Chapter 9

It was a job. And it was over. Yet, I couldn’t shake all the weird feelings that being with Mark, well, Preston stirred up inside of me. Twenty-year-old me, the young, dumb, innocent version of me that believed a man could love me despite my imperfections or should I say, accept me with my imperfections. Because according to him, he loved me, but his love for me, didn’t outweigh his need to be accepted by his peers.

Before graduation, he left to go play ball overseas. Mallory walked around campus telling everyone that he had asked her to join him in Spain, which I found out was a lie.

He confessed that he left to get away from her. He had never really had a connection with her. She ended up visiting him in Spain and of course, they had sex and she got pregnant and the rest, as they say, is history.

I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror, “Get it together Elise.” I said out loud. I needed to give Elise a change as well. I did a short pixie cut with subtle green and purple highlights.

When I met up with Jefferson for our lunch date, he smiled, “You changed your hair.” He hugged and kissed me.

“I did. Do you like it?” I asked.

“You look beautiful.”

I smiled. Even though he and I were still figuring things out, I loved spending time with him. It felt good just being able to be Elise.

We ate at an outside café. He smiled, “So, what’d you do last night?” He asked as he ate a fry.

I smiled, “Met up with an old friend.” I replied, which was technically true. “And you?” I asked.

He had this sexy grin, “I was thinking about you and our last date.”

I chuckled. Our last date consisted of dancing. I was backing it up on him, just trying to see what he was working with and I was pleased. When I turned around, he greeted me with a simple peck on the lips and it was so incredible when he looked into my eyes.

We ended up back at his place, just talking and making out, me in his lap, grinding on him. He called my name, “Elise.” And it sounded so sweet. I hadn’t heard anyone say it since Preston, years ago.

“That was a fun date,” I replied. Suddenly, nature called and I excused myself to the restroom. I had received a message from Gianni, “Can’t wait to see you next weekend.”

I didn’t respond right away. I knew if I told him that I no longer wanted to see him, it would spark a phone call and I couldn’t have that conversation publicly.

I was enjoying being Elise and maybe ... it was time for me to put Onyx to rest. I had planned on telling everyone that night. But when I was on my way back to the table, I saw Jefferson all hugged up with some girl.

I walked up and smiled, “Hi.”

She was five feet five with a head full of box braids, she looked cute as she stood there checking me out. “Jefferson, you didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend.”

He hurried and belted out, “She’s not my girlfriend. We’re just hanging out.”

She smiled as if this information pleased her, “Well, Jefferson, I suppose I’ll see you tomorrow at your mom’s thing.” She looked at me, “Will you be there?”

“Perhaps,” I responded, but I didn’t know anything about it. I watched her kiss his cheek.

“Well, you two enjoy.” I watched her walk off.

My insides were on fire, so I folded into myself. I had no kind words. I was upset. The rest of the time I was pretty much quiet.

As we walked to the parking lot, “Are you okay?” he asked.

I shook my head, “I’m not.” I had a knot in my throat and I had to take a breath before I spoke to keep from crying, “I’m not your girlfriend, just someone you’re hanging out with?”

“You were the one that wanted to do this whole trial basis thing, so?”

“Yeah. You’re right, but don’t you think saying, ‘this is Elise, my date.’ Would have sounded way better?”

“Here we go with the semantics.”

“No, that is what I would call a clarification. See it lets other women know, that I’m a woman, that you’re interested in and actively pursuing romantically ... the other just says, this is some chick I’m hooking up with.”

He unlocked his door, “You tripping and you know it. You’re the one that’s not being clear about what you want.”

I laughed, “So my sitting in your lap, kissing you with your hands on my breasts is giving you mixed signals like you’re really unclear about what I want.”

“So, what now?”

I shook my head, “I don’t know. Let’s just be friends. I’m okay with that, have fun at your mom’s thing tomorrow.” I said then I walked off to find my car.

Monday morning had arrived and I put in my time off for Friday. Since Elise couldn’t make a normal relationship work, Onyx was back in full effect. And Friday, I had a flight to meet with Gianni in Miami.