Chapter 1

As a twenty-year-old, after a year in college, John had become very disillusioned with his prospects. Not only was he failing his classes, but he felt like a little cog in a big machine, a machine designed to extract money from people like his parents. However, his parents had high expectations, and he didn’t want to disappoint them. After much consideration, John figured he would take a semester off to figure things out. As expected, his parents were not only disappointed but angry as well.

“So, what the hell are you going to do?” his father asked.

“I don’t know yet,” John replied.

As he retreated to his room, his father yelled, “Maybe you should join the marines, that way you can get your shit straight!”

John wanted to cry something back, but he didn’t have anything to say. It also didn’t help that his Dad was an old, hard-ass marine. The next few weeks were hell. John’s parents were unrelenting and reminded him about his shortcomings daily. He had gotten a job at a local insurance agency, but he felt like his parents didn’t want him in their house anymore. John had always been an outdoors person, and the situation was becoming unbearable. He tried to stay out of the house as much as possible. Every day, there was an argument about how school was the only option and how he had to either go back or start thinking about moving out.

All this bickering finally subsided when his Dad got a phone call from his sister, John’s Aunt Rose. My Uncle James had passed away due to a heart attack, and we had to fly there to pay our final farewell to him. It wasn’t a long flight considering it was from California to Idaho. It was nice to see his cousin and Aunt after three years. It was sad to see them in their misery, but John loved them and was glad he could be there.

John’s Uncle had been a very reserved man, and he had grown to like him over the years, but he never really knew him all that well. His Aunt, on the other hand, had always been very loving and motherly. She had the warmth that came from working with animals and was always very polite. His cousin, Megan, was twenty-three and attending school on the east coast. She was four years older than John, but she had always seemed much older to him. She had always been wise beyond her years and had always been a full-grown woman in his eyes. She had flown back as soon as she had heard about her father.

They arrived Friday night and planned to leave Sunday night after the funeral. Pleasantries and condolences were exchanged that first night. The older folk, including his parents, talked with my Aunt and other family members far into the night. John, on the other hand, decided to turn in early. He was given his Uncle’s old study, and he found it very hard to sleep. The man had passed away, yet there were traces of his existence all around him. Mercifully, he dozed off to sleep.

The following day John awoke to his father’s hand gently shaking him. “John, wake up.” It was hard to stay asleep with his big bear paw on John’s shoulder. “Listen,” his Dad said as John turned to see him. “I know that I’ve been riding you lately, and I’m sorry. I know you’ll figure it out, and I just want you to know that I’ve got your back no matter what you choose to do,” he smiled. Last night’s talk must have opened his eyes to how fleeting life was. John was still half asleep, but he felt a significant weight lift off his shoulders, both literally and emotionally. “Now get up; we have some work to do,” his father finished. Although he didn’t admit it to himself, he knew deep inside what work his father had in mind. Every time we visited Aunt Rose, we ended up helping around the farm. Unlike back home, where the day starts at 7 or 8 am, it starts at 5 or 6 am here. John got his clothes and jacket and followed his Dad as they headed towards the small field behind the barn.

The family has grown up on or around farms, so farm work was second nature to his father. On the other hand, John was less experienced, but he was willing to jump right in. Being on his father’s good side renewed his attitude on life. Soon they were milking the small herd of cows his Uncle and Aunt owned. By the time they finished, John’s forearms felt sore. His Dad laughed as he watched John open and close his hand.

“She had some hard tits that one,” John said jokingly.

“Yeah that’s why I let you have that one,” his Dad replied. “Your Uncle really like that cow. He used to say it was the best damn cow he had ever owned,” his Dad said while looking back at the herd.

The mornings here truly felt magical. The sky was golden as the sun rose over the hilltops. John also looked around and could see the steam rising from the cows’ backs. The calves suckled quietly on their mothers’. It was a beautiful scene, to say the least.

By the time they got back to the house, the women had already started breakfast. The place was bustling with people, as neighbors and friends offered their condolences. The rest of the day went just like that. People came and left, while his Aunt tried her best to remain a good hostess.

Tomorrow would be his Uncle’s funeral, and it was really starting to set in that he was gone. Late that evening, a small circle of men sat around a fire outside his Aunt’s house. John could see they were all men who were a lot like his Uncle, landowners, and men of integrity. His Dad was talking to them, and John decided to join them. They spoke of my Uncle and the kind of man he was, telling stories about some of his crazy ideas and sayings.

All in all, it was a good feeling as John learned more about the man who he knew so little about. He soon found out that his Uncle had not only been an excellent husband to his Aunt but a perfect friend to all of them. At one time or another, he had helped each of these men. They were saddened to have lost him so soon. He had only been 46. His Aunt was only 40.

Soon the talk took a somber tone as one man asked my father, “Has Rose told you what she plans to do with the farm?”

“No, not yet,” his father replied calmly. “I will talk to her before I go and make sure she has what she needs. In any case she’s a strong woman and she has that going for her,” he finished as he took a drink from his beer.

After a few seconds, his Dad spoke again. “In any case, I think John might stay here with her for a while.” John had his eyes fixated on the fire this whole time but processed what his father had said. “What about it?,” asked his Dad as he patted John’s back.

“Sounds like a plan.” John replied, wondering if his father was drunk.

With that said, the men eased back on their chairs and watched the fire before them. John walked behind an old tractor that had been there for as long as he could remember, unleashing a small torrent of piss on the side of one of the rear wheels.

“You could go inside and do that,” he heard his cousin Megan’s voice in the dark.

Quickly he zipped up his jeans and looked up to where the voice was coming from. His cousin was lying on her back on top of the engine compartment of the tractor.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, embarrassed.

Hearing my voice, she quickly turned to see me. “Oh, its you...” she said, surprised.

John tried kicking some dirt over the little pond he had created. The last thing he wanted was for his cousin to smell was his piss. She smiled only slightly.

“I wonder what my mom would think...” she started, “she used to yell at my dad for peeing on that exact same spot you know,” she said sadly.

John noticed the distinct difference in some of the grass’s color by the tractor’s rear and front wheels. When he looked back up at Megan, he could see her eyes watering and knew she was trying not to cry. She slowly turned around, and John stood there wondering what to do. His eyes wandered up and down her small frame. She had always been a beauty. She had her mother’s brown wavy hair and a pretty face to go with it. She was shorter than her Mom but had inherited the wide hips and ample bust that she always tried to hide by wearing a sweater.

“I’m sorry about your dad,” John said slowly.

“Thanks,” she said, still facing away.

Without a word, John climbed up the side of the tractor and leaned over her. She was sniffling, and the hood of her sweater covered her face. He gently kissed the only visible part of her cheek. She smiled, and he jumped back off the side of the old beast. He headed back to the house, a little relieved and feeling generally good about himself.

The following day they had the funeral. The entire day was a sad ordeal. John soon realized how much he hated seeing his Mom and Aunt cry. His Dad had an arm around his Aunt, but her shoulders still shook hard. John didn’t feel like crying but watching his mother sob broke his composure, and he could feel his eyes watering. His cousin was sobbing uncontrollably, and John was glad her friends were around her. She had always been Daddy’s Girl, and now she was reeling, having seen her father’s casket buried. They stayed there hours after the funeral had ended, and John couldn’t help but contemplate all the changes death brought.

On the way back to his Aunt’s home, John and his Dad talked about what his Dad had said yesterday. John had given it very little thought, considering his Dad had been a little drunk, but now saw he was earnest. They had a long discussion about how it might be helpful if John stayed with his Aunt for a few weeks, and John couldn’t help but agree. He was perfect for the task. He had nothing waiting for him back home, and he was grateful for a change in scenery. Getting his father off his back was another blessing that sealed the deal. His father didn’t waste any time proposing the idea to Aunt Rose about John staying.

The first thing out of her mouth was, “Don’t you have school?”

John smiled and replied, “Not for a couple of months.”

It was the truth; the school term had ended, and she didn’t need to know that he planned on skipping the following semester. On the other hand, his cousin would be heading back as soon as she could find a flight. She had signed up for the summer session and needed to be back at school that same week. After some discourse, it was agreed that John would stay.

Hours later, John’s parents got their things ready for their morning flight, and he turned in earlier than usual. John’s father took him aside and informed him that he would be depositing some funds to help with the expenses. John was glad, considering he had only a few hundred dollars from his last job. He spent the next couple of minutes thinking about what the next days would bring. He would be staying with his recently widowed Aunt on a small farm; freedom, at last, he thought.

The following day John awoke to the sound of his parents getting ready to leave. He got dressed, then joined them. He kissed his mother goodbye and hugged his Dad for a long time.