I met Nicole Dryer the first year of high school on the first day of class. Lockers were assigned alphabetically and with my last name being Dreyfuss, we were neighbors and would be for the next four years.

To make sure I was (in her mind) well dressed, my mother bought me an entire wardrobe of new preppie clothes. You know the ones. Dockers slacks, solid colored polo shirts, and long-sleeved collared shirts with various prints. Add to that mess the loafers for style-less shoes, and I was ready to get my butt kicked by the seniors for looking like a dork.

Thankfully, the bus picked me up close to home and she left for work before I left the house.

On that first day, I put on my well-worn jeans, Foo Fighters concert t-shirt, and Vans low tops. I checked myself in the mirror and my hair was too neat, so I mussed it up and walked out the door to my new destiny.

At least it felt that way. The first day of high school could either be the start of something great for me, or I could slip into the ether of lost young men drifting towards better days when high school ended, and college began.

“Hey, new kid,” came an angelic voice from behind.

I turned and saw the cutest girl I’d ever seen. I was struck dumb.

“Nice shirt, I love the Foo’s,” she added and opened the locker next to me. It’s a silly cliché, but my heart skipped a beat.

“Thanks,” I stammered.

“I’m Nicole. You can call me Nikki though. All my friends do.”

She stuffed her belongings and supplies into the locker as if she didn’t care where it went or what condition it was in when it came out. It was the coolest thing I’d ever seen.

I must have been staring too long, as she said, “Do you have a name, or do I call you new kid for the next four years?”

“Sorry, It’s Drake. Nice to meet you.”

She giggled, “No. Your first name doofus.”

I shrugged my shoulders, and said, “Drake is my first name. Drake Dreyfuss.”

She laughed. “No way!”

I nodded. “It’s a family name. I’m Drake Dreyfuss the third.”

She laughed again and put her hand on my shoulder. “Dude. You realize I’m going to have to call you double D now?”

“My friends call me Three.”

She laughed again. “Oh, man! You have the worst name and the worst nickname. Thank God, you met me before anyone else heard what your so-called friends call you.”

The bell rang and the first-year hall became a flurry of rushing boys and girls that had no idea where they were going.

“What’s your homeroom, double D?”

“302.”

She made a show of slapping her forehead dramatically. “Duh! How dumb I am. Of course, we have the same home room. It’s alphabetical this year.”

I hoped we would sit alphabetically as well.

“Come on. We’re gonna be late,” she urged and pulled my sleeve to drag me across the hall to our class.

I was still stunned. I couldn’t believe I met the love of my life on my first day of school. Yeah, I’m well aware of the hyperbole, but it was how I felt. It was love at first sight.

When I sat behind her at the desk with my ID on it, the worst thing that could have happened, happened.

“Hey, sweetie!” Nikki said, which made me look up. They say that you can tell by looking at a person if they are good with puppies or not. The six-foot something giant in front of Nikki didn’t look like he liked puppies. He didn’t look like he liked anyone.

“What’s up, babe?” the behemoth asked the future mother of my children. We hadn’t even named them yet. I just knew there would be no Drake the fourth.

The teacher said, “Mister Zelinski! Coach Rogers won’t like it if you get a detention on your first day, will he?”

Frankenstein’s monster, now had a name, and he rolled his eyes before turning and saying, “Sorry, Mr. Eggert. I was just saying good morning to my girlfriend before I found my seat.”

His voice was so fake, I knew he’d never be an actor. That was what I wanted to be. I wanted to be the lead in all of the school’s plays and musicals. We all needed a hobby, right?

“I believe your seat is in the back corner, Mis-ter Zelinski.”

The overgrown knuckle-dragger said, “Thank you, Sir. I’ll get seated now.”

I shook my head like an idiot, and Nikki’s boyfriend gave me the scariest glare I’d ever seen.

I liked an old eighties band called Racer X and they did a song called ‘Scarified.’ I finally thought I understood what the word scarified meant. He scarified me. A combination of scared and terrified.

Years later, I found out it meant cut. Years later, I was still afraid of Jack Zelinski and his glare could slice me like a fish, so scarified was still appropriate.

Two months later, I had become good friends with Nikki. We talked all of the time, helped each other with homework, and we both went out for the Fall play.

Our school did Fall and Winter plays, and a Spring musical. The Fall play was Clue, which was based on some movie from the eighties. I had never heard of it, but my parents were excited. We watched the movie together and it wasn’t half bad. I guess if you’re old you would find it funny. My parents were in stitches, and they’d seen it before. I laughed a few times, but it was a fun movie to watch.

I went out for the part of Wadsworth, the butler. Even though it was an ensemble cast, Wadsworth was the lead in my mind. It didn’t work out that well for me. I got the part of Mr. Green, who in the movie was played by Michael McKeon. I knew I could work with that. Nikki got the part of Mrs. Peacock. I thought she would look great in her outlandish costume. Some senior got the role of Wadsworth. He was good, so I chalked it up to having to pay my dues.

When the cast was posted, Nikki dragged me to the bulletin board to see what roles we got. For her, it wasn’t even a consideration that we didn’t get a part. She had more than enough confidence for both of us, yet I was nervous and sweating.

She squealed when she saw the board, “See! I told you we would make it. We got lead roles!”

She grabbed me and pulled me into a dance I wished never ended. She was still dating Jack, who was on the Varsity football team as a freshman, so I knew I had no chance. I was relegated to love her from afar and love her I did. To use an old-timey word, I pined for her. Every night I dreamed we could be together.

She spun me around the hall and laughed the entire time, until the worst imaginable thing happened. You guessed it, Jack grabbed me and spun me around. Before I knew it, I was against the wall and Jack had me gripped by the collar.

“What do you think you’re doing, pencil dick?” He growled.

“Jack!” Nikki shrieked. “Leave him alone.”

He let me go, and I rushed away. I didn’t find out what happened next until later that night. Nikki called me and told me she smoothed it out. She convinced him that we were simply happy about making the play, which was the truth as far as I knew.

The next day as I was leaving school to get on the bus, two football goons walked up to me and the smaller one said, “Hey, tits! Jack wants to talk to you.”

I paled and said, “Guys, I don’t want...”

The bigger one, who had no neck, said, “You don’t get to want, dumbass. Let’s go.”

I could describe the fear I felt as I was led to the boy’s locker room, but this story will be long enough. Let’s just say, I was scarified again.

Everyone we passed laughed at me, called me tits, or shook their head in annoyance. The ‘tits’ nickname was new, but I realized that double D was morphed into it, and I knew it would stick if it got outside the locker room.

Finally, we reached an empty weight room where Jack was waiting on a bench.

“Thanks for coming, tits,” he smirked as he nodded his head to the two goons. They pushed me towards him and left the room.

“Look, Jack...”

“Shut up, nerd. Nikki told me how close you two are and I want you to do me a favor.”

I didn’t know what he wanted, but I assumed it was to keep away from her. I would hate it, but my life meant more to me alive than dead.

He continued, “I have to spend every day practicing and hitting the weight room to stay in shape. That means I don’t get to spend enough time with Nikki. I guess that’s why I didn’t realize you were friends.”

It was as if he spat the word friends out of his mouth.

“Anyway,” he groaned, “I know I’m not going to lose her to a loser like you, so I want you to keep an eye on her for me. Let me know if she starts getting too chummy with one of those good-looking theater geeks. I thought you were all homos, but that Aaron asshole dated Tiffany Styles last year. Jesus, what I wouldn’t do to get that hot bitch alone for a minute. She’d never fuck a loser theater geek again.”

I shook my head in shock. I did the only thing I could think of, I agreed.

“I’ll be happy to keep an eye on her for you, Jack.”

“Excellent. Look, I’m not a hard ass or anything. Since your doing me a solid, I’m going to do you a solid. You’ll be left alone. No one will know we call you tits, and no one will mess with you. As long as you’re on my team, you’re untouchable. Good?”

“Yep,” I said with a forced smile.

“You could say thank you, pussy,” he grunted.

“Of course, thank you. I appreciate you letting me be on your team for this.”

He punched me on the shoulder, laughed, and walked out of the room. I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed. I was 5’ 6” and weighed 140 pounds. Scrawny barely described me. I touched the bar that lay on the bench and decided I was going to get in shape.

I found out I was able to work out in the boy’s weight room as long as I stayed out of the way of the athletes that needed to be there. It turned out that not all of the football dicks were actually dicks. Some of them were impressed that I wanted to work out and took me under their wing. I found out later, it was all part of being on team Zelinski. I didn’t complain.

Life went on, and Nikki and I were still close friends as we met at our lockers to begin our last year of school. The three years had been hard on me. Every interaction made me fall deeper in love with her, but my feelings weren’t reciprocated.

“What’s up, double D?” she chirped as she bounced up behind me.

“Hi, Nikki,” I responded without turning around. Looking at eighteen-year-old Nikki was like looking at the sun. She blossomed into a stunning redhead with blue eyes that melted me every time I saw her, which was quite often.

We were still study buddies, we still made every play and musical cast, and worst of all, I was still on team Zelinski. Yes, they were still dating. Thankfully, she hadn’t succumbed to his wanting to take her virginity. She confided in me that she would only do that on prom night. Talk about cliches...

Just then I heard the rumble of Jack and his entourage approaching.

“Hey, babe,” he said and pulled her into a kiss.

I had long become accustomed to ignoring their PDA’s. I could never let him know how badly I wanted her.

“What’s up, geek,” he smirked as he let her go.

“Same shit, different day, Jack,” I sighed.

“Got that right, loser. Nikki, don’t forget my parents will be gone this weekend.”

He winked at her and I saw her roll her eyes. “I know,” she said. She took his arm and walked him across the hall. His two goons were staring daggers at me.

“What, tits? You think your growth spurt changes things?” the goon with no neck asked.

I laughed and said, “It wasn’t my growth spurt, pussy. I could have kicked your ass in our second year if I wanted.”

They knew I was right. By the time I was in my second year of high school, I was ripped from my workouts. After my third year, I had grown to six-feet tall and was 180 pounds of muscled flesh. I had caught the attention of the football and wrestling coaches and they wanted me to join their teams. I’d never played football and had no interest to ever do so, and it was the same with wrestling.

Thanks to being on team Zelinski, I was spared any pressure campaigns. He told them I was a gay because I was in theater. I still fought that rumor in my last year there.

After Nikki was done talking to her asshole boyfriend across the hall, she walked back and said, “Drake, I need a huge favor.”

I was shocked. She hadn’t called me Drake since the day I met her.

“Sure, Nix. Whatever you need.”

“Friday night, you are coming over to my house for dinner.”

I laughed, “That’s not a favor, I love your mom’s cooking.” Her mom was a great cook, and her parents were like second parents to me. Her dad confessed many times that he wished she were with me instead of the neanderthal. His words, not mine.

She smiled and said, “Then on Saturday, you’re family invited me to hang out in your pool.”

I was slow, but I got it.

“You’re avoiding Jack,” I frowned. With all of Jack’s faults, I was still on team Zelinski, so he used me for his purposes, and pretended I was his friend. I never had to tell him anything about Nikki. No one ever bothered her or hit on her out of fear of Jack. My role at that point was largely ceremonial.

“Drake, I’m asking you as my friend. Please go along with me on this.”

I saw fear in her beautiful eyes. Immediately, I understood the gravity of the situation. She was afraid of being alone with him. I was so mad I wanted to vomit.

“Nikki, whatever you need me to do, I will do. I love you.”

She glared at me.

“Uh, I mean you’re my best friend,” I corrected and hoped she understood.

I was glad when she smiled and said, “I love you too, double D. You’re my best friend too. Forever.”

She walked away and I slammed my locker shut. I couldn’t believe I told her I loved her. I hid my feelings for so long, it was a habit. A momentary lapse of reason almost blew it all. Damn, I was an idiot.

It was difficult being close friends with her those years. I loved her more than anything, which my other friends told me was obvious. Even the girls in our friend group would pick on me about it. It was nothing mean, mind you, just good-natured ribbing. Somehow Nikki never caught on to my feelings.

Jack was oblivious to anything that wasn’t about him or football, so he never suspected anything. I paled to think about what he would do me if he ever found out how I felt.

Friday night, I was greeted by Nikki’s parents with a hug from her mom and a fist bump from her dad. Nikki wasn’t around.

I asked, “Where’s Nikki?”

Her mom said, “I sent her to the store to get some bread. I forgot it earlier and you know I like to make my cheesy garlic bread with lasagna.”

“Ooh, I love lasagna,” I admitted, which made her smile.

“I know it’s your favorite. That’s why I made it.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Nonsense,” she chided. “I like to eat it too.”

“And me!” Mr. Dryer added. “She only makes it with Italian sausage in it for special treats.”

“Hush, you! You know the sausage is fatty and has too many extra calories,” she patted his stomach, “and you don’t need any of those.”

“Whatever!” he mock groaned. “Come on Drake. Let’s get a game in before they make us eat the fatty lasagna.”

He loved chess but no one else in his house would play. He always complained his girls would rather play with their Barbies than play a boring game of chess with him. It didn’t matter that Nikki was the youngest of his three daughters and no one had played with dolls in that house for years.

Mr. Dryer had an impressive set up in his den. He called it his playroom, but it was mostly just an office. The chessboard was an expensive table set and he had two director’s chairs custom printed with his last name on the backs. To give you an idea of his quirky personality, the chess pieces on the table that night were his Star Wars characters set. He also had a superheroes set, Simpsons pieces, and some expensive traditional sets.

“It’s so good to have you over Drake. It’s hard to get a worthy opponent these days.”

“Thank you, sir. I enjoy playing with you too.”

He picked up a cigar from the ashtray on a tray table next to us. He flicked off some ash and relit the brown stick.

“I really love a good cigar, Drake. It’s an old-fashioned notion, that a man needs a smoke to relax after an exhausting day, but there’s something to be said about it. Men used to smoke pipes and cigars in their smoking jacket and house slippers and those were the good old days.”

He blew out the gray-blue smoke and sighed.

“You don’t have a smoking jacket and you’re not that old, sir,” I queried.

“Mm,” he moaned after taking a puff. “Look there,” he pointed towards the corner behind his desk. “I’ve got two of them. I generally only wear them if it’s cold. Emily thinks they look silly.”

“Check,” I said as I moved a knight into position, ignoring the comment about Mrs. Dryer thinking his paisley jackets looked silly. They did.

“Already? You’re on the ball tonight, hm?”

He took another puff as he considered his next move. The smell of the smoke was nauseating, but I didn’t want to upset him by saying anything.

Mr. Dryer was a powerful man in our community. He owned several businesses, and many were talking about him running for mayor. My dad once told me he would never run for mayor because he had more power pulling a puppet mayor’s strings from behind the scenes.

None of that mattered to me. What mattered was he was Nikki’s dad and that was all the power he needed to wield in my world.

“Daddy, stop smoking those nasty cigars in the house. You’re stinking us all out,” Nikki whined as she walked in the room.

“Hi, pumpkin. You know I only smoke in here. Besides, it’s not bothering Drake and he’s our guest.”

Nikki glared at me. I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Mate.”

“Damn!” Mr. Dryer groaned. “You’re getting too good, Son.”

We shook hands and he put the cigar back in the ashtray.

Nikki rolled her eyes, and said, “Come on, Mom said we’re starting with appetizers.”

Mr. Dryer put his arm around my shoulder and led me to the doorway. “Drake, don’t think we don’t notice that you’re here for dinner instead of the neanderthal.”

“There’s nothing going on with us, sir. She’s my friend, that’s all.”

He laughed. “My boy, you have a lot to learn about women. Don’t give up hope. I can see you like her. She’ll get tired of that block head eventually.”

I wondered what he was talking about. Nikki never gave me any impression other than we were friends.

Nine months later, I was lost in thought at the park, when I felt her presence.

“Jack dumped me,” Nikki said as she sat on the swing beside me. I already knew. He told everyone after prom that he wasted four years of his life on her and she wouldn’t put out for him.

“I know. I’m off team Zelinski,” I replied.

“What was with that anyway?” she asked.

“He wanted me to keep an eye on you when he wasn’t around.”

“I knew that, but why did you want to be associated with him?”

“I wasn’t associating with him,” I argued. “It gave me a level of protection from the goons who acted as if they owned the school halls. The way I saw it was, if he were going to offer something like that, I’d be silly not to take advantage.”

“It didn’t feel right, you know?” she said looking at the town in the distance as she slowly swung.

“What?”

“Giving him my virginity. The closer I got to prom, the more I realized he didn’t deserve it. He wasn’t worthy of it.”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t see how anything I said would help. She didn’t seem too broken up over their split anyway.

She asked, “Did you have sex with Sara?”

“No. We weren’t a couple, ya know. I was just her prom date.”

“You’re a good guy, double D. Any girl would be lucky to be your girlfriend.”

I laughed. “Yeah. All but ... anyway. When do you leave for school?”

She was going to Duke. I was lucky and got a scholarship to go to the University of North Carolina. It was the only school I considered when I heard she got accepted to Duke. The schools were eight miles apart and like a puppy, I wanted to follow along, but didn’t get as much scholarship and aid money to attend Duke.

“You don’t know? The same day as you. Our parents have worked it all out that we’ll be driving together. No one told you?”

I shook my head, “Nope. My parents are still mad about me choosing UNC on top of already being mad at me for treating my slut sister like crap. They had their hearts set on me going to Northern Illinois because it’s their alma mater. I was lucky they filled out the financial aid forms.”

She sighed, “Things aren’t better with your sister?”

I changed the subject. I hated my sister, and Nikki knew that. “I guess we’re taking my truck then?” I asked. I had been given my grandfather’s Chevy Silverado when he died a year earlier.

“Yep. I’m not bringing a car down at first. The plan is to bring it down after Thanksgiving.”

I smiled. My having a car and her not would be a reason to see her more often. I liked that idea.

I was going to ask her out, but I was concerned about how long was appropriate after her break up with Jack. It turned out that a couple of weeks was enough because another guy from the football team, Mike Jameson, took her out a few times before we left for school. Worst of all was that he was going to Duke as well and all of a sudden, I wasn’t taking Nikki to school.

Planning on going to school so close to Nikki didn’t work out as I hoped. She made a new group of friends and dated Mike all the way to their wedding, which took place a few months after she graduated.

We stayed friends, but the closeness wasn’t the same as it once was. I was invited to her wedding, not in the bridal party, but I was glad to be invited all the same. She looked beautiful, even considering she was six months pregnant at the time.

It took a long time to get over her. I was foolish to believe I could have a shot in the first place, but I let myself believe I was more than her friend. It turned me off girls for a long time. I didn’t want to feel the way I felt about Nikki, only to be stepped on when the next better guy showed up.

Life went on for me, and after graduation, I got a job working for Mr. Dryer’s businesses. He needed someone to assist his CFO, and when we talked at the wedding, he told me to meet with him to talk about it. I had studied accounting, so it was a good fit, and he brought me on and paid me while I studied for the CPA exam.

Nikki was a stay-at-home mom. Mike came from a wealthy family and was brought into management of the family business immediately after getting his degree. As far as I knew, life was good for the love of my life and her new family, I just wished she were mine.

I dated some, but I never fell in love enough to marry any of my girlfriends. The longest relationship I had was with a nice woman named Jillian. We were together for a year before she started pressuring me to marry her. I was honest with her and told her I wasn’t in love enough for that sort of commitment. She dumped me, of course, and moved on to greener pastures.

After that, I kept my dating life pretty light.

Things changed three years after college. I was the right-hand man to the CFO and Mr. Dryer’s businesses were all doing very well and growing. I started meeting Mr. Dryer every Saturday for a game of chess where we would talk about everything and nothing. I realized what he was doing early on.

He was mentoring me in business and in life. He imparted his wisdom on me and tried to be as conversational as he could to hide what he was really doing: stepping in for my father.

Occasionally, Nikki would drop by and visit her parents on those days with her child; a beautiful little girl named, Mallory.

We would always chat and keep up on each other’s lives, but we didn’t get too close. I didn’t want to give her husband anything to worry about, and I certainly didn’t want Nikki to discover my feelings for her.

On an especially gloomy Saturday, Mr. Dryer and I were playing chess when he asked, “Drake, have you noticed anything off about Nikki in the last couple of months?”

Truthfully, I had. She seemed depressed some days, but she wouldn’t tell me what was bothering her.

“I don’t know what it is,” I answered, “but she’s been down in the dumps a few times when I’ve seen her lately.”

He nodded. “It’s bothering me, and it’s especially frustrating because she won’t tell us what is going on. She doesn’t have the spark she used to have; you know?”

“Yes, sir,” I agreed. “The smile has left her eyes.”

He looked at me oddly, and said, “You’re right about that. She’s putting on a strong face, but something isn’t right.”

I leaned back in my chair and sighed, “I tried to see if she would confide in me, but she wouldn’t. We don’t have that closeness we had in high school.”

He took a sip from his iced tea and lamented, “I always thought you two would find each other. If she hadn’t gotten pregnant, I think...”

He was interrupted by his phone ringing.

“Hey, pumpkin. Are you on your way?” he asked.

I watched his face morph into a look I could only describe as severe anger. I’d never seen him so upset. I heard shouting through the phone and my soul went dark.

“I’m coming right now. Drake is with me and...”

He shook his head as he listened to her. I could vaguely hear her voice through the phone, and it sounded as if she were crying then yelling again. A million thoughts went through my mind and none of them were good. I stood and pulled my keys out of my pocket.

I loudly demanded, “Let’s go.”

Mr. Dryer nodded and said, “Baby, I’m on my way right now. I’ll bring you home, don’t worry about anything.”

He ended the call and threw the phone at the couch across the room. “That bastard is cheating on her. He’s throwing her out of the house and won’t let her take anything until she gets a court order. Drake, he took her car keys and won’t...”

“Why are we still here?” I growled. I only hoped that asshole husband of hers was there and gave me an ounce of shit. I was in better shape than ever, and I wanted to put a hole in his face.

We told Mrs. Dryer what was happening, and she demanded to go along. She tried to call Nikki the entire way, but she didn’t answer the house phone nor her cell.

“I’m worried, John,” she cried as he sped along the interstate.

“Me too, dear. If that ass hit her, I’ll...”

“Leave him to me,” I said from the back seat. Every mile that passed increased my anger and I begged God to let Nikki be unharmed. I was ready to end his life if he had been physical with her.

We pulled into their long driveway and didn’t see any cars. I didn’t wait and ran to the front door. It wasn’t unlocked so I kicked it in. Let me tell you, it’s not as easy as they made it look in the movies. It took three tries before the jamb gave way.

“Nikki!” I shouted as I ran into the house.

I looked around and didn’t see anything on the first floor, so I ran up to the second level.

“Nikki!”

“Drake! What are you doing? I thought...”

She was holding Mallory and crying. I pulled them into a hug, “Are you okay? We tried calling the whole way over. We thought something happened.”

She sniffed, and said, “We’re fine. The asshole took my phone and keys when he left. I didn’t hear the house phone ring. We only have the one handset and it’s downstairs.”

Mr. and Mrs. Dryer made it up the stairs and I stepped away to give them space. I looked around and their bedroom was a disaster. It must have been one hell of an argument. There was broken glass everywhere.

I listened as she told them how she caught him cheating for the second time and told him to get out. He refused to leave and told her she had to go. From what she said, his parents owned their house, the cars were in his name, and he wasn’t going to leave or let her have anything.

She didn’t take well to that and started throwing things at him to make him leave. That was when he grabbed her keys and phone and took off. Taking her phone was a dick move that I didn’t understand, but she explained it had her video evidence of his cheating.

Mrs. Dryer held an upset Mallory, while Nikki packed some bags. I carried everything she wanted to take to her father’s Suburban and my luck arrived when Mike pulled into the driveway with a police cruiser behind him.

“Of course, she called you to get her, you pussy. Get off my property!” he yelled as an officer rushed up behind him.

It took all of my restraint to let him punch me before I hit him, but as soon as he did, I threw a two-hitter. My fist hit his face and his ass hit the ground.

The officer told me to back off and he pushed Mike towards the police cruiser. A second officer walked up and asked, “Who are you and why are you here?”

“I’m helping Nikki bring her belongings to her parents’ home. They are inside with her and her child. He hit me first.”