just a man. She was not happy that I wouldn’t command a warship, but was satisfied that I would bring a supply ship. I believe knowing I was kind of a demon might have contributed to what happened when the Greek Navy sprang its trap at Salamis.

Artemisia had rightly predicted the superior numbers and ability of the Greeks and ended up turning rapidly and heading out of the Saronic Gulf as fast as she could. That did not appear to be fast enough, as a Greek ship was in pursuit and would surely catch her. She took the tiller and ordered her rowers to ramming speed, bearing down on my ship! She hit me mid-ship and split it in two. It sank within minutes.

Of course, I was the only one aboard, with all my crew safe in the satchel during any time of conflict. The Greek ship, thinking she must be on the same side, broke off pursuit and Artemisia escaped. If they had known that the admiral with a 10,000-drachma price on her head was the captain of that ship, she might not have escaped.

As far as I was concerned, that was it for me. I’d swum through Poseidon’s storms bearing Aphrodite on my back, I could swim to shore here. I made land at Piraeus and eventually ended up in Athens where I discovered theatre!

I didn’t hold the event against Artemisia. I didn’t really think I could go back to her bed after that, though. I don’t give people who try to kill me a second chance.

“Bob. Bob!” Liz demanded. “We’re ready to do the scene.”

“Oh. Sorry. I was thinking of something. So, you’re a little young to do a heavy scene...”

“I signed the 2257 form. I know what I’m getting into. Liz said that it would be my choice when the time came, so make me hot and you’ll get lucky. Piss me off and I’ll let Penny have you,” Artemisia said.

Well, we got right into the scene and she handled everything we threw at her in terms of situations and improv. There was even a point where she practically flew across the stage as if she was diving for a volleyball and then did a roll out of the dive to come back up to her feet with no shirt on.

It was obvious that she wasn’t a cookie cutter actress from Hollywood. Her breasts were rather small, but there was hardly any body fat on her at all, let alone in her breasts. I kept the scene going to see how far she’d take it and before long she lost her skirt and panties in one slick move while yelling out, “Gravity burst! Everything’s coming down.” Unfortunately, her panties got tangled in her boots and she tripped, falling on top of me in my chair.

“Cut!” Liz called.

“Before I even blow him?” Artie asked. She turned around and plopped herself in my lap, pulling my hands around her naked body.

“We’ll let you look forward to that later,” I said.

“Really? I get the job?”

I looked to Pen and Liz. They nodded. Between the jewels in her navel battling Peninnah’s and the memory of Artemisia’s naval battle, I was sold.

“You’re in our cast,” I said.

“Oh, cool!” She smashed her mouth against mine for a tongue probing and my hands got familiar with her little tits and muscular ass. I’d enjoy getting to know that more, later.